Act 2

MEACHAM:

Trixie, if one of us is in the final two, promise we'll root for each other?

TRIXIE:

I promise, Meacham. You mean so much to me. After all, you're my brother, and I couldn't live without you.

MEACHAM:

Aww, Trixie, that's so sweet! Hey, Bruce, can I have another one of those candy bars?

BRUCE:

Grr...

Song #9: Words

ALL:

DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO. DOO, DOO, DOO, I'M SURROUNDED BY WORDS! WORDS! WORDS!

PEPPER:

WITH ONE CONTESTANT OUTTA HERE…

ALL:

WORDS!

TRIXIE:

I THINK I'LL COLLAPSE OUTTA FEAR!

ALL:

WORDS!

BRUCE:

I WANTED TO GET OUT ANYWAY.

ALL:

WORDS!

BIPPY:

NOW THE REST OF US ARE CHAMPION BOUND!

ALL:

WORDS! WORDS!

PEPPER:

SO NOW WE ALL HAVE TO SPELL.

ALL:

WORDS!

MEACHAM:

BUT WILL WE DO EXTREMELY WELL?

ALL:

WORDS!

VIOLET:

IN MY CASE, THAT IS HARD TO SAY.

BRUCE:

AS I WATCH YOU SPELLING ALL THESE…

ALL:

WORDS! WORDS, OOH…MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND! I'M TELLING YOU, THESE WORDS…

TRIXIE:

THESE WORDS ARE SO CONFUSING…

ALL:

WORDS!

BIPPY:

BUT I AM REFUSING TO MISSPELL…

VIOLET:

DUDE, DON'T SWELL! THEY'RE JUST WORDS…

MEACHAM:

IN A WAY THEY'RE AMUSING.

ALL:

WORDS!

PEPPER:

I'M PLANNING ON LOSING.

BRUCE:

I CAN TELL…

PEPPER:

GO TO HELL!

BRUCE:

ALL THESE WORDS! STUPID WORDS LIKE "INJUDICIOUS"…

ALL:

WORDS!

MEACHAM:

HEY BRUCE, THOSE CANDY BARS ARE DELICIOUS!

ALL:

WORDS!

BIPPY:

I'LL FOCUS ON EACH LETTER!

ALL:

WORDS!

VIOLET:

WHEN I HEARD MY FIRST WORD I FROWNED.

ALL:

WORDS! WORDS!

TRIXIE:

THEY PUT ME UNDER PRESSURE.

ALL:

WORDS!

PEPPER:

DO I LIKE EM'? I'M NOT YET SURE…

ALL:

WORDS!

MEACHAM AND TRIXIE:

MY LIFE WOULD BE MUCH BETTER IF I LIVED BESIDE A PILE OF…

ALL:

WORDS! WORDS, OOH…MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND! WORDS! WORDS, OOH…MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND! WORDS! WORDS, OOH…MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND! AND ONE THINGS FOR SURE, I KNOW I LOVE WORDS!

LOGAINNE:

Okay, everyone, take your seats, the spelling bee will continue. The next speller, Violet Conybear. Ms. Conybear, your word is Acouchi.

VIOLET:

Acouchi…oh yeah, Dad's mentioned that word to me before. Isn't it some kind of South African rodent?

LOGAINNE:

Yes, yes, Dad would know.

VIOLET:

God, Acouchi…uh…

LEAF:

How is she not getting this? A-C-O…

LOGAINNE:

Leaf! That is strictly against the rules!

LEAF:

Oh, sorry, hun.

VIOLET:

Hmm…A-C-O…U…C-H…I? Acouchi?

LOGAINNE:

Good job, sweetie!

VIOLET:

Oh, I feel so bad for Bruce. I know I'm more of a loser than him, how did I even make it this far?

LEAF:

Don't be silly, honey, you're a winner, not a loser!

VIOLET:

You're just saying that 'cause I pay our family's taxes!

LOGAINNE:

Bippy Conybear! Mr. Conybear, your word is oligophagous.

BIPPY:

Can I have the definition?

LOGAINNE:

Feeding upon a limited variety of food.

BIPPY:

Well, I'm only feeding of a small amount of brain power. I am very intelligent and unique. I probably have the biggest head in Putnam County. I have read the dictionary, committed the Gettysburg Address to memory and can recite the Declaration of Independence n a few minutes. I can do much more, but it would probably hurt the small brains of you unintelligent people. But, however, socially I am lacking brainpower because of my speech problems and important knowledge. My whole family is filled with brilliant minds such as myself, but we are looked down upon from those inferior to us to make them feel superior instead. But thats why I come here, to show off my brilliance in the best way I know how- spelling! And further more-

LOGAINNE:

Barpy-

BIPPY:

AND FOR THE LAST TIME, ITS BIPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOGAINNE:

Dear God, can you please spell oligophagous?!

BIPPY:

O L I G O P H A G O U S!

LOGAINNE:

Thats correct!

BIPPY:

AND I- correct? Well, um, I see that I got my point across.

LOGAINNE:

Ms. Tolentino, your word is "Sexcentenary."

TRIXIE:

Can you use that in a sentence?

LOGAINNE:

I am preparing for our upcoming sexcentenary.

TRIXIE:

Sexcentenary...

Song #10: Love

BIPPY:

LOOK AT HER, UP THERE, I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER AFTER VIOLET'S ATTACK! I NEVER NOTICED HOW BEAUTIFUL HER HAIR LOOKED. THERE'S NOTHING I SEE HER LACK.

TRIXIE:

S-E-X...

BIPPY:

I'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED THIS FEELING BEFORE. I'VE SEEN HER ONCE AND I WANNA SEE HER MORE!

TRIXIE:

C-E-N-T...

BIPPY:

I WANNA REACH OUT AND TOUCH HER, AND I CAN NOT FIGHT THIS POWERFUL FEELING. I KNOW THERE'S A WORD FOR IT. I KNOW I'VE HEARD OF IT…AHA! I HAVE IT! SHE'S TRULY REVEALING MY LOVE.

TRIXIE:

E-N...

BIPPY:

MY LOVE, OH SO TRUE. ALL MY LOVE, TRIXIE, IS DEVOTED TO YOU!

TRIXIE:

A-R...

