Title As good as dead. Chapter One.


Rating/b NC-17
Fandom/b Supernatural
Characters/Pairing/ PrimarilySam/Dean (Established relationship) Dean/Jo Sam/OMC
Warnings Mention of M/M sex Tiny spoilers for anything already aired in the U.S.

Beta The wonderful lj user"snfan3"
Feedback It's the only thing thatmakes it all worth while!
Disclaimer Own nothing but my imagination and my wishful thinking.

Summery Dean cant fathomSam's reactions to him finally sleeping with Jo.

"Because Jo." He looked her straight in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood how serious he was. "If it came to a choice between a woman that I loved and my brother. Between you and him?" Dean huffed a small sigh. "Then darlin, I'm sorry. You would be as good as dead."

AN lj user"snfan3" You are totally awesome to me. Thank you. Have a wonderful few days away!

Dean lay sprawled across the Queen Size bed, feeling post orgasmic sleep starting to take him. He thought that maybe he would stay this time. It had been a while since he had spent the entire night with a woman.

Jo had been asking him to since they started this. So he thought, One full night wouldn't hurt besides, he was warm and content and totally fucked out.

He'd told Sam where he was going, and had refused to acknowledge the look of hurt that had crossed Sam's face.

Dean reached for his phone on the nightstand when it began to ring. Even before he looked at the caller I.D., he knew it was Sam. This was the second time he had called. The first, about twenty minutes ago, had been at a rather inopportune moment, (he was riding Jo like a cowboy) so he'd let it go to voice mail.

He wasn't quite sure whether to be happy to hear his brother's voice, or pissed because Sam didn't seem to be able to go one full night without the need to call him.

"Hello," Dean said with a laugh in his voice, swatting at Jo's teasing hand which was trying hard to distract him from his conversation.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was choked.

Dean sat bolt upright on the bed. It only took that one word from his brother and he knew that something was not right.

"Sammy? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Dean," Sam said again. "I need…I need you help."

There was clearly pain in Sam's voice and Dean was already in the process of getting out of bed and dressing.

"What is it Sam? Another vision?" Dean asked, as he struggled to do his jeans button up with one hand.

"No." Sam answered, and Dean felt his level of concern go from a two to a ten in an instant.

"I…I've been beat up," Sam continued. "There were four of them and I couldn't…"

Sam didn't finish his sentence, but Dean got the idea. His face showed disgust at the thought of him being so outnumbered.

"Where are you Sammy?" Dean picked up his keys and was opening the door before he knew it. He didn't even look back at Jo. Sammy needed him and that was all he could register.

Fuck. Why didn't I pick up when he first called? Oh God. I should have picked up.

Screeching the Impala to a halt, he ran down the dirty ally way as he flipped his phone closed. He could see his brother now and dropped to his knees when he finally made it to his side.

Reaching out, he gently pulled Sam to a sitting position and cupped the side of his face, forcing the younger man to look at him.

em Jesus/em Dean thought.

Sam's face was bloody and bruised. His lips were swollen and he was bleeding badly from the side of his head. Most concerning however, was the fact that Sam was barely conscious and his eyes were beginning to roll back in his head.

"No no," Dean spoke sternly. "Don't you pass out on me."

Sam raised his arm in a defensive manner. "No, no more," he pleaded, obviously still reeling from the savage attack and thinking Dean was one of them, about to lay into him again.

"Sammy it's me," Dean spoke softly, bringing him in to lean against his chest. "It's me, it's Dean," he said quietly.

"Dean?" Sam coughed, blood dripping from his mouth.

As Dean continued his visual inspection of his brother, he could see that Sam had bitten through his tongue. It was twice its normal size and it made him hard to understand when he spoke.

"Yeah bro it's me," he breathed. "I'm here," he soothed as he started to rock ever so slightly.

Dean had had cause to wonder about the things he had killed lately. He had thought that maybe there were things out there that didn't deserve killing. Gordon and the nest of vampires had called that into question.

"If it's supernatural we kill it," he'd said. "No Dean, if its evil we kill it,"Sam had replied.

As he held Sam close and tried to reassure him, he knew that there were also humans that deserved killing. It was evil that he killed now, not just the supernatural. And by god, these men were about as evil as anything he had ever hunted. Dean's face hardened. They will pay for this. He thought.

"Can you stand up Sammy?" Dean asked, taking a fist full of his brother's jacket.

Sam made a wet gasping sound as his head rolled back.

