Title: Little Blue Stockings
Pairing: Hikaru/Kaoru
Rating: NC - 17 for sexual themes and cross-dressing.
Word Count: 4, 187
Summary: AU. Kaoru is gender dysphoric and believes he's a girl. Hikaru is his protective older twin.
Notes: Not mine, slash, incest, lemon etc. Disturbing themes, maybe.


Dear people who take this too seriously,

You DO NOT have the right to a fandom free of badfic. Authors who write badfic ARE NOT committing a crime. Fandom IS NOT a place you have to "deserve" to be in because you write well. Bad writing IS NOT an excuse for bad treatment. Or in other words ... You ARE NOT doing anything good by harrassing or insulting bad writers or telling them that they shouldn't be writing, YOU ARE BEING AN ASSHOLE. There's no law that you're only allowed to be creative if you're good at it. Let them have their fun, for chrissakes. It won't kill you to click the "back" button if it's really that horrible. LET IT GO.


It was the family's worst kept secret.

And it wasn't like Hikaru was ashamed of it, no. He just grew up, accustomed to keeping things the way they were — keeping Kaoru's existence a secret. Kaoru was… he was smart and had lots of potential were he to inherit mom's business, but. Kaoru wasn't like other kids. That much was obvious.

Growing up, mom always stressed that Kaoru was special; he should be treated with care. Hikaru shouldn't grab his arm because he bruised easily. Hikaru shouldn't tease him because he cried easily, too.

As a child, he was always careful not to play rough with Kaoru. Wrestling and toy trucks and pretending to be heroes of some Arthurian novel were out of the question, and unless Hikaru was willing to be the prince and Kaoru was the damsel he was going to rescue, they could play together. ("Just don't get Kaoru's overalls dirty. You know how he hates it when his clothes are soiled.")

Even when they were still children, Kaoru always showed a fondness for less-physical games. He liked playing house. He liked wearing colorful clips. He liked, more than anything else in the world, having tea with his dolls, dressing them up in pink garb and silk stockings. And it should've been Hikaru's first cue, his first tip off that something was wrong, something was very very off. But Hikaru did not find out until later, when they were five, and Kaoru was diagnosed gender dysphoric.

Kaoru thought he was a girl, he vehemently claimed he was, and the doctors could do nothing about it. It was a birth condition. It couldn't be helped. Mom looked away. She cried all night and her business trips suddenly became all too frequent. Dad was blaming genes and his decision to marry mom.

In the end, it became a family secret. Don't let Kaoru out, we're having a party tonight, lock the door I'm having business partners over. Hikaru's earliest memories were holding Kaoru at night in the darkest of thunderstorms, keeping him company when there was a party downstairs and they were locked in.

The world did not know about Hikaru and Kaoru, the Hitachiin twins. They only knew of the Hitachiin heir, Hikaru Hitachiin.

In many ways, Hikaru had grown to resent his parents. But he learned to accept their decision although he wasn't too pleased about the turn of events. Kaoru did not attend school like he did. He had a private tutor.

Mom said she wanted to protect him from getting picked on at school. She didn't want Kaoru to have a poor self-image (though he probably already did). She said it was for the best that he was kept out of the public eye.

Hikaru thought maybe all she wanted was to protect the family name.

And dad, well. He was another thing altogether. He refused to consider Kaoru his offspring. Whenever the chance arose and they had dinner together like a proper family, he pretended that Kaoru did not exist. He was disgusted and he made this no secret.

Most times, he blamed mom for Kaoru's condition, said it probably was from her side of the family, and why did she tolerate Kaoru's behavior anyway? Why did she allow her son to walk around the house in dresses and clips when he should've been in school wearing pants and being normal and liking girls instead of wanting to be like them?

Whenever Kaoru asked how his day went, Dad's fingers would tighten around the silverware. Hikaru saw this all the time. Dad didn't talk to Kaoru, much, if, at all. Kaoru didn't notice this until the year they turned nine.

