A Guide To Being A Dino Mama by Robert Muldoon

Foreword: Doctor Henry Wu apologizes for the things he wrote in 'How To Make Your Own Dinosaurs'. He assures me that he is appalled by the… vulgarities he wrote while he was drunk and says that he'll never drink tequila again. –Robert Muldoon

Indemnity Notice: InGen does not take responsibility for any accidents, injury, destruction of property, or death due the implementation of the guidelines in this manuscript.

WARNING: This manuscript is copyrighted, and copyright-infringers will be thrown into the Raptor Pit on Isla Nublar.


Let me start by saying that any sane person will NEVER care for any form of carnivorous dinosaur. Those dinosaurs are the most destructi… I mean interesting animals on this green (and polluted) Earth.

If you are not a lunatic, please throw this book away (or at least tear out the carnivore care sections – they are great for when you run out of toilet paper). The instructions in there will certainly lead to your death (or the death of your employees if you're a rich (not to mention mean) old fart who sits on a pile of cash and enjoys dressing in white all the time like some asylum patient).

With those kind words, let me lead you towards becoming a rotting corps… I mean a Dino Mama. Those buggers really get more love than they deserve (Bah!) whereas I'm still a bachelor. Go Figure.

Happy Dino Mama'ing,

Robert Muldoon