Lips of An Angel II: Love Ever After?
Chapter Eight: Explanations Part Two
Pairing: Olivia/Casey, some Olivia/Alex (eventually)
Disclaimer: Not mine...blah blah blah…you know the drill. Dick owns 'em I'm just borrowing them to have a little fun.
Sequel to Lips of an Angel.You have to read that story to really understand this one..
Notes: Takes place about five years or so after Alex went into WPP. Elliot got a promoting and is now Captain of SVU since Cragen retired. (Don't worry he still helps out the squad) Olivia got a promoting as well and is now Detective Sergeant (But her job really hasn't changed, if that makes sense). Fin and Munch both have the same job only because they're really laid back and don't care (don't hate me for that if you're a Fin or Munch fan) Everything else should be explained in the up coming chapters but if you're at all confused feel free to e-mail me or whatever and I'll try to explain everything for you.
Summary: Now that Alex is coming back Olivia has to choose. Who will it be? Casey and the Baby? Or Alex Cabot?
Taking a deep breath and looking over at Elliot for encouragement Olivia slowly raised her fist to knock on the door of her house. She waited nervously with her heart pounding in her chest for the door to open, Elliot picked up on his best friend's jitters and put a relaxing had on her shoulder. Liv could hear foot steps approaching the door from the other side, the lock clicked and the silver knob turned before the door opened. Liv looked up in expectation of finding Casey in front of her but was sadly disappointed when she came face to face with a very irritated Justine.
"What the fuck are you doing here? Haven't you caused enough pain?" The pissed off doctor growled.
"I need to talk to Casey," Olivia softly asked while raising her eyes up to the brunette.
Justine laughed harshly and shook her head at the broken detective. "She doesn't want to talk to you. Haven't you put her through enough?" Justine harshly whispered so not to alert Casey to her guests.
Olivia sighed heavily and stepped closer to Justine, she looked up at the doctor with a cold gaze and forcefully spoke. "No. I came to apologize and explain my actions."
"Let her talk to Casey now, Justine." Elliot said as he stepped up next to Olivia. Justine merely looked at him before looking back at Olivia with a sneer. "No."
"Jussie?" Came a soft and hoarse voice from the taller doctor, Justine turned and walked towards Casey. "Case, go back to bed you need to get some rest." Justine explained softly. "No. I heard Elliot at the door, I want to speak to him so just let him..." Casey trailed off as she looked towards the door and her eyes landed on Olivia. "Liv." She whispered as she wrapped her arms around her body and stepped back.
Olivia looked up at her and flinched when she saw the purple bruise on the blonde's beautiful face, Casey noticed Olivia's look and turned away. "Casey..." Olivia brushed past Justine and to Casey's side. "Casey, sweetheart I am so sorry." Olivia lifted her hand to turn the blonde's face towards but Casey pulled away and stepped back.
"Are you, Olivia?" Casey asked threw her teeth and looked up coldly at her wife.
"Yes, Casey. I'm so sorry about everything. I know I've fucked up so bad and now I'm ready to fix everything. Please believe me, Case. I'm going to fix things starting now." Olivia stepped close to Casey and moved to embrace her but the blonde shoved her back. "Don't you fucking touch me." Olivia stepped back with a pained expression on her face as Casey looked up at her in hatred. "Don't you think for a second that you can come here and apologize so everything would be fine because it won't! You hurt me Olivia, I put my trust and love in you and you just threw it away for her!"
"I know, Casey and it kills me that I hurt you but I'm here to fix everything. Please sweetheart let me explain." Olivia begged as she reached out to her wife. Casey looked up towards Justine, who didn't look to happy, and to Elliot, who gave her a reassuring smile. Sighing heavily, Casey looked back at Olivia and then towards the living room. "We can talk alone in the living room. Jussie, you can either go or just stay but do not interrupt us. I know you have it out for Liv but I need to hear her out. Ok?" Justine nodded dejectedly and headed into the kitchen with Elliot following. Casey turned and started into the living room with Olivia following. The blonde walked over to the couch and took a seat, she picked up her bear that was at the foot of the couch and hugged him to her chest. Olivia smiled softly at the sight and took a seat in one of the chairs across from Casey. Olivia nervously wrung her hands as she and Casey sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity.
"Why, Olivia? I think I deserve to know that much." Casey said harshly after the long period of silence.