Of course, even when they were children Kaoru asked a lot of gender-specific questions. Therapy didn't help. Forcing him to wear pants and play with Hikaru's toys, didn't either. Because mom and dad were away more times than they were actually home, Hikaru spent the most time dealing with Kaoru and was, consequently, faced with a lot of things he wasn't so sure of at that time, either. (Hikaru, how are babies made? Where do they come from?)

It wasn't so bad once he got used to it. Spending time with his twin meant pretend tea parties with Mitzy and Duffy and Kitty and playing house in place of ruining the flowerbeds in the courtyard and hide-and-seek. Sometimes it meant reading fairytale books in the study.

Kaoru loved to read. He favored books written in English and up until they were too old to be sleeping in the same bed (Kaoru suddenly became all too self-conscious once puberty started rearing its ugly head), he would read to Hikaru. They would be lying on the floor in front of the fireplace with Hikaru's head on Kaoru's thigh and Kaoru would be telling him about knights and princesses and dragons and disguises.

In a way, Hikaru felt fiercely protective of his younger twin. They grew up together. They were family. When Kaoru felt disgusted with his body, it was Hikaru's job to reassure him that he was the most precious thing in the world. (hugging him to his chest as they curled into each other)

Kaoru was very self-conscious. He wasn't very athletic and he mostly stuck indoors, whether out of habit or because he wasn't allowed to go out on most days, Hikaru wasn't sure. What Hikaru was sure of however, was that Kaoru hated that he looked nothing like a girl down there. He hated that he had no friends, just the maids and Hikaru, though sometimes he stressed that as long as Hikaru was around then he'd be fine.

That was then.

When Hikaru started high school though, things started to change. Hikaru suddenly had friends and girls suddenly liked him and his visits to Kaoru's room became less and less frequent until sometimes, it was Kaoru that had to crawl in next to him under the covers.

Hikaru would feel uncomfortable if they were pressed up close for too long and he couldn't look him straight in the eye anymore without flushing in embarrassment.

Hikaru was changing and Kaoru didn't welcome change very well. After all, Hikaru was all he had, was all he had known all his life. And if others were going to take him away well, then, he'd be left with nothing, wouldn't he?

Kaoru didn't want that, though if he was honest with himself, he'd seen this coming all along.

He just didn't think he'd lose Hikaru so soon.


It was a Friday and Hikaru was more than glad to be relieved from Host Club duties. The weekend looming ahead of him meant no school for two days though mostly it was Tono's fawning over Kyouya-senpai that he was glad to be taking a break from.

Tono was very vocal about his fondness for the Host Club vice president. Sometimes it amused Hikaru, sometimes it annoyed him. Regardless, mom was throwing another party tonight. Tables were being set up in the courtyard. There were bulks of flowers imported from Spain.

Hikaru wasn't sure what annoyed him more, that he had just spent two hours listening to Tono praise Kyouya-senpai's spot free skin or that his mom was throwing a party for her fashion industry friends. Again.

"Hey, I'm home." He announced, out of habit. He rapped gently on the wall, leaning against the doorframe to find Kaoru standing by the window. His shoulders seemed heavy and something about him was different, something in the way he stood with his forehead pressed against the glass. Hikaru felt his chest tighten when Kaoru turned to smile at him weakly. "Hey."

Hikaru walked towards the bed and undid his necktie.

"How was school?" Kaoru asked, sitting next to him. He was wearing something out of a magazine, nothing garishly explicit but his skirt was too short for Hikaru's liking. Though, Hikaru noticed he was wearing blue stockings too. (Mostly, because Kaoru couldn't shave his legs yet as mom banned him from sharp objects, early on.)

"Hey is that my shirt you have on?"

Kaoru nodded and flustered deeply. "Do you mind?"

"No, no, it's fine." Hikaru said, though he was flushing too. He looked away so Kaoru wouldn't notice and decided a change in topic was best at the moment. "So mom's throwing another party again huh?"