BIPPY:

I CAN'T HIDE THIS THAT MUCH LONGER. WHEN I LOOK AT HER I FORGET WHAT I WAS THINKING OF…

TRIXIE:

Y, Sexcentary!

BIPPY:

THERE'S NOTHING TO COVER THIS TINGLING SENSATION. THIS HUGELY, GRAVELY, UNDENIABLE LOVE!

LOGAINNE:

That is correct.

BRUCE:

Hey, thanks for the tip about the mic, g. It worked out freakin' awesome, well until my bitch sister screwed it up, but that's not our problem.

VIOLET:

Our?

BRUCE:

Um, yeah-well a, yeah.

VIOLET:

So, yeah. Totally.

BRUCE:

So uh, whatcha gonna do after the spelling bee?

VIOLET:

Well, ya know, I was um, gonna maybe move away you know, to a deserted area, take over a secret military base, dominate the world.

BRUCE:

Cool. Hey, maybe you should start with Australia, you know? They have a lotta secretish places there.

VIOLET:

Thanks dude. I'll look into that.

BRUCE:

Um, cool.

VIOLET:

How bout you?

BRUCE:

Well, nothing, unless my parents make me sell peanuts at that stupid ass circus again!

VIOLET:

Huh?

BRUCE:

N-never mind!

VIOLET:

Kay. So um, Bruce. Cool name. How'd you get it?

BRUCE:

Well, when I was little, I went through a phase, you know? It was a pit bowl phase. So finally my parents were so sick of hearing me talk about them, that they got me one, and I named him Bruce. God, I loved that little guy! But the next day, he got hit by a car. From then on, all I could say was "Bruce!" And then Pepper started calling me Bruce, and then so did my parents. Pretty soon, my name was Bruce.

VIOLET:

Cool. You know, I could use some help dominating Australia.

BRUCE:

That would be so cool! Just like- like you.

VIOLET:

Really?

BRUCE:

Yeah. (about to kiss...)

LOGAINNE:

Miss Conybear!

VIOLET:

Gotta go!

LOGAINNE:

Miss Conybear, your word is "ambiguous".

VIOLET:

Can I have the definition?

LOGAINNE:

A feeling you aren't sure about.

VIOLET:

Of course.

A FEELING I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT, IT'S WONDERFUL AND NEW! I REALLY CAN'T DESCRIBE IT, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. IT'S STRANGE, AND YET ENJOYABLE. IT'S FLUTTERY THOUGH IT'S TRUE. I FEEL AS THOUGH I'VE SUNKEN…NO…I FEEL LIKE I COULD FLY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO YET, I COULD LAUGH OR I COULD CRY. I COULD EMBRACE THIS BRAND NEW FEELING OR I COULD LET IT PASS ME BY! WHAT IS THIS BRAND NEW FEELING? SHOULD I BE HAPPY, MAD OR BLUE? BUT I KNOW THIS FEELING BRUCE BARFEE, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!

LOGAINNE:

Miss Conybear?

VIOLET:

A-M-B-I-G-U-O-U-S. Ambiguous?

I THINK I MIGHT KNOW WHAT THIS FEELING IS, NOT HAPPY, MAD OR BLUE. I THINK THIS FEELING MIGHT BE LOVE…DEAR BRUCE, I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!

LOGAINNE:

That is correct! Mr. Conybear, Zingiberaceous!

BIPPY:

(looking up) Z-I-N-G-I-B-E-R-A-C-E-O-U-S, Zingiberaceous.

LOGAINNE:

That is correct, Mrs. Bar-FAY, Bilharziasis.

PEPPER:

("mopping the floor") B-I-L-H-A-R-Z-I-A-S-I-S, Bilharziasis.

LOGAINNE:

That is correct. Mr. Tolentino, prejudiced.

MEACHAM:

Oh, I don't need the definition. I have been prejudiced my whole life. Just because I happen to be Italian and Chinese. Those two never mix, they say. Poor Meacham's a bastard, they say. I was born into a family who had all experienced prejudice before in all of their unfulfilling lives. My mother, forced to work her smart brain too hard because Asia has all the good minds. My father, who was kicked out of his own American mother's basement and was scared to death in that trashbin from having people chase him around screaming, "MAFIA!" And my sister, apparently tramatized for life from all the different experiences she has experienced. And then there's me, beaten, tramatized, terrified of the prejudice human race around me! Every day just waiting to get pounced upon by yet another American! And for the last time, my Godawful name is spelled MEACHAM!!!

LOGAINNE:

Mr. Tolentino?

MEACHAM:

Prejudiced! P R E J U D I C E D, PREJUDICED!!!

LOGAINNE:

That is correct.

MEACHAM:

NO ITS NOT!!! THE CORRECT SPELLING IS M E A C H A M

T O L E N T I N O!!!! STUPID AMERICANS!!!!! LIFE IS RANDOM AND

UNFAIR!!!

CHIP:

You tell em' son!

MEACHAM:

SHUTUP DAD! IM HAVIN' A MOMENT, HERE!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOGAINNE:

Um, Mitch? A little help here!

MITCH:

I'm on it!

MEACHAM:

ALL OF YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR DIFFERENT PEOPLE!! YOU'RE ALL STERIOTYPIC ONLY CARING ABOUT YOUR- (Mitch dumps a bottle of OJ on Meacham's head.)

MEACHAM:

Thanks, I needed that.

LOGAINNE:

Ms. Tolentino, Omnipotence.

TRIXIE:

O-M-N-I-P-O-T-E-N-C-E, Omnipotence.

LOGAINNE:

That is correct. Next up, Violet Conybear.

VIOLET:

Oh, god, I can't do this!

LEAF:

YES YOU CAN VIOLET! YOU'RE A WINNER!!!

VIOLET:

I...I am?

BIPPY:

GO VI!!!!

LOGAINNE:

Violet, sweetie, your word is..."Vomiturition."

VIOLET:

Umm, can I have a definition?

LOGAINNE:

Ineffectual efforts to vomit.

VIOLET:

Uh, okay, here goes...

LEAF:

You can do this!!!!!!!!

Song #11: Loser's Son (Reprise)

VIOLET:

Vomiturition...V-O-M...

