Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did this chapter would be far more interesting.
This chapter has NOT been betaed so I apologize for any errors but I am just too damn lazy to look over it.
Of Nearly Damned Contemplations (final)
My body was roughly pushed up against the tree as he harsly assaulted my mouth. I tried to protest but it was in vain as he slid that oh so familiar tongue into said mouth. I attempted to take control – but that never works – and I never wanted to. When he pulled back I panted catching my breath, removing my hand from his flawless onyx hair.
Before I could fully take it out of that silk, he took it in his own. My elder scrutinized the pale skin before speaking in the voice that I feared yet craved at the same damn time.
What is wrong with me?
"Sasuke…it is so bare… Why have you yet to receive the sky?"
I looked down in disgust at my own ignorance. I closed my eyes not wanted to meet his piercing gaze.
"Look at me, Otouto."
I reluctantly did and meet those blood-red eyes that have hunted and fascinated me since my early years.
"Unless you can recover what I ask of you, I will not bother wasting my time on you,"
Then what do you call this you bastard?
"You are still too weak – your hate is not strong enough."
I was careful when I spoke – I did not need to anger him. Even if he is always apathetic – I did not want to take a chance.
"When will I be strong enough to become a part of your live? A part of your damned organization."
A shiver went down my spine when he leaned so close to me and whispered into my ear.
"When you capture the snake in the sky and the fox in the jewel." I knew this, yet there must be more- and as always there was. "Though only when you can bring them to me at once will you be able to enter this life."
How could I come about this?
The corner of his normally passive face moved upwards in a type of smirk.
"By showing the one thing that is your greatest weakness – emotion."
Hmph! My weakness? How would he know that when he is never around to see me?
I was hesitant once more, I knew there was more to this than simply getting a few objects, and I know that I need to do sickening things that will make me detest him further. I need to show emotions, pretend to be bashful, lustful, sorrowful, and others all this just for him. I truly am weak.
My eyes suddenly widened when he pulled out a kunai and placed it at my throat pushing me even harder into the tree – I should have know that I would not be let go with out a scratch.
Before I could fight or speak he ran his fingers through my hair, gripping tightly as the roots.
"You are weak, come to me when you have enough hate, then and only then, can you hate me enough to love me. Hate me so much that you could kill me, but instead of taking that kunai to my neck, you will take your lips to it in its place."
When he removed the kunai I knew that this would be my last opportunity to see him until I do what is needed. I have to do more than give Orochimaru my body; I have to give him myself.
Damn you Aniki…no, damn you Uchiha Itachi.
I squinted my eyes to block out the light that was coming into view. It was not as bright as the medical center; no it was heated and flickered? No, that's not right.
I opened my eyes to get a better look and realized that I indeed was not in the medical room . There was a candle beside me. I did not even need to look around; I knew where I was by the feel of silk underneath me.
I slowly sat up wincing at the pain that was still present. I knew it could have been worse, but I rather it all be gone.
No, I will never deserve that, I should have it come back at full force, I should be the one to get killed not Naruto.
I closed my eyes trying to shut out the image of his blood covering me – it was futile.
Why should it be? Why should I even give a damn about him?
Because a part of me still wants to be human.
I have done so much in my three years year that it is unbelievable. It all started out with the simple goal of wanting to gain power and had plummeted into this hellish abyss. I have stooped so low as to be fucked like a whore over and over again and sickly enjoying it.
Yes, I enjoy it when he slams into me with brutal force, enough pain to make me feel human.
Orochimaru knows it. The Snake Lord knows that I am a masochist that I just want him to give it to me with no remorse. But no, the bastard attempts to me gentle with me, he tries to 'make love to me'. I inwardly snorted at that – I would never let him do such a thing.
I cannot stand it when he treats me with kindness – it is disgusting!
Yet, as much as I try I cannot deny that a small part of me enjoys the soft treatment and the meaningless muttered words.
I ran my hand through my hair in anger – I am so damn bewildered!
I hate him so much for what I have been forced to do.
Showing emotions is the ultimate weakness, yet I have to be the thespian and show them. I even had to bring myself to shed tears - something in which I will never do again unless absolutely necessary.
