A short, three chapter story. This is dedicated to my Partner in Crime, Scarlett, who stuck the image in my head and made me wanna write this! :) Enjoy!
"How did I end up with this?! I mean, I thought we took a vote! And that we were going to make Iokie do this!" Sheldon Jeffrey Sands ranted, staring up at the red head in front of him as she dug through a box on the bathroom counter.
Cerise Stone chuckled softly, looking for another blade for her razor. "They thought you'd be...the most convincing"
"Well you wear THAT, and I'll go as the spy." He pointed at the garment bag hanging on the back of the bathroom door.
Cerise clipped the blade on the razor and gave him a look. "It's to big for me, darling." She told him, succeeding in a straight face that only made Sands scowl more. "What's wrong Sheldon, the master of deception afraid of a little challenge?" She asked, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
"I'm afraid of nothing, but I do have some dignity I'd like to hold on to." He snapped back.
She sighed and took his hand, slapping the handle of the razor into it. "Well I'm afraid everything's already been arranged and if you don't do this, we miss the chance at some vital information." She shot back.
Sands sulked, actually sulked and muttered an alright. It was for the importance of the mission, and it wasn't as if he'd be entirely alone in the room, full of other people, to stare at him. Sarah and Cerise would both be there as well. Sammy too, probably. Oh Sammy wouldn't miss this for the world.
"Where are you going?" He asked suddenly as Cerise headed for the bathroom door. "Aren't you going to...help me here?"
Cerise snorted and pointed at his bare legs. He'd been sitting his boxer shorts on the small ottoman in the large master bathroom. "It's just the same as shaving your face. Just try not to nick your shins up. Stockings can only cover so much. I'll be back in twenty minutes. I've got to find your shoes." She said, with some excellent grace if she did say so herself.
"This is not funny, Stone." Sands growled, glaring at her.
"Of course not, Sands." She replied, but grinned known the less as she left the room.
Sands looked at the razor in his hands, then at the can of ladies shaving gel Cerise had left on the counter. "This is utterly preposterous and completely ridiculous." He grumbled, grabbing the can and popping off the top.
Standing up, he placed one foot on the counter, gave his reflection a scowl and applied the shaving gel.
He'd just finished shaving one leg and had started on the other, cigarette hanging at the corner of his lips, when the bathroom door was flung open and there was a bright flash. Sands snapped his head up to see Sammy Iokie holding a camera and grinning like the cat who ate the canary. And it took Sands two seconds to drop what he was doing, toss the cigarette in the sink and lunge. With intent to kill.
"Fucker! Give me that camera!" He growled.
Sammy laughed and jumped backwards, and took off out into the hall. With Sands in full pursuit. Still in his boxers and with shaving gel falling off his leg. Sammy dodged behind the sofa Sarah and Mac were sitting on, still laughing.
"GIVE ME THAT CAMERA, FUCKMOOK!" Sands yelled, starting around the couch after the man.
"No way, man! I'm gonna use these photos!" Sammy yelled, snapping another picture of Sands.
"For what, pray tell?!"
"Black mail!" Sammy laughed, snapping yet a third photo.
"I swear to God, Iokie, I'm gonna kill you! Slowly!" Sands growled, lunging again.
"What in the world is going on out here?!" Came Cerise's authoritative tone from the kitchen door way. She was holding a shoe box and a cup of coffee.
"Sammy's been taking pictures of Sands!" Sarah shrieked in laughter, jumping off the couch as Sands grabbed a throw pillow and attempted to hit her with it. Mac had already fallen off the couch in a fit of laughter.
"It is NOT funny!" Sands snapped at them.
Cerise put the box and the cup on the table near by and set her fists on her hips.
"But..." Came both Sands and Sammy's pitiful excuse to cut her off.
"Knock it off! We're pressed for time as it is"
"And Sheldon, you're getting shaving gel all over the carpet. Go back to the bathroom and finish, I'll be along shortly." She said pointing back down the hall.
