Okay, this is my first posted fic, so I want lots of reviews! Just kidding, I'll be happy if I only get one review. Enjoy! Oh, and you may remember that Victor Stone is Cyborg's real name. I'm using that because this is a fairy tale, and his robotic self would be very out of place. Alternate universe, but the opening theme is mentioned because it seemed appropriate at the time. Eventual BBxRae, implied RobxStar.

Short dashed lines between paragraphs, because I am having formatting issues.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. They don't even own themselves.

If I Call Her Beautiful, Something Might Explode

A Teen Titans Fairy Tale

Raven glared at her cousin. "I can't believe you did this." Prince Robin shrugged. "It was Duke Stone's idea, not mine."

"Remind me to kill him later. In the meantime, I refuse to have any part in this."

"You don't really have a choice. Your father has already agreed to it."

"Since when did my father participate in my life?" Robin shrugged again. "Sorry. It's one of the disadvantages of being a princess. You don't get to choose who you marry."


"Hear ye, hear ye. Our own Prince Robin has declared that his cousin's hand is available for marriage. The first man who can make Princess Raven laugh will have her as his bride."


(Opening theme)


Beast Boy was about to steal some fruit from a cart when the town crier made the announcement. He immediately forgot about the fruit. He'd seen Princess Raven at Jump Kingdom's many festivals, sitting with her cousin, Prince Robin. He thought she was pretty, but if she ever smiled she might be beautiful. The princess was also rumored to have strange powers that, when combined with her temper, often caused things to explode. And it was common knowledge that Princess Raven never smiled. Still, it wasn't like he had anything to lose…or so he thought until he saw the line of young men in front of the T-shaped palace. "I'll never get in there," Beast Boy complained. "Not that it matters," he told himself as he wandered away. "What kind of chance would I have with a princess?"


Knock knock. "Go away!" Raven called. "I am sorry to disturb you," said the voice on the other side of her bedroom door. Raven frowned, for various reasons. The voice was female, and unfamiliar. It sounded as though the speaker selected her words carefully, which meant one thing: foreign princess. That also meant something, at least by the standards of Robin's closest advisor, Duke Victor Stone: prospective bride for the prince. Raven's suspicions were soon confirmed. "His Grace Duke Stone suggested that you and I get to know each other and become friends."

"I don't need any friends," Raven replied. She was being rude to this girl, who probably didn't deserve it, but the girl had been sent by the duke, who did. "Oh," said the girl. "Perhaps we could converse anyway? I am new to your kingdom, and many things are strange to me." Raven sighed and opened the door. She looked the new princess up and down. She was roughly a head taller than Raven, which meant she had a few inches on Robin as well. Her skin was an orangey sort of tan, and her eyes were green, "whites" and all. She had long dark red hair and unsurprisingly wore purple, the most popular "royal" color in existence. "Who are you and where are you from?"

"I am Princess Koriand'r of the planet Tamaran."

Raven thought. She had a few books that were in Tamaranean, and though she was rusty, she could still remember some of the language. "Your name means Starfire, doesn't it?" The new princess brightened. "Yes!"

"Then that's your new name. Lesson one: In this kingdom, the majority of the idiots like to speak English, especially when it comes to names. The easier to pronounce, the better."

"Oh, what a joy to have such a teacher! I will surely remember your advice. And your name is Raven, is it not?"

"Yeah, and yes, I am named after a bird. But so is my cousin, so that shouldn't matter too much." Starfire was silent for a moment. Raven sighed. "What?" Starfire blushed. "Please, what is a bird?"


Robin moved his knight forward. "One of these days you're going to do something, she's going to come looking for you, and I'm not going to stand in her way." Duke Victor laughed as he analyzed the chessboard. "Hasn't happened yet. By the way, you're meeting Princess Koriand'r of Tamaran at the ball tonight." Robin glared at his best friend. "Another princess? Are you so determined to marry both of us off?" Vic made his move, and Robin instantly took the piece. "Better question: Where's the Tamaranean princess right now?" Vic frowned at the board. "With Raven." Robin just shook his head. "You are so dead."


Beast Boy sighed for what had to be the fifty-thousandth time since yesterday's announcement. Every time he looked at the palace he sighed. The line in front of the T-shaped tower was considerably shorter than it had been twenty-four hours ago, but still too long for the changeling to feel he had anything resembling a chance of meeting the princess. He was fairly certain that he could make her laugh. He didn't know exactly how, but he felt it could be done if he could just meet her. He looked up and involuntarily sighed once more.

"What troubles you, child?"

Beast Boy whirled around in surprise. A kind-looking old woman blinked back at him. He paused to catch his breath and let his heartbeat return to a normal rate. "Sorry, you just…startled me." The old woman chuckled. "Yes, I tend to have that effect on people. You haven't answered my question, though." Beast Boy thought for a moment. "Your question? Oh! Well, I was just thinking about Princess Raven." The old woman's apparently perpetual smile widened. "So, the princess has captured your heart, has she?" Beast Boy blushed. "Well, I don't really know her, so I can't…"

"No need to explain, dear; it happens all the time. But everyone deserves their chance at true love, don't they?"

The situation was feeling more and more awkward. "I, uh, I guess so…" The old woman grinned. "Of course they do! It's just those nasty rules keep getting in the way!" Beast Boy blinked. "What rules?"

"Oh, you know. Never dance in glass shoes, watch out for rose bushes…"

"The princess always marries a prince," Beast Boy muttered. The old woman shook her head. "No, now that one's just a myth. Many a time a princess has married a common man without a lick of sense, and they still got their happily ever after. Always made me wonder about those princesses, 'course, but it isn't any of my business." Beast Boy began to edge away. "Um…yeah. I… I have to go." The woman's smile instantly vanished. "Now wait just a minute, boy! Do you want help romancing that princess of yours or not?" Beast Boy stopped. "I didn't know you were offering to help."

"'Course I was! Didn't I say that?"

"Uh, no."

The old woman paused. "Well then, I'm sorry I yelled at you. Here." She handed him her worn, tattered cloak. Beast Boy took it hesitantly. "Not to make you mad again, but what good it this going to do?" He got an exasperated noise in reply. "It's magic, you idiot. Wear that and anyone who sees you will think you're a prince. But be warned: It will only work for two weeks. If you've managed to win the princess's heart by then, you'll still have to tell her the truth. If you haven't… well, I hear their considering executing the suitors who fail." She laughed at Beast Boy's horrified expression. "Have a nice life, dearie!" And then she was gone. Beast Boy looked down at the innocent cloak he held in his hands. Figured the day would come that his life depended on a magic blanket.

---End Chapter One---