"Seems like it," Kaoru sighed. He lay on his back, knees dangling off the edge of the bed. They were pretty knees, Hikaru thought, and he was suddenly filled with the urge to part them and see what lay between —

"You didn't answer my question, Hikaru. How was school?"

Hikaru blinked. "Right, uh, school." He trained his gaze to the wall. "Nothing really exciting happened today. Just the usual mundane stuff. You?"

Kaoru shrugged. "Nothing really exciting ever happens here."

Hikaru didn't really have anything to say after that.

"Are you coming down to join the party?"


"You know mom loves it when you decide to grace her parties with your presence."

Hikaru scoffed. "I'd rather stay up here. Don't I always?" He kicked off his shoes and lay on his side to face Kaoru. The bed dipped under his weight. Kaoru smelled like lavender. Kaoru smiled, a tiny, soft smile that managed to light up his entire face. Hikaru ran his thumb along his jaw. Kaoru had really, really, really soft skin.

"Hey Hikaru?"

"Hm?" And his lips looked very soft too.

"Why do you think mom doesn't want me to meet her friends?" Hikaru startled at the question. He drew his hand back. "What?"

"Mom, do you think she's," He bit his lip and something heavy settled at the pit of Hikaru's stomach like a dead weight. "She's ashamed of me because I'm not a proper girl? Because I don't have a —" And Kaoru leaned forwards and whispered something into Hikaru's ear that made him turn very very pink.

Hikaru shook his head vehemently. "No, no, Kaoru," He wasn't sure if laughing was the best idea but he was positive that his eyes were crinkling in amusement right now. "That's not it. Mom's just." He was going to have to lie. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "She's just protective," He said lamely, facing the ceiling again. "She loves you. I love you."

"And Dad?"

"Dad's a big bastard."

Hikaru heard Kaoru release a small sigh, felt him curling into his side like a tiny kitten. He wrapped an arm around Kaoru's waist and kissed his forehead.

"Why don't you ever have any of your friends come over to meet me?" Kaoru asked quietly. Downstairs, guests were teeming in. Kaoru sounded oh so pitiful and Hikaru swallowed thickly, though it wasn't because the question caught him off guard but because Kaoru had brought up his leg and was wrapping it around his thigh. "Are you ashamed of me too?"

Hikaru shut his eyes. He was not going to get hard. He was not going to get hard He was not going to get hard. He was not — okay. Well. So much for that. He turned abruptly, back facing Kaoru who looked thoroughly upset. "Hikaru?"

"I'm not ashamed of your Kaoru." Really. "It's just that my friends are… barbaric and I wouldn't want you around them."


"Okay, well," Think of Tono. Hikaru squeezed his legs together and did just that. "Maybe not barbaric but Tamaki-senpai, Tono, he can get really gung-ho sometimes when Kyouya-senpai is around."

Then he added, for good measure, "And Kyouya-senpai, being the vice president is always around."



It was the clipped oh. Hikaru knew it could only mean one thing —

He knew he shouldn't have looked, not if he wanted to be overcome with pity. Kaoru's lower lip started trembling and soon his shoulders were shaking, too. The corners of his eyes were starting to water. In seconds, he was crying.

"Kaoru, hey," Hikaru called out, tucking him into his arms to quell his sobbing. "No, no, I'm not ashamed of you. It's okay. You don't have to cry." Damnit, why did Kaoru have to smell so good?

"Take it easy, come on." Hikaru whispered soothingly and Kaoru nodded weakly against his chest. When they finally pulled apart, Hikaru pushed his hair back from his eyes. "You're special. That's why mom and I keep you at home. We don't want you to get hurt."

"You're only saying that to make me feel better."

"No, really." And Hikaru knew that this was partially true. He didn't want to see Kaoru be made fun of in school. "We want to protect you."

"From what?"

