Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Ohba-san and Obata-san have the pleasure of owning it! I only own this fanfiction.

A/N: The style of this story is intentional. :D

Raito has them all wrapped around his finger.

L doesn't notice, too fixated upon proving Raito isn't Kira to notice what Raito does. Misa doesn't care, clings and clings just so she can be close, pretends to hold something she doesn't have...

Matsuda has noticed, but like Misa, he doesn't care.

When he smiles, there's always something wrong. His eyes are always dark and troubled, like he isn't really there. His features are always masked, even when he's just laughing and teasing the team.

He's not really who he thinks he is.

Matsuda observes strange changes in him. When he's speaking, when he's arguing. His fists are clenched, his eyes are narrowed. He wants to hit, and yet his heart's not into it. A smirk forms at the corner of his lips, and the effect is lost on all but Matsuda and Matsuda alone.

Matsuda likes Yagami Raito.

Matsuda likes Yagami Raito more then he should.

As time passes, Matsuda can't stop himself. When in the same room, his eyes are always on Raito, who sometimes notices and who sometimes doesn't. Who smiles sweetly, and who glares mencingly. Who can't stop himself from laughing, and who remains distant from everyone.

It's Yagami Raito who's pulling the strings.

His eyes are always distant, his expression is usually one of great cheer... When L dies, it's one of grief and sorrow..

Except for one moment.

Matsuda notices that look.

And then it's gone.

The years trickle by slowly. Raito finds a way to get to Matsuda, claim Matsuda for his own, without letting Misa know. And even if she did, a brief kiss and a soft smile is all it takes to have her back on his side.

Matsuda doesn't have Raito, Raito has him.

And all it takes to keep him is a touch here and there, and a smooth smile, those devilish fingers that sometimes play through his hair.

Matsuda likes Yagami Raito.

But Matsuda is no fool.

When the bad things start happening, when Kira isn't caught. Matsuda knows something is wrong. Raito's meetings with him are brief, and Raito's eyes become chilly. His expression is adult, and he's no longer the distant eyed boy who hoped for a better tomorrow.

Yagami Raito is becoming a monster.

He laughs, he jokes, he holds Misa close all for an act. Matsuda is his favorite, and Matsuda knows it.

Matsuda is torn at night.

Matsuda likes Yagami Raito.

A new L has shown up, calling himself N. Matsuda is worried, Raito is becoming more and more frustrated...

And Matsuda is becoming aware of what's going on.

The others don't trust Raito anymore.

Matsuda is frightened.

The other's look at him, send worried glances his way when he places a hand on the back of Raito's chair, his finger's brushing against Raito's shoulder, smiling because it seemed to sooth him, for just a moment.

Matsuda likes Yagami Raito.

It's all ending like this.

Matsuda's holding a smoking gun. Raito's on the ground, writhing in agony and crying out. His eyes are wide, his anger his white hot. He's crying out, begging Matsuda to understand. Begging him to act upon his love for him, his like for him, and kill the others.

Matsuda doesn't.

He points the gun at Raito's chin, shaking. His eyes meet with Raito's, such an ugly expression on his face.

Raito is Kira...

But Raito isn't justice.

Matsuda screams awful things at him, but Raito pays no mind. He knows his death is close, and he fights against it. Oh, how he screams, how he cries even though there are no tears. He looks for his followers, for the other Kira. Mikami won't do anything, because Raito isn't god.

Yagami Raito cries out in agony as he clings to the Shinigami, begging him to end their lives...

Ryuuku just smiles, and he scribbles something.

They all know before Raito realizes it. Raito smiles triumphantly, and then at the explination, his face falls. He panics, he clings to Ryuuku's tattered clothing..

Matsuda stands back. He wants to run there, wants to hold him.

But he doesn't. He stands where he is. Raito is Kira, Raito is evil.

Yagami Raito dies ungracefully. He continues to beg for mercy, like the criminals he killed...

Yagami Raito falls back against the floor of the warehouse. His last word is a curse, his last thoughts are a mystery.

Matsuda watches as those distant eyes become glassy, watches as Raito makes a choking sound on the back of his throat, and watches as he rolls over on his back. The hand, the hand he shot, reaches out for his favorite. For his pet... But Matsuda steps back.

Matsuda thinks he sees sorrow in those golden-brown depths, but at the moment, he's too angry to think straight.

Matsuda liked Yagami Raito.

A year later, Matsuda and Ide make their way to the investigation room. L, no, Nia, has a new case for them. And as usual, they flock to him like dogs, eagar to please.

Ide seems angry. Ide doesn't know the whole story.

They argue. Matsuda thinks it was wrong to kill Raito, and Ide knows it, but Matsuda tries to hide it.

"You liked Raito-kun, didn't you?"

Ide stresses the word 'liked'. Matsuda notices, and turns away. He just feels so sick, the image of Raito's dying sorrow flashes in his mind, and he swallows hard.

"...Just a wish, huh?" He smiles a bit, wondering if maybe, just maybe, he pulled the trigger on the wrong man. Crime rates have risen, so many people lost their lives just so more could...

They exit the car, Ide pays no mind to Matsuda's sorrowful eyes, or the way he plays with the hair he's let grow out. He doesn't notice when Matsuda follows, he sighs. Or when he considers the fact that if Raito hadn't died, then they'd all be dead now.

...Because Raito's still got Matsuda wrapped around his little finger.

More time passes. Misa commits suicide, despite the tight security she was under. She'd continued her modelling career, but she'd withered away. Yagami Sayu hasn't said a word to anyone in years. They're worried that she's going to be next, that the crushing blow that her perfect brother was Kira had been too much.

The cases were all solved, yet the crime was still there.

Matsuda sits on the end of his bed. He's fourty-seven today, and while there was a huge celebration, and everyone thinks he's over Raito... But he's not.

He licks his lips, reaches out for the sleeping pills he's been taking. Gazing at them with red-rimmed eyes, wondering what it would take for him to go where ever Raito went. He killed him, didn't he?

His hands shake, and he moves the bottle away from his lips. Bowing his head as he trembles. He can't do it. He won't see Raito, so it's pointless.

Matsuda goes on with his days, and in the nights, he sometimes feels smooth, dead fingers playing through his hair.

Matsuda still likes Yagami Raito.

When the next Kira arrives, Matsuda smiles warmly at the offer. Gladly accepting the eyes so he can aid this one.

Matsuda still loves Yagami Raito...