The Snake Bastard enjoys it I know. He likes treating me like a child, holding me like a mother holding a scared child. I cannot stand it! My mother is long since dead and I do not need that spot filled again. Sure it feels nice to be held, but by Orochimaru of all creatures – unfathomable!
I know I have it made here – a life that many surprisingly might enjoy. I am never bothered by the other members of Sound. In all honesty I have forgotten who they are. I only saw them before I came here and my first few months in this pit. After that they just seamed to disappear. Orochimaru never brings them up – he has really yet to tell me anything of value. Training is a rarity - I have been doing it on my own before and after our fuck-sessions – and it is something I do not wish to bring up.
He has told me over and over again that I am strong enough for him, stronger than him. Yet to me that is just not enough – it is that damn Uchiha pride once more.
I still cannot believe where he and I are now. It took a while for him to finally 'touch' me. I tried so hard to get his attention in that way with out being painfully obvious. It started out so simple. Me just sitting on his lap as he reminisced over the days events and other things in which I have forgotten entirely.
I can fully remember the day, which started it all. I was getting pissed with him every signal I had been throwing out had been ignored. But on that blessedly damned day he gave in. I put up a pompous attitude and he took the bait. Sadly said bait backfired on me.
He turned the game around and I was the one caught on the hook. Taking out that mirror and showing me his reflection!
At the time it scared the hell out of me and I was frighten but now looking back I see that it was the perfect thing for him to do. It is what gave me that extra push to taste his lips. Sure I struck him before that – but it all worked out.
I turned it around by moaning the other's name, which might have done more harm that good.
I laughed out loud when I thought of that. He was so confident of himself even then.
Confidents will be your down fall.
He is really the fool – or am I? I rather not contemplate something as pointless as that.
I have been inside these damn Sound walls far too
The only escape was the 'trip' to Naruto – and in all honesty I rather have been here. Why is he keeping me so close? Is the old man really that lonely? Or can he not go with out taking me? It would more or less be a combination of the two.
'Desire my touch, Sasuke, crave my body.'
I sighed turned on to my other side turning my back to the flicker of the candle.
How much longer will he continue to let me live here? How much longer will I have to play this part? The sane part of me wants to leave but the other side keeps telling me that this is truly what my heart desires – to be close to someone with out the fear of being judged.
Unlike back in Konoha the snake master is not always calling me a 'prodigy' or going on about my clan. The only thing he ever really talked about was the Sharingan – but that was something I could handle.
In all reality staying here hardly asks much of me. The only thing I must give in return is my body. Yet, things are never that easy.
I have been trying hard to play this role – but he always seams to turn it against me. Cutting my hair, wishing death upon myself, even somewhat singing to him – despicable!
Why am I so pathetic?
I could have it made. I know Orochimaru would love to have a little submissive pet. But Uchiha Sasuke does not work like that. He may think of me as 'My Sasuke' however I cannot –will not- ever be completely his.
I will never allow it!
Yet cannot I make him mine? I obtained the one thing that could give me the greatest dominance over him – 'Those Eyes'. Does he know that I have them? No, he is too much of a fool to notice such a thing.
It is better off that way. Not knowing is better than knowing when you cannot do anything about it.
Still strong or not, he will still have is control over me. He will still make me his toy.
What does gaining more power matter any more? All it causes it pain and suffering – something I have lived with almost all of my life.
But some how I want more.
I angrily punched the pillow. I'm letting him get to me!
Yet what else am I suppose to do? Maybe I should just give into him and become a useless doll. Yes that would be best for both of us. I will just become a toy for him to use. Maybe it will make all this pain go away. I will just let him be gentle and caring – it will require no work from me.
Yes. I will just let him have his way. I can allow it once – maybe doing such will lead to what I truly need and desire.
A groan came from my throat as a door closing woke me. Who could it be? I tied to snuggle closer into the sheets, but when I felt a familiar but strange chakra signature I instantly sat up.
I attempted to adjust my eyes to the light as I heard my name muttered.
My eyes widen to an inhuman size and I barely was able to utter a word.
A/N: Okay, originally this was going to be an extremely long fic. However, I honesty do not know where I want to go with it. So Chapter 18 is indeed the last chapter of "So Cold". However that does not necessarily mean that it is the end of this story. There could always be a sequel that may pop up. So I want to say 'thank you' to all of you that have read this story and reviewed.