Author's Note: This is in response to the Sycophant Hex Dirty Dozen Challenge. The words to be used are: hippogriff balloon, pot of tea, fluffy slippers, fireworks, ice, spell gone wrong, lace, diary, baby, water, vibrator. I hope you enjoy my tail. If there are things wrong, let me know, I haven't received the story back from the beta yet and I really wanted to post it.

It was the most glorious morning I had ever seen. The virgin snow lay prettily on the ground, untouched by the little devils of Hogwarts no doubt soon to be throwing snowballs and making snow angels.

Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and slipped into my fluffy slippers. I scuffled my way to the loo and relieved my aching bladder. I pulled up my lace panties and took stand in front of my mirror; "My dear, it looks as if you've been run over by a hippogriff!" my mirror spoke to me. I promptly told the mirror to sod off and splashed water onto my face, washing the rest of the gunk that had accumulated on my face during the night.

Scuffling some more I decided it was time for a pot of tea and made my way to the kitchen. I really do not know why I did what I did last night. It was rather stupid of me, if a bit childish. I should just rummage up some of my Gryffindor courage and told him how I felt. I did not have to go that route…What route? Let me tell you what route.

It was Hogwarts' Halloween Ball; all students were in attendance as well as all teachers, including myself, the new transfigurations teacher. For some ungodly reason, I decided that Halloween was going to be the night that I told Severus Snape, the killer of Albus Dumbledore, Death Eater and all around not so friendly Head of Slytherin, that I wanted to have lots of sex and a baby. I thought I would play it cool and float a balloon over to him, one that said to follow me out to the rose garden.

I paced about for a good hour, sipping the punch and very charmingly choked on a piece of ice. Now was better than ever, but I opted out on the balloon. Instead I walked over to him and told him I thought I seen a few students head out towards to rose bushes, he swept past me and I hurried to catch up to him. Once we reached the rose garden, we looked for the students, but I knew there wasn't any.

"Severus," I spoke his given name in the barest of whispers, "there aren't any students out here, and I wanted to only give you this." I handed him my diary, turning my back on him, I bit my lip in anticipation of the coming rejection.

"Professor Granger, what is the meaning of this?" Without turning to face him, I told him, "Those are my feelings for you; I want to be with you. I know you probably don't want anything to do with me, but I had to let you know how I felt."

"How exactly is 'A Spell Gone Wrong' essay, telling me you love me?" I whipped around quickly, "What? Let me see that!" My face reddened, my eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. It was not my diary, but the notebook I transcribe the best essays in classes, the ones that have potential for being published. Why did I have to pick a journal that resembles my diary?

"Professor Granger, why you are correct I do not harbor those kinds of feelings for you, I do not dislike you. I would be willing to see you outside of Hogwarts, only if you agree to come directly to me and not beat around the bush if you have something to say to me. Agreed?"

Still red like a lobster I nodded.

"Very well then, when you are ready, please feel free to inform me on what you would like to do. You know how to get in touch with me. In the meantime, however, I want you to use this; you are much too intense. Close you eyes and hold out you hand.'

I gave him a small smile and closed my eyes, holding out my hands. I felt him place something in my hand and he pressed a smile kiss to my forehead, by that touch alone, I felt fireworks plume out from that spot and cascade down my body. I heard his footsteps retreating and him telling me to open my eyes.

My jaw dropped to the ground, "A vibrator?" All I heard was him laughing.

That is how I ended up the way I am right now. I came back to my room, fished out a strong brandy, and drowned myself in it, retching a few times, and making use of the vibrator. I guess its true what the docs say, orgasms are always good for tension relief.