I SEE MY DAD. HE SEEMS TO BE PREPARING TO GET MAD. I CAN'T DISAPPOINT HIM! HIS HAIR IN SUCH A CREEPY TRIM…I DON'T WANT TO BE ME! I'M WHAT MY DAD WANTS ME TO BE. I'M FEELING PRESSURE, FEELING STRIFE, I NEVER KNEW THE SPOOKS OF LIFE!

Here I am. Ready to spell...

LEAF:

You're a winner, not a loser! Be a winner, not a loser! Be a winner not a loser!

LEAF AND LOGAINNE:

Be a winner, not a loser! Be a winner, not a...

VIOLET:

I CAN'T HANDLE THIS! I KNOW I'M A…

I-T-U-R...

LOGAINNE:

I know you have it in you, Violet! Don't let us down! Be a winner!

LEAF AND LOGAINNE:

Not a loser!

VIOLET:

I'M SICK OF BEING THE LOSER'S DAUGHTER!

BIPPY AND LEAF:

Come on, Vi! You're a winner!

LEAF:

Not a loser! Be a winner!

BIPPY, LEAF AND LOGAINNE:

Not a loser, not a loser, not a loser, not a loser...

VIOLET:

I-T-I-S...

OH GOD, I'M LIKE MY PARENTS!

BIPPY:

Be a winner!

LOGAINNE:

Winner!

VIOLET:

THERE'S NO DENYING I'M LIKE MY PARENTS!

LEAF:

Win, win, win, win!

LOGAINNE AND BIPPY:

Don't lose!

VIOLET:

WHY WAS IT THEM WHO PASSED TO ME A FEELING I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE?

I-O...

I'M A LOSER!

LEAF:

Be a winner, not a loser!

VIOLET:

SUCH A LOSER!

N!

LEAF, LOGAINNE AND BIPPY:

Be a winner, not a loser!

Ding!

LOGAINNE:

I'm sorry, the correct spelling is V-O-M-I-T-U-R-I-T-I-O-N.

VIOLET:

I spelled it...wrong.

LEAF:

Violet, we're still proud of you! You tried your hardest! All you missed was one letter!

VIOLET:

I'm a loser. LOSER!

SPELLERS:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE!

MITCH:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

MITCH AND VIOLET:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

SPELLERS:

GOODBYE!

MEACHAM:

This is so nerve-wracking! Only 4 spellers left!

BIPPY:

Oh, just wait till there's 2 spellers left, THEN you can say that.

PEPPER:

Meacham. Please let me throw the bee. It will help YOU.

MEACHAM:

Oh please, Pepper, don't! Stay in! I know you can!

LOGAINNE:

Meacham Tolentino!

PEPPER:

All I'll ever do is cheat!

MEACHAM:

Oh, don't be ridiculous!

TRIXIE:

Meacham, you're up!

MEACHAM:

Oh...yes.

BIPPY:

Look at how hot Trixie looks in this light!

PEPPER:

Meacham, you're taking this all too seriously! Love is not that big of a thing!

LOGAINNE:

Mr. Tolentino, your word is "Sockdolager."

MEACHAM:

Can I have a definition?

LOGAINNE:

Something unusually large.

PEPPER:

Oh, god...

BIPPY:

What's wrong?

PEPPER:

It's about love, you wouldn't understand!

BIPPY:

Oh, trust me, I would…

MEACHAM:

S-O-C-K-D-O-L…

TRIXIE:

Hey there, Bippy!

BIPPY:

Oh, hi Trixie.

TRIXIE:

Listen, I'm having some self-confidence problems.

BIPPY:

Explain.

TRIXIE:

I really like you, Bippy, but you could never like me.

BIPPY:

What makes you say that?

TRIXIE:

There is NOTHING likeable about me.

BIPPY:

Oh, you think YOU have it hard?

Song #12: Nobody Cares

TRIXIE:

You think YOU do?

I'M NOT REALLY A PEOPLE PERSON, I DON'T REALLY LIKE TO TALK.

BIPPY:

SO NOW ALL PEOPLE LIKE VIOLET THINK I'M FUN TO STALK.

TRIXIE:

AND JUST 'CAUSE I'M A HERMIT, PEOPLE LIKE TO POKE FUN. SO NOW I ONLY HAVE BIPPY…

BIPPY:

AND I'M A LOSER'S SON! WHY DOES NOBODY CARE? OH, LIFE IS RANDOM AND UNFAIR! WHY DOES NOBODY SEE THERE ARE NONE AS UNFORTUNATE AS ME? NO ONE LIKES ME, SO I TRY TO STAY WITH THE FLOW. BUT BECAUSE OF MY PERSONALITY IT'S ALWAYS SLOW GOING! NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE CLOTHES I WEAR OR ABOUT MY HAIR, IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! I REALLY HAVE TO TRY JUST TO STAY ALIVE BUT THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT WILL HAPPEN! OH, WHY WAS I CURSED WITH SUCH A LIFE? I JUST WANNA GET RID OF ALL MY STRIFE!

TRIXIE:

OH, DEAR BIPPY, SO CARELESS AND YOUNG, YOUTHFUL AND STRONG, SO FREE LIKE I REALLY WANT TO BE!

BIPPY:

Is that what you really feel towards me?

TRIXIE:

Well, yes Bippy. You manage to make everyone happy, including yourself. Your perfect, Bippy. I- I love you! (Bippy kisses Trixie)

BIPPY:

Good. Because that's the same way I feel about you! So Pepper, what were you saying?

MEACHAM:

...A-G-E-R, Sockdolager.

LOGAINNE:

Correct. Ms. Tolentino, Menstruation.

TRIXIE:

Definition, please?

LOGAINNE:

The act of periodically discharching blood and...

TRIXIE:

Um, okay, I get it...M-E-N-S-T-R-U...

PEPPER:

So anyway, that's why I have to throw the bee.

BIPPY:

Aww, too bad...

PEPPER:

So you're not gonna make me feel better or anything? God, that's the last time I discuss my feelings with you...

TRIXIE:

A-T-I-O-N, Menstruation.

LOGAINNE:

That is correct. Mr. Conybear, Conglomerate.

BIPPY:

C-O-N-G-L-O-M-E-R-A-T-E, Conglomerate.

LOGAINNE:

That is correct. Ms. Bar-FAY.

PEPPER:

Well, here goes nothing...