"From," Hikaru swallowed thickly. He shut his eyes. When he opened them again, Kaoru was looking at him expectantly. Hikaru ran his thumb along his eyelids.

"Kaoru," He sighed loudly and ran his thumb along the corners of Kaoru's mouth. Kaoru's eyes widened when Hikaru looked like he was about to kiss him. Hikaru seemed to think better of it though, and cupped his cheek instead.

"You're special," Hikaru whispered, his eyes suddenly dark with something Kaoru was unfamiliar with. He pushed Kaoru back down onto the mattress, pinning him there with his weight, arms braced on either side of him.

"What are you doing Hikaru?"

"I'm showing you how special you are."

And before another word was said, Hikaru reached down to cup the back of Kaoru's knee. He was peeling off his stocking. Kaoru's eyes widened. "Hikaru,"

"Shh, it's going to be okay," Hikaru assured him, fingertips oddly soothing against his skin. "Lift your foot up, Kaoru, now that's a good bo — girl," When the stockings were out of the way, Hikaru leaned back up.

"I think it's better if we didn't tell anyone about this."

Kaoru blinked. Hikaru's breath was making his face heat up. He smelled nice, like aftershave or cologne. He found himself nodding shyly. "What are you going to do?"

Hikaru's hand underneath his skirt was all the answer he needed. "Hikaru," He whined, once his brother's hand found that place between his legs. Kaoru flustered and pushed him off but Hikaru was persistent and shoved him back down.


"It's going to be okay." Hikaru said, stern. He had a hard expression on his features and Kaoru felt his underwear being pulled down his knees. "But I don't have the proper," He flushed some more. "The proper," And Hikaru finally understood what Kaoru was going on about.

His twin was worried he'd find him revolting because he had a penis. Hikaru wasn't sure if he should laugh or not but he thought it was kind of amusing in a cute sort of way. Kaoru just looked embarrassed and looked away.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Kaoru." Hikaru assured him as he pulled the skirt up to bunch around his waist. Kaoru's flush deepened. "I think you're pretty. Very very very pretty." And Hikaru was not lying this time, either. Kaoru was a shade paler than he was because he didn't go out often and his legs were smooth and creamy and the sight of him with his knees angled just so made Hikaru's cock twitch. He swallowed. "I want you to watch me closely Kaoru." His voice had a suddenly raspy quality to it that even Hikaru himself did not recognize.

Kaoru could only nod weakly as Hikaru's tongue darted out to lick the head. His fingers curled into the mattress. Hikaru gave it a few more experimental licks before he engulfed him completely, hand pressed against the skin of Kaoru's hip to hold him steady. Kaoru heard somebody mewl and realized, with embarrassment, that it was him.

"Hikaru," He whimpered and he couldn't keep himself from thrusting up into the velvety-hot mouth. It was good, too good and nothing like he'd ever felt before.

Kaoru had to bite his bottom lip to keep from crying out when Hikaru pulled away completely, wiping his mouth with the back of his arm. He was sitting on his haunches, his mouth moist and positively inviting.

"Now it's your turn to do that, Kaoru," Hikaru said and smirked, fingers quick and deft when they undid the button of his trousers. He kicked them off in one swift movement and lay on his back. "Come on," He urged and Kaoru got to his knees to settle between his legs. Hikaru's cock was hard and to Kaoru's amazement, bigger than he'd imagined.

"Do you like that?" Hikaru asked as he propped himself up on his elbows. "Don't worry, we'll have you wrapped around my cock later."

Kaoru's insides trembled though not in a bad way. "Why are you hard?"

"Because of you," Hikaru answered simply though there was a hint of irritation in his tone. "You walk around the house all day in those short skirts of yours and stockings, who wouldn't get hard?"

Kaoru flushed some more. "Don't flatter me, Hikaru."

"I'm not and I have intention of doing so, Kaoru. You're pretty and I'm being honest. Now shut up and wrap that pretty little mouth of yours around my cock."

