AN: Mwahah! Another fic, but this is rated Teen..Tell me if I should make the rating higher sometime okay? Inspired to put this fic up because of Elina's very odd expression when I told it to her. And, really inspired by Kristel who laughed so hard in the library when I told her chapter 2… ) By the way, Tokiya's bringing a gun this time, 'coz his sword isn't there anymore… ) Just preserving his "violent-ness". Inspired by Earl (real name withheld) who told me a sicker joke.
Update: Someone requested me to change the title, okay…Your wish granted to what you asked for.
Chapter 1: The Tribe of the Little Black Men I
(Pick the Right fruits!)
"Uhh…Tell me, is there supposed to be a huge snake in our path?" Recca stated, pointing to the huge Cobra in their path.
"Actually it's supposed to be a nice little house that supposed to have chicks, like Fuuko, at the door greeting us." Domon declared, looking at the map.
"Tell me, are there supposed to be trees all around us?" Tokiya asked sarcastically, a vein popping out.
"Uhh…well…There's supposed to be a cloud, with two…err…lines sticking out." Domon replied, drawing the map near his face.
Tokiya's eyebrow twitched and a larger vein popped in his hair while looking at the label of the map.
He snatched the map and yelled, "YOU STUPID GORILLA! THAT MAP IS UPSIDE DOWN DAMN IT!"
"I told you Mikagami, you should have been the one who lead us. But you let the idiot do it." Kaoru replied while blinking one of his eyes and sticking out his tongue.
"You big idiot, I can't believe you can't read a map!" Recca yelled.
"You're the one who's stupid! Why did it take you so long to realize that my map was upside down?!" Domon replied.
A stange noise was heard.
"Monkeys! Be quiet! I hear something!" Tokiya said while glaring and looking around.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING MONKEY?!" the two chorused.
"KSSSSSSSSHHH! Ksshhh!" The leaves of the bushes began rubbing on one another.
The trees and bushes parted. About ten thousand strange little black men dressed in war paint and no taller than 3 feet jumped out uttering strange cries and immediately surrounded the group. And they kept coming. Soon the whole forest was full of strange cries.
"Mikagami!! What are these creatures?!!" Recca whispered to Tokiya.
"How would I know!?"
"gasp Look Mikagami! They're not dressed! And their willies are sticking out!" Kaoru pointed out.
"I don't think they adopted our custom of covering up..."
Overpowered, Tokiya had to resort to let the strange little black men tie them upside down to long branches and being carried to the heart of the forest like pigs that were about to be roasted.
The little men dropped them down rather unceremoniously as they knelt down to the floor, their foreheads touching the ground.
" What is this, Recca?" Domon whispered.
" I don't know…"
"Recca!? What are they going to do to us? I feel so hungry, I don't want to die on an empty stomach..." Kaoru complained.
"Shut up! How could you think of food at a time like this?"
They looked up at a strange little stage made out of branches. A little man, looking like all the other little men sat up on the stage. The only difference was that he wore a long head-dress.
He must be the head, Tokiya thought.
The little head man began gesturing frantically at them. "Frrt..fulaterumetebreurthafrrt!!"
"HAH?!" Recca sweatdropped.
About a thousand little black men rushed out and the branches to which Tokiya's group were tied on were lifted up three feet from the ground.
A small, very old, bent man stepped out. He began to speak in halting Japanese...er... English... no Japanese... er no... forget it, INTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE.
"Th' head is saying 'e wants yo' heads," The old man grinned, showing toothless gums.
"WHAT THE FUCK?! Let me go you fuckin' midgets," Recca yelled.
"We is th' Fu'Fu' clan. We is liking human's meat." The old man grinned again, this time his foul breath filled the air with a yucky greenish tint and equally yucky smell.
"Who said you could eat me??" Domon sniffed, struggling at the ropes. "Let us go, you bastards!!"
Suddenly he felt the ropes around him go slack. "Uh-oh." He crashed to the ground.
Domon immediately got up, shouting for an explanation. The rest suddenly fell to the ground too.
"Fuiffu futhefuy fuwafunt fugfuo fufrfufee, fumufusutwweut fufifufruifut!" The headman announced sternly, staring with an evil eye.
The old little man coughed. "Right's. Th' head, he is saying he is wanting you four's to go find 's 10 fruits of th' same kind each in th' forest, and brings them backs here. If you cans do that and cans pass another easier trials later on, you is can go free."
Recca immediately shot up, striking cool-boy pose. "Easy! Can we go now?"
He got up to rush off. Immediately one thousand little men surrounded him, pointing evil sharp spears. He held up his hands in surrender. "Right. On what condition?"
"Each of us thousand men will follows you. Now go, you is having only 3 minutes."
Tokiya, Recca, Domon and Kaoru each accompanied by a thousand men, disappeared into the forest.
Domon (as expected) came back first. He dropped his pile of fruits to the ground, as one thousand spears forced him to kneel down in front of the little head.
Domon's choice of fruits: Mangoes.
Why : Because mangoes are so curvaceous... reminds me of Fuuko…
"fuger fuejeerfrurteteierjeyt!!" The headman roared. Around him, the endless little men echoed his laughter.
The old man stopped his laughing long enough to say, " Th's second trial 's to STICK th's fruits up your butt. If all 10 is go in with no expression on yo's face, you is free!"
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Domon's jaws dropped ten feet to the ground.
The little men swarmed over him and held him down. It took another hundred more to do the er... task ..
Poor Domon was roasted over the fire and swarmed all over by little black men.
Next came Recca.
His choice of fruits: Bananas.
Why: Ooh, the banana bunches looked so JUICY, and HUGE, and LONG. I thought there would be enough for at least two thousand men. .Err... We are gathering fruits for the little black men right... .;;;;
And here we go... .
Poor Recca was chopped and thrown into a cauldron of burning oil and bread crumbs.
Next came Tokiya, who was grumbling and threatening to shoot the little black men. (which he had already done before he ran out of ammo)
His choice of fruits: Little strawberries.
Why: Alternative Ammo, baka.
Tokiya, who had been holding in his laughter since the 7th strawberry couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out into very unTokiya-like maniacal laughter.
Poor Tokiya was eaten raw by the little black men.
Up in heaven, near the Gates which they had just entered through, Domon and Recca sighed. "I can't believe we had to die."
The Gates started closing.
Suddenly Tokiya appeared behind them, with a very scary expression. "Don't forget me."
Domon turned and looked at him in surprise. "I thought you had gone free! Trust the genius to choose strawberries..."
Recca smiled. "No, I heard you nearly made it, to the 9th berry. What happened?"
Hearing that, Tokiya, with a very straight face, told them.
"I saw Kaoru coming with extra-large jackfruits."
FOR THOSE WHO DON'T GET IT: Okay, we know that they're supposed to bring fruits right?Unknown to them, you need to stick the fruit up your butt.Domon stuck over 4 mangoes up his, Recca with 6 bananas up his and Tokiya with 9 strawberries up his…If you get 10 and DO NOT SHOW any expressions, you're going to be alive right?But then Tokiya saw something and laughed and got eaten alive…same with Domon and Recca. Tokiya laughed BECAUSE Kaoru was about to stick JACKFRUITS UP HIS ASS. Just imagine…you know?
AN: Errr…Okkie…Not as funny as the real joke itself…XD Anyways, I hope you like it! Please review if you want me to make another story about their trip!
Btw, next chapter, "The Gang Approaches Mexico", inspired by my mockery of the 2 meanings of words during our United Nations presentation.