LBH: First update of the New Year, so happy New Year people. Thank you all so much for your help, I was in a writer's slump. And a reviewer asked about the birds and the bees… As I believe it is just an American thing…I can honestly say as an American, I have no idea WHY we call it the birds and the bees. I never got the "talk" anyway, learned it in health class. Hope none of you are American haters or anything, I completely understand, we can be a damn annoying country when we want to be. Now, on to typing as I eat my wonderful peanut butter and raspberry fluff sandwich, there is just something appealing about pink in food…

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto, or any of its characters. I own Toppuu.

WARNING: Slash, general fuzziness, spelling and grammar, random plot lines.



Jump Around


Step One:

If at all possible, this had to be one of the weirdest days of Naruto's life. He'd never seen Sasuke smile so many times, EVER. The pair had agreed to train together some time ago and they were casually making their way back from to training grounds for some lunch. Normally Sasuke attracted stares as it was but this was getting a little ridiculous, they were not staring, they were gawking, gawking with drool and hearts in their eyes, the occasional nosebleed being well hid.

Turning his head to see what all the fuss was about blue eyes narrowed to inspect what was different about his friend today. Sasuke's clothes seemed kind of tight, as if they were several sizes too small. Maybe Sasuke had a bad laundry day and this was all he had to wear. Shrugging Naruto continued walking, why people chose to drool over too small clothes he'd never know. But as he came to the Ichiraku Ramen stand his thoughts immediately halted as he ordered his usual meal. Though he did wonder what all the smiling was about…

Sasuke cursed under his breath, it didn't work! At best Naruto seemed concerned that something was wrong with his washing machine. He'd picked some of his tighter clothes so as to leave less to the imagination. He'd attracted everyone's gaze but Naruto's. Damn!

A few days later Naruto looked up at Sasuke from his place under the tree with a raised brow. Today instead of tight clothes, Sasuke's seemed to be donned in fewer clothes, and he had shorts on instead of the usual shinobi pants. Where was the sense in that? Those pants had a protective layer against external attacks. Maybe Sasuke was just extremely warm…

After finishing their training Sasuke walked away with yet another scowl. Nothing, again NOTHING! If anything Naruto thought it was stupid to not wear protective pants and had proved that by aiming for his legs the entire work out. He'd have to try something else; maybe Naruto preferred a hansom face instead of body?

"What's with your hair Sasuke?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"What's the point of the nice hair, it'll just get messy. And you smell kinda weird today; did you get a bottle of cologne dumped on you?"

"…Shut up dead last."

"Don't call me that bastard!"

Apparently Naruto didn't go for that either…

Sasuke tried the same tactic for several more weeks, but to no avail. He was ready to give up when he noticed Naruto staring at him one day. And it wasn't because of his looks apparently. Naruto was keeping a keen eye on…the way he moved when they fought. Though he never thought about it, he guessed he did move rather gracefully. He should have known better, Naruto always did like to express things through movement, he must have liked to smoothness he presented.

Looking up Sasuke caught the blonde's eye and smirked. Naruto immediately blushed and scuffled away as fast as he could.

Huh, maybe this plan of Kakashi's would work out after all.

(Although I don't really like having relationships with people, I like to look at the way people walk, I like looking at people who walk smoothly…Don't ask me why…I thought it would fit Naruto for some reason, to notice something that would occur in a fight.)


"No, no Sasuke, like this."

Tan hands covered pale ones, guiding their movements.

This would have been romantic…Had they not been changing diapers.

"See Sasuke, you wrap it around like this than fasten the sides, but don't make it too tight or too lose."

"Why am I doing this again?"

"Because you volunteered to! And don't you want to rebuild your clan? You'll have to face it someday, better learn these things before it's too late."


"Heh, you just say that because you know I'm right."

All Naruto got was a glare in response.

To which Naruto stuck his tongue out in return.

"Now let's see what else we need to learn." Naruto tapped his chin in thought then snapped his fingers. "I got it!"

"What must I learn now?"

"How about feeding Toppuu?"

"He's a baby, how hard is it to feed him?"

Sasuke came out of the kitchen ten minutes later, face covered in apple sauce. Growling he forced a spoon into Naruto's hand. "Fine, teach me."

Naruto smiled, "I knew you'd see it my way."

Walking back into the kitchen Naruto took a cloth from the counter and wiped Toppuu's face gently before scooping apple sauce into the spoon. With a smile he held it out to Toppuu's mouth. "Open up Toppuu-chan! Here comes the shuriken!" (…What DO shinobi parents say to their children to get them to eat? Here comes the kunai?!! All shinobi objects either explode or have are covered in sharp pointy edges!!)


"Shut up! You have any better ideas? At least he's eating for me!"

And indeed Toppuu opened his mouth happily for the incoming spoon.

"Ch, idiotic baby probably doesn't know any better."

"Hey–" Naruto was cut off but a poke to his arm. Turning around he determined the culprit as Toppuu. Grinning Naruto poked him back. Stunned for a moment Toppuu poked Naruto again, then Naruto poked Toppuu again, then Toppuu poked Naruto, until it was all out poke war.

"Give up child! No one can defeat the almighty Uzumaki Naruto!"

"No!" Toppuu's new favorite word after mommy.

"Then fight 'til your death!"

Sasuke sighed at their stupidity. Really, why did he volunteer for this again? He was broken out of his thoughts by a glob of apple sauce to hit the back of his head.

Turning around quickly he saw a giggling Toppuu and an equally giggling Naruto, both holding spoons in their hands.



Step Two:

"Sasuke, you're really starting to creep me out here."

"Why is that?"

"Well, have you always been so…"

"So what, Naruto?"

