Can you imagine our favourite Twilight characters, stuck in class with nothing to do… what would they do to amuse themselves?
Why, pass notes of course!
Here's an insight into the minds of the resident sparkly vampires and clumsy human!
Chapter One: Edward/Bella - Biology
This is exceedingly dull.
I agree completely. How shall we… spice it up?
Maybe add some sugar, some spice and some things that are nice…
How original. Is anyone thinking about anything interesting?
Mike's thinking murderous thoughts about Mr. Banner and I, and Jessica's wondering what Mike's thinking about. That Angela is actually paying attention, and the other thoughts drifting around are like a quicksand pit of stupidity.
Wow. Us humans really are boring.
I still wish I could get into that odd head of yours. I bet that your thoughts are interesting.
Don't be such a tease, Bella!
Tell me a story!
Um. Okay. Once upon a time there was a vampire named Joe. The end.
I'll do the next line, and then you do the next, and so on and so forth. Kapeesh?
Clear as a bell.
Joe was a hungry vampire.
So Joe went off and chased a mountain lion for lunch.
The mountain lion was very tasty, and Joe was almost completely satiated.
But because Joe was such a good vampire, he decided to test his skills and catch something more difficult.
Using his rather impressive speed, Joe raced off to the local nightclub.
Bella, you just ruined the whole thread of my inside story here. I was intending to start talking about hunting grizzlies!
So what? Improvise.
Okay. Joe decided that he would ignore his original plan of hunting a bear and follow the prompting of the absurd human who is the co-author of this masterpiece and go along to this 'nightclub'.
Joe was finally listening to his long-suffering mother, who had been telling him for the last twelve decades that a decent woman was what he needed to keep out of trouble, and he started flirting with a butt-ugly woman at the bar.
This isn't working, Bella. You're completely contradicting yourself with every second statement and being utterly random!
This is supposed to be fun. And random is fun. Now carry on.
He realised the butt-ugly woman just wasn't for him and moved on to a very attractive young woman sitting down the other end of the bar, eating a bowl of mushroom ravioli.
Thank you. Now, Joe dazzled the poor young woman terribly, and she had extreme trouble with the issue of incoherency.
Joe was exceedingly confused, but did as he was told nonetheless and proceeded to woo the fair maiden, while she ate her mushroom ravioli.
While Joe proceeded with the wooing, the poor young woman proceeded to miss her mouth with her fork and stab herself in the face.
Joe had only recently hunted, so he was able to resist the lure of her blood. It was very difficult though.
And the young woman, who by now somehow knew that Joe was a vampire, deliberately wafted her blood in his face.
So Joe ran away.
And the young woman, who's name was Jane, proceeded to run after him. She fell over several times, however.
But Joe, with his much superior speed, quickly outran her.
That was, until Jane suddenly turned into a large, ferocious, vengeful zombie and easily caught up with Joe.
Okay, Bella, this is getting out of hand!
Don't be a spoilsport, Edward. I'm practicing my writing skills!
However, Joe was able to return Jane to her normal self with a quick visit to the local witch-doctor.
Now, this witch-doctor decided that she rather liked Joe and held him hostage. Once Jane realised that Joe was in trouble, she realised that she was actually quite in love and set out to rescue her love from the evil witch-doctor.
Who was actually an old woman with a wart on her nose and a terrible case of rabbit teeth.
So, Jane bashed down the door and then proceeded to scoop up the comatose Joe, who had been beaten around the head with a saucepan, no matter that vampires can't lose consciousness, and run out of the little hut. (Without falling over, might I add!)
Eventually, Joe regained consciousness and thanked Jane profusely for saving his life.
Jane graciously accepted Joe's gratitude, and then declared her undying love.
Joe followed her example, by now having fallen deeply in love with the fair maiden.
Jane, however, had a very deep, dark secret which she had told no one…
SHE WAS A MAN!
Bella! What on earth are you ON?!?!?!
I loved writing that! Any suggestions for who you would like a note-passing session between next?
And remember, as cad said 'you review whore'.
I want at least fifteen, all with suggestions for who to do next!