MEACHAM:

Please dearest, DON'T DO IT!

PEPPER:

I have to. It's for the best. Besides, then next year it would happen all over again.

MEACHAM:

But if you do, you might end up like...

BRUCE:

Anyone for chocolate chips? anyone for M&Ms? God I hate my life!

MEACHAM:

…Bruce!

PEPPER:

Trust me Meacham, your worth it!

MEACHAM:

Are you sure?

PEPPER:

Definitely.

LOGAINNE:

Miss Bar-FAY?

PEPPER:

Gotta go!

LOGAINNE:

Miss Bar-FAY, your word is pressurized.

Song #13: Always Trying to Please (Reprise)

PEPPER:

Ah, yes.

I KNOW THAT FEELING, A LITTLE TOO WELL. WHENEVER COMPETITION BREAKS OUT, MY HEAD WILL SWELL. CAN'T HEAR THAT BELL…SPELLING, GO TO HELL! BUT THAT WAS BEFORE I KNEW MY GUY. NOW THAT WE'VE MET, I FEEL SO HIGH! SOARING THROUGH THE SKY WITH MY GUY! AND WHEN HE WINS THE SPELLING BEE, WE'LL SETTLE DOWN SOMEWHERE IN QUEENS. JUST SOMEWHERE FAR FROM PUTNAM COUNTY. AND WHEN HE WINS THE SPELLING BEE, WHICH I AM NO LONGER PRESSURIZED TO WIN, IF WE DON'T SHOW OUR LOVE IT WILL BE A SIN! PUTNAM COUNTY I LOVE HIM!

LOGAINNE:

Miss Bar-FAY?

PEPPER:

Pressurized, Q-W-Z-Y-U-E-N-G-P-D-B. Pressurized!

Ding!

LOGAINNE:

Um, that is way incorrect. The correct spelling is-

PEPPER:

I don't care! Just as long as I'm with my Meacham! (they kiss)

MEACHAM:

Oh Pepper, I love you, too!

SPELLERS:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE!

MITCH:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

MITCH AND PEPPER:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE!

WILLIAM:

Oh my gosh! Pepper got out!! How could this be! Now both of our kids are guaranteed not to win! (bursts into tears)

OLIVE:

Shut up and watch the spelling bee!

LOGAINNE:

Mr. Meacham Tolentino!

MEACHAM:

Yes, hi...

TRIXIE:

Meacham, why do you look so troubled?

MEACHAM:

Trixie, you should know! My girl just threw the bee!

TRIXIE:

I'm sure it was for her own good. (Meacham slaps her) OWWWWWWW!!!!!!

MEACHAM:

That's for talking that way about my girl!

TRIXIE:

God, Meacham, I'm soooooooooorry!!!!!!!!

LOGAINNE:

Mr. Tolentino!

MEACHAM:

Yeah, huh?

LOGAINNE:

Mr. Tolentino, your word is: Arrivederci.

MEACHAM:

Can I have a definition?

BIPPY:

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye...

LOGAINNE:

THANK YOU BOPPY!!!!!!!!!!

BIPPY:

IT'S BIPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TRIXIE:

Bippy...that's a beautiful name! How did your parents come up with it?

BIPPY:

Well, I was named after a...circus monkey. (brushes back hair, hits Trixie in the face accidentally) Oh, I'm SOOOOOOO sorry! Well, I couldn't help noticing how sexy your nose looks! It looks just like my teddy bears! And I have one hot teddy bear! I even ballroom dance with him in the rain!

TRIXIE:

Interesting...

MEACHAM:

Okay, here goes...A-R-R-I-V-E-D-E-R-C-I, Arrivederci?

LOGAINNE:

That is correct, Ms. Tolentino, suffumigate.

TRIXIE:

S-U-F-F-U-M-I-G-A-T-E, Suffumigate.

LOGAINNE:

That is correct, Mr. Conybear, Xiphisternum.

BIPPY:

X-I-P-H-I-S-T-E-R-N-U-M, Xiphisternum.

LOGAINNE:

That is correct.

BIPPY:

Ya see, I have natural talent!

TRIXIE:

I'm sure you do...

VIOLET:

Are you kidding? That freak has to look at the ceiling. And suppose we were outside! But he took you because he's desperate. (to Bippy) even you could find better. You could all be somewhere else, like Australia! In fact, why am I here? OY VEY!

TRIXIE:

Why are you so cruel? You have no reason to be!

VIOLET:

Outta my way, bitch!

TRIXIE:

But Violet, everyone tries to love you! Why don't you love back!

VIOLET:

I said go away! (slaps Trixie who once again collapses)

BRUCE:

Hey Vi! C'mere!

VIOLET:

What's up? (spotlight on Bruce and Violet whispering)

BRUCE:

Yeah, so you and that Bippy kid are siblings, right? You do know that all siblings usually have some kind of telapathical control over each other, right?

VIOLET:

You mean, like, reading each other's mind, making each other do things?

BRUCE:

Exactly. All ya gotta do is make Bippy spell the word wrong and…

VIOLET:

You're a genius!

BRUCE:

Hey, I totally owed you after that whole mic thing.

VIOLET:

Brilliant idea, Bruce! How do you think of all of this?

Song #14: You

BRUCE:

Violet, I could never think of anything without you!

I HAVE MET A LOT OF PEOPLE AND TRIED JUST TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION, BUT ALL I EVER GET OUT OF THEM IS A MILDLY CREEPED OUT EXPRESSION. BUT NOW I'VE COME TO THIS SPELLING BEE AND LEARNED WHAT I CAN DO. BUT I WOULDN'T SUCCEED IN THIS SPELLING BEE IF I HAD NEVER MET YOU! I WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SPELL IF YOU HADN'T BEEN THERE WATCHING ME, AND I NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE OUT "MONKEY" IF YOU HADN'T HELPED ME. AND NOW I SEE I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THEE AFTER THIS EVENT. AND NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT'S ME YOU RESENT! I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT BE INTRIUGED BY YOUR EYES SO BIG AND YOUR SKIN SO FAIR AND YOUR DELICIOUSLY RED SPIKED HAIR. WHEN WE GROW UP WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE HUMMER. IF YOU WERE ANY SMARTER I COULDN'T SEEM DUMBER! AND ALTHOUGH YOU MAY NOT REALIZE WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON! DON'T YOU SEE WHAT WE'VE MATERIALIZED? A FRIENDSHIP, FOREVER…