His body was like a rag doll, but Dean somehow managed to get him to his feet.

Slinging Sam's arm over his shoulders Dean tried to encourage him to move forward. "Come on man. I need a little help here. You're way too big for me to carry."

Sam's response was to stumble and almost fall, his legs so weak they could barely carry him.

Dean heaved Sam over his shoulder in a fireman's lift. A look of determination set on his face. "But I will if I have to," he said quietly to himself. I will if I have to.

Dean sat in the waiting room of the hospital, his mind playing out scenarios of what went down with his brother.

Sam wasn't an intimidating kind of guy, and for the life of him he couldn't understand how he had gotten himself into this kind of situation.

It was obvious that Sam had gone to the bar, that the four men had jumped him, or maybe had dragged him outside into the ally with the intention of kicking the shit out of his brother. But why? Dean simply couldn't fathom. Why?

"Mr. Dale?" The doctor asked when he approached Dean.

Dean stood, the concern written across his face leaving the doctor with no doubt as to who he was. "Yes," Dean answered "I'm Mr. Dale. My brother, is he…?"

"He's fine," the doctor interrupted, seeing no need to worry the young man any longer than was necessary. "He's taken a particularly vicious beating, but he's very lucky. There are no broken bones, and no internal injuries. He has a concussion," he continued "so we'll need to keep him in for observation. But that should only be for a couple of days."

Dean gave an audible sigh of relief. "Can I see him?" He asked.

"Sure," the doctor said smiling. "But he has been given a heavy sedative. I doubt he'll wake until morning."

Dean stood at the foot of Sam's bed and watched his brother sleeping. He was covered in dark bloody bruises, and he had an I.V. protruding from his left arm.

Quietly pulling the chair closer, he sat and continued to stare at his brothers' bruised face.

The questions of Why? running through his head in an endless loop. It crashed though his mind until he wasn't even sure what his question was anymore.

Was it, why had this happened to his brother? Or was it why had he gone to Jo when everything he had even wanted was lying on the bed in front of him?

Jo. He remembered. He had left in such a hurry, and with everything that had happened he hadn't given her a second thought.

It wasn't her fault any of this had happened. It was his. But he knew she would be worried, so he pulled out his phone.

Searching through the directory he suddenly snapped it shut. His brother's injuries were not life threatening and he was sedated. Dean knew that he wouldn't be awake anytime soon, and he needed to see Jo. Needed to talk to her face to face.

It had never been as clear to him as it was right now, standing in front of his bruised and battered brother. She had been a mistake. Just another way for him to not have to deal.

The sad thing was, he realized. It wasn't even his grief over their father's death that had caused it to happen. It had been his own suborn stupidity. His way of hanging onto his own little bit of em normal. /em

But Dean knew now. He was irreconcilably and undeniably em in /em love with his brother. em his Sammy. /em

"Dean!" Jo exclaimed when she answered the door. "How's Sam? Is he okay? What happened?"

"He was jumped by four men," Dean started, telling her everything that he knew.

Jo listened with soft eyes and an understanding look, but it wasn't until she reached out to touch him, that Dean remembered exactly why he had left Sam's side to come here.

"Don't!" Dean said with more heat than he had intended, moving away from the touch.

"Why Dean? What's going on?" Jo asked, bright eyed and girly. "I don't understand."

Dean looked at her and felt a pang of guilt. This was his fault. He had let himself get into this mess. He knew Jo was not a one night stand, he knew he would be seeing her again. He knew she would be hurt and royally pissed when it came time to end it.

It was always going to end, Dean never really doubted that. She wanted his heart, but his heart wasn't really his to give.

He had let temptation get the better of him, and as a result they had been fucking like rabbits for the past month. And while his emotional attachment to her was more than he had felt in a long time, he knew she was seeing things in him that simply weren't there.

"We're not doing this any more." Dean said evenly, looking her in the eye. "It's finished Jo. I'm sorry. I should have never let it start in the first place."

Jo moved towards him and tilted her head. "Why?" She asked disbelievingly.

"It just is," Dean said firmly. He really couldn't think of what else to tell her.

"That's not what you said when you where fucking my brains out last night." There was no heat in Jo's words, but there was a hint of seduction.

Bringing her hand to caress the side of Dean's face, she added, "You can't tell me it wasn't good. I know you liked it."

Dean could see what she was doing. Trying to sway his decision to end it, with sex. He knew that once upon a time the thought of regular fucking, especially from someone as hot as Jo, would have been enough for his downstairs brain to totally ignore his upstairs one. But now it was different.