Kaoru bit his lip. "Kiss the head, Kaoru." Kaoru bit his lip some more before shyly obeying.

"Good, now give it a lick." Hikaru's head was thrown back as he spread his legs wider.

"It tastes funny."

Hikaru resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Just suck it Kaoru."

"It wouldn't fit into my mouth!"

"It will," Hikaru said and Kaoru was surprised when Hikaru pulled him up to kiss him fiercely. His tongue slid into his mouth, parting his teeth expertly and Kaoru's head reeled from the sensations. Hikaru kissed him languidly for awhile before pulling away.

"Come on," Hikaru urged again, thrusting his hips against Kaoru's own and making his twin's eyes widen once more. Kaoru nodded, gaze drifting between Hikaru's legs before he sucked in the head, rosy lips widening to accommodate Hikaru's length.

Hikaru groaned and grasped Kaoru's head. His hair was silky soft between his fingers. Kaoru looked so hot sucking his cock, and his mouth — "Kaoru," He rasped and Kaoru pulled back, distaste in his eyes. He looked like he wanted to brush his teeth. Hikaru kissed him against, deeply this time before whispering into his ear, "I'll make you realize how special you are."
Kaoru shivered but he was shaking his head. "I'm not special, Hikaru. I'm not normal." But Hikaru pushed him onto his back and told him to raise his arms.

Once the shirt was out of the way, Hikaru reached for some lotion on the bedside table. "What are you doing?" If it were even possible, Kaoru turned a shade redder. He was hugging his chest protectively. "You're not going to, to stick it in are you?"

Hikaru shrugged with one shoulder and pulled back Kaoru's arm. "It'll make you feel good, Kaoru. I promise."

"But wouldn't it hurt?" Kaoru asked but his inquiry was muffled as soon as Hikaru's mouth covered his, his fingers fluttering delicately over his ribcage. Hikaru pulled back, panting, his eyes heavy with desire.

"At first it may or may not hurt, but I'll make it worth your while." He said and smiled, genuine this time though his expression was laced with something deeper, darker. "Come on. Let big brother pop that sweet little cherry of yours."


Hikaru just smirked and pulled up a pale knee. Kaoru felt more than a little exposed as Hikaru lapped his opening hungrily, tongue deft and hot and all sorts of wonderful as it laved his insides clean and oh. Kaoru was squeaking and trembling again. He felt Hikaru parting his buttocks, tongue delving in deeper and deeper until he was writhing for more and pushing down against his tongue, obscenely. He was too aroused to think straight that when Hikaru pulled back, he made a disappointed sound and tried to clamp his thighs to keep Hikaru from stopping what he was doing.

But Hikaru slid off him in one swift movement and smirked. He was rubbing lotion all over his hands. Hikaru leant forwards and called Kaoru something obscene and Kaoru flushed deeper some more until he felt a slippery finger slide into him. He jerked at the sudden intrusion and was about to shove Hikaru off completely when Hikaru curled his middle finger and touched something inside him that made his knees quaver.

"It's going to be fine," Hikaru whispered, voice gentle and familiar, kissing his forehead, his eyelids and then the corner of his mouth. Kaoru bit his bottom lip. Hikaru slid in another finger, and then another. Hikaru parted his knees, told him to spread them wider and Kaoru squirmed uncontrollably because it was more than a little uncomfortable.

Hikaru's fingers made scissoring motions. Once or twice it might've felt good. But the sensation was unfamiliar and it only made Kaoru feel very awkward with his knees bent on either side of Hikaru's shoulders. Despite the fact that Hikaru was his brother, he felt oddly shy.

Hikaru retracted his fingers and gave the inside of Kaoru's thigh a languid lick. He peeled off the rest of his uniform before he positioned himself at Kaoru's entrance. If Kaoru was any honest with himself, he was a little terrified. Hikaru was big and how was he going to fit into — "Hikaru," Kaoru gasped, as his twin leant forwards to slide all the way in.

