Ok, here it is folks! The Pirate on Wheels Chronicles starts now. You may remember me from other unfinished fan-fiction favorites such as Hiei's hilariously violent adventures, and…damn , I guess I'll just have to start another story to not finish it so I'll have more to write here. Well anyways various circumstances have encouraged me to pick up the pen again and vent my rage in another glorious fan-fiction story/platform for abusive rant. You see Naruto is a wonder show filled with great characters, pin-point humor, and top-notch action sequences. I'm bad at math but I'll give a shot at simplification; NarutoAwsome. (Much like myself) Now I usually (wiggle room, yay!) hate fan-fiction. It tends to (another escape clause) focus on love and teenaged angst and alternate dimensional crossovers in which mary-sue Ocs' write in their friends (or imaginary friends you losers) who put to shame the main cast in seconds in all areas of life to make up for their pathetic real one/s of the author and his/her/Hakus' friends (fiction posse?) , and otherwise whatever insanities are concocted in the bowels of the disturbed 13 year old fan-girls bishii centered minds. (Now that's a scary thought) However after one of the good fan-fiction writers (You know who you are) wrote a naruto fic, (two actually, they were awesome) I decided to take a look at what else was written here. I found in order of most horrific and innately wrong: Sakura/Kakashi. That's what we call statutory. Naruto/Sasuke pairings. (yaoi pervs, but I guess it has more basis than Kak/Sak(hehe kaksak)) Naruto/harry potter crossovers. Not a pairing, just deeply disturbing. "Huh bluh blah yududu Azkaban, blah blah blah Orochimarus' Snapes on a plane." I believe there was something that started out like"Sakura's a punk goth…" Yeah that's a no-no. But the worst was an accidental finding that put the others to some sort of super shame. Hinata/Neji…as a couple, not family fluff like I'd hoped they meant. No sir, they dragged that hope out deep into the woods and rasenganed it in the face. For in nice black type I read that gut-wrenching word "Incest." I was angry and upset and kind of felt like puking, but I am a logical and inherently good hearted person who will not judge the many on the few. So I decided to check the other (16? 32? It's all a haze from here on out) pages to see if they too, contain that bane-ed word of ickyness. Nearly (wiggle+roomsafe) all of them did. I found authors telling anti-incest reviewers to shove-it for hating their ideas, and that love should not be oppressed; on the contrary, it should be supported. I even found a c-thingy community of the cousin lovers. At this point I was in a furious rage, clearly disturbed, and now openly throwing-up. I would like to now state that I do not believe in censorship of any sort. I believe you should be able to write and publish anything in any for of medium granted it is not written in say, the blood of the innocent with human flesh for parchment, then I'll have to object. But just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should. It's a lesson in judgment. Example: I could decorate could decorate my lawn with 85 plastic pink flamingos, I could start a community in my neighborhood where we all have at least 85 plastic pink flamingos, but I shouldn't. Nobody should. Can, should. Can, should. See how that works? Your defense is "Don't like don't read. Ok, but you're a freakin' 16x20block radius in the middle of town with 2500+ pink plastic flaminging strewn about about everywhere. How can a seeing individual not be affected. You say don't judge us, it's love. You can't put chains on love! (I'm paraphrasing) I'd like to point out that you not the only community who feels this way. There is, believe it or not, an international community with the same arguments as you, word for word. They call themselves NAMBLA. That's right, the North American Man Boy Love Association is in you corner. They want to legalize the union between man (approximately 35 years of age) and boy (12 and under). It's ok, I'll pause for your angry curses……….are you done? Good. Now let's continue. My opinions are based on science. Inbreeding leads to genetic crapulence. No good can come to the Hyuga clan if an offsping has no arms, no matter how many byakugen they have (possibly 4). Unless of course you don't believe in evolution. Or genetics. Or facts, yeah, lets not forget about those. Can't have those mucking up our kissing cousins. Hyuck hyuck hyuck. (Sorry, I may have been out of line on the hyucking) So please stop. Just quit. It's so easy. If you think about what you're actually writing, it's almost automatic. I'm not telling you or forcing you, but your warping poor Hinata in ways that just shouldn't be. Now I don't want to sound like high school abstinence program, but you can write a story with all those characters without making them be a couple. I've seen it done. I'm hoping you love your family and friends without making out with them marrying them right? (Please let me be right!) So why can't Neji? Ah hell, I owe you guys an great fic now don't I? I mean after all this bashing it'd be wrong to not show my abilities, so…crap. Uhh, it'll have Anko in it. Yeah, lot's of Anko. And Ten-Ten. She gets to little screen time. Maybe some Ino. I hate her but she could come in handy as a bashing object. Pretty much it will focus on the cool characters that get ignored to much, like Asuma, and Kurenie (sp?). I'll tie it together with an O.C. Time frame, ehh during the fillers. Ahh, a reason for the O.C. Orochimaru and or the Atketsuki are after him. Damn I'm good.
With no-incest love,
The Pirate on Wheels
p.s. Sakura sucks, so bash away, and anyway she so doesn't deserve Kakashi. He rocks out loud.
p.s.s. Hehe, kaksak.