How to Fry an Egg on Your Enemy's Face
Now we know it's probably
not possible to fry an egg on someone's head, but hey, it's the Marauders and Snape. And Snape's got so much grease, who knows
what you could fry on him?
Nothing belongs to us,*
sob! * and if you will excuse us, Prongs
is having a Lily dream and we must be off to record it so we can prove to him,
he does talk in his sleep about Lily. So
buh bye now! And review, review, review!
"It's so hot!" Peter whined. The Marauders were at Care of Magical Creatures Class on a
particularly warm spring day.
"I know," said James.
"You could seriously fry an egg on the sidewalk here!"
"Hey! Don't make fun
of my name!" Sirius began to chase James, who, demonstrating his intelligence,
had begun to run away. Suddenly, Sirius
got an evil look on his face. He
stopped in mid attack.
"Uh oh." Peter sighed.
That look could mean only one thing.
They were going to get a detention soon.
"I have an idea," Sirius announced. Remus moaned.
"No, seriously," said Sirius. Everyone looked at him and cracked up laughing.
"NO!" he shouted.
"Now, listen! Who's got more
grease than anyone we know?"
"Snape," James grinned.
"Exactly," said Sirius, grinning. "And what do you need to fry an egg?"
"Grease," said Remus.
"Right, Moony," Sirius continued. "So are you guys following this?"
"We fry an egg on Snape?" said James. "But how's that going to work?"
Simple," said Sirius. "We shave
Snape's head, put an egg on it, make him really mad, and wait for it to fry."
"And Snape's not gonna notice that we shave his head and put
an egg on it?" said Remus doubtfully.
"I don't think even he is that stupid."
"Well, we'll figure something out. We're the Marauders!" said James.
Sirius paced up and
down. He was walking quickly, waving
his wand as he did so. "Tonight, we are going to sneak into the Slytherin
dorms, and we are going to cast a sleeping charm on all the people in their
dorm, Snape included. Then, we shave
his head. Next, we stick an egg to
it. Then, we put an illusion on his
head to make it look like the hair is still there. He's going to feel a little weird in the morning. Everyone else will be able to see the
egg. The spell will wear off after 10
hours. Then, tomorrow morning, at
breakfast, the illusion wears off. We
will do our usual torture Snape routine and act like everything is normal. If my hypotheses is correct, the egg will
fry," Sirius explained the plan in detail.
The other Marauders stared at him for a second.
"Been thinking about this long , Padfoot?" James asked, his
"Nope, it just came to me." Sirius said.
"Hey, Padfoot, where'd you learn a word like hypotheses?"
Remus asked, and Sirius stuck his tongue out at him.
"Real mature." James
told him and Sirius attacked him. The plan was momentarily forgotten. Remus
rolled his eyes. after a few minutes, and
things settled down, they resumed planning.
Much later that night, as Peeves swooped down the corridors of Hogwarts, he paused. He could have sworn he heard voices, but
there was no one around. Shrugging, he flew off, cackling.
"That was close!"
"Well, if Peter hadn't been stepping on my foot!"
"I can't see! It's not my fault!"
"It never is."
"Shut up, here's the Slytherin entrance." They paused in front of a long empty wall.
"What's the password?"
"Pureblood" The word was whispered and a portion
of the wall slid back, to reveal a well furnished room, decorated with silver and green.
The hidden group slipped up the stairs to the
right. They were very familiar with the Slytherin common room, as they found it necessary to be there so often. They tiptoed up the stairs, where James preformed the chosen sleeping charm he'd tricked Lily into teaching him. Then when
they were sure the charm was working,
they slipped into the dorm room.
It wasn't hard to find Snape's bed. It was to the far left, away from everyone
else's and that distinct greasy smell made it impossible to miss. They hurried over to it. Sirius quietly slid the curtains back.
"Oh, you guys have got to see this!" he laughed. "It's worse than Peter's happy sheep
pajamas!" They peered into the bed. Snape was wearing pale green pajamas with
unicorns on them.
"Oh my gosh!" James was laughing uncontrollably.
"Shut up and let's get this over with," muttered Remus.
"Why?" asked Sirius.
"These people will be asleep for quite a while. Nothing can wake them up." Remus shrugged.
James took out his wand and tapped it three times on Snape's
head. He was instantly bald.
"Egg," said James.
"Egg," said Sirius,
handing it to him. James cracked open
the egg and fastened it to Snape's head.
"Now all that's left is the illusion charm," said Sirius.
"Right," said James.
He waved his wand and said the spell.
"How do we know it works?" asked Remus.
"We don't," said Sirius.
"We just have to trust Prongs."
"Are you sure that's safe?" asked Remus, jokingly.
"Hey!" James sounded offended.
"So he can't see that?" questioned Peter, doubtfully.
"Nope," said Sirius.
"But everyone else can!" he grinned evilly. "Now, we take pictures of the unicorn pajamas to show everyone
tomorrow. That's what'll make him mad." James pulled out a camera.
"Isn't that Lily's?" asked Remus, sounding concerned.
"Yeah, so?" said James.
"She won't mind."
"I'm sure she won't," said Remus. "After all, she always wanted pictures of a greasy guys in
"Oh would you guys knock it off and take pictures!" said
Sirius. The snapped an entire roll of
photos, then headed back to the Gryffindor common room and back to their dorm
The next morning was one all four Marauders were waiting for. They showed up for breakfast
and sat down at the Gryffindor table.
It wasn't long until Snape arrived and sat down at the Slytherin
table. People were pointing and
whispering, but it didn't appear that anyone had told him anything. The Marauders were the worst, openly laughing
"What? What is it?"
Snape looked confused and asked one of his Slytherin friends. His friend was trying to hold back
laughter. He pointed to his head and
said something to him, but the Marauders couldn't hear what he said. Snape made a face, and then put his hand on
"Can he feel it?" asked Remus.
"Nope," Sirius laughed.
"It's just like hair to him."
Snape said something to his friend and sat down. People were still pointing.
"Time for the pictures?" asked James, pulling out large,
blown up photos of Snape in his fuzzy unicorn pajamas.
"Hey everyone! Look
at this!" Sirius shouted, holding up the photographs. Snape's mouth fell open.
"Where—how—what?" he stammered. "That's not me!" he shouted suddenly.
"Sure it's not!" said James. "It's your twin!" By this
time, the entire hall was roaring with laughter. Even a few of the teachers seemed to be having a difficult time
keeping a straight face.
"Hmm," said Sirius, checking the time. "The spell wears off in exactly 30 seconds." They stared at Snape, whose face had turned
a shade of red. His expression suddenly
changed. He placed his hand on his head
once again. He looked at his hand. Suddenly, he screamed a high-pitched girlish
shriek. Everyone continued laughing. His face turned more and more red.
"This is it," muttered Sirius. "It won't be long now!"
"Black! Potter! Lupin!
Pettigrew!" Snape spat angrily.
The entire hall went silent. The
sound of an egg frying could be plainly heard.
And that is how you fry and egg on your enemy.