Congratulations! Here Is Your Cake.

Summary: Aperture Science wants to give Gordon cake.
Rating: K
Disclaimer: ©, Valve.
Characters: Gordon Freeman, Barney Calhoun, and Isaac Kleiner
More Notes: OhmahGAWD Episode Two! I can't even begin... I just can't. I was a little saddened by the distinct lack of Barney, but-! I'll live. Anywho, and Portal! I think I just about died laughing at the ending credits song to Portal. Aperture Science cracks me up. And why Wisconsin? Who knows? Not me.

Dear Mr. Gordon Freeman,


After a thorough review of your resume and various scientific achievements, you have been chosen to become the newest esteemed associate of the Aperture Science, Inc. Please come visit us at our base offices at 7496 Philino Drive in Greenland, Wisconsin. We look forward to throwing a welcoming party. Be sure not to miss out on the cake!

For more information, please call...

Gordon glanced up from the letter.

Dr. Kleiner looked appalled. "Why those conniving little-" The older scientist cut off, anger momentarily overcoming his vocabulary. "They're trying to steal our employees right out from underneath us!"

Barney snatched the letter away from Gordon's hands. Elbow planted on the cafeteria tabletop, cheek resting on a balled up fist, Barney quickly scanned over the rest of the rather lengthy letter that Gordon hadn't read to them aloud. "...aren't they suppose to call you a doctor? That's just insulting."

Gordon watched on, vaguely bemused. "At least they pay better."

Kleiner went from appalled to horrified. "Not even in jest, Gordon!"

Freeman blinked.

"Seriously. The Doc is right, Doc." Even Barney looked solemn, pushing away the stack of papers with only the tip of his index finger as if it was contaminated. "Those Aperture Science guys are bad news. I've heard stories about that place that'll make your toes curl."

Gordon stared at the letter that now sat in the middle of the three men. "I didn't even send my resume to them."

Barney snorted, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms roughly across his chest. "Now that is the part that bothers me. How'd they get a hold of it anyway?"

Kleiner fiddled with the rim of his thick glasses. "I think the more appropriate question, Barney, would be 'why'?"

They all stared at the letter, which somehow was managing to look innocently menacing.

"...Huh." Gordon concluded, and took a bite out of his apple.

"What, that's it?" Barney knew his physicist friend well enough to know what Gordon's 'huh' had signified. "You're not curious? Not even going to give them a call?"

Freeman shrugged. "No."

Barney sighed, long and deep. "You're an odd one, Gordon."

Dr. Kleiner, despite himself, nodded in agreement.

Gordon simply cocked an eyebrow at them both and took another bite out of his apple.