A/N: Tekken and all it's lovely characters belong to Namco Ltd. and all their little minor companies and networks and such. I own nothing!
This is rated T, but there is some strong language and disturbing images. Just warning you, ya know...just in case.
Of Purple Suits and Child Hood Trauma
I never really got along with my father. He was a major ass and looked like a crazed clown who had escaped from the circus. No really, he did. Plus, he threw me off the side of a cliff. Yeah, that's right, on purpose. Like I said, major ass. He's the king ass in fact. Ya know, if there was a kingdom of asses he would be their king. I hate him so much. Plus, he smells funny. I don't enjoy people who smell funny. By the way, I'm Kazuya Mishima. Not like it matters to you, but this is the story of my idiotic father and his fruitless attempt at trying to make me jealous and bitter. First of all, I was already bitter and, secondly, I could never be jealous. Not of anything.
Well, you probably want to know why my father flung me off that cliff in the first place. Truthfully, I think he's crazy. Who throws there son off a cliff? Michael Jackson didn't even do that! I would have gladly been hung over a railing any day. But I digress. I basically got that the only way to make me stronger was to throw me off some damn cliff and come back alive. Couldn't he have thrown me over a cliff with a river down below? Or how about some pillows? Seriously, couldn't he try some kind of 'fear factor' treatment and pretend that he was going to throw me off? Well, insanity runs pretty deep in this crazy old fart and tossing a child over a cliff probably made him as giddy as a school girl. So, anyway, I live (barely) but not before swearing my soul to the devil in order to live and get revenge on him. Eargh! He makes me so mad that bastard! So, whatever, I swore that once I got out of the trench I was going to go live on my own and take my revenge out on him one day. It was the perfect plan.
After climbing for days and barely reaching the top I realized that there was no way I was going to make it on my own. I had no money, no clean clothes, and no means of transportation. Crap, now I had to go back anyway. I really wanted to surprise the old man into thinking I was dead and then come back about 20 years later, scare the crap outta him, and then precede to beat him to death. Oh well, he probably didn't think that I was going to come back anyway. This surprise will be good, but not as good.
So I finally make it back to the house and knock on the door. No one answers and I'm pissed. I knock a little louder and when still no one comes I bust in the door. Ha, suck on that ya creep. And I walk into my room. I'm in shock to find that all my possessions have been removed and there's my dad, soaking in a hot tub, listening to classical music, eating some bon-bons.Well, doesn't he just look comfy cozy. He makes me sick. "Heihachi!" I scream getting his attention, "What the Hell's wrong with you, you bastard?!" Apparently, he didn't expect to see me because he freaks out, screams like a little girl, starts running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and trips over the cord to the jukebox he was listening to. Now I'm graced with a glorious image of the man's butt. How lovely. I think I'll go pick my eyes out now.
After he recovers and grabs a damn towel, he comes real close to me, dripping water all over, and pinches me extremely hard on both cheeks. "Well I'll be damned!" he exclaimed, "You're alive! That's my boy!" He said it all sincerely, but I could see the look in eyes said something else entirely. Yeah, he was pissed. Finally, I've been waiting awhile for this. Him not happy! With me! I really couldn't be happier! Well, ya know, unless I had a dad who really cared about me and would never throw me off a cliff, but, whatever, ya gotta make due I suppose. I didn't know what he was getting at, but I had a huge dinner, warm bath, and went to bed peacefully (after he read me a bedtime story no less). It scared the shit out of me. 'What the Hell is he doing?' I thought to myself. I couldn't figure out the answer, but, whatever, I don't care about him. He isn't even a father to me anymore. While I was thinking all these perfect thoughts about ways to kill him, he finishes the book and turns the light off. Well, he went to turn the lights off but came back and gave me a kiss on the forehead. Agh, it was the most disgusting kiss I've ever received. It was all spitty and smoochy. And it sounded wet and lingered even after he'd gone away. You know the kind, they suck. They are the most disgusting kisses ever. Lips were not made to lather with spit and cover another person's area of skin. I don't care if they want to lather up to slobber on their own skin, but putting it on anyone else is gross to the extreme. I decided to disown him after he did that. Yuck, may he never do that again. EVER.
I spent the days following hating my father, training to kill my father, and going to school to be away from my father. Of course, I could never really be away from my father considering that he owned the school and had huge golden statues of himself all over the place. It was like having a giant blundering idiot watch you wherever you go. It was also insanely creepy. I never got used to it. I swore he watched me from the dead, lifeless eyes just waiting. Waiting for an absolution that would never come. Plus, everyday from 2:00 to 2:15, Heihachi would give a long detailed report of his day and how everyone should strive to be him but in reality never could because he was "off the shizzle fo' sho' " and no one could ever live up to his sexiness. My classmates hated him, hated me, and I hated them all, my dad included. They'd give me horrible glares and I'd just glare right back. Most of the time people backed down, but one kid didn't and, needless to say, he's not glaring at much of anything these days. Hell, he doesn't need to blink anymore.
