AN: (Goldpiece) Well Siapom, here we are at the last chapter. (Siapom) I know. It's seems so odd to be ending this piece. (Goldpiece) Well, all good things must come to an end. (Siapom) Or in the case of Booth and Brennan, all not so good things. (Goldpiece) With that, I hope everyone enjoys.
Jack started the camera and climbed out of the Mini, panning slowly to capture the deceptively peaceful street scene.
"Jack, put that back in the car."
Ignoring Angela, he started to narrate his story in a hushed, academic tone of voice, "It's the early morning hours in a quiet suburb of Washington, D.C. We're outside the home of FBI Special Agent – Ow!" He rubbed his ear where Angela had twisted it.
"I told you to put that away."
"Oh come on Angie, when are we ever going to have an opportunity like this again? If we ever need a favor in the future..."
"Then they'll owe us enough just from us coming to rescue them from whatever the hell they've gotten themselves into." Jack looked at Angela with a pout.
"If I promise to turn the camera off will you let me bring it in?"
She held out her hand, motioning for him to hand it over. He pouted and gave his best sad puppy dog eyes. "Come on, Ange. Please? Pretty please?" Then, with a waggle of his brows, "I promise to put the sugar on top."
"Oh my God." She stopped and looked at him. "Do you seriously think that that's going to work with me?"
He leaned in to steal a kiss. "No, but I can always hope." He started to place the camera in her hand when out of the corner of his eye he spotted what looked like baby blue lingerie. "What's that?"
Angela turned to look where Jack pointed and choked. Lying on the concrete next to the SUV was a lacy demi-cup bra and a matching garter belt.
"Oh my God, what the hell went on here last night," she muttered as she picked up the bra. Jack watched as he tried to conceal the camera under his jacket. Angela stood and gave a small crook of her finger, calling Jack to her side.
Heeding her call he walked over, fully expecting that she'd take away the camera. Instead, she shoved the underwear in his direction with a curt, "Here." She then bent to pick up an earring as they made their way to the front door. Every few feet she had to stoop to retrieve another forgotten item. A sock. Keys. Brennan's favorite pen.
Angela shrugged and added it to the pile of junk that he was holding. Surreptitiously, Jack moved the camera out from under his coat. His finger slid over the power button and he cleared his throat a little as Angela sighed and pulled a black thong off of the bushes in front of the window.
"Here in this urban Serengeti we see the trail of a creature, highly sexual in nature." Angela appeared before the camera, not knowing he'd started the feed running again.
"You aren't starting with that nature expert thing again are you?"
With a wink, Jack panned the scene once more before moving in for a close-up of the thong. "Our query has left behind a trail of sorts, allowing us to follow and investigate its curious mating habits." He focused on the items in his hand as they made their way up the stairs and to the door. "See how the creature attempted to hide its trail by scattering a confusing array of items in its wake. However, as you can see," he refocused the camera so that he got a clear shot through the window of the red panties that were hanging from Parker's bike, "the trail becomes clear as we cross the threshold into the creature's natural habitat."
Angela knocked on the door and waited for a response from inside. Snickering, Jack turned the camera on himself. "We've got to be wary as we enter the habitat of the Alpha Male and his Mate. The creature is known to be possessive and can become quite angry when he feels his mate is in danger."
"Jack, you put that camera away or so help me..." The door swung open and Angela choked back a laugh as Booth stood there, flustered and in the rooster boxers. The sock covering his privates stuck out of the mouth of the rooster and in the background, they heard Brennan yell
"Angela! Get back here so I can kill him!"
Wide eyes moving back and forth between Booth's sock covered penis and the entrance to the hallway, Angela stood frozen in shock.
"Oh, this is even better than I'd imagined." Jack skipped back a few steps so that he could get a full frontal shot of Booth as he stood in the doorway, trying to usher the astonished Angela inside.
Booth tried to glare at the entomologist, but the effect was quite lost on him as Hodgins started to laugh outright. Booth just sighed and led Angela down the hallway as Jack followed behind trying not to shake the camera as he wiped tears from his eyes.
"The carnage in here is unbelievable, and it's hard to imagine what kind of struggle must have taken place for such damage to have been sustained." Jack panned over the living room where clothing and feminine items were strewn all over the place.
He picked up a lacy, red brassiere. "We can only hope that the female of the species came through the encounter physically intact." He twirled the bra on his fingertip before holding it up against himself. Slipping his arms through the holes he looked down, tilting his shoulders one way and then the other to see the effect the light had on the iridescent thread. "Hey, Ange. Do you think you could find one of these for yourself?"
"What?" She turned to look at him, her mouth opening and closing trying to come up with something to say before turning to look in the bedroom. Angela let out a squeak before she turned back to Hodgins once more. "Jack, turn that camera off right now!"
"What the hell is Hodgins doing here," Brennan bellowed from the room, rattling the handcuffs in the process. Hodgins eyes lit up as he made a mad dash for the room, camera at the ready. He hit the side of the doorway as he tried to skid to a stop. Bouncing sideways into the room, he was too focused on capturing the scene before him to pay attention to the floor. So, when his foot stopped on something vaguely puffy, he didn't pay any attention to it. Until it let out a roar and started to vibrate.
"What the...eeeeuuuuggghhh," he screeched and kicked the roaring thong up into the air. The group watched, fascinated as it flew up into the air, roaring as it went and landed squarely on Brennan's head. She squealed and struggled to get the thing off of her, but the handcuffs prevented it.
