Title: Size
Author: kawaii-kirei "KK"
Rating: T or PG-13
Pairing: Roy Mustang x Edward Elric

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist and all of its characters does not and never will belong to me.

Author's Notes: seriously, I am having fun with this. X3 this is one of my entries the 7snogs community in LJ, and I liked it enough to post here, so here it is. Please review!


There was a circulating rumor that Colonel Roy Mustang had a... to be blunt, had a small penis.

The rumor spread throughout Central Headquarters as fast as lightning, and continued for a week or so. It just so happened that by the end of that week, Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric had just returned from his mission and was flabbergasted (and devastated, but you don't need to know that.) about this certain news.

For a day or so, this newfound information haunted him for days, and although there was a certain smugness in him that wanted to shove this fact to the Colonel's face, he half-sulked through the corridors of the Central Headquarters, having his dreams (of hot and steamy raw sex) shattered.

So when the time to deliver reports in came, Ed found himself being unable to stop himself from asking. Of course, he can't risk humiliating himself in front of the super smug and incredibly annoying Roy Mustang.

Be casual.


Casual is the key.

"So Colonel... err... yeah... Is it true you have a small... err... peeee-nis?"

Casual is definitely the key. It didn't matter if he stuttered. It didn't matter if his voice cracked while pronouncing the lower part of the male anatomy (as if he didn't have one.). It didn't matter at all.

It also didn't matter that Roy had this most annoying smirk on his lips.

The older man stood up from his seat and walked around his desk, finding the blonde's crimson cheeks highly entertaining as he closed the space between them slowly. "What's the sudden curiosity, Fullmetal?"

Ed squeaked, but he found some stubbornness in himself to glare as best as he could in his predicament.

If possible, Roy's smirk widened even more. "I see you've heard about the rumor, then." He leaned in closer, so close that his lips were just centimeters away from Ed's ear. "Want to find out?"

Ed had only a moment to gasp before his lips were caught by Roy's, and before a tongue (a very talented one at that) began rubbing against his. He moaned and kissed back eagerly. At the back of his mind, he noted that he could still feel that annoying smirk against his lips, but when Roy rocked their hips together, all thoughts vanished instantly.

The next day, there was a new rumor about how the Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric limped awkwardly along the halls of Central Headquarters.

Ed could care less about them, though. His ass was hurting like hell, and he so wanted to kill a certain smug bastard for not warning him first of his... size.

Either way, he reveled in the fact that Roy Mustang's penis was anything but small.

- owari -