"No BUTS! Do as I say!" She snapped. Sarah had now hidden her face in the very pillow Sands had tried to hit her with and Mac had both fists against her mouth, shaking with silent laughter. Sammy on the other hand, grinned at Sands with triumph. Until Cerise spoke to him. "And you, Samuel Iokie, you should down right be ashamed of yourself. Give me that!" She wrenched the camera out of his hands, and handed it to Sarah. But no one saw her wink to Sarah, except Sarah, who tried to stifle her laughter.
"Mark my words, Iokie. You WILL pay. One way or another." Sands growled, pointing a finger at Sammy. Sammy just grinned. "And who put you in charge, Stone?!" Sands snapped at Cerise, but the only reply he got was her hard look and the finger pointing back down the hall to the master bedroom and bath. Sands muttered something very foul, turned and stalked back down the hall.
He'd finally finished with shaving his legs when Cerise came back in, the shoe box and another bag in her hand. "What did you do with the camera?" He demanded as she sat the things down.
"It's been put up." Cerise said evenly. She looked him up and down as he sat on the counter, finishing a cigarette. She swallowed, forced back her attraction to Sands and leaned closer, running a hand down his shin.
Sands just grinned mischievously, and said. "Does it meet your standards?"
Cerise straightened up, grabbing the bag. "Rather good actually. Some can't shave their legs that well."
"Would you like to inspect them closer?" He kicked his legs and grinned at her. "Maybe higher up?"
"No." She stated, glad to be able to turn her back on him so he didn't see her blush.
When she turned back around, she held several packages of silk stockings and panty hose. "You have your pick, luv. Thigh highs, or full panty hose."
"Which is the least uncomfortable?" Sands asked with a raised eyebrow.
Cerise snickered. "Thigh highs, but it means wearing a garter belt."
"Oh why not?" Sands retorted dryly. "Lets just go out. Thigh highs it is." He rolled his eyes, tossing the spent cigarette in the toilet.
Cerise had taken out a black garter belt. "As you say."
There was another knock on the door and Mac appeared. She gave Sands a sympathetic look, and held another, rather LARGE box to Cerise. "Tommy just brought these over...they're done." Mac tried not to grin, but it was impossible, considering what was in the box...
"Thanks Mac, hun." Cerise said, taking the box and closing the door. She sat it on the counter and looked at Sands, noting his curiosity. "Patients." She said in a sing song tone.
Prolonging the moment, she slowly opened the box, hiding the contents from his view, with the lid. Sands leaned over, trying to look over her shoulder, but she fended him off. "Not yet." She said, chastening him.
"Stone, what is in the bloody box?!" Sands growled.
"Oh, now you're starting to sound like me." She said, grinning. "Well, which will it be... A, B, or C cup?" She asked, showing him the contents of the box and the prop bras, already stuffed.
"Oh no, oh fuck no. No no no no no! Not in this life or the next!" Sands replied, covering his eyes with the heels of his hands and shaking his head earnestly.
"You can not go in that gown with one!" Cerise replied seriously.
"Shaving my legs is one thing, agreeing to let you put make up on me, is another. I'll wear the damned fucking garter belt, but I am NOT wearing a padded bra! I have a limit, Cerise Stone! And this is it!"
"Risqué, luv..." She said with a click of her tongue, and winking at him.
He bared his teeth in a sneer at her. "Don't give me that look, Sheldon Jeffrey Sands. You want this to go over with out a hitch, you'll do as I say!" She said sternly, shoving the box towards him.
He silently mocked her, wagging his head back and forth and snatched the black bra from the box of white and gray. "Fine, fine, fine!" He sneered.
"Better, now lets get you dressed, so I have time to prepare." Cerise said, smacking him sharply on the thigh to get off the counter. She took the bra from him and made him turn around. He acted like a reluctant child getting dressed for work as she fit him in to the bar. Then she grabbed the garter belt. "Be glad you don't have to wear women's knickers." She hissed in his ear as she crouched, fitting the garter belt.
