Easier To Run
Hello, people. Some of you might recognize this story. Yes, I've uploaded it again. I read it all over again and I could remember what was going on in my head when I wrote it. I was in a very terrible shape, all heart broken and miserable. But oh well, you didn't need to know about that. This story will have 3 chapters but I might continue it, depending on the readers' responses (if I get many). Enjoy and don't forget to send a review!
November 8, 2006
She hates the person who saved her life. What she doesn't know is that he should hate her even more for ending his own.
I don't own CCS or any of the mentioned characters in this fanfcition.
"Do you like Tomoyo?" Chiharu was asking Eriol. I did not dare to look at him. I did not dare to even breathe as I waited for his answer.
"We're just good friends," he replied slowly. I still was not looking at him.
"Man, you guys must be hella good friends," I said, still not looking at him but was looking at Chiharu if she agrees with me or not.
"Yeah! You must be hella good friends," Chiharu agreed, smiling. "Look, Eriol, if there's something going on between you two, why can't you just tell us?"
"She's right, Eriol," I said, smiling as well and now, looking at him for an answer.
"We're just friends!" Eriol almost exclaimed.
"Really now?" I asked him with an arched eyebrow in a challenging voice.
"Really!" he replied loudly.
"Well, hey, Yamazaki's my friend but I don't hug him every time I see him. Ok wait, I do that but only in a jokingly way and when we hug, it doesn't last longer than one second! You, on the other hand, hug Tomoyo every freakin' chance you have. And there's more: I don't freakin' talk with Yamazaki or any of my other guy friends so close that it looks like we're about to kiss! You, on the other hand, talks to Tomoyo with your foreheads glued together! Right, Chiharu?" I was panting after I said that but I didn't look angry. I had my usual fake smile that looks like a real one plastered on my face when I was finished talking.
"I have nothing more to add on what she said," Chiharu said, smiling as well.
"We're just friends," Eriol repeated once again. We rolled our eyes, knowing that we could not win this time. We could never win.
I went home right after school – which I don't usually do but knowing that Eriol and Tomoyo will be there with me spending time in school after dismissal was something that I don't want. I rather stay home – do my homework early hand and just stay in bed, forcing myself not to cry but hold all the pain inside my chest.
Pain. It's so heavy. Like a burden. My heart was beating so fast and I just want it to stop. I don't want to feel this way. I don't really have to feel this way! But why do I feel so hurt? Why do I flinch and frown whenever I see them together?
I was the one who dumped Eriol. I was the one who refused to be with him twice. I was the one who doesn't want to get involved with him. I was the one who let go of him. But I wasn't the one who pushed him away!
So I guess this is what it feels like when you keep in mind that one person will always be there for you but you're wrong. I thought he will always be there for me. Sure, he still is but it's different if he's in love with someone else!
I did not do anything to push him away. I just said 'no' when he asked me to be his girl but I could never be his girl. I was in a relationship when he asked me first. I didn't think he was serious – hell, I didn't even have an idea that he was in love with me ever since we became friends! He knows that I have a boyfriend at that time; does he seriously think that I was going to leave my boyfriend and be with him? I couldn't do that!
When he asked me the second time, it was right after I broke up with my boyfriend. Maybe he had the wrong idea. Maybe he thought that I broke up with my boyfriend because I wanted to be with him. Well, I was stupid to give him that idea – but right then, even though I'm single, I still could not say yes to him.
I only liked him as a friend – no more than that.
He understands. I know he does.
Time went on and I guess I started falling for him.
I fell for him.
I fell in love with him.
That's the freakin' reason why I'm feeling this way.
I'm in love with him.
When I arrived at school the next morning, there was no one else where we usually hang out – at the locker hallway. I sat on the floor and began playing games in my phone. Teachers walked past by where I was sitting but they ignored me. They held on to their coffee mugs then disappeared through a door to the Faculty Tower. It's pretty normal for them seeing me sitting here by myself because that's what they witness every morning.
Minutes later, Eriol came. He dropped his bag on the floor then sat beside me. He started taking out stuff from his bag after settling down. He was practically throwing things aggressively from his bag.
"What's up?" I asked him.
"English homework," he merely answered back. "I don't know how to do it! I don't get it! Sensei just keeps on blabbing about Romeo and Juliet but she didn't say anything about the homework!"
"When is it due?" Another casual question.
"Tomorrow," he replied, flipping papers in front of him, looking for the homework.
"What is it about?" Same casual question.
"You know – Romeo and Juliet."
"Is it the one where you have to draw the scene?"
"That's the one," he was still looking for the homework instructions.
"I'm done with it," I said simply. At last, he looked at me and put down his handouts. Seeing the look in his face, I said, "It's so easy! Well, maybe for someone like me who takes Acting because we do a lot of stuff like that."
"Sakura, can I borrow it please?" he asked me with his usual puppy eyes.
"Sure," I replied then turned to my bag to get what he needs. When I was handing it to him, I said, "I got an A on that so don't you dare copy it, ok?"
"You're the best!" he exclaimed and half-hugged me. He put my finished homework in his bag and before we could have some alone time, our friends started coming along.
Eriol and I were in good terms the whole day. We were normal friends. Joking around. Laughing around. Fooling around. During lunch on the canteen, on the other hand, I couldn't help but glance where my ex-boyfriend was. He was staring at us while talking to his friends. We had a two-second eye contact then I decided to look away.
Eriol was keen enough to notice where I was looking at when I stopped talking to them. He saw who I was staring at. The frown that I may have imagined to see in his lips was gone and was replaced with a friendly smile. "I still wonder why you guys aren't back together," he commented.
