You have got to be the meanest person I know! How could you just up and say that I should die? I mean, honestly, I'm the only half-blood aloud to survive, obviously! Besides, who needs to know that I'm only half-blood? I can be pure-blooded if I want to. I denounced my muggle-filth of a father long ago. Who needs him? I'll just pretend and then no one else will find out. Who's going to contradict me anyway? I'm a dark lord!
So anyway… I can't believe you actually told me the prophecy! Are you really that dumb or are you just stupid? I mean, 'neither can live while the other survives?' What's with that? I guess that means that I must kill you. Or you know, you could just join me and then we can both live because with me, you won't be trying to survive. You'd have it all! I'd have an heir and you wouldn't be trying to survive with the so-called family you have with the Dursleys.
Anyway, I really think you should consider my offer. I await your owl.
Dear Lord Voldemort,
I know you are but what am I? Hahaha! That was in regards to your comment about me being stupid. But anyways, I guess I'll get down to business.
I don't care if I live with the Dursleys. They aren't as bad as you think. They could be better but at least I have a roof over my head. And as I've told you time and time again – No!!! – I will not join with you even if it meant you'd stop killing, wear a tutu and start up ballet classes for house elves. Well, I have to go now. People to save, homework to do, teachers to annoy…
So many things to do, so little time. Anyway, your dieing day will soon be upon you. Good-bye Voldemort, or should I say, Tom!
Savior of the Wizarding World,
Harry James Potter, esquire
P.S. If you can dub yourself lord, why can't I be an esquire?
P.P.S. Dumbledore has found a way to take my power of annoyance and put it into a curse form. When you drop this letter will have 24 hours of being annoyed to death (just the feeling of it though!) and then you will drop dead after. There is no cure so there's no point in searching for one. As you drop this paper, I say good-bye to my best rival. Good-bye!
And that my friends, is how Voldemort and Harry Potter battled and ended the war!