VIOLET:

OH, DEAR BRUCE, I MOST CERTAINLY AGREE! FINALLY, SOMEONE AS FREAKY AS ME! I FEEL SO RIGHT, I FEEL SO UNDERSTOOD. I'D DIE FOR YOU IF I EVER COULD! I WILL EMBRACE THIS FEELING, NO LONGER WILL I BE TURSE. THANK YOU, BRUCE, YOU HELPED ME LIFT THE AWFUL CURSE THAT IS MY LIFE! IF THE PERFECT BOY FOR ME WAS ANY CLEARER, I WOULD HAVE TO BE PSYCOTIC. OH, DEAR BRUCE, IT'S ALRIGHT, YOU CAN COME NEARER. I'M IN…WHAT'S THAT WORD…OH, YEAH, I'VE GOT IT…YES BRUCE, IT'S TRUE, I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU! NOT HAPPY, MAD OR BLUE. AND IN A YEAR OR TWO I'LL BE DATING WHO I THINK HAD BETTER BE YOU! AUSTRALIA, HERE ME AND MY LOVE COME! I'LL CONQUER YOU SIDE BY SIDE WITH MR. HANDSOME. AND THE TWO OF US, ONCE HE IS MY SPOUSE, WE WILL SETTLE DOWN IN A COZY HOUSE. AND WE WILL DISCUSS OUR FEELINGS ABOUT LIFE, AND HOW MUCH WE DESPISE SPELLING. AND SINCE I WILL BE SUCH AN ADORING WIFE, YOU CAN DO ALL THE YELLING. WE'RE BORN TO BE TOGETHER, WE'RE THE PERFECT MATCH. THE TWO OF US TOGETHER WILL BE CLOSELY ATTACHED…WELL, DON'T YOU GET IT?BRUCE, I LOVE YOU!

BRUCE:

OH, VIOLET, I LOVE YOU TOO!

BOTH:

FROM NOW ON WE'LL STICK TOGETHER LIKE GLUE! NO ONE CAN DESTROY OUR CHEMISTRY! FROM NOW ON NO ONE CAN STEP ON ME. NO ONE EVER WILL BRING ME DOWN. I WON'T LOOK LIKE A SOCIAL CLOWN. IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I'M SO FRICKIN SMART! I DIDN'T LOSE THAT PATH, I WAS CONFUSED BY THAT PATH. NOW I KNOW I WILL FOREVER CHOOSE YOU!

BIPPY:

Hey look! Vi has a boyfriend!!!!!!!

VIOLET:

Go away, Bippy. (Bippy scurries away and Bruce and Violet of them kiss)

LOGAINNE:

The tension rises, only 3 more competitors remaining. I think the winner-to-be is far too clear, but that's just me. Miss Tolentino, scrivener.

TRIXIE:

Scrivener.

LOGAINNE:

Mr. Tolentino, sinusoidal.

MEACHAM:

Sinusoidal.

LOGAINNE:

Mr. Conybear, failure!

BIPPY:

Failure! Ha, what an easy word! Well, here goes. F-A-I-L-U-R-E-E. Fail...what?

Ding!

LOGAINNE: (coldly)

I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Conybear, the correct spelling is...F-A-I-L-U-R-E. Failure. Now, before we continue the bee, I would like to have a private talk with Mr. Conybear here. (aside) Bippy, what happened? I mean, seriously, even your FATHER could have spelled that word right!

BIPPY:

I don't know what happened, Mom. I saved the world…I mean, I spelled the word, and then that extra E just popped out. The only possible explanation is that I looked at the ceiling twice!

LOGAINNE:

Dear, that's horrible! Tragic!

VIOLET:

(running over to him) Well, sorry, Bip, but it seems this bee will not end with a Conybear.

BIPPY:

Yeah, I'm afraid you're right.

VIOLET:

But how on Earth did you spell that word wrong?

BIPPY:

I must have looked at the ceiling twice!

VIOLET:

You idiot, of COURSE you didn't look at the ceiling twice! It took you this long to figure out??? It couldn't be more obvious! I HAVE TELEPATHICAL CONTROL OVER YOU! (everyone gasps)

LEAF:

Gasp!

VIOLET:

I...said that too loud, didn't I...

BIPPY:

This is unfair! You made me add that extra E because you were jealous of me!

VIOLET:

Well, DUH!

Song #15: The Second Goodbye

BIPPY:

Mother, did you hear that? I should be back in!

LOGAINNE:

As much as I agree, sweetie, the rules are all too clear...

IF YOU START TO SPELL A WORD, YOU MAY START OVER…

SPELLERS:

BUT THE SEQUENCES OF LETTERS ALREADY SPOKEN MAY NOT BE CHANGED!

BIPPY:

WHAT?!?!! Violet totally spelled that word for me!

LOGAINNE:

I understand, Bippy, but you are disqualified. Now go sit with Daddy in the audience.

LEAF:

Nice try, son!

MITCH:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE!

MITCH AND BIPPY:

GOODBYE…

MITCH:

GOODBYE.

BIPPY:

GOODBYE.

MITCH AND BIPPY:

GOODBYE!

BIPPY:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE!

MEACHAM:

Trixie, it's just us!

TRIXIE:

Oh, god! I can't even root for my own brother????

MEACHAM:

Pepper should have stayed in!

MEACHAM AND TRIXIE:

We got SO unlucky!!!!!!!!

CHIP:

Marcy, what do we do? We have to root for one of them! Oh, this is impossible! (long silence) I call Trixie.

MARCY:

(at the same time) I call Meacham.

Song #16: Who Will Win

LOGAINNE:

THIS IS A SCENARIO I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE! EXCITEMENT STRIKES THE FLOOR AS A SISTER AND HER BROTHER COMPETE AGAINST ONE ANOTHER! THIS IS SO NEW TO ME. AN OVERDOSE OF SIBLING RIVALRY. WILL THEY THROW THE BEE? THE QUESTION IS, WHO WILL WIN? HE OR SHE?

MARCY:

MY HUSBAND ONCE…OR TWICE…SAID THAT LIFE WAS RANDOM AND UNFAIR. I THINK THAT'S TRUE. I NEVER KNEW…

LOGAINNE:

Will the final two spellers please step forward.

