Characters are not mine. Greg POV. Read and Review, please!!!
I'm Not Supposed To Love You, I'm Not Supposed To Care
I'm Not Supposed To Spend My Days Wishing You Were There
I'm Not Supposed To Wonder Where You Are Or What You Do
I'm Sorry I Can't Help Myself, I Fell In Love With You
I don't know when it started exactly, but somewhere along the line, it did. And there's nothing I can do to stop it anymore. I suppose you want to know what in the world I'm rambling on about. Well, as he so wonderfully put it, 'Let's begin at the beginning.'
When I first started at the Las Vegas Crime Lab, as head DNA lab-rat, fresh out of San Francisco. Everyone thought I was just some joke, some kid who just had friends in high places who got me in here. And, despite the fact that I had worked my tail end off to be here, had even graduated high school early and made it out of college with honors, they still treated me like I didn't deserve to be there.
But, he didn't. He never patronized me, or criticized the way I presented my information. He defended me when the other, more senior, lab-rats talked about me behind my back. He even helped me move into my apartment. We weren't all that close, the old new kid simply helping out the new one.
And, eventually, I wasn't the unknown alien inhabiting the lab anymore. I got along with everyone alright, allied with Archie from A/V to take part in the always amusing sport of annoying Hodges. I'd learned where the bodies were buried, when to avoid Grissom in fear of becoming exhibit A in one of his experiments. I knew where to hide my beloved imported coffee where even the C.S.I.'s wouldn't find it. I could play my rock music, flirt with anyone who dared to enter my lab -except Hodges- and I could just get away from it all.
Nick and I weren't really close for some time after that, just barely friends. He'd let me tag along when the grave shift C.S.I.'s went out for breakfast after big cases, even invited me drinking with him and Warrick a few times.
Then the new C.S.I. started. I hadn't even met her yet when I heard what had happened. I guess I wouldn't be meeting her. She'd been shot at a crime scene when Warrick had left her alone. It had been a case of 'wrong place, wrong time,' though the CSI 2 was at least somewhat responsible for the incident.
And Nick had not taken that event very well, blaming his best friend for it. For once, Warrick had been left behind on one of the nights we'd gone drinking. Apparently, both of us had a bit too much too drink that night.
Despite the fact that I'd been at the lab for almost a year and a half now, this is where the story really begins. A no-strings attached relationship had started that night, in a mutual alcohol induced stupor.
I hadn't pegged him as one to be into guys, but he'd proven me wrong. He was good at what he did, I'll give him that, but he was so far in the closet he might as well have been in China. I doubted this would ever go any further than two friends helping each other out, I hoped for more, though I never told him that.
Anyway, back to our story. Sara Sidle, Holly Gribbs' replacement had become my newest interest. Of course that had even less of a chance than something serious with Nick, the brunette's eye solely on a man who made an Ogre look like a social butterfly. I flirted, she flirted, hell, Nick flirted, but it was all just a charade.
Then Nick met Kristi, and our secret meetings stopped. I have to say I really did not care for the woman who'd stolen my lover and doubted she could make Nick happy. My fears were confirmed when Nick found himself on the wrong end of a murder investigation.
He'd slept with Kristi, as far as I knew that was the first real relationship he'd had since I'd arrived in Vegas, unless you counted me, of course. However, processing the DNA that I knew was Nick's set shocks of jealousy through my veins. The idea of anyone else with him making me insane.
After the evidence had cleared him, and he was off the hook, he showed up at my door. And, as mad as I was at him, I couldn't let him leave. He needed me and I needed him.
The next few months were pretty normal by our standards. Our encounters were few and far between. And, though I hated to admit, I was just like Sara. I loved a man who could never love me back. It was the same. Exactly the same. He'd let me get close and then push me away.
The Nigel Crane incident had occurred during an extended alienation period. I hadn't been with Nick in months, not since he'd come clean about his baby-sitter when he was nine - Catherine and I were the only ones who knew about that. When word had gotten around the lab that Nick had been shoved out of a window I found myself in the bathroom, reacquainting myself with my lunch. But, I couldn't see him, not without drawing some sort of suspicion to us.
Then I found out that the stalker had been living in Nick's home. I was scared all over again. Scared for Nick's safety, mostly. But, also scared for us, that that psychopath in the ceiling knew about us, that he would destroy all of the progress I'd made with the Texan.
After Crane was arrested, Nick moved in with me. It was only supposed to be for two weeks, while he found a new apartment, but whatever was between us was growing and it was torture for me having him so close and knowing he still couldn't care for me the way I did for him.
Much to my delight, Nick never did find a new place, at least for quite some time. We were roommates, in more than one sense of the word, for several months. Just before the lab explosion he'd moved out. We'd had a stupid fight over absolutely nothing, and he'd walked out.
Not a month later, the situations were reversed, I was in the hospital bed and he was the one worried. Not that I wished that on him, on anyone at all, but I was glad not to have to watch him suffer in pain again.
Once I was released, he stayed with me, held me through the night, dreams of flames and shattering glass filling my subconscious while I slept, but he could push them away, as long as he was with me my hands stopped shaking, the fight that had separated us water under the bridge now.