"You do deserve to know, Case and I don't know why I didn't tell you sooner." Olivia began slowly. " I haven't figured everything out but I believe I figured out enough of what has caused my behavior and my unfaithfulness. I never wanted this to happen, never in my wildest nightmares have I ever wanted to hurt you or my son."
"Could have fooled me." Casey huffed with a glare.
Olivia buried her face in her hands in shame. She swore she wouldn't get angry that she would handle this in a calm and civil manner. But if Casey wanted to scream and yell to vent whatever she was holding in then Olivia would allow that. "Five weeks ago, Casey I couldn't imagine my life without you and my son. I was happy beyond my wildest dreams, I wanted to spend my life with you. But then Alex came back and everything fell apart. I planned on telling her that I had moved on, that I was happy and in love with a woman that has made my life amazing and is giving my the one thing I dreamed about having- a loving and complete family. But everything happened so fast and I didn't know how to stop it, all these emotions and problems came into view and I was just helpless." Olivia whispered the last part and looked up at Casey with pained eyes. Liv wasn't one to admit when she felt helpless or vulnerable so if the off chance that she did came up then she meant it. Casey caught the pain in her wife's eyes and looked away, she closed her eyes and bit her lip to keep from taking Liv in her arms. She wanted to be mad at Olivia not break down and tell her everything was ok at the first moment the brunette shows any type of pain or weakness.
"That doesn't change the fact that you hurt me and broke my heart and trust, Olivia. So right about now I don't care what you felt." Casey said harshly.
"I know and I'm not looking to give you an excuse because there is none for what I've don't to you. I messed up and its really confusing to me, so confusing that I don't know how to explain it. I don't know what happened it just did and it happened fast. I hate my self for what I've done to you, to my son, my friends, myself. This kills me Casey because I hurt you and for the life of me I don't know why." Tears fell from Olivia's eyes and her voice choked up. "I was going to tell Alex everything the very next day, the night after we, Alex and I..." Liv couldn't bring herself to say the words.
"The night you fucked her while your son and I sat at home waiting for you." Casey growled in disgust causing Olivia to cringe and close her eyes tightly.
"Casey...please let me finish." Olivia pleaded, Casey merely nodded in a pissed off manner. "I was going to tell Alex, really I was but when I got to the precinct I had a message from Don." Olivia stopped and took a deep breath, she looked up Casey through her tears. "He found my father, Case. After that everything collapse and I had no idea what to do. I went to Alex when I should have gone to you and I don't know why I did. This knowledge cause a whirlwind of emotions and confusion in me and I had no fucking idea what to do so I went to Alex. I guess she was just a way to forget or something I don't know. I went to her for the comfort that I should gone to you for and I took my anger and the worst emotions out on you. And that in its self is unforgivable." Olivia stopped and rubbed a hand over her tear streaked face. "I don't know how to explain everything better than this because I haven't figured it out. I need help, Casey, I understand that and I've already made and appointment with George. I'm ready to get my life back together and fix everything. I want to be the Olivia I was before all this, I just want everything to be like it was."
Casey shook her head slowly and glanced around her living room. "That doesn't explain anything, Olivia. That doesn't explain why you left me for her. Why you don't feel that you're fit to be a mother."
Olivia nodded solemnly, "I don't feel fit to be a mother because I'm afraid I'll turn out like my mother. Look at what I've already done. I've hurt you emotionally and physically." Liv said as she gestured to the bruise on Casey's cheek, the blonde slowly reached up to touch the swelling cheek. "That tells you that I'm not fit to be a mother. I have fears that I'll be like my mother and hurt those I love...or those I should love. I have fears that I'll be like him, my father, too. He did evil things, Casey. I thought I've seen it all in my time with SVU but what I've seen doesn't compare to what he's done to children and women. He truly is evil and I'm afraid that's what I'll turn out to be. Mix what my mother was like to that and I have no hope that I won't turn out like them."
Casey shook her head to keep from flipping out on the detective. "You aren't your mother or you father, Olivia. You're the greatest woman and cop that I've ever known and you'll make a great mother. You can't hide behind the two people that you hate actions and the way they are or were. That's being a coward and that's one thing I was sure you weren't but I guess I was wrong. You're not the person I fell in love with and married, Olivia, now I don't know what you are or who you are. And I have a fear too Olivia, I fear that you'll never be even close to who or what you were and that we'll never be how we were." Casey felt tears prick her eyes and she quickly moved to rub them away, she got up and walked over to the fireplace and looked down into the hot coals. "I love you, Olivia and I'll never stop but I don't think I can be with you...ever" Casey whispered with pain as her tears finally dropped down her cheeks.
