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Looking Forward, Looking Back


"You do realise this is all your fault?"

"My fault!" She shouted, "I fail to see how your complete ineptness is my fault."

"If you hadn't turned up it wouldn't have all turned to shite in a matter of seconds, I was handling the situation and you completely fucked it up."

"Handling it! They were going to kill you, if you were handling it any better you would be dead right now!"

"Yeah well I might as well be for all the good I'll be able to do now," coming closer, Draco leaned down, "I think it's mighty clear to them now what side I'm on, that my dear is how you fucked it up. If you hadn't come barrelling in there, ready to save me, I'd be some fricken use to the Order, I would be able to get inside information, but now... fucking impossible."

Staring unflinchingly into his eyes, "They were torturing you, probably two seconds away from the Killing Curse, and ending it all. I'm pretty bloody sure they were already aware of what side you were truly on, or do they do that as a form of greeting nowadays? Anyway, I really don't care if you can't go to them now, because given a choice as we are so rarely allowed lately, I'd pick a live useless you, over a dead spy."

"Well you may not get that lucky, seen as you painted a target on my back," running his hands through his hair, "Damn it Granger, what the hell were you doing there anyway?"

"I was keeping an eye on things, for more than a few good reasons I was nervous, proven right too. I wanted to be nearby if something went wrong, no one else wanted to be there, they all said you would be able to handle it, but I couldn't leave you there all alone..."

"So now I'm your pet? Your child? The new charity case? I knew this was a mistake," he spat, gesturing between them, before beginning to pace the floor. "We should have fucking waited till this was all over, it's going to bugger everything up, it's started already."

"Don't you dare, don't you bloody well dare. I wanted this, you wanted this, and I'm not waiting for this bloody war to be over till I did what I wanted for once, we have no idea what's going to happen, we have to take these chances now while we have the chance, not sit around waiting for this all to end, and maybe if we are lucky still be alive and able to pursue it."

"Well it may have just screwed everything up. Feelings get in the way, they confuse us, impare our judgement, and tonight it could have fucking killed us both," shaking his head, "Waiting in this case wouldn't be a bad bloody idea."

"Please don't," she whispered, "I need this, I need you, I need one good thing in all this destruction. We'll have to change things, but don't end this. It's the only good thing at the moment..."

The silence was exruciating, every second felt like forever. Till he spoke again, "I just need some time to myself to think, just give me that." Crossing the room, he kissed her forehead quickly, "I'll be back soon."

She just stood there nodding her head dumbly, her mind screaming that it was a bad idea to let him go, but knowing she couldn't stop him.

"Hermione, come on out of here."

Turning around she saw Harry standing behind her, "This isn't healthy at all, there is nothing else to see here, please come with me."

Shaking her head, she watched her memory of herself, slowly sit down on a chair, watching the door as if she was expecting him to walk in at any moment. "I know there isn't anything else, I don't know what else to do."

"He'll come back Hermione," he said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder, "Lets get of here." She reached back and took a hold of his hand for the ascent out of the pensieved memory. "I don't think you should go down there anymore, it's not helping you, it's making it worse."

"I need to do something Harry, it's been two months now, he said he'd be back soon," blinking her eyes rapidly, "I miss him. I want him back here, safe."

"I know you do," wrapping her in his arms, "We will find him, I promise."

"I just feel so useless," she cried into his shoulder, "There is nothing to go on, absolutely nothing, it's like he disappeared as soon as he stepped outside that door."

"Disgraceful blood traitors, shouldn't be here, dirtying the floor of..."

"Will someone shut her up!" And with Ron's screech from beside her, she jolted awake, wand in hand, ready to face whatever it was... in this case the portrait of Mrs. Black.

"Idiots," she muttered to herself, stalking out into the entryway, "What did you geniuses do this time to wake her up?" Waving her wand, she performed the spell to close the curtains before she saw her. That was a noise she really didn't need to hear today. "Well?" She asked raising an eyebrow at a sheepish Neville and a grinning twin.

"Seems Longbottom forgot to tie his laces this morning, and tripped over, grabbing the curtains as he fell," George laughed, "But no harm done."

"Is that right Neville?" She asked skeptically, Neville may be many things, but he wasn't the clumsy boy he used to be.

"Yeah, that's what happened. Should be more careful yeah?" He said quickly, blushing to the roots of his hair.

"Be for the best," she smiled, watching him turn and walk away. She then proceeded to grab George, and drag him into the kitchen. "What did you do to him?" She whispered fiercely.

"Nothing, you heard the boy, he tripped on his shoelaces," shaking his head, "Show a little faith in me Hermione, what would I do to Nev?"

"I don't know, but you'd do something, someone doesn't trip over their laces when they are wearing boots, pull-on boots."

"Uh, well didn't see that now did I?" Grinning at her, "It wasn't anything serious, and it was supposed to be Ronnie anyway."

Sighing to herself she ran her hands over her face, trying valiantly not to go off at George. As much as it annoyed her, their jokes and pranks did lighten the mood of the house, but today was not the day for it. Too many thoughts were running through her mind, too much to do. Add not nearly enough sleep to the mix, and even in her opinion she was a walking time bomb preparing to explode at any moment.

