1Lost Without You

A/N;

Hallo, minna-san. nn I promise I'm not dead. And I apologize for the crappiness of this story.

Note; For the purpose of this fiction, the gender of a pronoun in the song lyrics has been switched.

Disclaimer; Don't own.

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Summary; The blood of the protector is spilled. His lover laments. Toboe's POV.

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Lost Without You

Playground school bell rings, again

Rain clouds come to play, again

Has no one told you he's not breathing?

Hello, I am your mind

Giving you someone to talk to

If I smile

And don't believe

Soon, I know

I'll wake from this dream

Don't try to fix me

I'm not broken

Hello, I'm the lie

Living for you

So you can hide

Don't cry

Suddenly, I know

I'm not sleeping

Hello

I'm still here

All that's left of yesterday

Blood. Everywhere.

On me. On you.

But, oh God; it's not mine.

Tsume… please…

You breathe. I breathe. But it's shaky.

We both know it; you're going to die.

"Tsume…"

"Don't you dare cry."

You try to sound threatening, but we both know it's hopeless.

I, not for the first time, ignore your words and cling to you…

"Tsume…"

… and cry.

"You shouldn't have followed me…"

Your breath is getting ragged.

I know it hurts, but, please, Tsume, please, hold on.

"You and I both know this would have happened sooner or later. It isn't your fault."

I just cry and hold you, knowing all along that it is my fault; it's my fault that you're dying.

"It's not your fault, Toboe."

Your voice is soft.

Oh, you really are dying, aren't you?

"Tsume… don't… please, don't go…"

"Stop crying."

You pause, struggling for breath.

It hurts just to watch you in so much pain.

And I know, oh, I know you're trying to hide it for me.

"But if it means you live, I will."

"I don't want to live without you."

My voice is hollow, hollow because I know you're going to die and I don't want to believe.

"You'll live without me. You'll find someone else. Someone better."

"I don't want someone else. I want you."

I know what I sound like now- just a stubborn, selfish little pup.

The stubborn, selfish little pup I am.

But, right now, I don't care.

You laugh- a harsh, hacking laugh, which sounds more like a cough than anything else.

"You always were a stubborn little one."

I can't help but smile through my tears.

"My stubborn little one…"

I lay next to you, not caring about the blood, just wanting to be close to you…

… before I can't anymore.

"You have to go."

"No."

"You have to go back to Kiba and Hige. They need you."

"You need me."

"I won't soon."

"Don't… don't say that," I whimper.

I don't want to think about it.

Life without you…

Life without you will be cold.

Colder than any snow or blizzard.

Cold as a tomb.

As if you hear my thoughts, you speak.

"Don't you dare give up, Toboe. I'll come back and kill you."

"Wouldn't that solve this problem?"

"Don't be a smartass."

I let out a harsh little giggle.

Oh, please, Tsume, let this be a bad dream.

Let me wake up next to you and find out that this is all in my head…

I don't want to wake up without you.

That might just kill me.

You shift suddenly, letting out a little groan.

"Tsume?"

You don't answer.

"Tsume?!"

Still, you don't answer.

"Tsume!"

I begin to cry again.

No, no, no, this can't be happening.

You're not dead.

You just…

You just can't be dead.

Your eyes are closed, but they flicker suddenly.

"Tsume?"

"Toboe."

"Keep your eyes open, Tsume," I plead.

"I… can't."

"You have to," I beg. I'm scared as hell- you've never been this weak before. Ever. You've always been the one telling me what to do- not the other way around.

Slowly, ever so slowly, you force your eyelids up and look at me.

"Toboe."

You lift a hand, running it over my cheek.

I clasp it in mine, holding it so tightly I'm afraid I might hurt you.

"Don't cry."

I nod slowly, biting back my tears, swallowing the sobs threatening to tear loose at any moment.

"We'll meet again."

"No, Tsume, please, no, don't go…"

But you already have.

"Tsume…"

I let your hand fall, looking into your face.

Your eyes- your golden eyes- they're closed.

You really are… gone.

"N-no…"

And the broken sobs well up, forcing themselves out.

"N-no, Tsumeeeeee…"

I howl.

I feel arms around me, dragging me away from you.

"Let me go!" I struggle

"Relax, Toboe, it's me!"

Hige.

"Let me go, Hige!"

I'm sobbing and screaming at him, clawing at him to let me go, to let me go back to you and hold you.

"Toboe, he's gone. It's over. You can't bring him back."

I fall limp against him, knowing what he says is the truth.

Tsume…

I let Hige drag me back.

And I just lay where he sets me down.

I don't want to move.

You're gone.

I might as well be dead too.

And I curl up, wishing you hadn't followed me…

Wishing it had been me.

And I cry.

Again.

I cry for you- because I'm lost.

My heart is broken.

I've been torn to shreds.

I'm lost, Tsume- lost without you.

Playground school bell rings, again

Rain clouds come to play, again

Has no one told you he's not breathing?

Hello, I am your mind

Giving you someone to talk to

If I smile

And don't believe

Soon, I know

I'll wake from this dream

Don't try to fix me

I'm not broken

Hello, I'm the lie

Living for you

So you can hide

Don't cry

Suddenly, I know

I'm not sleeping

Hello

I'm still here

All that's left of yesterday