Disclaimer: I really wish it were the other way around...but it's not...I do NOT own Fullmetal X(

Thanks to ZaKai for betaing!

Remote Control

Ed squirmed in his wooden office chair, trying to get comfortable, but it was impossible. He picked up a folder from the table in front of him, looked at the documents inside, before sorting it into one of three piles based on content. He'd been stuck in here all day, and he was worked up, and he was anxious, and...he was horny.

Why did Roy have to ruin a perfectly nice morning of cuddling before work? Why did Roy have to be such a sadistic bastard? Why had Roy shoved that thing up his ass this morning? Why? Then the bastard had run off before Ed could get his hands on him for some before work sex. Ed didn't remember a time when Roy had gotten dressed that fast, and just as he was going out the door, he warned Ed not to remove it or they would never have sex again.

Roy would know...somehow, he always knew.

Whenever Roy got like this with him, if Ed disobeyed, Roy would hold out for days until Ed was practically dying from lust, overactive hormones and blue balls. It just wasn't the same to beat off yourself. No amount of pleading, begging, posturing, or threatening would do any good. Roy was a fucking rock!

So instead, Ed reluctantly got ready for work, wondering what Roy had put in his ass, and what it was supposed to do to him. He fingered the draw string through his legs, half tempted to pull it out to look at it before replacing it himself. He pulled on his boxer shorts, and then his pants; tucking the underwear down into the legs before threading the button into the hole. As soon as he put on his tank top, he got understood what it was.

Ed cried out in shock as the object in his ass started to vibrate. Dancing around the room, and clutching at his pants, Ed couldn't make his fingers work fast enough as he pushed his pants off his hips. Bending nearly double, he was just about to fish the thing out when the phone rang. Looking up between his legs at the bed side table, he considered not answering, but then that would make it that much worse for him latter on. What ever it was stopped, leaving a weird tingling behind.

Standing up right, he shuffling across the floor; pants pooling at his feet as Ed picked up the phone.

"What!" he barked, knowing full well that Roy was calling to check up on him.

"Tsk! Tsk! Temper Edward." Ed fidgeted; reaching down he pulled up his pants, feeling as though Roy was watching him right now. "How do you like my little toy?" Roy's voice drawled. Ed could hear the bastard flicking a switch through the phone, and his insides began to vibrate again.

"I don't." Ed gritted his teeth to keep from moaning. Damn, Roy always seemed to find the freakiest stuff. It always felt good, but the bastard had to think up these insane games. They couldn't just use them in the bedroom like normal people.

"Well, I'm sure...in time." Ed could hear the sadistic smirk from here and his face darkened. Fucking ...Roy, he thought as the man in question continued. "You'll come to enjoy it very much. Now hurry up or you'll be late for work."

Ed pulled the receiver away from his head as Roy broke the connection. Too distracted to move as the little machine went to work on his insides, Ed just stood there swaying with the effort to make his body ignore the stimulation.

Finally, the little fucker turned off and Ed's mind began to work again. Noticing that he still was holding the phone, Ed replaced it. Fishing out his pocket watch, Ed squeaked in horror. He had three minutes to get to work, all the way across town. He finished dressing, pulling on his usual leather pants and black jacket. Crashing down the stairs, Ed snatched his red trench coat from the hanger in the closet by the front door and ran down the steps.

He had to stop twice along the way, when that thing started up again, and dammit, didn't it shift and start to vibrate against his prostate. He had to take ten minutes after that just to calm down enough to walk. What he would have given to have a few moments alone, but the streets were crowed and he couldn't concentrate enough to do alchemy. Plus people were giving him a wide berth as his face twisted in the effort to keep his hands in a decent place, and off his aching dick. He was glad for the protection his long coat was offering today.

Hawkeye was out on for front steps waiting for him at the front door, visibly peeved at his tardiness when Ed had finally made it to headquarters. Ed flushed and fidgeted, adjusting his coat so she couldn't see the bulge in his groin. Thank...someone...that the thing wasn't on right now. He might just hump the lieutenant's leg if it did, gun or no.

"Edward, the colonel wants you to help me pull documents for an upcoming legal case." The woman informed him. She was standing several steps above Ed, towering over him. Usually this would have bothered him, but today...well, he had other things on his mind. Not yet trusting his voice, Ed could only nod and follow the lieutenant once Hawkeye had had enough of glaring at him.

The vibrator didn't go off for sometime after that, and Ed began to relax and calm down. He even pulled off his long coat as they worked at pulling all the files and pilling them on a table in the middle of the room to be sorted later. It was tedious work. With his arms laden with paper work, the forgotten machine buzzed to life, making Ed jump and throw his arm load across the room, in a flurry of falling papers.

"Edward!" Hawkeye scolded, she glared at the dumb founded boy as they both watched the sheets settle around the room. "Pick that up now! And make sure they go back in the correct folders."

