Title: 21 Things Everyone Should Know About Jack Shephard
Character(s): Jack, obviously. There are some Jate references though. Naturally.
Summery: Like the title says. Mostly a humorous fic.
A/N: How could I not write something like this after all the promos and sneak peeks we've seen of Jack busting Benry's balls? Kinda sort of based off Chuck Norris jokes.
1. The Bible was originally entitled: "Jack Shephard and Co."
2. Jack Shephard's tears can cure anything. Seriously.
3. There are no Others. Just people that Jack Shephard banished to the other side of the island because they pissed him off.
4. There is no triangle either because if Kate were to choose another man over Jack Shephard, the universe would implode on itself.
5. Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that says "WWJSD?"
6. Jack Shephard has the greatest poker face of all time. He won a game with a Joker, a get out of jail free card from Monopoly, a six of clubs, a queen of hearts, and a green #4 card from UNO. to popular belief; there is enough Jack Shephard to go around.
8. When Jack Shephard talks, everyone listens. Period.
9. Jack Shephard does not sleep. He waits.
10. A picture is worth a thousand words. Jack Shephard is worth more than you can count to.
11. Newton's Third Law is wrong. It states that for every force, there is an equal and opposite force. There is no force equal to Jack Shephard.
12. Desmond didn't crash the plane. Jack Shephard did when he punched the seat next to him because the stewardess wouldn't give him any more peanuts.
13. Jack Shephard CAN believe it's not butter.
14. Behind every great man, there is a woman. Behind Jack Shephard, there is Kate Austen.
15. 84 percent of people living on the island want to have sex with Jack Shephard. The other 16 percent are dead otherwise they would want to.
16. Jack Shephard did not "lose" his virginity. He stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
17. No, Jack Shephard does not want fries with that. Ever.
18. Jack Shephard does not wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
19.If Jack Shephard is late, then time better slow the fuck down.
20. Jack Shephard can taste lies.
21. Jack Shephard has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture. He will spend his time kicking the Anti-Christ's ass.
Comments are love.