Title: Fortune Cookie
Pairings: SxC
Warnings: Complete and utter crack?

The room was filled with multiple cracking noises as two men and a boy sat on the floor otherwise silently around a table. One with silver hair, one with black hair and one with blonde hair.

"You are sociable and entertaining" The black haired one, named Zack spoke out thoughtfully. His blue eyes narrowed as his fingers rubbed his chin in thought. An arm shot out in the next instant, wrapping around the shoulder of the blonde one and the said boy of the trio and pulled him into his body, leaning in to press his cheek up against the others soft one and whispered almost in conspiracy. "Do you think… I'm sociable… and entertaining Cloud?"

All the while the third companions wide eyed reaction going unnoticed as they looked at their own fortune.

Putting his hands on Zack's chest, the said blonde boy now known as Cloud pushed against the other in an attempt to get out of Zack's hold. "Zack don't be an idiot" Blonde brows furrowed in thought though as Cloud's own blue gaze intently studied the small rectangular piece of paper held in his own grasp. "What I'm more worried about is what the hell 'Slap the Monkey' means"

Green eyes snapped up instantly glaring daggers at Zackary, the drumming of fingers the only sound reverberating throughout the room before the final one in the room, the 'silver' haired one, spoke up to the wide eyed man. "Zackary, why is Cloud in possession of one of your homemade fortune cookies instead of the ones we bought especially?"

Zack's eyes, already wide from dawning horror, slowly moved to regard Sephiroth's own, his hand moving to rub the back of his head in a nervous gesture as he tried to talk his way out of the situation. "I swear to god that isn't one of mine."

Looking around for any type of distraction, Zack desperate gaze locked obsessively on the small piece of paper held within the General's hand. Like a graceful antelope leaping over some grass and onto a sleeping lion, Zack leapt over the table with just as much grace and poise as his hand snapped out to snatch the piece of paper from Sephiroth, nearly tearing it in two in the process.

Sephiroth could do nothing but widen his eyes and drop his jaw as a blur came hurling towards him, knocking him over as one first class SOLDIER came barreling into him. He didn't even realise until it was too late that the others entire plot was to nab the incriminating paper from his very own grasp.

Zack was up and off of Sephiroth in an instant, already halfway back over the table as a hand shot out to grab his left ankle, causing him to thud heavily against the table top. Wincing and whining over dramatically, Zack reached out with one shaking hand, holding out the treasured piece of paper to Cloud, willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good of Sephiroth humiliation. "Spike… take it… take it and run"

"Oh no you don't Clou—" Sephiroth began saying as he climbed his way over Zack's fallen body in an attempt to get his secret shame back from the young cadets hand but alas, he was too late. The said blonde was already up on his feet, a grin far too similar to Zack's own firmly on his face as he held up the controversial fortune up high in victory then just as quickly got the hell out of the General's range.

Sephiroth was about to continue his pursuit but all too soon found himself flipped over onto his back as Zack pinned him down to the ground, the grin mirroring the same one upon Cloud's face at the very moment. "Spike, read it now while I've got him pinned down."

"Sure thing Zack" Was the blonde's only reply as he bounded across the room, leaping over furniture before jumping up onto the coffee table and clearing his throat. Wouldn't do well for him to make any mistakes while reading out what fortune was held within his gasp.

Blue eyes twinkling with mirth, Cloud brought the paper up to his line of sight and read out loud what was written on it. "Have a mouth as sharp as a dagger, but a heart as soft as tofu"

"Tofu?" Zack asked, unsure if he had heard Cloud correctly before two pairs of blue eyes stared owlishly into narrowed green, strangely blinking in tandem as once again a silence enveloped the room, only this time the silence was awkward for a certain silver haired member.

"Aww how cute, Sephiroth you're nothing but a big bowl of soft and squishy tofu!" Zack of course had the intelligence like any antelope laying on top of a lion pinned beneath their bodies and made quick work of getting off the deathly silent General before running full speed. His hands shot out to grab Cloud's arm, pulling the younger boy down from the table and used the cadet's body as a shield.

"Zack what the hell? Let me down" Cloud struggled vainly as Zack held him up off the floor by the back of his top, before sighing and folding his arms over his chest. Clearly not pleased with the sudden turn of events, Cloud muttered unhappily to himself. "Must remember never to be on your team in training again."

Silently standing up, the silver haired man closed the distance between himself and Zack, his cat-like eyes narrowing as he saw Zack wince and life Cloud up higher to protect himself with.

"You Zackary are to be punished" Snatching Cloud out of Zack's hold, Sephiroth slung the squeaking blonde over his shoulder as his gaze remained fixated firmly on his prey. "For conspiracy against the General I demote you to a month of toilet duties." Sephiroth ignored the gob smacked expression Zack's face had decided to express due to his punishment and spun on his heels, leaving his second in command to ponder over his mistake.

It will teach Zack not to try and humiliate him again, Sephiroth thought as he marched through his bedroom door, slamming it shut loudly behind him.