AN: Mm. I've always wanted to make my own little collection of RoyEd drabbles, so here we go. So yes. These are really just pointless ramblings courtesy of boredom. This is what I will turn to when I'm bored and don't feel like updating my other stories I'm horrible. I know.

Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist.






There was one particular day during the entire year that Roy Mustang absolutely despised. Not many people knew exactly which day this was – there were three-hundred and sixty-five to choose from – but everyone had a pretty good guess about what it was. However, why Roy disliked this day so much was beyond everyone's comprehension. It was the one day that he should like. In the end they just decided that Roy Mustang was weird and left it at that – of course they made a special note to stay out of his way on that one day.

And when exactly was this day? It was June 8th, the day of the annual Military Sports Festival – or Military Sports Hell in Mustang's case. The one day where everyone was freed from their duties and was allowed to frolic in the pointless games that the Fuhrer had planned for the day. There was also the eating of popsicles, watermelon, and just having a good time incorporated into the program. It was the one day everyone looked forward to, but Roy dreaded it and unfortunately for him that day had rolled around again.

He'd tried everything to keep from having to show up at Headquarters that day. Really, he'd gone from playing sick to downright begging Hawkeye to let him stay home. He even promised to do all of his paperwork. However tempting that offer had been, the blonde gun-toting woman had dragged him in all the same. Of course he'd tried hiding as well, but no matter where he went Riza was right there to drag him back.

So that was why Roy was in such a foul mood that lovely summer day. Not even the clear blue sky or the sun's warm rays could get rid his despondency and moodiness – according to Riza he was acting like a woman on her period, which did nothing to lighten his mood. Actually, if Hawkeye hadn't been there then the birds currently singing from their perches would've been incinerated by now. Mm. Cross that. The entire tree would be up in flames and said flames would slowly be reducing the entire sports grounds into a massive ash pile. Well, it was a good thing Roy's gloves had been taken away then.

Now, Roy didn't hate every single thing about the festival. No. There was just one thing about it that completely ruined it all: The Hula-Hoop Competition. It was the time when thousands of brightly colored tubular plastic hoops that were about four feet in diameter rotated around thousands of blue military uniform clad hips. Now, the problem with this 'fun' invention was that Roy Mustang was unable to keep the hoop rotating around his hips for longer than one point two seconds. In short, he was the holder of the shortest length of time a hoop was kept up record – not something he was very proud of.

Even as a child, Roy was unable to grasp the 'swinging of the hips' concept. He'd try for hours and hours, but the round tube of plastic never seemed to cling to his hips like it did to others. While all his fellow playmates were keeping their hoops up for hours at a time, Roy would just be standing to the side, bending down to pick up his fallen Hula-Hoop more often than he blinked. Of course he was ridiculed for his lack of hip movement – all the way through graduation in fact. Many times other boys would make cracks about how he would be terrible in bed. Roy firmly disagreed with that. He most certainly wasn't terrible. He was terribly good.

But the fact that he was absolutely hopeless when it came to Hula-Hooping wasn't the worst part about it. No. The worst part was that while Roy held the record for shortest length of time, Edward Elric held the record for the longest length of time. Yes. Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, the boy Roy constantly teased about his height, was the Hula-Hoop Champion – four years straight in fact. Of course as you could imagine, the arrogant blonde enjoyed rubbing it in his commanding officer's face. Unlike Roy Mustang, Edward Elric loved the Sports Festival just because he could poke fun at the older man.

"Hey! Bastard Colonel! Get up!" the eldest Elric shouted as he pushed his way through the thick crowd of soldiers towards the currently sulking man. A fine layer of sweat coated the teenage boy's brow and his cheeks were slightly flushed. Probably from all the exercise and the almost unbearable heat, Roy supposed.

The man's eyes traveled across Ed's body. However, he did not notice how the tight black shirt the boy had changed into rode up ever so slightly with each movement, nor did he see how nicely the blonde's leather pants molded to fit the contours of his body. Hell. He didn't even notice the wild mess the boy's hair had become – much of it no longer trapped in the confines of the red hair tie. No. His vision was much too preoccupied with the neon green hoop that rested comfortably on the boy's shoulder to busy itself with minor details about Edward's appearance.

"Why should I?" Roy asked, sending death glares at the hoop from his seat in the shade of a tall oak tree. That hoop was going to burn! Oh wait. He didn't have his gloves. Damn! Edward rolled his eyes, still looking down upon the seated Colonel.

"Because I'm going to teach you how to Hula-Hoop," the boy said simply, putting his hands on his small hips. The two males stared at each other for a moment in silence before Roy broke it.

"You're going to teach me how to Hula-Hoop?" Roy repeated, a 'you've-got-to-be-kidding-me' look on his face.

"Yes," Edward answered simply.

"You're crazy," Roy said in response, still staring at the blonde as if had just jumped out of the loony bin. Edward rolled his eyes once more.

"I'm tired of watching you sulk out here every year and I'm tired of your bitchiness. Now get your ass up!" Edward snapped. Roy glared at him for a moment before reluctantly complying.

"You're the devil," the dark-haired man grumbled as Edward handed him the Hula-Hoop.

"Mhmm," Edward replied. "Now shut up and Hula-Hoop."

"You know I can't."

"Just try then!"

Roy grumbled unintelligibly under his breath as he positioned the hoop at his waist. As he spun the hoop around, his hips awkwardly tried to keep it up. His motions were jerky and completely out of sync with the Hula-Hoop. Edward raised his eyebrows as he watched. The blonde knew Roy was bad, but he had never thought that the Colonel would be this bad. He was almost hopeless.

"Stop!" Ed said, though he really didn't need to say it as the Hula-Hoop had already clattered to the ground. "Colonel, you really suck at this," he said as Roy bent down to retrieve the fallen brightly colored hoop.

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Now give me the hoop."


"Because I'm going to demonstrate."

"And how is that going to help?"

"Just shut up and give the fucking hoop!"

"… Fine," Roy grumbled as he handed the hoop over to the blonde.

"Thank you," Edward said with an exasperated sigh. "When you Hula-Hoop you have to stay in sync with the hoop. Use your hips to keep it spinning. When you feel it starting to slow down then you speed up. Now watch."

The blonde fell silent and spun the hoop around his own waist. Unlike Roy, Edward was able to easily get the movement of his hips moving simultaneously with the spinning hoop. A look of concentration was on the boy's face as he kept the hoop going, hands held above his head. If you took away the hoop, it would seem as if the boy was dancing – grinding was really a more accurate term.

Even though the hoop was spinning effortlessly around Edward's waist, Roy wasn't at all looking at it. Instead the man's attention was drawn to how the boy's hips rotated so smoothly and how the hem of his shirt rode up with every complete rotation, revealing a little more of the boy's smooth stomach each time. Really, Edward's stomach and hips were far more interesting than a bright green hoop that brought only misery. Suddenly the hoop stopped spinning and Edward's voice snapped Roy out of his reveries.

"Do you understand now?" the blonde asked, not at all aware of how much of his abdomen he was currently exposing to Roy's hungry gaze.

"Ah. Fullmetal, I believe I need another demonstration."


AN: Ha. Sneaky Roy xD Mm. This was fun to write. It was actually inspired by my last PE class. Mm. So yeah, don't forget to review. I love reviews and reviewers to bits.