Archie had even told me that he and Warrick had had to hold Nick back from going back into the building after me, he'd broken down crying on the curb before Grissom had sent him back to his crime scene to keep him calm, work was always the distraction of choice when any of us were dealing with something.
Not long after that, Grissom finally started to let me accumulate field time, allowed me out on cases occasionally. I was surprised, as my first attempt at this had me frozen at the sight of blood. Nick, coupled with my newfound fear of the glass walls I'd known for so long, convinced me to try again.
I looked forward to the times when Nick would allow me to assist on his cases. He taught me the basics over that year, which had thankfully been uneventful as far as accidents, though our relationship had begun to fall apart, neither of us seeing much of the other despite the fact that we worked on the same shift, with the same people, just like always.
The next year brought all sorts of changes. I tried and failed at my first proficiency exam, making a rookie mistake though I should have known better. I experienced things I wasn't sure I ever wanted to see again, and I made C.S.I., managing to finally solve a murder staged as suicide, staged as murder. I'd almost screwed that one up as well, but Nick and Warrick informed me that Grissom wanted to see me as I was heading out. I'd entered the specimen filled office to find a ballistics gel dummy holding a sign announcing that I'd passed. That night, Nick and I celebrated, he even took me out to dinner, about as close to a real date as we'd come in the five years we'd been together.
It had all been going too smoothly, something was bound to go wrong. Grissom's political senses were pretty much non-existent and Ecklie had backed him into a corner. We were all split up. Sara, Grissom, and I, as well as Sofia Curtis from day-shift were all on grave. Nick, Catherine and Warrick moved to swing. My lover and I were lucky to see each other once a week, if that.
Rare occasions came about that allowed me to work with him. High profile cases that required both of our shifts to process. I don't even think he noticed that I was wearing his jacket during one of the cases, the casino mogul with a fetish for acting as an infant.
Things couldn't get much worse…
I really shouldn't have said that. Because they sure as hell managed to. I'd arrived at the lab in time to hear that Nick was missing, which was enough to stop my heart. Warrick and Catherine were handling the drama King and Queen roles well enough. I forced myself to keep calm, though I was breaking inside, praying that we'd get to him in time, that I'd tell him everything if he walked out of this alive.
That was the longest twelve hours of my life. I didn't know where Nick was and I felt like I was trapped in a house with every villain from every slasher film ever made. I hated not knowing.
Then I saw him. He had a gun to his head, ready to end it all when we finally cleared the plexi-glass of dirt. I wanted to be the one holding his hand, calming him down, holding him, comforting him. Warrick and Catherine beat me to the ambulance and I finally broke when it drove away, falling to my knees in a waterfall of tears.
Nick's recovery had taken months, and even then he still wasn't completely healed, I stayed with him at the hospital every chance I got, finding that I could give him comfort and chase away his fears like he had done for me after the explosion. I was one of three people that he allowed to hold him, his mother and eldest sister qualifying as well.
When he had finally returned to work, now claustrophobic, terrified of bugs and green glowing lights, we were all back together again. We fell back into our old rhythm and he'd moved in with me again. I had yet to tell him of my feelings, fearing it would somehow shatter his recovery.
We got a well deserved break from the insanity of the big city when Sara, Warrick, Nick, and I had been assigned to a case in Pioche, some time away from Vegas. Nick and I had volunteered to share a hotel room, claiming it would save the city some money, though we did have ulterior motives on that one. However, he was too involved in the case. He was the only one of us who believe that Cassie was still alive, that it wasn't her day to die, like it hadn't been his.
We spent our last night there together, I took the memories of that little girl out of his brain for the night, letting him sleep without nightmares once again. Because to him, that little girl might as well have been in that coffin with him. If an aunt hadn't turned up in Reno, I swore Nick would have adopted her.
Our not-so-relaxing break soon came to an end and we were back in Sin City, processing the cases again like clockwork. Once again, Nick and I rarely had cases together, excluding random meetings over evidence in linked cases and such.
The next time I really spent time with him at work was when his truck was stolen. We'd been stuck at the lab forever, it seemed and there was only so much we could possibly talk about before we snuck off to the supply closets to keep ourselves occupied. Thankfully, that day had ultimately ended well, except for Nick's beloved car, which had been significantly remodeled when recovered.
Brass' shooting had opened a new can of worms for the two of us. The reality seeming to finally allow Nick to really open up to me. He'd officially ended the 'no-strings attached' part of our relationship, though he said it hadn't truly been that to him since the beginning.
Apparently I wasn't the only one who'd seen deeper into this relationship. I took my chance, I told him I loved him.
I wasn't sure how he'd react, but react he did. It took him almost a minute to regain the ability to speak.
He pulled me into his arms, crying against my shoulder, telling me how scared he was that I didn't feel the same way about me before he dared to say it back, the words making the last six years completely worth it.
Maybe I Do Love You, Maybe I Do Care
Maybe I Don't Need To Wish That You Were Here
I Don't Need To Wonder Where You Are Or What You Do
I'm Sorry I Can't Help Myself, I'm In Love With You