"Yes, ma'am," Ed stammered. He bent to his knees, and blinked. He didn't think he could take this. Panting slightly, Ed absentmindedly began to pick up sheets of paper. He felt his penis twitch at the stimulation he was receiving.

Over the next fifteen minutes, the machine went on and off. Sometimes close together, sometimes there would be a long pause. Finally having straightened out his mess, Ed thought it would be a good time to disappear for a few minutes and take care of his growing problem.

"Be right back, bathroom!" Ed called over his shoulder, disappearing before Hawkeye could call him back. Making a beeline for the nearest washroom, Ed ignored everyone in the hallways who called out greetings, and made motions to talk to him. Intent on some relief, if even for a little while, he rudely brushed past them all.

Pushing open the bathroom door, Ed was pleased to note the empty stalls and deserted urinals. Ducking quickly into the furthest stall, Ed locked himself in and pawed at his pants as the vibrator went on again. Moaning softly, Ed pushed his pants down and gripped his rock hard erection. Setting a fast pace, he fisted his penis, loving the rough texture of his gloves as it brought him quickly to the edge. Ed was intent on completion, not pleasure.

In a matter of moments, Ed was spurting all over his glove and toilet. Weak-kneed and sated for now, Ed carefully removed his soiled glove, using it to wipe off the globes of cum that had landed on his pants. He was glad the evil machine was once again silent for the moment. If it turned on right now, he'd have to jerk off again, and after abusing his dick with the gloves, he didn't think he could take it.

Making his way quickly back to the file room, Ed found Hawkeye right where he left her. He smiled awkwardly at her as he slunk by, resuming his task of file pulling. He could feel the lieutenant's eyes on him as he worked. His face turned hot as he wondered if she could tell what he'd been up too. Could he have some expression on his face that let other people know when you had done that? He face got even hotter as the machine flickered on again.

"Are you humming?" Hawkeye finally asked.

Ed turned around and stared at her dumbfounded. "W-what?" stammered Ed. "N-n-oh! Yeah, I got a song in my head that won't leave me alone." Ed could feel his blush spread down to his neck and chest, he hoped that Hawkeye wouldn't read too much into it.

"Um...I hate when that happens." Nodding, she turned back to her file cabinet.

"Yeah, me too." Ed sighed. This was unbearable. How could Roy do this to me? he thought. The fucker turned off again, giving him a respite for the moment.

"Hey! How are the paper pushers?" Havoc asked, peeking his head around the door.

"Good. Is the colonel anxious for his files?" Hawkeye asked.

"Actually, he wants to see the chief about a lead," Havoc said, nodding at Ed.

Placing the files in his arms on the table, Ed followed the blond man down the hall. Trying to tell his heart and libido that just because he was going to Mustang's office, it did NOT mean this would be over any time soon. The bastard probably just wanted to see how his game was progressing.

Havoc held the door open for him to pass and closed it behind him. Ed stepped back towards the door, and stood with his back plastered to it, glaring at the colonel. The bastard wasn't even looking at the damage he created. The colonel was reading some document on his desk, and tapping his pen on the ink blotter as he casually reached over and touched the switch on a small gray box next to his elbow, turning Ed on, literally.

Ed's hands flew to his mouth to cover the throaty groan that was trying to work its way from his throat.

"Very nice.," Mustang purred at the sight before him, finally looking up.

"B-bastard," Ed croaked through his hand, and squirmed a little as Roy flicked off the device again.

"I see your enjoying my toy." Roy nodded, eying Ed's groin.

"I'm NOT!" Ed half shouted.

"That's not how it looks from here. Come closer." Roy waved the blond over, pushing his chair away from his desk. His eye's roved over the lithe body as it stomped towards him. To Roy, it looked like Ed was sauntering towards him, as the blond radiated sexual desire and hunger. Ed stomped around the side of the desk, to stand in front of the colonel, just out of arm's reach.

"Closer." Roy's eyes were glazing over now with lust for the wonderful pleading look in Ed's face. He might not be able to resist till tonight. No, he could do this, it would be so much better if they were in the sanctuary of his room, where he could ravish the blond as many times as he wanted.

Ed took one small step towards his tormentor. He knew the evil bastard wouldn't resolve this now, but would wait until this evening. Although, he held out some small hope that Roy would at least give him a hand job.

Roy quirked an eyebrow as Ed only took a baby step, a childless attempt to get him to react. He took a calming breath before he opened his mouth. He couldn't afford to spoil this before it got really good. "You may go back to your work now," said Roy, pulling his chair back into the desk and he resumed working.

Ed's jaw worked with all the things he wanted to say, each more scathing then the last. Each utterance though, would mean another day of punishment from Roy. Spinning on his heal, Ed stomped his way to the door.