"…It's nothing."

Muttering to himself Naruto spun on his heel and left the training grounds, leaving Sasuke alone with his thoughts.

Step two of the master plan seemed to be working fairly well, if not disturbing Naruto slightly. Naruto was baffled as the why Sasuke's hands seemed to brush over his person more times than necessary. But what Sasuke was really proud of was his trip wire scheme. Very discreetly the day before, Sasuke had set up a thin, hardly visible piece of Shinobi wire. Using the excuse that any young rookie could have been practicing traps seemed plausible enough and Naruto would be so embarrassed about the situation he would never bring up how the "Great Sasuke" would have fallen for a measly trap.

Meeting up with Naruto the next day, who was standing in his usual spot, just beyond the wire had been placed, Sasuke waved slightly to get the blonde's attention. "Oi, dead last, you awake yet?"

"I am not dead last you bastard!" Turning around the face the direction of Sasuke's voice, Naruto glared as menacingly as he could with hands on his hips. A rather unfortunate habit Naruto seemed to pick up from Sakura, much to Naruto's dismay it was often commented about how he looked like an angry housewife.


Wait for it, wait for it…There! And there was the wire, and there was Sasuke falling and…Shit he missed his target, depressing thoughts, wait…Hit an even better target, this plan was genius!

From Naruto point of view he saw Sasuke falling forward, no, it was like a repeat of the academy, he had bruises for days because of Sasuke's fan girls; he wasn't ready to experience that again! Not thinking of his feet Naruto leant his head back causing Sasuke to miss his lips and keep on falling. Naruto's relief was short filled as Sasuke's face fell right into his groin area instead. (…I am so dirty… Geese, gonna have to change the rating now…)

Sasuke was in heaven, sure there was cloth in between, but it was like his dreams had come to life. Lost in the moment Sasuke took and deep breath and snuggled further into the warmth. The dream soon ended as a searing pain erupted on the side of his head and he was knocked back several feet.


"Wait, Naruto it was an accident!"

Sasuke didn't get the chance to continue as Naruto picked up a nearby log. Swinging the wood behind his back the blond brought it down on Sasuke poor head, who fell unconscious immediately after.

After waking up several hours later, Sasuke couldn't help thinking…

"That was worth the pain."

KONOHA: NINE YEARS FROM PRESENT (So we won't be confused if I say now.)

"…How can you eat that…?"


Naruto looked up from where he was eating ramen…With ice-cream, ketchup, and anchovies all mixed in.

"It's good really Sasuke you should try some!"

"…I think I'll pass…"

The blonde shrugged, "Suit yourself, but you're missing out."

Sasuke was slightly concerned, Naruto had been acting more emotional that usual, and eating strange foods. Maybe something was wrong with his blonde? They'd been married for a year now, Uchiha Naruto was wholly furious that he couldn't keep Uzumaki at least somewhere in his name, Naruto would tell him if anything was wrong right?

A few days later after convincing Naruto it might be good to have a check up considering all the strange food combinations he'd been eating they went to see Tsunade, who refused to let anyone else be Naruto's doctor Although Naruto had protested at first but then agreed saying that he did feel a little different lately. (Not everyone is cursed with morning sickness; my grandmother had nine children and didn't have morning sickness for a single one of them, she never had any womanly pains either…Some people have all the luck.)

"Hm, I don't really see what's wrong except…" Filling her hand with glowing green medic chakra, Tsunade held it above the area of Naruto's stomach. Neither of the couple was concerned with this, seeing as something was most likely wrong with his stomach.

Straightening herself up Tsunade smiled, "Well it seems you're completely healthy Naruto!"


'Yep, in fact, congratulations are in order."

"…I don't like this, last time you said that–"

"You're going to be a mother!"

Both Naruto and Sasuke fainted dead on the spot.

Around nine months later, same year.

After finally accepting that this was all Kyuubi's fault, damn genderless foxes, Naruto and Sasuke soon found themselves comfortable with the idea of children. They'd already taken care of one in the past, so it was really no problem. Plus, this made the council and villagers happy, seeing as they wanted more shinobi children. It had been a strange few months, the cravings for one, and Sasuke considered himself lucky that Naruto didn't get into extremely bad mood swings, the blonde tended to get angrier at the fact that his back and everything else hurt like hell rather than the fact Sasuke was cause of his troubles.

For the last few weeks, Naruto had been a bit worried about how said baby would be born, seeing as Kyuubi just made a bubble of chakra for a makeshift womb and healed all stretching or damage done to internal organs. That didn't mean he could just give birth like any other female though. Until Tsunade brought up a C-section, problem solved.

And this leads us to where they are now…

"Damn it Sasuke….when this is over I'm going to castrate you with a dull kunai!"

Though the C-section was a perfect solution…That didn't stop it from hurting like hell, no matter how many pain reducers and sedatives were given. Let it never be said that Kyuubi didn't enjoy the suffering of others.

Sasuke meekly squeaked in response, Naruto was slowly crushing his hand.

"When this is over, we find some other way to revive your clan!"

"Orioke no jutsu maybe?"

"Not," Naruto grunted, "On your life Sasuke-bastard."

It wasn't until later that night was Uchiha Toppuu born.

"Look, he has my eyes."

"And your hair apparently."

"Hey, hey, hey, I grew out of that hair years ago!"

"For someone who just gave birth a few hours ago you sure are chipper."

"Do you want to give birth next time? I'm sure we'll figure something out."

"I love you oh great bearer of my child."

"That's what I thought you said."


LBH: This chapter has hardly and Toppuu at all, sadness. But I just kept thinking up things and I ended up skipping around a lot. Oh well…