Limericks by Cleo the Muse
Rating: All Ages
Genre: General, Humor
Warnings: Bad poetry.
Episodes: None, and could be set in any season featuring the original team.
Synopsis: No plot whatsoever. Busted up and confined to the infirmary, SG-1 finds a way to pass the time.
Status: Completed as of November 18, 2006
Notes: Well, after that not-so-pleasant 'fic I just posted, I was suddenly inspired to be humorous. Also, I happened to come across something recently that reminded me of the Star Trek episode... but I can't remember what it was, now.


"There once was a lady from Venus,
Whose body was shaped like a--"
-- Data,
Star Trek: The Next Generation "The Naked Now"

"There once was a linguist, first class,
Who did greetings and meetings en masse:
Every alien and peasant
Both nice and unpleasant
'Til a Jaffa shot him in the--"



"I believe you have been given too great a quantity of anesthetic, O'Neill."

"Nah, I'm just having some fun."

"You were rhyming, Jack. Limericks. And my ah--er, butt hurts."

"Sorry 'bout that. Guess this was the one time teaching you to duck didn't help, eh? Besides, limericks are a fine Irish tradition. 'There once was a lady from Venus--'"

"Don't even go there, Jack."

"You're no fun."

"There once was a colonel named Jack--"

"Easy there, Danny..."

"--In patience and politeness did lack--"

"Do not."

"--When a linguist he knew
Told a limerick or two
Which served to get at him back."

"Hey, now!"

"You're just upset that it took you a whole twenty minutes to come up with yours and I did mine in less than a minute."

"Oh yeah? Well you said 'a limerick or two', so where's the other one?"


"In the midst of a whole lot of noise--"

"Et tu, Carter?"

"--Sat a woman, just 'one of the boys'
Though she found them amusing,
She'd rather be using
Her free time to test out new toys."

"That new specto-thingy?"

"Spectrometer, sir. I can't wait to use it on our next mineral survey."

"Mmmm... mineral survey. There once was an SGC general,
Who sent teams to collect every mineral
Of all shapes and sizes,
Some of 'em prizes...
Uh... crap."

"I don't think that rhymes with 'general', Jack."

"Think you can do any better?"

"There once was an SGC general,
Who sent teams to collect every mineral
Of compositions diverse
'Cross the whole universe,
But he found that most minerals were general."

"That cheats. Hey, no movin' around with those stitches!"

"I'm trying to reach my water."

"Janet'll kill me if she sees me out of bed, but yeesh... just ask next time."

"Right. I once wrote a note in my journal
About a particularly peculiar colonel--"

"Oh, so we're back to this, are we?"

"--Who was usually abrupt
'Til I got shot in the butt,
When he turned into poultry, maternal."

"Did you just call me a 'mother hen'?"

"I believe he did, O'Neill."

"I once walked a mile in the rain
Carrying a guy who was being a pain
He'd been shot in the bum
Morphine made it numb
But 'twas a shame that it didn't numb his brain!"

"Ha. You're full of 'em today, Jack. Or should I say full of 'it'?"

"There once were some prisoners, three--"

"Whoa, Teal'c's getting in on it, too?"


"--Whom I soon learned were of the Tau'ri.
Though I'll follow their ways
'Til the end of my days
Their humor remains a mystery."

Author's Notes:

Yeah, that took all of about 30 minutes to write. Seriously.