"Yeah I enjoyed it," he said. A hint of bitterness in his tone. "Right up until the point Sammy called."

"He got himself into a fight Dean," she made it sound as if it were nothing. "That's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done."

"He got beat up Jo! And em I /em should have been there." Deans' face clearly showed his own self-contempt. "If I weren't busy getting my rocks off with you then it wouldn't have happened."

"So that's it?" Jo said, gesturing with her hand. "You're breaking up with me because you think you have to baby sit Sam 24/7?"

Dean just looked at her, but there wasn't even a hint of comprehension. He didn't expect her to know, to understand, but the sheer fact that she could question his need to look after Sam made his job at saying "it's over" a hell of a lot easier.

His and Sam's relationship was complex and complicated, at best. But if she couldn't see that this is what family do, they watch each others back, then…

Dean's cell rang and he grabbed it from his back pocket. He didn't recognize the number, and for a moment he panic's when he hears the Nurse on the other end.

"Hello, Mr. Dale?" The nurse asks.


"You wanted us to inform you when your brother was awake." A statement, not a question.

"Yeah, thanks," Dean sighed, closing his eyes briefly in relief.

Flipping the phone closed he turned back to Jo. "Sam's awake, I gotta go."

Turning to walk out the door, Jo tried again. "He's fine Dean. You wouldn't have left the hospital if he wasn't. Another few minutes won't matter."

Dean let out a heavy sigh and turned to face her. "What is it you want me to say Jo?"

Jo smiled warily. "Just tell me the truth."

Dean's face softened, a flicker of guilt filtering into his eyes. "Jo…"

"Please Dean. I know there could be something between us if you just give it a chance."

Dean gave her a half smile. "No Jo, there couldn't."

"Why?" She asked, genuine in her need to know.

Dean set his jaw. He was torn, he couldn't tell her the truth, I'm in love with my brother, I could never love anyone else like that. While telling her that she was too needy for him, that it was just sex (which of course was not totally true), was not really an option either.

"I simply can't Jo. I can't love you. Not the way you want me to anyway." He hoped she would understand, and that that would be enough.

The question in her eyes told him it wasn't.

Anger was starting to bubble, because hell, who was she anyhow? He hadn't promised her anything. He had told her from the get go that being monogamous was not his thing.

When the image of Sam lying in a hospital bed flickered through his mind, he realized that it should have been.

He hadn't been with anyone else since he had started his relationship with Sam. He wondered why now, after their dad had died, it hadn't been enough, and he had turned to Jo.

"You wanna know Jo?" He said with a flick of his head, sarcasm in his voice. "Do you really wanna know?"

She stood her ground, her body language defiant. "Yes. I do."

"Because someday," he said, "maybe not now, maybe not next week, but someday, we're going to be in a situation where I have to choose."

Jo's eyes narrowed. Choose?

Dean could see that she was clueless, so he laid out the scenario for her. "We're on a hunt; you, me and Sam. We're after a Wendigo or a Werewolf or whatever." He motioned with his hand.

"It goes south," he continued, "and you both get yourselves into trouble."

"Me and Sam?" She asked, and Dean nodded. A slow understanding starting to show on her face.

"If…if I loved you," he tripped over the words. "Then it would hurt too much to lose you, and I would lose em you. /em "

Confusion showed on Jo's face once again.

"Because Jo." He looked her straight in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood how serious he was. "If it came to a choice between a woman that I loved and my brother. Between you and him?" Dean huffed a small sigh. "Then darlin, I'm sorry. You would be as good as dead."

Jo's brow raised, hurt showing in her eyes.

Not one to easily give up, she thought, So you could love me? Though she was shocked when she realized she had actually said it out loud.

Dean closed the gap between them and placed his hands on both her shoulders. He had to make sure she heard him. Had to make sure she understood.

With a small smile he looked into her eyes. "Yeah," he said. "I guess I could." He grinned at the fact that it was Sam who had shown him he was capable of such a thing.

"But there's just one small problem with that," he continued.

"What's that?" Jo asked softly.

"I would always…always … choose Sam first. I will always love Sammy more."


AN Well guys, how did I do? My first Sam/Dean for quite a while. I promise it started out as a one shot, but my muse's had other ideas.

The last chapter, chapter two, will be posted as soon as I can organize it to be beta'd. (Volunteer anyone?)

I really hope that you all enjoyed this enough to look out for the next part when I post it.


Zenamydog AKA Bethany16