L held the box cutter in his right hand. He carefully and quietly disassembled it, producing the razor. He glanced over at Raito before he pulled up his left sleeve. He looked over at Raito again, just to be sure, then dug the sharpened metal into his skin.
L let out a hiss of pain. Not loud enough to alert Raito, but loud enough to ebb the initial sting. He guided the razor across he wrist before he started again, leaving lines of crimson blood that glistened in the moon light.
L paused when he felt the bed shift beside him. He held his breath, the razor still posed on his skin. Raito turned over to face him, but his eyes were closed. Although he appeared to still be sleeping, L dared not move.
Raito shifted again. Then he sat up and looked around dazedly. His eyes settled on L, who still hadn't moved and was running out of oxygen.
"Ryuuzaki what are you..." then he noticed the red lines scarring his wrist, "what are you going?!"
L covered the razor with his fist and bent his arm enough to hide the fresh cuts, but it was too late.
Damn it, he thought to himself, not meeting Raito's gaze, why didn't I react soon enough?!
"Ryuuzaki." Raito said again, moving closer to L. He grabbed L's hand and pulled his arm into the moon light, looking at the self inflicted damage. "This one's bleeding a lot."
L looked down at the wound a saw that Raito was right. It was bleeding a lot more than usual. And now that he thought about it, it still stung rather uncomfortably.
"Come on. I'm going to wrap this." L nodded dumbly and followed Raito to the bathroom.
Why am I acting like this? Why do I feel so dazed and slow? L thought as he let himself be led to the bathroom. This isn't like me at all...
Raito ran the tap water cold and stuck L's wrist under the icy stream. L winced as the water made the fresh cuts burn. Raito searched through the first aid kit, pulling out antibiotic ointment and bandages.
He turned to L, who still held his arm under the tap, a far away expression on his face, and then turned off the faucet. He held his hand out for L's arm, and L just stared at it. After a moment, Raito grabbed his arm again and wiped off the water a fresh blood with a towel. Then he smeared antibiotics on it and wrapped the bandage around his wrist several times.
Raito let go of L's arm. L let it drop to his side. They stared at each other, Raito with confused, concerned eyes, L with wide unreadable ones.
Finally, Raito spoke.
"Why did you do it?" L looked away, then walked toward the door. Raito followed, and they went back to the room.
L sat down on the bed; Raito sat next to him.
"I.. I've been doing it ever since I was a child."
"But why Ryuuzaki. Why."
L shook his head. "I use it every time I get frustrated on a case. Raito, I had a far from perfect childhood, and now being the worlds best detective is actually quite stressful. I have a reputation to keep, but Kira, I can't find him. He's ruining me. And don't think that because you tell me "Don't do it L, it's bad." that I'll stop." L said quietly, hugging his knees close to him.
Raito wrapped his arms around L, and pulled the slight boy to his chest. L was taken by surprise and let himself be pulled into Raito's warm embrace.
"Don't worry Ryuuzaki. You have me now. I can help you with this."
Much to L's disdain, he found that he was crying.
Why? Why am I crying?! Then he began to talk, spilling secrets of his self injury over the years.
"And then you, Raito. You had to come along and be perfect enough to befriend me. You had to be perfect enough to help me along with this case. You had to be perfect enough to make me love you. Then here you are, holding me, stroking my hair, making my heart hurt with every word you utter. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me love you so much?!" L finished his rant, sobbing.
Instead of replying, Raito merely rested his head on L's, and held L closer.
"Why do you seem to not notice how much I love you?"
"I do see it, L. I see the way you look at me. I see the way you yearn for me, but wont allow yourself to recognize it." he breathed into L's hair, tears welling up in his eyes. "I see how you hurt, and I wish I could feel the same."
L's heart froze and plummeted into his stomach. A new wave of tears flowed from his dark eyes. He felt like he was dying from the inside out.
Raito held him tighter, his own tears breaking through. "I'm so sorry that you have to suffer like this, L. I'm sorry that I've hurt you like this."
After a while, both boys stopped crying. L tried to pull away from Raito, humiliated, but Raito wouldn't let him go. Instead he pulled L down and pulled the covers around them. The two teens fell asleep in each others arms.
L woke up first, weak sunlight filtering trough the window. He untangled himself from Raito's grasp and sat up. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, wincing as pain raced down his wrist.
He remembered what happened last night, and all the pain of his unrequited love flooded back.
Without really thinking, he reached for the razor on the floor. He began to unwrap the bandage but stopped himself.
No, he thought, I wont stop because you want me to, but I will not hurt myself because of you. I love you more than that. He dropped the razor on the ground and rewrapped the bandage. He turned to face Raito, to face his love, and brushed honey-brown hair away from his face.
He stroked Raito's soft cheek, enjoying the warmth.
"I love you." he whispered, then kissed the boy.
Raito groaned in his sleep snuggled deeper into the pillow.
"5 more minutes..." he complained.
L smiled, and for once, let the boy sleep for 5 more minutes.
Erm... just an idea that popped in to my head one night. Try not to hate me?