The Birds and the Bumblebees

by Marisa

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I do not own Transformers or any of its related characters. All characters are (c) Hasbro and Takara.

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"Attention, Autobots," Prime's voice blared over the intercom, and everyone in the Ark looked up with interest. Bumblebee, who had been walking down a hallway, glanced up at the nearest speaker. Their commander's voice was a little too calm for it to be a Decepticon attack, so he wondered what would merit a shipwide call.

"Sideswipe has requested that I inform everyone that last night, Spike lost his virginity somewhere near the medbay." There was a short pause. "If anyone finds it, please return it to him. That is all."

The intercom clicked and went dead. At that precise moment, an anguished scream echoed through the Ark, in a voice that was unmistakably Spike's. Poor guy, Bumblebee thought with a sigh. Whatever a...'virginity' was, Spike must really have missed it. He frowned, turning on his heel to go find his friend. Maybe if he asked what it looked like, he could... no, reminding him of his loss would just make it worse. I'll just find another human and ask them, the minibot decided. No harm in that. He turned again to make his way back to the control room.

Speak of the Devil! Bumblebee's thoughts echoed something Sparkplug had once said. There, trudging down the hallway, was Carly! Though her hand was covering her face quite well, Bumblebee could see that her gaze was locked to the floor. Stepping forward and giving a little wave, he greeted her cheerfully. "Hey, Carly!"

The girl froze mid-step, parting two fingers to gaze up at him with one eye. "Hello, Bumblebee," she muttered. There was hesitation in her voice, but she was obviously trying to sound cheerful. "What's up?"

Bumblebee crouched down, gazing at her curiously. "Do you know what a virginity looks like?"

Carly went visibly rigid, and let out a quick, soft hiss. "Not... exactly." She shuffled her feet a bit. Bumblebee's optics widened in confusion. Why was she acting so strange over this? It was almost as if his friend was hiding something. It's not like Carly wasn't Spike's friend, too -- she'd help the boy if he needed it, wouldn't she?

"Well," Bumblebee started, "is there anything you can tell me about it? I was thinking, maybe I could help find it. Do you know someone else that has one?"

Carly was shaking. She pulled her hand away from her eyes, letting it slide down over her mouth. Her face was an odd shade of pink. "I... used to have one," she began, "but I lost it long before I met Spike." She coughed and took a sudden interest in her shoes, kicking the metal floor a few times.

Bumblebee winced at her words. "So virginities are easy to lose, I guess?"

The girl snorted at that. "You could say that." Her hand went back over her eyes again. Why was she acting so strangely? "Look, Bumblebee, you're being sweet and everything, but could you just forget about that whole announcement?"

"I was just trying to help. Spike sounded pretty broken up about it."

Carly shook her head. "Trust me, Bumblebee... he's not going to miss it. Look, I've got to go, I'll see you around." With that, she turned on her heel and strode down the hallway, turning off at the first branch she came to. Bumblebee stared after her. Why had the girl seemed so nervous? Just watching her had unnerved the minibot. With a sigh, he quietly made his way in the other direction, toward the control room.

Turning a corner, he was surprised to see two Lamborghinis -- one red, one yellow -- speeding toward him, skidding around the corner with ease and zooming down toward another end of the hallway. Bumblebee stared after them for a moment, and was about to turn away when the yellow one suddenly U-turned and bolted straight toward him.

Sunstreaker shifted into robot mode without stopping, using the inertia from his speed and the transformation to do a quick flip in the air, landing gracefully on his feet. "Hey there, Bumblebee!" He said cheerfully, leaning on the wall, "You hear the announcement about Spike?" Just behind the yellow Lamborghini, his red twin Sideswipe was speeding back and transforming as well.

"Yeah, I heard." Bumblebee glanced over at Sideswipe with a frown. "How'd you know about that, anyway?"

Sideswipe grinned. "Went looting through Red Alert's security files. Found a really fun report on some strange activity near the medbay last night." He chuckled. "So, Bee, did you find Spike's virginity?"

Bumblebee shook his head. "I just talked to Carly, she said he wouldn't miss it." He shrugged. "She and Spike are pretty close, I figured she'd know."

Sunstreaker's hand moved to his chest, making a face like he'd been struck through the energon pump with a sharp, hot spear. "Oh, Bumblebee..." he gasped, his face filled with shock and guilt, "Though Prime didn't say anything about it... so of course you wouldn't know, then..."

The minibot blinked. "What? Know what?"

The yellow twin opened his mouth as if to reply, but stopped when Sideswipe placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't, Sunny. He cares for Carly so much, can we really incriminate his friend?"

Incriminate? Alarms in Bumblebee's mind went off. She had been acting strange, after all...