Most days I would come home and train with my father a bit, do my homework, eat dinner, and then train on my own when he was asleep. I did many things when he was asleep. For instance, one time I snuck out and toilet papered the house. He was really pissed and then I realized that we had surveillance cameras and he found out I was the one and I was tied to my bed for 3 days for punishment. Another time I took butter out of the fridge and melted it in his shoes, put cheese in his nice coat pockets, put saran wrap on the toilet seat, buried his pants in the backyard and then turned the sprinklers on, set his hair on fire, tied him up, changed all the food around in the kitchen, and... well, I did a lot of stuff. I knew he knew that I did them all and was punished for it every time. Truthfully, I was surprised that he didn't kill me. The punishments were never very pleasant, but the thought of the look on his face when he discovered what I did made it all the sweeter. In fact, one time he threw me in his closet and locked the door and that's when I discovered my love for sneakers. I started collecting them and the first pair I found was this nice shiny black pair with silver and gold trim. I named all my sneakers to give my collection more meaning and this special pair of shoes I named 'Twah'. It was a glorious day.
Basically that's how my life went for many years. And then I came home from school, like any other day, and there was no Heihachi to be found. I looked in a couple places and was delighted to discover that he truly was not in the house. Hell, he might even have been dead! I was so happy I didn't know whether to cry or laugh insanely for a good few minutes. Coincidently, both happened. But I was still happy and no one could see me so I was going to laugh and cry until I didn't have tear ducts and my throat went soar. Unfortunately, I never got that far because I finally heard the voice of that odious one. "Boy!" it screamed, "Get your ass down here and say 'Hello'!" 'Say hello?' I thought, 'To what? His little friend?' Now I really thought he'd lost his mind. I was a tad scared to tell the full truth. He'd probably been training attack dogs to dismember me on call, or maybe he had a team of sniper's waiting...maybe he'd built clones of himself in order to take me out that way. The more I thought about it, the more I did not want to go downstairs. So, after wandering around for about 30 minutes, I finally wandered into the main hall. And there he was, standing in all his creepy glory looking quite perturbed. I looked around him and saw nobody and nothing. Now I thought that he was going to introduce me to his imaginary friend or something. Peachy. When he saw me he came bounding over and shoved a picture in my face. In my mind, I swore he was going to give me the nastiest paper cut in the world right across my neck so I could bleed slowly to death in front of him. So I squeezed my eyes shut and prepared for the worst. "What the Hell are you doing, Boy?" he practically screamed in my ear, "Say Hello". I opened my eyes only to find a very dirty street urchin picking food from a garbage on the picture. Okay...now what? "Say HELLO!" I looked at my father in disbelief and started walking away. He grabbed me and threw me into his state-of-the-art jet and we were off somewhere. "Where the Hell are we going? What's your problem?!" "Sit down, shut up, and eat some peanuts. We'll be there before you know it". Well, I didn't sit down or shut up (the peanuts were good though) and I screamed and kicked and fought because I was scared that he was going to take me to a concentration camp or something. And I still had no idea why the hell he'd shown me that picture! He caught me somehow and tied me down with duct tape including to tape my mouth shut as well.
When it finally came time to unwrap me, I realized that we were in China. Why the Hell were we in China? Was my father going to buy it or something? I don't really know, but he was Hellbent on going somewhere. He dragged me through crowds of people, into restaurants, and around alleyways. I was getting really dizzy really fast. He stopped so suddenly that I went slamming in the brick wall that he calls a back and was knocked out instantly. It was totally black and I hoped that I was dead. Then I stated to smell something really funky. I knew that this must be the smell of Hell. It was so horribly putrid and rancid it couldn't be anything else. In a way, I was happy. I was finally away from that beast even if I was dead. Then his voice cut through the silence: "Get up, Boy, and say hello!" Ugh, not that 'hello' crap again. I opened my eyes to see the dirtiest child I'd ever seen peering down at me. Oh my God, he was the cause of the smell. I felt like barfing all over, plus, I was now dirty from the fall, so I wanted to go barf on my father's shoes to make him dirty as well. Then I saw my father talking to the dirty little imp. I don't know what he was telling him, but he kept looking over at me. I thought he was telling the little creep how to kill me and I was about to take action until the little boy comes running over, throws his arms around my neck, and says, "Hello Brother". ...What?...WHAT?! I had no idea what to say. What could I say? I had no idea I had a brother! He looked nothing like my mother or my father! I was freakin' out man! Then my dad smacked me across the head and told me that we were going to adopt him so now he was my brother. I fainted after that. It might've been from shock, but I believe that it was from the smell. Ever heard of a shower, kid?!
