Title: Last Chance
Pairing: Maddison.. probably others along the way.
A/N: Set after Episode 307 "Where the Boys Are." My little Addek heart hurts. I had originally planned to make this an Addek story, but with the way things have been going, I decided it would probably be better as Maddison. I wasn't sure how to start this until Thursday's episode, which ended up being so sad that it got me thinking. This is my first attempt at a chapter story. We'll see how it goes.
Disclaimer: Shonda/ABC own everything, including Grey's characters, storylines, and my soul. I own nothing.
Addison Montgomery had just experienced her toughest day yet at Seattle Grace. Just when she thought her own problems were overwhelming, she was reminded of how horrifyingly unfair life really could be. She could no longer control her emotions. Though the day was over for her, the shock of the day's events was not. As Addison sat in traffic on her way back to her new apartment, she began to sob again. She cried for her failed marriage of nearly twelve years; she hadn't really grieved for it at all before then. She cried over the fact that she was all alone in a city that wasn't New York; she had no one to confide in. She cried over knowing she would have to face two of the biggest reminders of her painful past tomorrow and every day after that. She cried because she felt so guilty for stressing over her own problems. Mostly, though, Addison cried for the couple who had lost their baby. They had been so incredibly happy, and then suddenly, their whole world was gone. Every plan they had ever made together would have to be abandoned. Every dream they had for their child would never come true. It just isn't fair. She choked out between sobs. It just. isn't. fair.
As soon as she got home, Addison collapsed into her bed dressed in the same clothes she had worn to work. Her face was red, sticky, and streaked with mascara from all the tears. I don't know why I can't handle this today. Why am I this emotional? This is my job. I'm supposed to be used to this. This is life. This kind of thing just happens. Snap out of it, Addison. It's happened before, and it's going to happen again. It just happens. It just... happens.
The next morning, Addison awoke feeling completely sick and exhausted. She was cried out, but she still had the tightness in her chest and tear ducts, along with a bit of nausea and a headache. It's a good thing I don't have to work today. Me and my pathetic lack of emotional control. She didn't want to move from the position she had laid in all night. She wished she had a friend she could call to come over and bring her out of her catatonically depressed state, but she didn't. Torres seemed like she could have potential, but Addison didn't think spilling her soul to a relative stranger who was also a coworker would be a very good idea. Usually Derek and I would help each other with this kind of thing. Or Mark would be here to say something stupid to lighten the mood. Mark. Derek. It killed her to think of what had been. It killed her to think that she had once been surrounded by so much love and support. And now she had none. And why was she so sad? I need to stop thinking. One thing at work should not carry over like this. I am a surgeon. I do my job, and that's it. I have no feelings. I keep my distance. I am composed. I am cold. I am… Oh God… I am going to be sick.
"Miranda? Can I talk to you about something for a minute?" Addison hesitantly asked Miranda Bailey two mornings later.
"Only a minute. God knows what will happen if I don't keep an eye on my interns," she replied. "Can't have people doubting my abilities."
Addison led Bailey to the nearest empty exam room and closed the door behind them. She didn't know how to ask this. It was big. It was scary. She looked at the floor and bit her lip.
"Well?" Miranda asked.
Addison paused and took a slow, deep breath.
"I need you to run some labs on me," Addison said quickly. "I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant, and I don't know who else to go to, but I figured you would be good about this since you already know more than you ever wanted to know about me thanks to the joys of divorce and alcohol, and I guess I consider you to be my friend, and you have experienced this before, and oh God, Miranda, did you have mood swings and cry this much when you were pregnant?"
"No, I didn't, but I also wasn't recently divorced or dealing with two very stupid men when I was pregnant." She paused and looked at Addison who was frantically trying to wipe away tears. "Now don't tell anyone I did this because I am the Nazi, but I'm going to hug you. It looks like you could use it."
Addison cracked a small smile and gladly accepted the hug. "Thank you, Miranda," she whispered.
"Now sit down, and I'll be back in a minute with everything we're going to need. Try to calm down a little."
Bailey exited the room.
Less than an hour later, Addison was looking at the results of her labs.
"Well, I was right," Addison told Miranda in an emotionless voice.
"And what are we thinking about this?" The other woman asked.
"I'm not sure what to think. It's Mark's. I know it's Mark's. Derek and I haven't had sex since before prom. That was two months ago. Plus, I had a period. A few days after that came my discovery of the panties and my drunken phone call to Mark. What a smart idea that was. Now he's working here and hitting on every female in this hospital while I sit here freaking out because I'm six weeks pregnant with his kid. I'm a surgeon. I am the best on this coast. How can I take care of a baby when I have this high-stress job and no one to help me?"
"So is not keeping it an option?"
"As screwed up as this is going to sound, it's not an option. I want a baby. I have always wanted a baby. And this is my last chance at having one. I'm nearly 40. I'm too busy and too damaged to get into a relationship. This is it. This is my last chance at having the one thing I have always wanted. I have always wanted to be a mother more than anything."
Addison was surprised at herself for admitting all of that. She looked up at Miranda to see what she thought and was met with an understanding smile.
"Then congratulations, Addison. You are going to be a mother. Now let's see if we can get a heartbeat."
Addison cried again as she watched the grainy picture on the screen and listened to the sound of her baby's heartbeat. At that moment, despite everything, she was the happiest she had been in years. She would worry about everything later.