Sunstreaker placed his hand on Sideswipe's. "He's so close to Spike, poor thing has a right to know!" He looked back down at Bumblebee. "This may be hard to swallow, little guy, but Carly was the one who took Spike's virginity."

Bumblebee's optics widened in shock and realization. Of course. Everything was falling into place now -- Carly had been much too quick to dismiss Spike's loss, and she had refused to make eye contact out of guilt and shame of her crime. Why, she even had a motive-- hadn't she said she'd lost her own virginity before even meeting the boy? "How dare she," Bumblebee growled, taking a running start down the hallway where he'd seen Carly leave. He transformed mid-step, tires spinning at full speed before he even hit the ground. There was a loud squeak as he swerved around the corner, speeding down the hallway in a rage. He had trusted her, been her friend! How long had she been planning to betray them, to steal from Spike? From the beginning? With a quick sensory glance around, he shifted back into robot mode and stormed into Wheeljack's lab. Sparkplug was there with Wheeljack, and that... that... speak of the Devil, indeed!

"CARLY!!" He snarled, snatching the girl up with two hands without so much as a warning, "You little thief!"

She looked absolutely dumbfounded. Sparkplug and Wheeljack started forward with cries of protest. Bumblebee leaned in closer to his captive, optics narrowing dangerously. "I can't believe I ever trusted you," he growled.

"Bumblebee, what the hell are you talking about?" Carly snapped, struggling to free herself, "Let me go!"

"No! You... you traitor!! Just because you can't find your own virginity doesn't mean you have any right to go and steal Spike's!"

A heavy silence fell over the room suddenly. Carly turned bright red. She glanced down at Sparkplug -- whose expression was swiftly going from horrified to greatly, greatly amused -- before her gaze met with Bee's once more, and she bowed her head. "You caught me."

"So you admit it! You worm, I ought to--"

"Bumblebee!" Sparkplug's voice cut through, and he stepped forward, waving his arm as if to flag him down. The man was grinning ear to hear, visibly (and not really successfully) trying to stifle laughter. "Bumblebee, put her down and let's talk."

"But she--"

"Put her down. We'll get this settled, don't worry."

The yellow robot hesitated, but finally released Carly back on the ground. Sparkplug nodded in approval. "Tell you what, Bee," he started, "I was gonna have Wheeljack take me to the hardware store to get some more supplies -- but how about you take me instead?" He motioned back to Wheeljack, who seemed quite intent on not getting involved in this situation. "That way, Jack won't have to interrupt his work."

Bumblebee hesitated. "All right," he muttered, folding down into a Volkswagen Beetle, and offered Sparkplug the driver's seat with a graciously open door. Before climbing in, he went to Carly and wrapped her in a bear hug.

"I'm never gonna live this down," she moaned.

"You're gonna be fine," Sparkplug grinned and pulled away, "Spike's the one who got his name broadcast all over the base." He laughed, climbing into the Beetle. "Come on, Bee, there are some things I think I need to clarify for you..."

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"Spike!"

It was hours later, after the trip to the hardware store. Bumblebee found the boy sulking in his room, head in his hands, feet swinging idly over the edge of his bed. The minibot strolled in with a light smile. "Hey there, buddy."

Spike looked up, scowling. "I swear to God, next Autobot who asks me what a virginity is--"

Bumblebee laughed. "Relax, your dad explained everything to me."

"...Everything?" The boy looked at him skeptically. "You're sure?"

Grinning, the Beetle shrugged. "Maybe not everything," he mused, "but he answered all my questions. As an added bonus, I did get a rather informative play-by-play of the night you were conceived." He laughed at that, especially when Spike's eye twitched. "Want me to repeat it to you?"

"No!" Spike gasped, "N-No, I'm good."

There was silence after that. Spike shifted uncomfortably, and Bumblebee put his hand around his friend's body, pulling him close for a hug. "You, uh... you really care about Carly, huh?"

Spike turned pink, smiling a bit. "Yeah."

"Congratulations, then. For, uh... you know." Bumblebee made a coughing noise, a nervous reflex he'd picked up on Earth. "Your dad and I made a quick stop on the way back from the hardware store," he added, handing the boy a box. "He wanted me to give these to you. Sort of a present, I guess."

The pink -- and every other color in Spike's face -- drained almost instantly as he stared down at the box of condoms. "Uh... thanks," he mumbled, his voice slowly fading away to silence. The room was completely still, until Bumblebee picked up his friend and hugged him a little more closely. "Don't worry, Spike. No matter what happens, I'll be here for you." He set Spike down, and put a hand on Spike's shoulder and continued. "Like, say, if you ever felt like going to maul the twins for embarrassing you..."

"You'd be with me a hundred percent?"

"A hundred and ten."

Spike grinned. "Well, what are we waiting for?" He stood up, kicking the condoms under his bed. "Come on, let's go root through Red's security files!"