Through My Eyes Into Theirs

This was originally a oneshot but I wanted to explore Ethan's thoughts and feelings. I edited the first chapter and took out the last part... Originally, Mark's gonna get the heart one month after getting his LVAD... But as of the moment I'm not sure if I'd like to have it like that... Hey, maybe I'd even kill him off! -evil laugh-

But seriously... I just wanted to write something aside from my other two fics... I'm kinda in a rut... So here goes... Enjoy!

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Ethan Lucas Rafferty Grey-Sloan--------

Have you ever wondered why life is so cruel? And why life gives you hope and then lets you down all over again? I'm 12 and I think my dad's going to die.


My Mom enters the bedroom and waits for me to look at her.

"Yeah?" I finally tear my eyes from my computer and trail my eyes over to where she was standing. She was wearing the Darthmouth t-shirt that Dad and I got for her last Christmas. Dad said her old Darthmouth t-shirt was already collecting mold.

"You want to go downstairs?"

"No," I shake my head and look at her sadly. I needed to make sure she knew I really didn't want to.

"Your Dad and I are watching ER."

"I have homework," I lied.

"Homework over ER?" she smiled.

She didn't get it yet. She didn't know how I truly felt.

"I need to finish this first, then maybe I'll go down."

"Okay," she accepts my reply and left the room.

Ever since we got back from New York and Dad started to wear the LVAD... I avoided him... A project... Skateboard practice... Homework... A test... I didn't want him to see the fear in my eyes, the thought that always crosses my mind... My fear of his death...

I'm supposed to be brave. I'm a 12 year old boy. I'm a Grey AND I'm a Sloan.

I pick up my skateboard and head downstairs.


I grimaced, I was hoping they wouldn't notice me sneaking out. I stopped in my tracks and headed inside the living room, gripping my skateboard, as my eyes traveled down to my Dad's LVAD. Though I have long wavy blond hair that covers my eyes, I quickly averted my gaze towards Mom.

"You headin' out?" my Dad asks.

"Yeah," I nod, showing them my skateboard. "Just outside."

"It's dark, can you see back there?" Mom, ever the worrier, asks.

"I'm turning on the lights," I told her and I quickly make my escape.

I turn on all our backyard lights and put my helmet on as I headed for the half-pipe my Dad had built for me when I started to take an interest in skateboarding. I started to clear all my thoughts and started to skate.

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Meredith Grey-Sloan--------

"He's been avoiding me," Mark looks at me.

"He's been busy."

"Mer, he's twelve! What would he be busy about? He's avoiding me."

I knew it was the truth but I didn't want to hurt his feelings and tell him it was true.

"I'm dying, Mer, and my son won't even look at me."

"If you start believing that again, then I'm going to start avoiding you to," I glare at him.

"Sorry," his face fell and he quickly took my hand in his.

"Maybe you could take him out tomorrow, after school," I suggested.

"Would he even allow me to?"

"Just ask him."

"My own son hates me," he sighs sadly.

"He doesn't hate you!" I was starting to get irritated by him. I squeeze his hand and I looked at him sternly and I knew he believed me somehow... Somehow...

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Mark Sloan--------

It was almost 11 that night when I passed by his room. I knew he was still awake, the light emitting from the bottom of his bedroom door. I knock on it for a few seconds before I finally hear a response from him.

"You still awake?" I open the door.

"Umm, yeah," he nods, not looking at me.

"It's 11, go to sleep. Still doing your homework?"

"Yeah. In a minute," he nods, his eyes still trained on his computer screen.


"Yeah, Dad?"

"I'm heading in for a check-up around 3 tomorrow. What time do you get off from school?"


"Would you like to go with me to my check-up?"

He looked at me with evident fear in his eyes, I knew he was about to think of an excuse.

"It's just an hour or so. Then I was thinking we could head to the mall afterwards."

"Does Mom know?"

"I'm not an invalid, Luke. Your Mom's just too protective. So?"

I hold my breathe for a few seconds.

"I'll wait for you in front of the school grounds," he finally responds.

"Great. I'll see you tomorrow. And go to bed," I closed his door and headed to the bedroom.

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Ethan Lucas Rafferty Grey-Sloan--------

"Luke, what are you doing here? It's been a while since I last saw you inside Seattle Grace."

"Hey, Uncle Derek," I greeted my Dad's friend, erm, ex-friend. "Dad's here for his check-up, I went with him."

"Is your Mom in there with him?"

"No," I shake my head. "Uncle Derek, can I ask you something?"

"Uh-huh," he nodded.

I take a deep breathe.

"What are the chances of my Dad getting a heart?"

"Well...," I could see the surpise in his eyes. And then I saw his demeanor change and I knew he was about to let me hear what I want to hear. "It depends really."

"But he's gonna get a heart, right?"

"I'm sure he would, you've got nothing to worry about."

"What if he doesn't..."

"He's on top of the list, Luke, you've got nothing to worry about."

Uncle Derek never was a good liar. You could always see right through him that he was lying. And right now... He was.

"Luke!" My Dad calls out as he approaches me and Uncle Derek.

"How's the LVAD?" Uncle Derek asks him. I knew he was just trying to make small talk with him.