It hurt, the feeling of being stretched wide open for the first time. Oh god did it hurt. He didn't want to move. It hurt too much and good god, it was like he was going to be torn apart. Hikaru kissed his neck, his ear. He was whispering, "It'll feel better soon, I promise." And Kaoru nodded though it was hard to believe.

Hikaru linked their fingers together and kissed him deeply, his tongue stroking Kaoru's, distracting Kaoru for awhile, from the pain below his waist.

After some time, Hikaru began moving against him, just tiny forward motions with his hips. Kaoru grit his teeth and bit his lip. It took some getting used to. Hikaru could barely move inside him and whenever he did, it still kind of hurt.

"Open your eyes Kaoru," Hikaru whispered against his ear, voice barely intelligible. When Kaoru lifted his eyes, Hikaru thrust in deeper. His eyes widened. Hikaru plunged into him again. His face was flushed and he was groaning. "Oh god Kaoru, don't you already feel how special you are?" And then he thrust into him in smooth, careful strokes that left Kaoru moaning.

Hikaru dotted his chest with his kisses as his cock pistoned in and out of him. "I'm going to fuck your virginity away, Kaoru," He moaned with gritted teeth, sliding halfway out before slamming into Kaoru deeper, harder. Kaoru nodded and whimpered something unintelligible that sounded a lot like, "Fuck yes. Fuck me, Hikaru." And Hikaru was one to comply, stroking his erection with deft fingers as he kissed Kaoru deeply.

Kaoru didn't know where to place his legs. They were sliding off Hikaru's shoulders and he had difficulty keeping them up there. Hikaru was fucking him, and he was fucking him good and Kaoru wrapped his legs around his waist as a last resort, pulling him closer as Hikaru pressed into him deeper, stroking his prostate with his thick, hot cock.

Hikaru gave several violent thrusts and Kaoru's legs tightened around his waist, burying him, though it hurt to some extent, into the hilt. His stomach clenched and then he was coming, shuddering as he coated Hikaru's fist with his warmth and Hikaru slumped against him, limbs everywhere, as he came too, muttering endearments that were too obscene and made Kaoru blush deeper.

Soon, his legs gave away though Hikaru made no attempt to pull out at all. In some ways, it felt nice to still have Hikaru inside him, in some ways it just felt awkward.

When they had both properly gathered their wits, Hikaru propped himself up on one elbow and looked at Kaoru fondly. Kaoru couldn't help but flush. Hikaru was still inside him after all. He wriggled a little and this only made Hikaru laugh. "I'm not ashamed of you." He said reverently, brushing hair out of his eyes. "Have you always thought I was?"

Kaoru nodded. "Everyone in the family is, Hikaru. I'm not stupid."

Hikaru's gaze softened. "You're special."

"You keep saying that."

"Only because you are!"

Kaoru rolled his eyes and bit his lip. "Right. And I'm being held prison in my own house because?"

Hikaru cupped his chin. "Tell you what," He said, his eyes soft. "I'll bring you to my school next week. That's a promise. What do you say?"

Kaoru beamed. Hikaru had never seen him this happy before. His eyes seemed to be smiling, too, and he looked absolutely excited. "Really?"

"Yeah," Hikaru said, nodding. "I'll introduce you to Tono, Haruhi, Kyouya-senpai, Mori-senpai and Hunny-senpai, but."

Kaoru tilted his head. "But?"

Hikaru smirked. "You'll have to let me fuck you until Sunday night, first."

Kaoru grinned and pushed his hips up suggestively. Hikaru's smirk deepened. "Deal."

further notes: So much for not writing smut again. The setting called for some OOC-ness though I tried to keep it to a minimum. I wanted to write a normal (normal?) cross dressing fic though somehow I ended up writing this. Tell me what you think, ne? This has not been beta'ed.