Carnivore Care

OH MY GOD! YOU'RE ACTUALLY READING THIS, YOU DUMB FUCK!

All I can say about carnivorous dinosaurs is that they're killing machines that have been romanticized soooooo much that they're practically Mary Sues. Bleargh!

Diet

There is no need to elaborate on how to feed them. Did you hear a clicking noise? Turn around. OH MY GOD, AN ADULT VELOCIRAPTOR! ARGH! GET THE CHAINSAW, TONY! ARGH!

IT BIT ME, THE …………

section censored due to profanity

Habitat

No need for you to know. They'll be living in a jar of formaldehyde if I had my way with a certain miserly fart interfering with every single one of my attempts to purge the world of these buggers.

"Crikey, John Hammond! That spino's gonna eat you!"

"Shoot it! What do I pay you for?"

"It's an expensive animal…."

"HOLY FU……"

HAHAHAHA screw you, Johnny old bitc…..

Mating

…………… No one knows, and no one wants to find out………

Hygiene

Refer to Mr. Cheapshit's note in Herbivore Care

-Robert Muldoon

Handsome bachelor and safari enthusiast

Notes: Carnivorous dinosaurs will kill you. DUH, YOU IGNORANT SHIT!