DC: I do not own Harry Potter. Nor to I claim too seeing as I have a chronic fear of lawyers.


Mild Sirius/Remus slash. Nothing gross just mentions of it maybe a sexual gag here or there.

Prank called

Harry Potter was bored. Very bored.

Sirius Black was bored. Very bored.

Remus Lupin was reading a book. A good book. He sighed heavily as he watched his lover and his best friend's son lie apathetically on the sofa. "Remmie I'm bored." Sirius groaned.

"Well, find a way to entertain yourself." Remus said not looking up from his book. A long stretch of silence followed as Sirius lazily prodded Harry with his foot. The fifteen year old groaned in annoyance but did nothing otherwise.

"Remmie, I'm too lazy to entertain myself." Sirius groaned again. Remus sighed. It was times like this he wondered why he was in love with Sirius. Surely he could find another werewolf accepting gay guy that would be less of a hassle. He looked at Sirius, whose long black hair was splayed about while wearing a lazily buttoned shirt opened a little at the top revealing dark hair. Remus smiled to himself and remembered how Sirius told him he loved him. He was sitting just like that in the common room in their seventh year. Randomly (very randomly) he announced that Remus turned him on and he wanted nothing more then to shag him.

It was tense for a few weeks afterwards.

Remus's thoughts were cut short with another groan. This time from the boy who lived. "Remus, Sirius won't stop kicking me." Remus looked up again. Sirius wasn't really kicking Harry per-say, he was more nudging him with his foot in the ribs.

"Sirius, behave."

"But why?" Sirius whined.

"Find something to do." Remus said going back to his book. Sirius's face lit up. He leaned over and whispered something to Harry and then both of them ran off only to return with the speaker phone. Remus watched with horrified curiosity as they dialed a random number.

"Hello?" The voice hissed on the other line. Remus arched an eyebrow.

"Hi, am I speaking with the head of the household?"

"Yes, what the hell do you want damn it?" the man on the other line demanded.

"Do you have pop in a can?" Sirius asked as Harry shook with silent laughter. Remus sweat dropped and sighed. There was a silence.

"Hold on." He snapped. They could hear cursing in the background as the sound of a refrigerator door could be heard opening. "Yes."

"Well you'd better let him out what kind of a son are you?" suddenly the two burst into laughter.

"Wha…YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! YOU THINK YOU'RE CUTE BUT YOUR NOT! WORMTAIL! MY WAND! WE'VE GOT SOME KILLING TO DO!" Sirius and Harry hung up quickly and rolled on the floor laughing.

"Guys you can't just prank call Voldemort!" Remus cried. "What is wrong with you?"

"Everything love." Sirius replied finishing his laughing. He dialed a number again.


"Hi, I'm looking for a man named Homosexual, first name Ima." Sirius said convincingly.

"Ima Homosexual!" the man called. "PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR LORD! Now, any of you minons, Ima Homosexual, anyone." He stopped as he heard laughing. "ITS YOU AGAIN! LISTEN WHEN I FIND YOU I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU TO SHREDS!"

Sirius and Harry began to laugh hysterically. Remus paled. "Guys, you'll get in so much trouble for this."

Sirius and Harry dialed another number.

"He-Hello?" a voice squeaked.

"Hello," Harry said professionally. "May I ask your name?"

"P-P-Peter P-P-P-Pettegrew." Peter squeaked.

"By any chance to you work for a Lord Voldemort?" Harry asked. Remus watched in horror and Sirius watched in tears of laughter.

"My Lord! Someone is on the telephone for you!"


"Oh," Harry said in a fake girly voice. "I was answering your want ad."

"What?" Voldemort asked dryly.

"Yes, short midget looking for love?" Harry said brightly.

"No," Voldemort growled.

"Are you sure? Oh well, thanks anyway, but maybe you could help me, I'm looking for someone named Neonehavesexwithme, first name Willa."

"Fine, hold on. Loyal death eaters, I'm looking for someone." Voldemort announced. "Will anyone have sex with me?" everyone laughed. "SERIOUSLY YOU BASTARDS WILL ANYONE HAVE SEX WITH ME?" Voldemort blinked. "DAMN YOU PRANKERS, WHEN I RULE THE WORLD YOUR DEATH WILL BE SLOW AND PAINFUL!" he slammed the phone back down. Harry and Sirius rolled on the floor laughing.

"My I.Q just dropped." Remus groaned walking out of the room for a cup of tea. He shook his head. "Will they ever grow up?"

1 week later

"Latest news." Severus said standing in the order meeting. "The dark lord is on the look out for some very rude callers." Everyone murmured.

"Hey Snape," Sirius said suddenly.


"Is your hot water running?"

"I suppose so why?" he demanded thinking this was hardly the time for stupid questions.

"Well you'd better catch it before it's gone. You could use a bath." Sirius cracked. Everyone snorted behind their parchment and some laughed behind their hands.

"MOVING ON!" Snape yelled startling anyone.

"Biggreasygitsayswhat?" Sirius said quickly.


Sirius started laughing hysterically along with a few other members. "So you admit it then," he laughed. "That you're a git." Severus rolled his eyes and continued. Sirius scribbled something on his parchment. He wasn't done. Not by a longshot.


There you go a bit of three a.m insanity. I didn't really have a good way to end it.