OLIVE:

…THE DICTIONARY IS A VERY RELIABLE…

WILLIAM:

Olive, sit down!

LOGAINNE:

First up, Mr. Tolentino. Your word is semarmontite.

MEACHAM:

Semarmontite. (clears throat)

TRIXIE:

OF ALL THE PEOPLE TO RUN AGAINST, WHY MEACHAM? WHY NOW? THE TWO OF US ARE BEST OF FRIENDS…WE MADE A VOW! SHOULD I LET HIM DOWN? I CARE ABOUT MY BROTHER. BUT THE SPELLING BEE OF THIS TOWN IS A TREAT LIKE NO OTHER!

MEACHAM:

S-E-M-A…

TRIXIE:

THIS IS A RANDOM AND UNFAIR DECISION. IT'S REALLY A SILLY COMPETITION, BUT IF I DON'T WIN IT WILL BE A SIN. JESUS CHRIST, MY BROTHER WILL GRIN!

MEACHAM:

R-M-O-N-T…

TRIXIE:

BUT WILL I BE HAPPY TO ACCEPT THIS HORRIBLE PLACE, SECOND PLACE? IF WORST COMES TO WORST, I WILL AIM FOR FIRST.

MEACHAM:

I-T-E, Semarmontite.

LOGAINNE:

That is correct.

TRIXIE:

FIRST!

LOGAINNE:

Mrs. Tolentino, Atropine.

MEACHAM:

I KNOW THESE WORDS OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD. I RECITE THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS TO MY LAVA LAMP IN BED. AND IF I HAVE THAT MEMORIZED, THE DICTIONARY'S NO SURPRISE. I WISH SOMEONE ELSE WERE HERE. JUST ME AND TRIXIE IS SO RANDOM AND UNFAIR! TRIXIE, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. I'LL LET YOU WIN. FOR PEPPER! BABY, THAT'S A START! YOU CAN DO THIS TRIX…WAIT…I CAN DO IT BETTER! I KNOW EACH AND EVERY LETTER! AND I KNOW THIS WORD IS SPELLED…

TRIXIE AND MEACHAM:

A-T-R-O-P-I-N-E…

LOGAINNE:

That is correct.

TRIXIE:

I'LL AIM FOR FIRST…

MEACHAM:

I'VE GOT THE DICTIONARY MEMORIZED.

TRIXIE:

I'LL DO MY BEST, NOT MY WORST!

MEACHAM:

THIS COMES AS NO SURPRISE.

TRIXIE AND MEACHAM:

I'M GONNA WIN!

TRIXIE:

NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES…

MEACHAM:

HOWEVER TIMES I NEED TO TRY…

TRIXIE:

I'M GONNA WIN, I'LL MAKE NO MISTAKES!

MEACHAM:

IF TRIXIE WINS I'M GONNA CRY, BUT IT WON'T HAPPEN!

TRIXIE AND MEACHAM:

BECAUSE I'M THE BEST!

TRIXIE:

I'LL PREPARE MYSELF…

MEACHAM:

AND THEN I'LL DO THE REST!

TRIXIE AND MEACHAM:

NO MATTER WHAT SITUATION I'M IN, I'M GONNA WIN!

OTHER SPELLERS:

WHO WILL WIN? WHO WILL WIN? WHO WILL, WHO WILL, WHO WILL…

TRIXIE:

LIFE IS SO RANDOM!

MEACHAM:

LIFE IS UNFAIR!

TRIXIE:

IF I WIN IN THE END, I'LL HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS…

MEACHAM:

AND I'LL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN!

TRIXIE AND MEACHAM:

OH NO I WON'T! I'LL WIN!

OTHER SPELLERS:

WHO WILL WIN? WHO WILL, WHO WILL, WHO WILL, WHO WILL WIN?

LOGAINNE:

IN ALL MY YEARS IT'S NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS! RIGHT OVER HERE'S THE BIGGEST ALIKENESS COMPETING, AND ARGUING, THEY'RE TURNING INTO ENEMIES, THEY'RE LOSING THEIR HEART. THIS IS FAR DIFFERENT FROM THE START!

TRIXIE AND MEACHAM:

I WILL, I WILL, I WILL WIN!

LOGAINNE:

Mr. Tolentino, your word is "Sacrilegious."

MEACHAM:

Can I have a definition?

LOGAINNE:

Guilty of violating something sacred.

MEACHAM:

Something sacred…my sister. S-A-C-R-I-L-E-G-I-O-U-S, Sacrilegious?

LOGAINNE:

That is correct.

MEACHAM:

MY SISTER, TRIXIE, YOU'RE SACRED TO ME. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I MIGHT THROW THE BEE. OH, TRIXIE, YOU DON'T GET IT!

TRIXIE:

YES I DO! IF I WIN THIS I'LL REGRET IT…BECAUSE I'LL SEE YOU IN TEARS.

TRIXIE AND MEACHAM:

WHICH IS ONE OF MY GREATEST FEARS!

OTHER SPELLERS:

WHO WILL WIN? WHO WILL WIN? WHO WILL WIN, WIN, WIN?

MEACHAM:

I'D RISK MY LIFE FOR YOU.

TRIXIE:

I'D STAB MYSELF WITH A KNIFE FOR YOU.

MEACHAM AND TRIXIE:

HEAR ME, DO NOT FEAR ME, I WANT YOU…

OTHER SPELLERS:

WHO WILL, WHO WILL, WHO WILL, WHO WILL, WHO WILL, WHO WILL…

LOGAINNE:

Ms. Tolentino!

MEACHAM AND TRIXIE:

TO WIN!

TRIXIE:

This is such a hard decision! The other spellers are probably having the time of their lives right now!

VIOLET:

Bruce, I have something…serious to reveal to you. (pulls her lips back) I'm a vampire.

BRUCE:

Oh my gosh! Violet! Why didn't you tell me this before???

VIOLET:

But you still love me, right?

BRUCE:

Uh, yeah of course!

VIOLET:

(in a vampiric voice) Come here, Bruce. Let me kiss you!

BRUCE:

Uh, really, Violet, that's okay…I have to go!

VIOLET:

Why, Bruce? Are you…scared?

