Title: And Then I Woke Up

Genre: It's kind of a badfic. At the very least, it's a poorly-written humor piece. ;)

Characters: Elliot/Dani/Elliot's sister/Dani's arm

Disclaimer: I think you know that if I had any legal and/or creative rights to Law & Order SVU, this kiss NEVER would have happened.

A/N: This story obviously occurs after THE DREADED KISS between Elliot and Dani in the episode Underbelly. Oh, and for the sake of my story, the cell phones/pagers never went off.


Elliot and Dani broke the kiss after chasing it around each other's faces for a good few minutes. They looked at each other—inasmuch as they could focus their eyes after that much alcohol—and searched for insight into the causes and possible repercussions of the indiscretion.

Elliot was, as usual, unreadable, so Dani hesitantly said, "Well, that was, uh…interesting."

"Yep," Elliot replied promptly. "It was that." He took a step back to reclaim some personal space.

Getting no further indicators from Elliot, Dani continued. "It was like…"

"Kissing my sister," Elliot supplied. "And you?" he asked.

"I don't know your sister."

Elliot rolled his eyes, which made him a little dizzy. "I mean how did it feel to you?" he clarified, taking another step back.

Dani tilted her head, thinking. "Like kissing my arm. Or maybe someone else's arm… No, definitely my own arm."

"So, what does that mean?" Elliot asked, stepping further away from Dani.

"Huh?" Dani asked, now several feet away from him.

Elliot stepped a bit closer. "Sorry. Hard to judge distance after all that beer. I asked what it means."

"The beer?" Dani asked, confused.

"The kiss," Elliot snapped.

"Ah," Dani replied. "Well, I think it means that either you need to attend family counseling with your sister, or you're just not attracted to me."

Elliot looked relieved. "Right. Same with you and your arm."

"Right," Dani said, shuffling one foot nervously. "So, what happens at work?"

"We generally get a phone call about a crime, and then we go catch the bad guy. Afterwards we type stuff up and file it…didn't you get an orientation?" Elliot asked impatiently.

"Screw you, Stabler," Dani said, turning back toward the bar.

"You wish," Elliot snorted.

"Actually, I could take it or leave it," Dani replied dryly. "Come on. Let's go call a cab," she said, heading back inside. She stopped mid-stride and turned back to Elliot. "Individual cabs," she elaborated. "Two distinct and separate cabs."

Elliot dangled his keys. "I've got my car, remember?"

Dani snatched the keys away while Elliot's half-hearted attempt to stop her failed miserably. "Clearly," she said, "your judgment is impaired."

The argument died in Elliot's mouth and he nodded. "Clearly."

Dani called for two cabs and then bought two more drinks, handing one to a surprised Elliot. "Haven't we had enough?" he asked skeptically.

"Enough to make mistakes," Dani said, pausing to take a swig of her beer. "Not enough to forget them."

"Good point," Elliot conceded, chugging his beer as well.

The next day at work, both detectives nursed hangovers. About the ill-conceived kiss, not a word was said.


The freakin' end.