"Why don't you sit down Hermione," George said, "You don't look so good, I'll make you a cuppa hey?" He said ushering her over to the table.

"Just a cuppa?" She asked.

"Promise," he laughed, "Saving the good stuff for a special occasion, quite fond of the idea of Ronnie being..."

He stopped talking, and she jumped out of the chair as the floo lit up and out stumbled Hagrid, with what seemed to be a body in his arms. "Where's Molly?" He asked urgently.

"She's not here," George said quickly, "She's gone to the hospital to visit a few people, what is it? Who is that?"

"Malfoy," he said, "He was skulking around Hogsmeade, as soon as I got to him he clear collapsed."

Swallowing rapidly, "Let's take him upstairs, I'll do what I can till Mrs. Weasley gets back."

"Hermione... " George started.

"No George," she said firmly, "You heard Harry, you know what happened, now Hagrid follow me, and George you go tell everyone, but they are not to come up, only your mum. Okay?" She saw him nod his head rather reluctantly, "Thanks, come on Hagrid. We'll take him to the room near the washroom."

After Harry had ensured that Hermione was in fact going to actually rest upstairs instead of poring over more books in an effort to distract herself, he went into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. It seemed Ron had read his mind as he had just placed two steaming mugs on the table, sinking into a chair. He grabbed one, "Thanks mate," he sighed, taking a refreshing sip, still much too hot.

"How is she?" Ron asked.

"As well as she can be I suppose," he said, "I don't know what else we can do, there are absolutely no bloody leads, it's one dead end after another."

"We shouldn't even be worried about the bloody Ferret," Ron spat, Harry knew this wasn't the way they should be thinking.

"It doesn't matter what we think, or feel," he said, "He's important to Hermione, she won't be herself again till he's back, and we need her back, so it's essential that we find out what happened to him."

"Yeah, well you know I don't like it."

Harry knew perfectly well how Ron felt about it, he'd made it very clear after Malfoy had come to the house, and even more clear when he became friends with Hermione. It wasn't just that it was Malfoy, it was Hermione. She had told Ron that she didn't want to be with him as any more than a friend, Ron being Ron had taken it badly. So to see her so happy with Malfoy, and then so distraught when he was missing it hurt him a lot. He didn't say it so much, but it was written all over his face. Harry was pretty sure that Ron had loved Hermione, if he hadn't he was bloody close. He tried to be supportive, but he was wearing thin.

"You know, I think he's dead."

"Mate, come on..."

"Nah I do, I reckon Riddle got him, or one of his cronies and it was sayonara Malfoy."

Harry shook his head, "He wouldn't do it like that. If he got and has, or had Malfoy he'd want us to know. He would have let us know somehow, he'd do something public, make it known."


"To rub it in, he knows Malfoy and Hermione had something between them, he knows how smart Hermione is, and he'd take the most enjoyment from making her suffer, making her useless to help us," Harry put his mug on the table, "He knows what makes people tick, he may be immune to love and all that, but he knows others weaknesses and for us that in a way is Hermione's love for Malfoy. He'd be playing it right to his advantage."

"But he isn't," Ron said.

"So he doesn't have him," Harry said getting up, "And that's a bloody good thing. For Hermione at least."

"No! No bloody way!"


"I don't even know why you are bloody well considering this, letting him join the Order, spying on them," he spat, "we all know how well that went last time around. Or has you forgotten what happened with Snape?"

Harry jumped out of his seat, "No Ron, I don't think I'll ever forget what happened, none of us with, but this will be different, can't you see that? Who would suspect a Malfoy to turn on Voldemort? Bloody hell Ron, that's his name - Voldemort! Get over it!"

"But it's Malfoy for fuck sake, I can't believe you think we should trust him, he'd stab as in the back all the while smiling at us, trying to tell us he is on our side."

"We have to trust him, without Snape anymore we are flying blinder than we normally are, and without Dumbledore..." taking a deep breath, "without Dumbledore we need all the help we can get to end this thing and if that means taking Malfoys help then that's what we are going to do."

"I don't trust him, you can't expect me to just step aside and become all buddy buddy with him."

"Hell no mate, I won't be in the same room any longer than I have to be, but you have to understand that he is vital to what we need to do," Harry reasoned, "And you heard what Moody said before, he trusts him, and we all know what it's like to get Moody to trust someone. If we don't trust Malfoy, we should at least trust Moody's judgment."

"Are you boys done?" They turned and saw Hermione standing in the doorway, "We should go talk to Malfoy."

"Yeah alright," Harry said. "Let's get it over with."

As they started climbing the stairs, "Why do you trust him Hermione?" Ron asked, "You out of all of us have more reason to hate Malfoy, but you laid down the welcome mat first."

"I'm not sure really," she sighed, "It's just that he came to us of his own free will, he's all alone now, everything he ever loved has been taken away from him. And wants to help us for all the right reasons, he wants to get rid of Voldemort pure and simple. We need him on our side, but not as much as he needs to be on our side."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry asked.

"He needs to make amends for what he did and what he nearly did, and this is the way it must be done." Knocking on the door to his room, "Don't make this anymore difficult than it is for him okay?" Looking at them to make sure they both were in agreement, "he's on our side remember."

spyingMalfoyTo be continued, please leave me some feedback:)