"I hope you're enjoying yourself down there." Sands retorted.
Cerise's cheeks flamed up and she stood quickly. Sands grinned never the less, seeing her reflection in the mirror behind him. "Think you can get into the stockings on your own?" She asked softly.
"Does it look like I've ever put on women's stockings before?" Sands asked bluntly.
"I should hope not." Cerise replied evenly, grabbing the stockings. She took them out of the package and held them out. "And try not to put runs in them while putting them on.
But Sands didn't take them. He just gave her a difficult look. Cerise sighed, looking heavenward a moment and shoved him on to the counter, to set. "Lift a leg." She hissed, as she prepared one stocking.
Once she had them both on, she helped him fasten the garters. Then turned, grabbing the garment bag. She unzipped it to reveal a black formal gown that set down a little on the shoulders. Pulling the dress from the bag, she unzipped it. "Step into it." She instructed him.
Which Sands did, with out comment. She stood with the motion of zipping it up, and brushed out any wrinkles. Sands stared at his reflection in the mirror with disdain. "I'm going to need a stiff drink, a lot of it actually, after this party." He muttered.
"There's a fresh bottle of vodka in the kitchen." Cerise replied softly, taking the pair of heels from the box. She cocked her head to the side, thoughtful. "think you can walk in these with out falling on your arse?" She asked him.
Sands snatched the heels from her and slipped them on. "Yes." He replied sarcastically with an aggravated look.
"Good, sit down in that chair. Time to do your hair and make up." Cerise said, giving a wicked grin as she grabbed her make up box.
"You enjoying this, Stone?"
"Always, Sands." Cerise said as the grabbed her brush, a curling iron, and several bobby pins and sit to work doing his hair.
When she was done, he was perfectly coifed, hair piled high and curled. She stepped back to inspect her work and nodded her approval. Then she set to work, doing his make up. First the foundation.
"Why do women need all this shit?" Sands asked, digging through the make up box as she work, looking at the different things.
"Supposed to make you beautiful." She answered, grabbing a make up brush and applying concealer under his eyes.
"And does it?" He asked, as she tilted his chin up. She just shrugged.
When she was finished, she took a step back, her head cocked to the side. Sands glanced in the mirror and had to admit she'd done a damn good job, the illusion was perfect. "Think this'll work?" He asked, looking back at her as he tried to push the curl that hung next to his left eye out of the way. She reached forward and smacked his hand, softly away.
"If you can play the part, no one will no the difference." She said seriously.
"Best hope I don't get hit on." He growled back. She laughed softly, giving him a look.
"I'm sure you can find a way to tell them off eloquently." She replied. She opened the bathroom door and went into the master bed room, digging through the closet and found her own gown, red and strapless.
Coming back into the bathroom she gave him a look. "Shoo, Sheldon, go...wait with Sammy."
"Fuck that shit, I'll be on the balcony." He said, leaving the bathroom, but going over to the French doors. He pulled one open as she shut the bathroom door and stepped out on the balcony, lighting a cigarette. As he took a drag, he looked at the lipstick on the end of the cigarette and shook his head. He felt like a damned fool.
He stayed on the balcony, chain smoking, even as he heard the limo pull up. He only moved when he heard the bathroom door open again, and Cerise stepped out, decked out in the red strapless gown, white opera gloves and rhinestone heels. Her long red hair was pulled up, similar to his own, but there were more curls.
He looked her up and down a long moment, with a slight grin. "I think I wont have a problem, getting hit on, they're all going to be all over you." He said, finally meeting her eyes and grinning wickedly.
"Then feel grateful." Cerise replied with a grin of her own, before doing a turn. "Look alright?"
"Looks damn good to me. You clean up well, Stone."
Cerise laughed, leaning forward to take his last cigarette from his fingers and drew a long drag. "I could say the same about you, Sheldon." She whispered, stilling grinning.
"Limo's here." Came Sarah's voice.
"Show time." Sands muttered to Cerise in reply. He was going to prove to these four, he could play any part thrown at him.