Naruto went through his cabinets in horror. This had to be a nightmare. There was no ramen in the house at all. Just as Naruto was about to scream in horror, Orochimaru came bursting through the window.

"Join the Dark Side! We have ramen!"

"How much ramen?"

"An endless supply!"

"I'm in. Where do I sign up?"


Sakura and Ino


The two girls sighed. They had nothing to do and their beloved Sasuke-kun was working for the evil Orochimaru. Speak o' the devil - guess who just dropped down from a nearby tree.

"Join the Dark Side! We have Sasuke!"

"You EVIL dumbass," Inner Sakura was making herself known, "Why should we join you!"

"YEAH! You took our Sasuke-kun away from us!" Ino agreed.

"Hmm...fine then. I will resort to extreme measures. Join the Dark Side! We have Sasuke stripping!"



Jiraiya and Kakashi


Kakashi and Jiraiya were sparing. If Jiraiya won, Kakashi was his slave for a week. If Kakashi won, Jiraiya sent him signed copies of every book he had written and would write in the future. And Orochimaru chose this time to interrupt them.

"Join the Dark Side! We have HOT naked girls!"

Kakashi and Jiraiya just stood there for a moment, then looked at each other and broke out in equally lecherous grins.

"We're in."




Hinata sat on the bench watching the birds fly around. Naruto had disappeared and no one knew where he had gone. She squeaked when Orochimaru appeared in front of her.

"Join the Dark Side! We have Naruto!"

"Seriously?" Hinata asked. At Orochimaru's nod she continued, "I'm in. Where's Naruto-kun?"




"Join the Dark Side! We have Hinata!" Hiashi raised an eyebrow at Orochimaru.

"So?" he asked, "You can have her." Orochimaru frowned, turned to Kabuto, and whispered in his ear. Kabuto nodded and left the room to go kidnap Hanabi.

"Join the Dark Side! We have Hanabi!"

"(sigh) Fine."


I'll continue this next chapter. And I hate Hiashi. Hence reason he's a bastard in this fic. Any ideas on who I should do next?