A/N: I had a huge case of writers block along with a dose of real life and voila we have months of delay. I hope I still have some readers here and I'm hoping to for a final part to 'stay with you.' Please review it really does help.
Disclaimer: No, no, no I really own nothing. Characters belong to Fox and James Cameron baby!
He's thinking again. His body stiffens beneath mine even as his breathing remains slow and pensive. I should open my eyes and ask him what's wrong but I just can't bring myself to break the silence.
Strangely comforting. There's something I never thought I'd admit about the pretty boy. I know it's not fair, just crawling into his bed at night but he didn't ask questions, there was no pressure. So I could just carry on pretending which is something I'm good at I suppose.
Its not like I'm fooling anyone though, I know what everyone thinks about me.
'She cant do this'
'She's gonna get us killed'
I may be their leader but I don't have their faith, the jampony siege might have gained me their respect but at the end of the day I'll always be the X5 who ran away. Alec does what he can, he thinks I don't know but I've seen him out there…defending me even though I've been a complete bitch.
Logan thinks it's because he's in love with me, isn't that something? But then again he believes we'd been dating for months.
I wince as I recall our last conversation. It was three months after the terminal city barricade, I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't breathe and I needed the space needle. I just wanted out for a little while. I should've just left it at that but I couldn't sneak out and then not even check to see if my not like that boyfriend was ok.
"Hey, what's the what?" I asked standing in the doorway of Joshua's old place making sure I kept atleast three feet between us.
startled, blue met brown. Computer screen long forgotten as that familiar smile crept to his face.
"Hey you" He said, leaning towards me.
"I've been meaning to come see you, but you know how it is" and just like that the old times were over. The longing smile he'd held for me suddenly turned to an accusation.
"So how is Alec?"
"Listen Max…I… I'm sorry. I know you two are together now. I know he loves you but things haven't changed for me yet and its gonna take some time." He said, his eyes pleading for me to understand. It was then that it hit me that there was no gut wrenching longing for the man sitting before me. Sure I missed him, but is that the makings of some great love story?
Before I could help myself the words were out of my mouth,
"Hmph, you think Alec loves me?" My voice expressing how unconvinced I was at that.
Logan held my gaze before giving me a knowing smile.
"Max, you haven't exactly been rolling out the carpet for him but he's stuck around. He's had your back and hes still doing that in Terminal City."
"Doesn't mean he loves me Logan, he cares about me, im his family." I responded, surprised at the hurt I felt at the truth of it.
"You cant honestly believe that? I've seen the way he looks at you. How he holds his head that bit higher whenever you're mentioned. He used to irritate the hell out of you but it got you to smile. I knew from the beginning that Alec wasn't just manticore trouble…he was a threat…to what we had. And seeing you two together I see how right it is."
I almost wanted to laugh, Logan if only you knew. I had to get out of there is all I could think as I backed towards the door.
" I gotta blaze, I'll check in soon" And as fast as I entered I was gone again, there was no gazing into each others eyes with that unspoken promise that we'd be ok. No.
We were too far gone for that.
Standing outside that doorway, in a silence so deafening I wanted to scream. It felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me as I realised just how alone I was. The utter desolation constricting in my chest as I sank to my knees.
I sat there until my eyes were raw from the brush of my leather gloves. My knees just barely supporting me as I made my way back to TC. It seemed fitting that on such a lonely night in Seattle…it rained…as though it was trying to drown us all.
I don't remember setting my bike down, or the walk up the 3 levels there but I found myself standing outside. Where he was.
Bracing myself against the frame, I bowed my head forward and inhaled the scent that had become so familiar to me. I closed my eyes gaining the strength I needed to go through with this.
Tired of waiting I let myself in, my trembling hands grasping at the cold handle only to step in and find myself staring down the barrel of Alec's gun.
And oh God I was so tired.
So unbelievably exhausted.
My resolve already beginning to waver I raised my eyes to his and in an instant I was in his arms. Clinging to him.
Warm, solid and real.
I mumbled my request to stay into cotton of his shirt revelling at the comfort it brought and just like that he led me to his bed and held me all night long.
When morning came, I felt…
But in the midst of a whole new problem. I have to admit though, it wasn't a horrible way to wake up. His hair ruffled and sticking up in all the wrong places Alec looked incredibly sweet in that moment.
Shaking away that thought, I disentangled myself and left without a sound. I couldn't deal with this. Not now.
It was just a moment of weakness that's all and besides Alecs the resident Tomcat. He doesn't care…not like that.
The day went by and thanks to the daily demands of running the city I was able to keep my mind off of him. That is until he came swaggering into my office.
His ever present smirk no where to be seen. With a demeanour that definitely meant business.
"Max" He greeted.
"Oh hey Alec, is there something you need cause I got a lot to do here." I stated with an air of nonchalance.
"Max, what happened last night?"
And there it is. The exact question I was dreading because honestly I didn't have an answer.
"I don't want to talk about that"
"Well I want to talk about it"
"Alec" I warned, my chin tilted upwards defiantly.
"Max, I just want to help." Looking at him I knew his words were genuine but I didn't want to hear it. If I started talking now, I was bound to break down and that is something I couldn't afford to do especially not in HQ. I had things to prove.
"Well I don't need your help," I stated, "I don't need you"
He had no idea what an absolute lie that was.
X5-494. Some days his cocky, smartass comebacks were all that kept me going. Kept me fighting.
Alec's jaw clenched. Eyes glinting dangerously he nodded and ground out a "Fine, if that's the way you want it."
As he turned to leave I let out a shuddering breath before I heard, him so quietly, I almost missed it.
"It might not mean much Max but I'm here if you do ever need me…see ya later."
My hands gripped at my desk so tightly I could feel the sharp pain and I welcomed it. Clenching my eyes shut I willed the tears back that threatened to fall.
When had Alec become such a big part of my life? Such a touchstone?
I'd planned on keeping my distance and clearing my head but nightfall came and brought the same loneliness along with it.
And that's how It began. We spend out nights together now, every night without fail. He never mentions it, that's our one unspoken agreement. Most nights he stays awake, watching over me. We both know it but I keep my eyes closed in the safety of the darkness.
I never really questioned it before but every night I go to him, his body heat so inviting in the cold of our powerless home and every night he's alone.
I don't hear the stories of his sordid little adventures anymore or hear the girls talking about his latest squeeze.
What did that mean?
Questions flooded my head as I tried to come up with answers.
Is he ok with that? Does he want it to stop?
Startled with where my mind was taking me, my eyes locked his piercing through the shadows…