I woke back up at the house in my own bed and everything. 'Maybe it was a dream', I thought to myself. It had to have been. It was too bizarre not to be a dream. So I sat up to gain my bearings and smacked my head right into someone else's. Low and behold, it was the stinky street urchin. "What the Hell are you doing?" I screamed at him. Seriously, why was he that close to me? I know I'm hot and all, but that gives him no reason to kiss me in my sleep. Of course, I had no proof that he was going to but, I don't know, he looked pretty suspicious to me. Anyway, father must've cleaned him up or something because he didn't smell so bad anymore. And he was wearing new clothes...no wait, those were my clothes. I lept off the bed and tackled him to the ground asking him who the Hell he thought he was and why he had my clothes on. He looked at me like I was killing him and then punched me. HE punched ME! I was so pissed, but I got off of him and let him explain himself. He said he had no other clothes and that "our father" had lent these to him. I didn't care so much about the shorts, but the shirt he had on was my favorite. I spent years wearing it in and it was the perfect comfort level. You know shirts like that, no matter how old they get, you keep on wearing them until they get a hole that just gets bigger and bigger until you're basically wearing a rag and you have to throw it out, but then you only pretend to and put it in the bottom of your dresser where you can look at it all the time and remember all the good times you shared with it. It was that kind of shirt. And that little shit was wearing it. "What's your name, kid". It was a more of a statement than a question. "My name is Lee", he chirped. God, he seemed so scared and timid. I hoped it was because I lunged at him. Scared him shitless or something like that. For whatever the reason, he kept his huge globular eyes on me. It was the creepiest feeling.
At dinner, he continued to stare at me. So I threw a fork at him. He screamed and ducked under the table. Then my father hit me on the back of the hand with his food encrusted fork and rushed under the table to see if Lee was alright. I was so disgusted by all the food smeared on my hand that I didn't notice that Lee was crying until Heihachi brought him out from under the table. What the Hell was his problem, he's not the one who got hit with old man food particles and saliva. I felt so sick. This was worse then that kiss he gave me all those years ago. I looked over to see that Heihachi was soothing Lee and patting his back to make him feel better and stop crying. For some reason, I was furious. He NEVER treated me like that. Not ever. I went storming off to my room. The rest of the night I was up there wondering what the Hell made this adopted kid more important then me. It was almost as if he was trying to make me jealous. And that's when it hit me. He wanted to make me jealous! How dare he! But as I said, Kazuya Mishima doesn't get jealous of anyone or anything. And, so help me, I was not about to be jealous of this street child. No way. I'll play his game, that bastard.
It wasn't too hard to ignore and hate them both. I stayed out of there way and they stayed out of mine, for the most part. That Lee kid had a fascination with me and followed me everywhere. And I mean everywhere. I figured he was gathering evidence to give to my "father" in hopes of finding the ultimate way of making me jealous. Didn't work. I couldn't have been less jealous. One day I came into my room after training (because I'd finally gotten away from him) and found him walking around with my sneaker collection on his feet. I was so pissed and asked him what the Hell he was doing. He just looked at me and smiled and said that they were all really comfortable. I shoved him out of the way and looked everywhere for 'Twah' to no avail. "Where'd you put the black ones with the gold/silver trim?" I demanded. "Oh yeah", he said, "Those ones were really cool so I decided to tear off the gold and silver for a school project and I used the black part to make a place mat for Father. I didn't think you'd mind. They're just sneakers after all, you can always buy more". A tear slipped down my cheek that day and I forever swore that I would hate Lee. Until the day I die and into the afterlife. I proceeded to beat him up in the name of 'Twah'. 'Twah' will forever live in my heart and in my fighting. But anyway, Lee got everything he could ever hope for too. He got more toys then me on Christmas and even my birthday, at fairs, he got to go on my rides, when we got ice cream, he got more scoops, and, even when we were training, he got all the best equipment. But I showed no signs of caring. I really had no reason to even be in this house anymore, but I was using everything free of charge so who was I to complain. All the pampering made Lee snotty and he began to not like me so much. Good, I didn't want him to hang around me anymore anyway. But, on the occasion, he'd come skipping into the room in all his prissy glory and say something like, "Guess what Daddy bought me" or "Look at all the stuff Daddy let me buy today". It was sick and wrong and my father's stupid plan was not working in the slightest. I think even he began to realize this when I didn't even twitch at the amount of love and gifts he was giving Lee. Hehe, this made him angry, distressed, and it gave him a very spoiled, whiny pansy to take care of. What a loser.
