Orochimaru's 55 ways!

Disclaimer: Don't. Freakin. Own. It.

Scream "Plastic Michel!" and dive under a table when he enters the room

Proclaim your spoon is too big and chuck it at his head

Pretend to have a cold, keep this up for a few days. Innocently ask him why there's green stuff floating in his soup during those few days

Angrily tell him it was his fault the tapeworms escaped in the last chapter

Ask him why he tried to kill "That Potter kid"

When he looks at you blankly, tell him everyone he's ever been paired up with

Bookmark an M rated fanfiction for each pairing, and force him to read them

Angrily yell random words at him for 6 and a-half days

Repeatedly poke Kabuto

Tell Kabuto to take his frustration out on Orochimaru

Call him Oro-chan and refuse to call him by any other name

Repeatedly poke Orochimaru with a raw carrot

Complain that Sasuke's a "whiney brat" for 4 straight hours

If he ever offers you something, scream "How could you!" and walk away sobbing

Hold a conversation with him, rhyming every four words you say

Dress up like him, face paint and all

Hiss at him that you want his body (puking while doing so ruins it)

When he tells you its impossible, stretch out your tongue as far as it can go, and then pass out

When you wake up tell him "I'm having a shindutinanyhullablo!" before getting angry and throwing a rock at him

Throw sharp pointy objects at him. The sharper and pointy-er the better

Have an intense one-sided conversation with your spoon, the same one you chucked at his head

Sing the 'Doom Song'


When he gets ready to cut off his ears to cut off your incessant babbling, tilt your head to the side and ask him why he's pulling a Van Goh

Poke his dead arms over and over

Ask him why they don't move innocently

Get a rotten cabbage

Scream "I SHALL SMITE THE WITH MY MIGHTY SMITING SWORD!!" and pelt the cabbage at his head

Make completely innocent statements that can be taken the wrong way. For example: "I know what you and Kabuto did last night."

Stand abnormally close to him

All day

Make it a point to hug Oro-chan 12 times a day for a month

Call it "Mission H.U.G."

Tell him this

Then explain that H.U.G. stands for "Hugs for Unidentified Genders" and tell him Haku's on the same plan, with Deidara, un

Tell him he has a serious disease: Sasukefanboy-itis

Tell him every single way he's ever screwed up during the course of the series

Tell him corny jokes

At un-Godly hours of the night and early morning

Wear a bowl on your head. Say nothing

At breakfast, scream "There's Anthrax in my bagel!" and fling your waffle across the room

Answer his questions with questions, even ones he doesn't direct to you

Tape a picture of him to your wall

When he walks past your room (your living in his not-so-secret hideout) use the picture for target practice

Constantly quote Gir (from Invader Zim) at bad times

Overuse and misuse words like "savvy" and "luv" in his presence

Open up a bottle of Snapple

Hold it up to your ear and nod every few minutes

Suddenly look disgusted and angry, re-cap it, and throw it across the room careful not to break it

Walk away like nothing happened.

Burst back into the room and crush the bottle. Refuse to clean it up

Explain that you want to wach it suffer with a friend and whip out another bottle of Snapple. Sit in front of the broken bottle with your new bottle and cackle evilly every few seconds

The result:

Orochimaru: -scans list- Kabuto!

Kabuto: Yes?

Orochimaru: This list looks suspiciously like what you and FOTD did to me last week.

Kabuto: -whistling- thinks: You didn't even check the pen name did you?

Orochimaru: -narrows eyes- Run.

Kabuto: Yessir!

Orochimaru: At least I didn't get pushed into the f- whoa!

-FOTD suddenly appears and pushes Oro-chan into the fan-girl pit-

FOTD in mock innocent voice: Oops, did I do that?

Well, what did ya think? Review pwease!!