D/C: I don't own Trigun.

I can't believe I'm writing my first Trigun fic. (realizes readers are there) Oh, hello!! Well, even though I've watched the entire Trigun series and loved every minute of it, I've never been able to come up with a good story. But when I got the idea of this one, I thought it was good enough to be written...well, that's what I thought anyway. I'll shut up now and let you read and give me your opinion. Enjoy!!

The Act of Seduction

"Ways to seduce Vash the Stampede:

One...offer him donuts, preferably a large box of donuts. I heard he likes the 30 per pack one the most.

Two...be a damsel in distress.

Three...be a pretty damsel in distress. Or just be a pretty girl, anyway.

Four...wear really revealing clothes. Although I'm sure he'd love it more if you skipped the entire clothing process. And if you're a man, don't disguise yourself as a woman; I don't think that would turn him on...you'd do better by hiring someone to do the job; preferably a hooker.

Five...sleep with him. (Note: Be a girl. If you're a man, it would just result in an unpleasant experience for the two of you.)

Six...offer him beer, rum, wine...he'll take anything. Especially since he's always broke.

Seven...pretend that you do not know him and that you're attracted only to his good looks and not to the 60 billion reward on his head. Again, if you're a man, you'd do better to just hire some hooker off the street.

Eight...offer him a new red coat. (Make sure you've battered it first)

Nine...cook him a very nice meal.


Meryl studied her typewriter thoughtfully for a few moments before turning around to look at Vash, who was sitting on a chair to which his hands and legs were tied. 'Hey, Vash...could you tell me how else you could be seduced?' she asked him sweetly.

Vash scowled angrily at her. 'Have you tried just being nice?' he snapped, struggling in his chair.

She grinned. 'That's a good one! Thanks!!' she chirped, turning back to her typewriter. 'Ten...just be nice.'

'This is not funny, dammit!!' he exploded. He looked away and pouted. 'I'm offended!'


A/N: There! I'm done! I know it's rather short, but it's funny, innit? Poor Vash! (laughs) Well, anyway, if you did like it, then would you please review? I'd really appreciate it if you did. Thanks for reading!!

- S. N. B.