Finally, I was old enough to leave that God forsaken house and did so without saying goodbye to anyone. I know they knew that I hated them and I didn't care. They can just live for eternity in that house and love each other all day for all I care. They're both asses. I won't spare you the annoying details of my life, but I'll just tell you it was full of training and hate. And, truthfully, I was happy for the first time in a long time. Peace, quite, and serenity baby. Life was good. Then I hear that my "father" was planning a fighting tournament. I don't know why, it was probably to find me or something. Let him try and tempt me. I dare him. Well, he succeeded. I cannot believe he got me. The prize was not only money, which I needed by the way, but it was also to have power and control over the Mishima Zaibatsu. Oh, happy day. If I owned the company then I would rule over his sorry ass. Yes, I've been waiting for this. I trained and trained and trained some more. I figured it'd just be easier to kill him and get it over with and I was good with that.
So the day finally arrived and I was ready to go kick some old man behind. And let me tell you, there were some major freaks at this tournament. There was this one guy who was all business on the bottom and party animal on the top. Well, I assumed he liked to party because he drank beer all the time and he had an animal mask on his head. At least, I think it was a mask, but all he did was growl at people so...maybe he was a mutated human or something. Another guy had the most obscene hair I'd ever scene. It was layered on top of itself and caked with gel and hair spray. I hoped noone was going to light a match or anything or we might all blow up in the explosion. There were some robots, some Native American chicks, and my father's dumb-ass bear. Seriously, it was a freak show. My father fit in perfectly. And then there was Lee.
When he saw me, he was not pleased. He turned away from me and stuck is nose in the air and swayed away from me. I swear he must be gay. Anywho, to make a long story short, I won. I beat every single one of them and claimed the title as the first King of the Iron Fist. Oh, and to get complete and total revenge on my father, I lifted him up and threw him over the same damn cliff he'd thrown me over when I was but a wee lad. Oh, it felt so good. I felt as giddy as a school girl. I didn't let it show too much though. Gotta keep a professional air about myself now that I've completely ruined Lee's life and Heihachi's. Life was good.
I didn't do anything real special when I was in power. I performed the basics and lived happily and all that crap. The one thing I did do was buy a real fancy purple suit. I had it tailored to fit me perfectly and never wanted to stop wearing it. So I bought 99 more. They were so beautiful, I slept in a few. Plus, I looked snazzy and everyone knew it. But that's basically it. It was a tad boring.
So anyway, I issued another tournament for various reasons and prepared to beat down the losers from the previous year. All were back, not many new faces, but there was one girl that was quite cute. Oh no, I must be getting soft or something. I thought someone was cute. Anywho, she was there to stop me from doing mean things to animals or something and, I don't know, we ended up having sex. Hmm, yes. It was good. But enough about that, you don't need to know about my sexual excursions. I proceeded to beat everyone that got in my way and then HE showed up. Holy shit! I swore he died! I guess dying doesn't run in the family or something. We're all just annoying cockroaches. And then, in a moment of confusion, he BEAT me! HE beat ME! And then, he threw me into a volcano! What the fuck is this guy's problem?! What a creep! So, basically, I looked and felt dead. Boohoo for me. Then the Devil was all "Damn, you suck!" and, I don't know, flew of to find another host or something. But only half of him. What a douche. Him and my father would get along nicely.
So, many years passed and I was being experimented on or something. Hmm, must be some sort of karma. But, anywho, I eventually took leave of where ever the Hell I was and ventured out into the real world. It was very bright and I was pissed to the extreme. But, I was going to get to scare my father in a way I'd always dreamed of. It was all too perfect. So I snuck into the Mishima Zaibatsu, took out a couple of dudes, and proceeded to say some awesomely cool threatening words into some guys little camera head set. I knew my father was watching and I knew he pissed his pants. Ok, so I don't really know if he peed his pants, but I'm assuming he's old enough now to the point in which he has less control over his bladder and, thus, would pee his pants at something so importantly gigantic as me being alive. I love me.