"Whatever," that was all I said. That was all I said to him that afternoon.
When it was dismissal time, all of my friends forced me to stay at school after school just to hang. I agreed, because being alone in my room again will not stop me from crying this time.
Tomoyo and Eriol were much closer than before. I couldn't say that I'm the one who cares about their situation. I couldn't say that I'm the only one who thinks that there's more to them than what they say. Because I'm not the only one.
We decided to hang out in the library. We left our bags on the table where we usually stay. A couch was nearby and most of the people I was with decided to stay and talk there.
I was left with Yamazaki and his iPOD on the table.
"Borrow?" I asked him, holding out his iPOD. "Where's Chiharu?" I said, after he nodded a yes.
"She's in a meeting right now – yearbook stuff," he replied.
I handed him one of his earphones. It's his iPOD anyway. We listened to music, not speaking a word. We were never really close. Not close enough that I will tell him that I like Eriol. But I think he's the best listener I have right now. But before I could start speaking, Tomoyo was in front of us.
"Hey guys!" she said cheerfully. When we looked at her questioningly, she said, "Sensei is there. Right now, I'm hiding from her."
"Why?" Yamazaki asked.
"Because I missed choir practice yesterday," she replied quickly. Sooner, someone had signaled her that Miaka was gone so she returned to the couch where they were sitting.
Yamazaki then talked to me about Eriol and Tomoyo. He told me that he thinks that Eriol and Tomoyo are more than friends and he, too, wondered why they were keeping a secret if it was true.
We decided to go to the canteen since most of them couldn't keep themselves from being loud. Everyone went to the counter to buy something while I was left at the table with Hiroki and Naoko.
All of us turned our heads while Eriol and Tomoyo were arguing quite loudly on the counter. And then, giving up the argument, Eriol hugged Tomoyo. I wish I could rewind what just happened and had decided not to look towards them.
Not wanting to see them, I turned towards Hiroki then I remembered something. Yamazaki accidentally told me that Hiroki likes Tomoyo. Hiroki was now staring at Tomoyo and Eriol and I couldn't help myself from doing something.
"You know, Naoko," I finally said. "I know who Hiroki likes."
I finally had Hiroki's attention. He looked so scared but couldn't say anything to make me stop telling Naoko. But I wouldn't do that. Instead, I asked him, "Do you still like her?"
Knowing exactly who I was talking about, he nodded a yes sadly.
Naoko then began to whine. "Who does he like? How come I don't know who he likes?"
"Don't worry, my dear. I just happened to know accidentally," I smiled at the now pouting Naoko then turned to Hiroki again. I know what you feel.
Everyone went back at the table with food and everyone shared everything that they had bought. Sooner, Tomoyo had to leave. Eriol offered to bring her to the parking lot - earning glances from all of us. They left and I was devastated but right there, I knew how to know if they really are together.
I excused myself from my friends to go to the bathroom but I wasn't really going to the bathroom. I wanted to wait outside the canteen for Eriol. I finally saw him.
"Hey, can we talk?" I asked him.
"Sure," he replied, his usual smile on his face.
"Do you like Tomoyo?"
"For the –enth time, we're just friends!"
"Do you love Tomoyo?" I changed my question this time.
He looked quite taken aback at what I asked but then again he repeated, "we're just friends."
"What if I tell you that someone likes Tomoyo?" I began. "No, she doesn't know about it. But she will because I'm pretty sure that that person will not hurt her. Look, if you like her, you can tell me."
"Who likes Tomoyo?" he asked, his smile was gone.
"Are you guys together?"
"Are you guys together?"
With one long inhale, he nodded. "Yes, we're together."
I remained calm and pretended to be happy. "I knew it! I knew it!"
"So who likes Tomoyo?" he asked seriously.
"Hiroki," I said quickly. He looked so mad the way he lost his temper. "Look, don't blame the guy. It's not his fault he fell for Tomoyo. Hey, just look at you."
"He will never have her. She's mine," as soon as he said that, I rather not look at his eyes because I could see anger. I could feel his anger.
"Har," was all I could say then I turned to go inside the canteen. When he asked me where I was going, I quickly said, "Home."
He offered to walk with me to the parking lot. I didn't say yes and I didn't say no either so he walked with to the parking lot and waited for Touya to pick me up.
"Since when did Hiroki like Tomoyo?" he asked me softly, making sure that there was no one around who has the intention of eavesdropping.
"I don't know," I replied, not looking at him.
"When did you know about it?" he asked further.
"Like, last month," I answered. "I happen to know about it accidentally. I kinda guessed that it was Tomoyo when the issue came up. Hiroki had no chance to lie about it. Don't beat him up, ok?"
He merely nodded. At last, Touya's car came into view and I did nothing more than to wave at Eriol. I quickly hopped inside Touya's car and was surprised when he didn't have his usual sneer on his face.
When we got back home, Touya started preparing for dinner. Dad wouldn't be coming home tonight so it was just me and him again. I ran up to my room then stayed in bed until dinner was ready.
That had done it. Knowing that Tomoyo and Eriol are together. Tears started to well up my eyes then fall down to my cheeks. Soon enough, my eyes were puffy and red. I needed a good cry. I needed to cry my heart out.
Maybe if I cried a thousand tears, the pain that I'm feeling will fade away. But I bet that I've cried more than one thousand tears already but why do I feel this way still? What do I need to do in order to make the pain stop?
To make the pain stop from eating me up.
To make the pain stop for making me cry.
To make the pain go away?
"Dear Lord, what!" I mumbled on my pillow, still sobbing.
To be continued…