"Get it off. Get it off!"
Both Booth and Angela lunged for the bed, reaching for the vibrating thong. Just as the strap fell over Brennan's nose, Booth snatched it away; but as he drew his arm back he couldn't keep from bumping into Angela. She lost her balance and pin wheeled forward on top of Brennan. In an attempt to keep herself from falling directly on top of her best friend, Angela reached out for the closest handhold she could find.
"Aaaiiieeee! Angela let go! Deargodpleaseletgohurtssomuch!" He tried to pull away from the death grip Angela had on him, but too late realized that was the wrong thing to do. He let out another yell, his voice raising exponentially before the artist's reflexes kicked in and she let go.
Watching wide eyed in the corner with the camera raised, Hodgins said, "Crikey, the Alpha Male seems to have more on his hands than he can handle, or should I say..."
Forgetting everything else, Booth yanked off the sock in order to inspect his abused manhood. Turning it gently this way and that, he hissed when he saw that the scratches had started to bleed again. With a whimper, he patted at the blood with the sock.
"Oh my God. Booth, are you okay?" Angela reached out without thinking.
"Don't touch it," he shrieked.
"Booth's very sensitive about his..."
"Dude, maybe that should have been your nickname, cause I mean whoa." Booth turned to glare at Hodgins, noticing for the first time that he not only had a camera, but that it was trained on him. And what was the bug man doing in Brennan's bra?
"Hodgins why are you wearing Bones' bra?"
As Hodgins started to answer, Brennan kicked her leg out at Booth, grinning in satisfaction when she managed to connect with his kneecap. "Who cares? Why isn't anyone helping me get out of these things?" She rattled the cuffs against the headboard.
"Huh?" For the first time since entering the room, Jack was able to turn his full attention to Brennan. "Whoa. Dr. Brennan do you realize that you're not wearing any clothes?"
"Are you insane? I'm handcuffed to a bed and you're more concerned that I have no clothes on? Get me out of these things!"
"Sweetie, why didn't Booth just unlock them?"
"Do you honestly think that I would have called you if someone hadn't lost their keys?" She glared at Booth and kicked at him again. This time, he was able to move away before she could connect with any other part of his anatomy.
Hodgins whistled. "Oh, man. You lost the key? Dude, you've got some major groveling in your future."
"Hodgins hush." Angela reached into her purse for a massive key ring. "Here, honey. Just give me a sec to find one that works." As she moved to her friend's side, she muttered nonsense comfort phrases and started to pick her way through her collection.
Booth began to pace around the room, more like an expectant father than a nervous...whatever the hell he was, his hand gently cupping his penis. As he did so, Hodgins slowly trained the camera over toward the bed, adjusting the zoom lens until…
Jack jumped, dropping the camera.
Angela smiled. "Oh good. I was going to ask you to put that thing down anyway." She jerked a thumb at Booth. "Now do you think you could help him find some clothes?" She tried another key, but it didn't work. "And would you please take off that stupid bra?"
"What, you don't think I look good?" He swung his shoulders back and forth, the cups of the bra shimmering as the light shined on it.
"Do you really want me to answer that?" She turned back and tried another key. Hodgins shrugged and pulled off the bra before turning to Booth.
"Dude, I realize that you have every right to be proud of your junk, but could you please tuck it back in?"
Still concerned with the bloody scratches, Booth didn't hear the request.
"What?" He turned to face Hodgins with a scowl of irritation. "Can't you see that I'm bleeding here?"
Nodding, Jack said, "Yes. Yes, I can see that. Actually, that's the problem."
Angela cut in, "Put on some pants, Booth." She tried another key with a mumbled, "Men!"
Booth looked up from his equipment and realized that Hodgins was pointedly trying to not stare at him while Brennan tried to kill him with a look. He immediately tucked himself back into his boxers and scurried to the closet to find something to put on.
Just as he walked back out in a pair of sweatpants, there was an audible click from the direction of the bed.
"Ah ha! I knew I'd find it sooner or later." Angela smiled and stood up so that her friend could lower her arms. "Is that better, sweetie?"
Brennan launched herself off of the bed, her hand like claws, skidding across the floor and setting the thong to roaring again. Booth looked up in time to see her coming at him and stumbled backwards to avoid the attack.
….. A few days later …..
"It's a good thing he was still so close to the closet, otherwise Brennan would've ripped him a new asshole."
Hodgins nodded his agreement and took the bowl from Angela so that he could stuff another handful of popcorn in his mouth. As he plucked a few stray kernels from his shirt, the horrific scene played out in high definition on the 60" plasma TV in his entertainment room. Hitting the rewind button, he replayed that last part where Booth squeaked like a little girl and darted for the closet. "God, I love that part. Wonder if I can edit that and use it as my screen saver at the lab."
Angela smacked him on the arm before cuddling into his side.
"Do you think they'll try again any time soon?"
"After what happened there, I think hell will have to freeze over first," Hodgins grinned and grabbed another handful of popcorn before rewinding it once again.
AN: Now it's time to say goodbye to all our company. G-E-T See you next story O-U-T Why? Because I appreciate your reviews. N-O-W! Get out now, get out now, and enjoy yourself here at this mystical, magical place I like to call the Bones Fandom. Teehee.