And, to get me out of hiding, he issued another Tekken tournament. Oh, when will you learn old man. But, I came out of hiding to get everything back so... yeah. And then, it was my turn to pee my pants. I found out I have a son! Holy Jesus Christ on a stick! He was the spittin' image of his old man. Creepy. So I guessed Jun got pregnant, because I really didn't do anything with anyone else, and I went over to introduce myself. Arms outstretched and a big heepin' hug ready, I strutted over to him and commenced with the hugging. I was enjoying myself until I realized that he was not hugging me back. I looked into his face and found nothing but contempt, scorn, and utter confusion. What the Hell man? Maybe he didn't know who I was? Well, it might've been better that way, I concluded later, after I explained to him that he was, indeed, my son. "I have no association with the likes of you," he said to me and walked off. Oh my God, my heart crumbled in my chest. Dammit you old sack of crap Heihachi! I know this was his doing. He must've gotten to my son and persuaded him to hate me with mind control. So, this sadness turned to hate and I didn't like my son so much no more. I found out later that his name is Jin. Jeez, way to go Jun, change one letter in your name to make his more masculine. Seriously, she could have named him Jazuya. That's way classier. But, yeah, whatever, let him hate me then. See if sniff I care. I also found out that he had the other part of the devil gene I was looking for and that just mad me all the madder at him. Stupid Son.
Well, it may just be me, but there seemed to be a lot of young people in this year's tournament. Maybe I'm getting old or something, but really, there was a crap load. In MY day... nah, never mind. I'm not that old yet. But, I got to say, the best part of the tournament was seeing Lee again. Now I KNOW that he pissed his pants when he saw me. He so didn't expect me to come back. Ever. I bet he thought I was dead just like his senile old daddy did. Oh man, his expression was too rich. You should've been there. I thought I was gonna bust a nut laughing so hard. It was that freakin' funny. Of course, I'll have to affirm my assumption in thinking that Lee is gay. First, he was weary a very frilly purple (mine's royal purple so I'm still manly) shirt, tight, tight leather pants, and he dyed his hair purple. And he went by the name 'Violet'. Oh my God, can you say Fairy? Cause he's the definition of one. Pansy, prissy, and homosexual work too. The worst part, by FAR, had to be seeing my "dad" in a very small, very tight diaper. Okay, it wasn't a diaper per say, but he's old enough to need one by now isn't he? That's what I thought. So, yeah, I never wanted to see his ass again, but now I get the privilege of seeing his shriveled, old, sagging ass. Pleasant.
Sad to say, I didn't win the tournament. No, my son took me out. My own flesh and blood. Oh, whoa as me. A mere youngin' like him? Grr, how humiliating. I found out later that he also beat my father. Good going son! Wait...screw you son! Oh, never mind. I've got mixed feelings. So, I guess he won the King of Iron Fist Tournament 4. Hmm, Jin Kazama. I suppose that's better than my father winning it. But I gotta say, I really think my son's last name should've been Mishima or Kazuya. Apparently, that was all Jun's doing. Why she picked her last name for him I'll never know. Jin Mishima-Kazuya sounds so much more classier. Well, I supposed that me, my son, and my father were all in a three-way-tie for Tekken tournament wins. So I was still feeling pretty superior; that is, until I found out that my son also won the 3rd tournament...then I felt like crap. God damn me.
So, me and the human I was half spawned from found ourselves in the remnants of Honmaru thinking about how we got beatin' by a youngin' when, all of a sudden, a hoard of Jack robots come crashing through the ceiling and precede to want to beat the crap out of me and my dad. Oh no you don't you robot sons of bitches. My old man and me tag teamed a few of these bastards and then, cause I'm all sneaky and cool like that, I throw a tired old man into a large group of Jacks. Damn, I'm cool. No seriously. Look up cool in the dictionary. I'll be there. So I jump out the window all satisfied like and fly on my merry way. That'll show ya, you creepy old fart you. I'm hoping beyond hope that he'll die this time but...ehh, I wasn't so lucky. My death wishes never come true. So I'm all happy and junk and I try to have a normal life. However, someone announces another Iron Fist tournament and I'm freakin' out. It ain't Heihachi. And besides, that company is mine jackasses. Now I gotta go get it back from this imposter. Plus, I also found out that Heihachi is still alive so I wasted all of my effort to throw him in a big batch of explosive robots for nothing. God damn it.
That's basically my story. It's full of hate for my dad and me not being jealous. Just like I said. I'm cool like that. The conclusion, as you can plainly see, is not finished because, guess what, it hasn't happened yet. Oh well, that's the way it goes. But, kids, if you take but thing away from my heart breaking story it should be this: If a crazy old man claims to be your "father" but then throw you over a cliff because it was "good for you" is not your father.
A/N: Read and review. Seriously, I'll even take hate reviews. But, if you liked it, I'd much rather enjoy a positive review. Just a suggestion. I plan to make this into parts for the whole Mishima family (Jin, Jun, Lee, Heihachi) and possibly others...but only if you like it so...send me some reviews and bring me that horizon.