BRUCE:

Uh, no…um, Violet? Why are you looking at me like that? Violet! Please! Can't we do this where there are…other people? Violet! Stop! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Violet chases Bruce offstage.)

LOGAINNE:

Miss Tolentino, your word is "pneumogastric".

TRIXIE:

Can I have the definition?

LOGAINNE:

Of or pertaining to the lungs or stomach.

TRIXE:

Ohhhhhhhh…Why am I under pressure? Why can't it be all too clear? Jesus Christ, now listen here! What should I do? Who should come through? (the Jesus deal)

JESUS:

Did you call?

TRIXIE:

Wow, I didn't really expect an answer!

JESUS:

You didn't? Then why did I come down here? I'm leaving!

TRIXIE:

Wait, Jesus? I need to ask you a question.

JESUS:

(sigh) Of course.

TRIXIE:

What would you do if you went up against a brother in a spelling bee? Would you let him win, or lose?

JESUS:

Well, it all depends. You could lose to him, or he could lose to you. But what difference would it make? It's really about being a good person. You see, I don't really care about spelling, but if I were you, I'd do the best I could.

TRIXIE:

Thanks! You're as helpful as my mom said you were!

JESUS:

Can I go now?

TRIXIE:

Sure! (the other Jesus deal)

LOGAINNE:

Miss Tolentino?

TRIXIE:

Pneumogastric. P-N-E-U-M-O-G-A-S-T-R-I-C, Pneumogastric?

LOGAINNE:

That is correct!

MEACHAM:

Super, Trix!

LOGAINNE:

Mr. Tolentino.

MEACHAM:

Oh my God!

LOGAINNE:

Mr. Tolentino, your word is Treponematosis.

MEACHAM:

No time for the definition. T-R-E-P-A-N-E-M-A-T-O-S-I-S, Treponematosis?

Ding!

LOGAINNE:

I'm sorry, the correct spelling is T-R-E-P-O-N-E-M-A-T-O-S-I-S.

Song #17: Meacham's Prayer

MEACHAM:

I'M HAPPY FOR YOU, TRIXIE. THIS IS THE PLACE YOU DESERVE TO BE IN. GET THIS WORD RIGHT, TRIXIE, AND I GUARANTEE YOU, YOU WILL WIN.

TRIXIE:

I BARELY PLAN TO SEE MYSELF WITH A TROPHY…

MEACHAM:

I'LL DRINK THIS ORANGE JUICE WITH PRIDE AS I WATCH YOU BY MY SIDE…

TRIXIE:

ALRIGHT, MY FINGERS ARE CROSSED TIGHT!

MEACHAM:

STANDING AND SPELLING AND GETTING WORDS RIGHT. PERFECTLY RELAXED AND FEELING NO FRIGHT. I'M WATCHING YOU HAVING FUN…AND AS FOR ME…GOODBYE EVERYONE!

MITCH:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

MEACHAM:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

MITCH&MEACHAM:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

TRIXIE:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

MITCH:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE!

MEACHAM:

Goodbye! Trixie, win it for Dad!

TRIXIE:

Holy Crap!

LOGAINNE:

(flatly) Miss Tolentino, if you spell this word correctly, you win the 48th annual Putnam County spelling bee. Your word is "Pandemonium"...

Song #18: Pandemonium

TRIXIE:

WHY OH WHY IS THERE ALL THIS PRESSURE? HOW I TRY, MAYBE A BIT TOO MUCH…AT FIRST I THOUGHT THIS WAS A TREASURE, BUT NOW MY ANXIETY IS SUCH…

CHIP:

LIFE IS RANDOM AND UNFAIR, LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

TRIXIE:

Tell me about it!

CHIP AND TRIXIE:

THAT'S THE REASON WE DESPAIR…

MEACHAM:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

TRIXIE:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

CHIP:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

BIPPY:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! I KNEW THAT WORD…

BRUCE:

I KNEW THAT WORD!

MEACHAM:

YOU KNEW THAT WORD, GODDAMNIT!

PEPPER AND BIPPY:

WHAT ON EARTH DID THEY DO TO ME?

TRIXIE:

WHERE DO I BEGIN?

CHIP:

THE BEST SPELLERS…

PEPPER:

DON'T NECESSARILY…

ALL:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

VIOLET:

HERE I LIE, AND BOY DO I REGRET IT!

BIPPY:

DID I PRY, VIOLET? I THINK NOT!

PEPPER:

TELL ME WHY I DIDN'T JUST FORGET IT!

BRUCE:

PEPPER, I ALREADY FORGOT!

LOGAINNE:

LIFE IS RANDOM AND UNFAIR…

OLIVE:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

VIOLET:

THAT'S THE REASON WE DESPAIR…

BRUCE:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

MEACHAM:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

BRUCE:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

BIPPY:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

TRIXIE:

I KNOW THIS WORD!

PEPPER:

I KNEW THAT WORD…

MARCY:

YOU KNOW THIS WORD!

MEACHAM AND CHIP:

GODDAMNIT!

VIOLET:

WHAT KIND OF FREAK IS THIS MAKING ME?

BIPPY:

I WON'T EVEN GRIN…

WILLIAM:

THE BEST SPELLERS…

BRUCE:

DON'T NECESSARILY WIN!

ALL:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

MEACHAM:

Why did I have to get that word wrong? 'Cause now my sister's feeling pain! PAN-DE-MON-I-UM…ISN'T REALLY THAT LONG. WELL, GOODBYE, THIS HAS BEEN A STRAIN.

TRIXIE:

LIFE IS RANDOM AND UNFAIR…

LEAF:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

MITCH:

THAT'S THE REASON WE DESPAIR…

LOGAINNE:

Somebody spell crayon!

ALL:

CRAYON!??!!?!

MITCH:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

VIOLET:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

PEPPER:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

MARCY:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM…

BIPPY:

I KNEW THAT WORD…

VIOLET:

I KNEW THAT WORD!

BIPPY:

I KNEW THAT WORD, GODDAMNIT!

ALL:

IT IS SUCH A CALAMITY! WHERE DO WE BEGIN?

CHIP:

THE BEST SPELLERS…

BRUCE:

DON'T NECESSARILY…

ALL:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

BRUCE:

WIN!