The vibrator was strangely silent for the rest of the day, making Ed more sensitive to almost every sensation he felt. The shift of his pants, the fold of his shirt, even the shift of his braid left him moving and fidgeting uncomfortably.

At some point Hawkeye noticed his inattention, and after pulling several incorrect files, she dismissed him for the day. Ed rushed to his dorm room, eager to hide away. When he threw open the door however, Ed was surprised to see that Al was no longer here. What had that bastard engineered? Closing the door, Ed began to search the room to see if their stuff was still here. He didn't doubt for one second that the colonel would have taken it and hid it somewhere as ransom. Not like they had a lot to begin with, but it was his dammit!

After searching the room, Ed found a note on the bedside table in Al's careful writing. Unfolding the paper, Al told him to be good and not to cause trouble because he had gone to the library with Sheeska to help her out with her job, so that meant he was on his own. Ed grunted at his brother's presumption that he couldn't take care of himself with out him.

Sighing, he sat down on the edge of the bed, unconsciously adjusting his lower body to accommodate his little 'friend'. He couldn't decide what he wanted to do now. He squeaked slightly as the thing turned on unexpectedly. Well that answered that question. Lying on his back he let his hand drift down his stomach towards his awakening penis.

He squeaked again as someone started banging on the door. Grumbling to himself about privacy in his own room, he rolled to his feet, and tried not too walk funny as he answered the door. Crap, the thing went off again.

"Yes!" Ed barked.

"Sir!" The private snapped a salute. "There's a phone call for you."

"Okay," Ed sighed. So much for wanking off quietly.

As he approached the phone in the hall, the 'little beast' as he now began to call it, turned on. Gasping audibly, the soldier in front of him turned to see what was up. Blushing furiously, Ed shook his head and hurried past him to the phone.

"What!" he barked, mashing the receiver into his head.

"Now, now, Fullmetal, is that anyway to talk to your superior officer?" Roy chuckled in his ear.

"Sorry, sir," Ed ground out around clenched teeth.

"Meet me at the corner," Roy husked quietly. Ed figured there must still be someone in the office with him.

"Fine." Ed hung up the phone. He knew what corner the colonel was talking about. It was their routine to meet up like this.

The little beast switched off.

Ten minutes of standing alone, and waiting did nothing to improve Ed's mood. He even started to consider going against the bastard's plans this evening and be dammed with the consequences.

A few minutes later, and Ed spotted Roy walking slowly towards him, whistling to himself. Pushing himself off the tree he was leaning against, Ed began to walk towards the bastard's house making sure that any pedestrians or onlookers wouldn't mistake them as walking together.

Another ten minutes later, and Roy was lounging in his living room, relaxing. Ed hovered near the far arm rest, waiting on the bastard's 'pleasure'. Unable to wait any longer, Ed stomped across the room towards the stairs.

"Where do you think your going, Fullmetal?" Roy snapped, spinning around on the couch.

"You're such a fucking bastard, you know that! I'm taking this thing out and the hell with your perverted games," spat Ed, and continued his march to the bathroom.

"Edward!" Roy pelted after him, easily catching him before he made it to the washroom.

Ed resisted all his attempts to get him to stop and listen.

"Edward, wait please. I'm sorry. I took it too far," Roy pleaded, his hand on his shoulder. It was just there, not stopping him, just there.

Seething with indignation, Ed considered if he should allow Roy to get away with it, but then he had an evil plan, and the more he thought about it the better he liked it. The more he liked it, the more his face lit up, causing Roy to worry and sweat.

"Fine! Then make it up to me!" Ed whirled around shaking off his hand hold.

"Of course, anything you..." Roy faltered as Ed's face took on a truly manic gleam.

"Anything?" Ed wanted his full cooperation.


"Great." Ed whirled around and slammed the bathroom door in his face, locking it with a very loud click.

Roy sat in his office chair trying to appear relaxed and bored, but that insistent machine was making him shift and squirm. As soon as Hawkeye shot him a warring glance, Roy would still until she looked away. What had he been thinking, playing such an awful trick on Edward. This was hell. He never knew when the vibrator would go off, making him on edge and snappish.

He would most likely be sleeping on the couch again tonight. Ed had insisted on his staying in Roy's room while Roy took up residence in the living room. It was a true test for him and he knew it. To have Ed so close, knowing he was sleeping nude, upstairs in his queen sized bed...needless to say, he didn't get much sleep last night. He wondered how long Edward would continue with this torture.

"Sir, General Hakuro wants to have a quick meeting in the conference room about the growing problem in Ishbal," Hawkeye informed him replacing the phone.

"Shit," he mumbled under his breath. Just then the machine turned off. Sighing, Roy gathered his notes. As he opened the door to the conference room, the thing went on again.

With his back ram rod straight, Roy thought the saying 'pay back's a bitch' was going to take on new meaning for him.