Olivia looked up at Casey in horror and pain. "Casey please...don't do this."
"You've already done it! You've already ruined our marriage and my life, Olivia! I have to do this because I can't wait around for you, I have to think about my son and what he needs. I have to start moving on." Casey stated numbly.
"So that's it! I give you my explanation and tell you that I'm getting help to fix everything I've done and you still want to leave me!" Olivia said in angry as she jumped up from her seat.
"It was barely an explanation, Olivia! I can't wait around for you to figure out what you need and when you need it, I have to move on for my son its what he needs."
"He needs me, he needs his other mom. Please Casey." Olivia begged and she stepped up next to the blond.
Casey whipped around angrily to face Olivia. "You're what he needs? Not five minutes ago you were telling me you didn't think you were fit to be a mother! Now you tell me he needs you! Yeah he needs to be around an unstable, confused, mother that doesn't know what she wants! You can't make up your mind, one minute you want one thing the next you don't. You're unstable and confused that's not safe for my son, you're not fit right now to be in his life."
Olivia stepped back at the angry in Casey's voice, tears streamed down her cheeks and her chest tighten in pain. "So, so that's it. You're going to take everything away from me, take my son, my family away from me. Everything I've worked for and dreamed about you're just going to take it and walk away from me. I thought you loved me." Olivia asked through her constricting throat and her tears pouring down her cheeks.
"I do love you, I'll never stop but the love I have for you isn't as strong as the love I have for my child and I need to do what's best for him."
"Oh and what's best for him is to not know who I am, for you to be a single mother!"
Casey calmly looked up at Olivia. "I'm not taking him from you completely, you'll still see him and be part of his life. He just won't be around you all the time. This is the best thing for all of us, Liv please understand that I'm doing what's best for my son."
"Our son! He's mine too!" Olivia yelled.
"I don't fucking get you, Olivia! You said you didn't want him, you didn't want to be in his life!" Casey screamed back.
"That doesn't mean I want you to take him from me completely!"
"I'm not! You'll still see him! Its what's best. A divorce and space is what we need, I need, he needs." Casey brushed past Olivia and sat back on the couch.
"You say you love me, Casey and yet you're doing this." Olivia calmly said as she leaned against the mantle of the fireplace and looked at the blonde with teary eyes.
"You say you love me and yet you were unfaithful, you loved another." Casey said back. "I'm doing this because I love you and because I love my son. Its what he needs, I need, and you need. In order to figure out what you need you can't have any strings and I'm one of those strings." Casey stopped to gather how she was going to explain what she wanted next. "If you figure out that your son and I are what you really what and you figure out what you want in life. Then we'll be waiting but we won't wait forever, Liv. Just worry about yourself for now and figure out what you want."
Olivia hung her head and pushed off the mantle to walk back to her seat. "So...this is it. The end of the line then, our marriage is over." Olivia whispered with a heavy breath.
"Yes but if you need anything, Olivia I'm still here for you but it can't be anything more than that. I still want to be part of your life, I still want our son to be part of your life and we still want you to be part of our lives but that's as far as it can go until you figure your life out." Casey explained sincerely.
"If I ever figure out my life and what I want." Olivia said sadly.
"I never wanted this to happen but it has to. Just worry about you and fixing your life that's all you need right now."
Olivia looked up at Casey with her tear streaked cheeks. "What happened to us, Casey? To me?" She asked painfully. Casey saw her pain and moved to kneel in front of her soon to be ex-wife, gently she reached up to cup Olivia's face and wipe away her tears. "I don't know, you have to figure that out." Olivia looked into Casey's eyes and cupped the blonde's face, Casey brought a hand up to cover one of Liv's she tuned her head slightly to place a tender kiss to the palm of the brunette's hand. "I am so sorry." Olivia whispered. Casey looked up in to Olivia's smokey brown eyes. "I know, I am too but this has to happen. I love you always will but this is the only way." Olivia nodded and dropped her head to rest her forehead against Casey.
"I love you, Casey." Liv whispered as she softly ran her thumb over Casey plush lips.
"I know part of you does and right now I'm sure that's the most I'm going to get."