TRIXIE:

THEY DON'T WIN, THEY DON'T WIN, THE DON'T WIN!

MEACHAM:

NO THEY DON'T!

ALL:

LIFE IS RANDOM AND UNFAIR…

MEACHAM:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! OH YES IT IS! OH YES IT IS!

ALL:

LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM! LIFE IS PANDEMONIUM!

MEACHAM AND TRIXIE:

YES IT IS!

ALL:

YEAH!

LOGAINNE:

Alright, Trixie, for the win, Pandemonium!

TRIXIE:

Pande…monium…P-A-N-D-E-M-O-N…Meacham! I can't do this!

MEACHAM:

Come on, Trix, you can!

TRIXIE:

No, Meacham, you're the one who deserves to win!

MEACHAM:

Trixie, you've made it this far, you have to win!

TRIXIE:

Alright…here goes…I-U-M…Pandemonium?

LOGAINNE:

We have a winner!

TRIXIE:

Life is random and un…

CHIP:

TRIX! YOU DID IT!

Song #19: Finale

ALL:

CHAMPION!

LOGAINNE:

THIS IS TERRIFIC!

ALL:

CHAMPION!

LOGAINNE:

TRULY FANTASTIC!

ALL:

CHAMPION AT THE 48TH ANNUAL PUTNAM COUNTY SPELLING…

CHIP:

(through tears) I'm glad you're not a loser, Trix!

ALL:

…BEE! THAT'S THE 48TH ANNUAL PUTNAM COUNTY SPELLING BEE, AND AFTER THIS IT'S CLEAR TO SEE THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN WINNING. WE WON FROM WHEN WE HAD BEGUN!

MEACHAM AND PEPPER:

IT WAS A VERY NICE, VERY NICE…

TRIXIE AND BIPPY:

VERY, VERY, VERY NICE…

BRUCE AND VIOLET:

VERY NICE, VERY NICE…

LOGAINNE, MITCH AND PARENTS:

VERY, VERY, VERY NICE…

ALL:

VERY NICE BEGINNING!

LOGAINNE:

48TH ANNUAL…

ALL:

48TH ANNUAL PUTNAM COUNTY SPELLING BEE!

NARRATOR:

Trixie Tolentino eventually got married to Bippy. He taught her some well needed social techniques, and Trixie became the least wimpy girl in Putnam County. Okay, that's not exactly true…

BIPPY:

Let's raise a toast to our happiness!

TRIXIE:

Cheers! (Bippy's wine spills on Trixie's head.) Aah! Oh, ya know what, forget this! (throws wine glass back. Bippy and Trixie attempt to hug. They clonk heads.)

NARRATOR:

Bippy Conybear had a fish. He named him Fluffy. Bippy and Fluffy had some very good times together. Fluffy even helped Trixie and Bippy save the world from Violet! They also had their not-so-good times…

BIPPY:

Dad, have you seen Fluffy? (Leaf coughs out a fish.) Fluffy!

LEAF:

That's not my lunch?

NARRATOR:

Sadly, Bippy never got over his lisp.

BIPPY:

Trixie, come pet Fluffy!

TRIXIE:

He's a FISH.

BIPPY:

That was so offending! It's okay, she didn't mean it, little guy…

NARRATOR:

Violet Conybear and Bruce got married. They tried to set forth Violet's dream to dominate the world by planting nuclear bombs everywhere. Unfortunately, Bippy had to come "save the world", so she was only able to conquer a small part of Australia.

BRUCE:

Vi, don't you find it a bit strange that we're conquering the world in a tree house?

VIOLET:

Next time I see Bippy I am going to KILL him…

NARRATOR:

Bruce Bar-FAY later realized that there was no reason to be ashamed of having to work in a circus. When he and is deeply loved Violet moved to Australia, Bruce was lucky enough to find a circus there. The only problem was instead of lions, they tamed kangaroos.

BRUCE:

(With an Australian accent) No, Steve, you can't have the peanut! Down, Steve, down!

VIOLET:

Bruce…?

BRUCE:

(Australian accent) Oh, hello Vi…I mean…(American accent) Hello Violet.

NARRATOR:

Pepper Bar-FAY eventually married Meacham (wow what a surprise). Her father had promised her she would grow up to be a beautiful woman. It never happened. But she didn't care. Meacham loved her, and she was happy with that. She was also satisfied that she threw the bee. If she didn't, she would have had to be in charge of the 61st Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee.

MEACHAM:

Don't you feel bad for Trixie?

PEPPER:

Nah, she'll be okay.

MEACHAM:

Last night I heard her talking in her sleep: No…not the 61st…please…

PEPPER:

Scratch what I just said…

NARRATOR:

Pepper applied for an unusual job, a chimney sweep. The idea was

inspired by Mary Poppins™. Pepper's face was always dirty, and had a hard time sweeping the chimneys without falling down them. She had an advantage: her magic hand. It helped her sweep chimneys much faster.

MEACHAM:

(as Pepper falls down chimney) Oh my Lord! It's Santa Claus!

PEPPER:

Dude, am I really THAT fat?

MEACHAM:

Um, well actually…

PEPPER:

PLEASE don't finish your sentence.

NARRATOR:

Meacham Tolentino was too poor to find that many jobs, so he ended up making spoons at a factory. It reminded him of his childhood…

MEACHAM:

Oh no! A rubber baby spoon! Take it away!

PEPPER:

What's wrong with rubber baby spoons?

MEACHAM:

Well, ya see, when I was a baby, my parents dropped a rubber baby spoon down the stairs. That's how I got my name. So I will be forever cursed with this awful name…Meacham…(shudders)

ALL:

No matter how wild our futures are, we will never forget our amazing time at the Spelling Bee.

Song #20: The Last Goodbye

BIPPY:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

BIPPY AND VIOLET:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

MITCH:

GOODBYE!

BRUCE:

GOODBYE…

BIPPY:

GOODBYE…

PEPPER:

GOODBYE!

MEACHAM:

GOODBYE!

TRIXIE:

GOODBYE!

MEACHAM AND TRIXIE:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

ALL:

GOODBYE! GOODBYE…

LOGAINNE:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

PEPPER:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE…

BIPPY:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE!

VIOLET:

GOODBYE…

PEPPER:

GOODBYE!

ALL:

GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE, GOODBYE!

THE END

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