"Pumping," Dad simply said. He and Uncle Derek never got along. Apparently, Uncle Derek was in love with my Mom before and my Dad was in love with Aunt Addison, Uncle Derek's ex-wife. Aunt Addison moved back to New York when my Dad followed her here to Seattle. Uncle Derek thought my Dad was gonna go back to New York but to his disappointment, he didn't. Then a drunken night led to the mistake that was me. Uncle Derek left Seattle for a few weeks when he found out my Mom was pregnant but he came back anyway. They all co-existed in the hospital ever since. But you could still sense the tension everytime the three of them were in the same room. Uncle Alex told me that Uncle Derek still pursued my Mom even after her marriage with Dad, he knew that my Mom didn't love my Dad and vice versa. But I guess he gave up in time, cos' right now he's dating a urologist from Mercy West.

"I was just talking with Luke here."

Dad gave him a curt nod and then looked at me. "C'mon, Luke, let's go say hi to your Mom before we head to the mall."

"Okay," I give Uncle Derek a brief wave and followed my Dad.

"Hi, Mom," I greeted my Mom as I see her. She was sitting on one of the stools in the nurses counter. Dad and I walk over to her.

"Mer, Luke and I are heading to the mall, you need something?"

"The mall?"

I could already sense Mom's disapproval.

"Just for a few hours, we'll be alright."

"How'd your check-up go?" Mom changed the topic.

"The same," Dad shrugged.

The same meant he had to find a donor fast before he dies. I look at him with fear once again. Then I knew I had to avert my thoughts.

"Mom, we'll be alright. I'll take care of him," I say.

"You sure?" she asks.

"I'll call you if anything happens," I assure her. I gave her a small smile and reached out to hug her. "Love you, Mom."

Dad leaned over and gave her a chaste kiss. "We'll see you later at home."

"You boys take care, okay?"

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Meredith Grey-Sloan--------

"I'm home!"

It was extremely quiet and it made me wonder what Mark and Luke were up to. I knew they were home because of Mark's SUV parked outside.

"Where are you guys?"

I check the living room and the kitchen and then I notice the lights on in the backyard. I walk out to there and find Mark sitting on one of the chairs, watching Luke as he rode his skateboard on the half-pipe.

"I thought you guys went missing," I speak after a few seconds. I suddenly regretted it as I watch Luke turn around in mid-flight and fall down with a loud thud and a loud groan. I quickly run towards him.

"Luke, are you alright?"

"Luke," Mark was beside me in a second.

"D-dad," Luke sat up slowly. "Are you alright?"

"Wh-" I wondered why he was asking Mark and then I suddenly realized that Mark wasn't supposed to be running around. I turn to him and I knew he was covering up the pain with a smile. "Mark!"

"Are you alright, sport?" he disregards my warning and focuses on Luke.

"I-I think I hurt my hand," Luke raises his hand that broke his fall.

"Let me see," Mark inspected the hand for a second. The moment his hand went in contact with Luke's hand, Luke hissed in pain. "I think it's broken."

"No," Luke shook his head furiously. "It's okay. I'm okay! Dad! You should take it easy!"

"We need to get you to the hospital and have that hand looked at," Mark told him. "Can you walk?"

"C'mon," I reach over and help Luke stand up. He was a bit wobbly at first, I knew he was trying to push back the tears that were threatening to come out because of the pain. I look back at Mark who was still to stand up. "Mark? Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah," he finally stood up and nodded. He too was trying to push back the pain. "Let's go. I'll drive."

"Mom will drive!" Luke speaks in a loud voice.

"I'll drive," I reassure him. "I'll drive, sweetie."

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Ethan Lucas Rafferty Grey-Sloan--------

"I told you not to have that half-pipe built!"

"It's been there since he was five, Mer!" Dad argued.

"Damnit, Mark," I could hear the frustration in her voice. "I-I can't do this right now! I-I can't take care of you and him at the same time without me going over the brink!"

"Mer, please."

I close my eyes shut, wishing that I could also close my ears and not hear my Mom and Dad's conversation.

"J-just let me handle this, Mark. Don't worry about me," Mom's voice quivered but I could hear the determination in her voice.

"This was why I didn't want you involved in this, Mer. I should have stayed in New York!"

"Could you stop saying th-"

"What color do you want?" Aunt Callie asks me, breaking into my reverie. I open my eyes and look at her unsurely.


"Unless you want to sport a white cast around..."

"Blue, make it blue," I carelessly say, looking at the door where my parents were standing.

"You want me to tell them we could actually hear them?" Aunt Callie asked as she wrapped the blue bandage over my white cast.

"No," I shake my head. "It's alright. I think they're just about done..."

"So what happened, anyway?"

"Skateboarding. Mom suprised me halfway through a jump."

"Must have hurt... But I don't see tears."

"I'm a big boy now, Aunt Callie. I don't cry anymore."

"It's alright to cry once in a while, you know."

I keep my eyes fixated towards my parents. My Mom was crying and my Dad held her. I shake my head slowly. "No, no. It's never okay to cry. Crying means something bad just happened and I never want anything bad to happen..."

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... ... ... Would you kill me if I killed him...?

Oh, and please check out my newest fic - The Heart of Sloan... pretty please? I'm just going to ask once... ha-ha.