"We both are but its what's meant to be right now, don't dwell on it. Just do what you have to do, Livvy." Casey said as she ran one hand threw Olivia's messy locked, Liv turned her head in to the sensation before looking back down at Casey with tears in her eyes. Casey brought her hand back down to Liv's cheeks and brushed away Olivia's tears with her thumbs. Licking her now dry lips Casey looked up into Olivia's eyes with her own tear brimmed green ones. Olivia searched the teary green eyes of the woman she loved before slowly dipping her head, Casey realized what she was doing but didn't stop her. Both woman's eyes softly closed as their lips met for the final time, Casey moved her arms up to wrap around the brunette's neck as the kiss deepened and Olivia pulled the blonde closed as the kiss escalated. After what seemed like an eternity of being locked in their passionate final kiss Casey pulled away first and placed a kiss to Olivia's forehead before pulling back and standing. She turned her back to Olivia and wrapped her arms around her body.
"I think you should go now." Casey said without turning around, Olivia nodded and rose to walked out. Before she could leave the room though she looked back and moved swiftly to stand behind Casey. The blonde felt her presents and closed her eyes to keep from breaking down. Taking a deep breath, Olivia slid her arms around Casey and rested her hands on her swollen belly. "I love you and I love him that's why I'm doing what you ask and walking away but I still want to be part of his and even your life." Olivia whispered into Casey's ear and pulled the blonde closed to her, taking a deep breath she breathed in Casey's sent one last time and rubbed her wife's belly for a final time. Gently Olivia pulled away and turned to walk out of the living room. "Call me if you need anything please." With that said Olivia left the room and the house.
Casey heard the front door close almost signally the closing of her heart and future, she could no longer keep the tears and sobs at bay and she collapsed. Justine, who was ease dropping on the conversation, quickly rushed into the room and took Casey into her arms. Jussie glanced to the living room door way where Elliot was standing she nodded to him and head headed out to find his partner. Justine looked down at the sobbing blonde in her arms, she ran her fingers threw Casey's gold locks and rest her cheek against the crown of the blonde's head. Gently she whispered soothing words to Casey and rocked her back and forth to calm her.
Elliot found Olivia leaning against the passenger side of his car, her head was in her hands and her shoulders shook slightly from her sobs. Quietly he walked over to lean against the car next to her and wait for her to speak. Without warning Olivia turned to him and buried her face in his shoulder and cried, Elliot brought his strong arms up to wrap around Liv's shaking and sobbing body.
"Its over Elliot, no matter what I do its over. Casey doesn't want me anymore and I don't know what scares me the most; the fact she doesn't want me or the idea that maybe I don't want her and that I can live without her. God Elliot this is so fucked up." She sobbed.
Elliot wrapped his arms tighter around Liv. "Shhh, Liv everything will be ok. Casey just needs sometime to process and figure out things for herself. This doesn't mean its over just give it and her time, this is hard for her too." He whispered against her head.
Olivia slowly nodded and rubbed her wet cheeks against Elliot's shirt. "Thank you, El for being here even though I was out of line the other day."
"Hey, I understand what you're going through to an extent. I had a lot of mixed emotions when Kathy wanted to leave me. You'll get through all this and figure out what you need, you just have to take little steps." Elliot said as Olivia pulled back from him.
"Little steps, I think I can do that." Olivia said running a hand threw her messy hair. "You'll be fine, Liv. No what do you say we go get something to eat and we can calm down a little or something. Ok?" Elliot suggested as he moved to the driver' side of his car. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Y'know I'm gonna need to look for a new place." Olivia said with a twinge of sadness as she got in the car and looked up at the house that she had planned to live in with her family.
"Let's not worry about that now. Little steps remember." Elliot reminded her as he started the car and pulled out of the driveway.
Olivia looked out the window and watched the house disappear behind her and the landscape move quickly before her eyes. "Little steps." She said to herself in sadness.
So how was that for an update? Sorry it took me so long to get this up but real life has been a bitch. I'll try and get the next chapter up ASAP. And for those awaiting for an update to Ignis Satus, I'm working on it and I should have a chapter up tomorrow afternoon/night. As for High School Style and Family Ties...that's an I don't know when they'll be up dated but I promise that they will within the next month and a half...two maximum. All of my previously typed up chapter to all of my stories have been lost so I have to type them again so that will take time so hang in there please. And everyone THANK YOU for the reviews on all my posted stories. You people are great!!!!