A/N: This is my first Life with Derek fic. I kind of have this story in my head. But please read and review. Let me know how I am doing and if you want more. Thanks and enjoy!
Chapter 1: Secrets under the Bed
I can't believe the lies I am writing, Casey thought to herself as she wrote. She looked up to her door, making sure it was not locked. No, of course she did not want it locked when she was writing in her diary. At least she did not want it locked when she was writing in this diary, the one she knew that Lizzie and Edwin secretly read. She actually left the door open sometimes as she wrote, so that they can see she was writing, and see that she hid it in the top drawer on her desk. And she always left that fuzzy pink pen that she always wrote with in the book, peeking out of the top, so they would know it was her diary that she was writing into when they glanced in when they casually walked by.
As she wrote the last 3 words into her pseudo diary, her heart sank. Casey knew them to be a lie, but she still wrote them, to complete her entry. She looked down with the tears in her eyes, feeling terrible for writing them, closing the book and putting it in her drawer. A single tear fell when they appeared in her mind, "I HATE HIM."
Wiping the tear, she walked over to her door, now turning her lock for the privacy she so desperately needed. As she turned, she lingered with her eyes staring at that wall, the wall separating the two of them. Casey desperately wanted to claw at the wall, tearing it down, tearing down the wall around her heart. All she could do was sigh.
Casey walked over to her bed and gently lifted the mattress. She grabbed the plainer book from under the mattress, not as girly as her fake diary, just a normal black and white notebook. The pages were not as flat as her other diary, a little wrinkled from the tears that came so many nights before. She poured her heart and soul into this notebook. Sure, the other one held some truth, like fights with her friend Emily or how she was worried about a test, but her heart was left for this one.
After reaching into her bag for the pen she needed to write with, she sat on her bed. This pen was completely un-Casey. It was old and capless, with bite marks on the top, but she needed to write with it, the ink inside needed to be what formed her words.
Casey just turned, looking at that wall again, trying to think about what to write, even though she knew she did not have to think at all. The thoughts always seemed to flow so naturally, like the perfect song always came on the radio when he came into her head.
Sad songs played when she was upset. Happy songs played when she was excited. And those love songs came on when she started thinking about him.
She looked down to begin to write and realized that she had already been writing. Not surprised though, Casey always seemed to do things subconsciously when she was thinking about him. Her eyes scan the page she had written, stopping on the last 5 words.
"I think I love him" stared up at her, tears swelling in her big blue eyes. It was the first time those words came out, sure she thought it all the time, but they were actually staring up at her now, smacking her in the face. She would never write them down, terrified that someone would see them and know her secret. She then took the pen and crossed out the first two words, knowing that she really did love Derek.
Looking at the clock on her night stand, seeing it to be 11:45pm, she placed her diary back under her bed and decided she needed a snack.
Incomplete was all that would cross Derek's mind. That was how he felt all the time. He thought how his popularity was something people looked up to, always putting him on top, but it was so lonely up there. Sure, he had friends and girls threw themselves at him all the time, but he could never convey his true feelings. He thought that he didn't even know what his true feelings were, but then they slapped in the face. Like how can he be so blind to what he wanted, who he loved. Nobody would understand which caused him to feel so lonely, so incomplete without her.
His eyes were fixated on that wall, that alluring wall, that wall that separated them. He formed a love/hate relationship with that wall, loving what was behind but hated that it way in his way. Derek hated that it blocked his heart to the world.
Derek hadn't even realized that he had a pen and a pad in his hand. Earlier that day Derek needed to grab a new pen from his desk drawer, he couldn't seem to find his pen anywhere. His hand was moving and the ink was flowing from the pen, occasionally bringing it to his mouth subconsciously, nibbling on the end.
After what felt like hours, he reluctantly tore his eyes from the wall. Looking down at his desk he noticed the pad and the picture he doodled. Derek always had a thing for drawing. He was particularly good at it, doodling cartoons when he should have been taking notes in class. He just never gave into it though; he couldn't be an artsy guy and the most popular one at the same time. He began really drawing over the past two years, he even drew an amazing picture of himself and Marti for her birthday. He only began when he found his muse.
He hadn't even looked down at it once as he drew it. Letting out a long, painful sigh, he ripped the page from the drawing pad. Derek only got the pad recently, but more than half the pages were torn out. He grabbed a lighter from the shelf and held the drawing over his trash can.
Before flicking the lighter, he noticed something. The primarily black drawing had another color in it. When did I pick up that blue pen to color in her eyes? He put the lighter back on the shelf and walked towards his bed. He gently lifted the mattress and placed the new drawing with the rest, all of them black with that little speck of blue, all of them looking like a photograph of Casey.
Derek took out a pad and decided he needed to write. This was another new pastime of his. Derek wrote a lot, most of the time he burned his letters though. Looking over this one though, he noticed the last 3 words before his name, "I love you." He folded it and placed it in an envelope, sealing it and placing it under his mattress.
Glancing at clock, he decided he was not tired. And at 11:45pm he decided to go get a snack.