Disclaimer: Not mine, wish it was, but dreams rarely come true. Thank goodness for imaginations..
Author's Note: Okay… time to bore readers to death… where to begin? This is the third part of a series I'm writing to be posted. You don't need to read the other stories in the series for this to make sense, but they all tie together.
The "incident" the story revolves around is briefly mentioned in another part of the series Bound to Moonlight. Basically, James has the wonderful plan to surprise Lily on Valentines Day. Needless to say, she isn't happy and with Remus' help, plans to stop it. This takes place in MWPP 5th year and focuses on Lily and Remus' friendship with a hint of LilyJames foreshadowing.
Laughter in Moonlight
"He's going to what!" Lily screeched, eyes bright with fury, "Couldn't you tell him that is the most dim-witted idea ever?"
"I tried," Remus explained, "but Sirius has him convinced that it's the best way."
"The best way to what? Drive me to homicide? Why does he think stalking me is romantic?" Lily snapped.
"He actually thinks following you around and enchanting everything to profess his love for you is romantic. I don't think it's crossed his mind that he might be stalking you."
"It's not like I can do anything about it."
Dejected, Lily slumped in her chair in the Gryffindor common room. Remus sat in the adjacent chair, thinking of possible ways to help his friend.
"Maybe I can try convincing him to be less dramatic," Remus offered, "I know it didn't help much the last time I tried but-"
"No," Lily interrupted, "I have a better idea. What if, instead of stopping him, we make it impossible for it to be done in the first place?"
"Who is this we?" Remus asked suspiciously.
"You, of course, will be helping me." Lily said so matter-of-factly that Remus felt himself nodding along.
"To do what?" With Lily, it was bound to be out of the ordinary. When he had visited her the previous summer, Remus had been shocked to hear of all the pranks Lily had pulled on her sister. Though, now having met Petunia, Remus could firmly say that the pranks were justified.
"Well, we'll go out to the forest, not in it of course, grab some sticks. Then we're going to charm them to seem just like James and Sirius' real wands."
"You're going to replace their wands with sticks. How will this help you?"
"If they don't have their wands, they can't cast any spells."
"How do you plan on getting their wands away from them?"
"Here's how…" Lily whispered the rest of her plan into Remus' ear.
"What!" Remus burst into laughter, anticipating the upcoming prank. It might be on his friends, but Lily would do it anyways without his help. And James was going too far with his obsession. Lily was practically his sister and, James was, as Lily so eloquently put it, stalking her.
"On no," Remus realized something, "what if they get into a fight with Snape? They wouldn't be able to defend themselves."
"Then I'll grab Snape's as well."
"And somehow make it look authentic."
"I can probably create a personalized illusion so that anyone touching it thinks it's their wand. I doubt any Slytherin would let someone else touch their wand, so there's no risk in using the illusion on Snape. Potter and Black will get actually copies, however.
Skeptically raising an eyebrow, Remus asked, "Why do I suddenly wonder what other houses the Hat considered for you?"
"The Sorting Hat said I'd do well in Ravenclaw, but I had courage befitting a Gryffindor, so this is where I ended up."
Rolling his eyes, Remus wondered why he even bothered to ask.
Although normally a sweet and caring girl, Lily had a devious side that often came out when James was concerned.
When he first met Lily, Remus had realized he had found a friend who would always stand by him; already, Lily had proven herself as one of his closest friends. After the others had discovered his secret, Lily had been the one to convince him that his other friends wouldn't hate him.
However, this prank was directed towards another of his two best friends. His two friends who broke the law to help him survive the full moons…
As Remus debated his conflicted interests, the portrait banged open and Lily visibly cringed.
"Evans, my sweet," James called, "we shall be dining at the Three Broomsticks next Hogsmead weekend!"
"In your dreams, Potter!"
"Yes, you are," James responded with a roguish wink that would make any girl swoon, any girl but Lily it seemed.
"I don't recall agreeing to go to Hogsmead with you, Potter. But, to answer your statement, and I say statement since I don't recall you ever asking, the answer is, as always, NO!"
"You know you want to," Sirius tried to help James.
Remus looked up to see James attempting to flirt with Lily, Sirius backing James up and Lily about to lose her temper.
Just as Lily's hand started twitching, about to grab her wand, Remus walked over to the small group, "Did I miss something?" Remus feigned confusion.
"Moony, I swear you would disappear into your books if we never rescued you," Sirius laughed.
This confused Remus, because he had not been reading at the time when Sirius and James came in.
"Evans was just agreeing to go to Hogsmead with me, weren't you, Evans?"
Remus was the only one who saw it coming and backed away slowly. James might be Lily's stalker, but Remus was her only friend able to predict her temper.
"POTTER! I am not you girlfriend! And I never want to be your girlfriend!"
"Do you want me to be romantic I-"
Lily's want was directly between his eyes before he could finish his sentence, "Shut up," she said coldly before she turned on her heel and walked back to the girl's dorm.
'Well,' Remus thought, 'Lily, five hundred and three; James, zero.'
"Sometimes I get the impression your version of romance differs from Lily's," Remus said aloud.
"Don't worry, Remus my friend, after Valentine's Day, she will have fallen completely in love with me."
Sirius grinned, "Did we tell you about the new part of the plan? James is not only going to charm things to ask her out,"
"I'm going to transfigure statues of her and me together to follow her around and sing to her. That way she'll see how good we look together! Isn't that great?" James finished.
"Maybe you should take smaller steps," Remus offered, "like calling her by her first name."
If James would just try not to impress Lily, the two of them would be great together…
Remus had a suspicion that Lily liked James, but she refused to act on those feelings because James could never stop acting like an idiot.
He resolved to help Lily in her scheme; he hated to admit it, but James needed to give her some privacy. Lately, James had been using the Marauder's Map to follow Lily and ask her out.
James and Sirius were off plotting in "their" corner of the common room, so Remus took the opportunity to implement Lily's plan. Remus made his way towards Peter, regretting how he would be using his friend.
Taking a deep breath, Remus drew his faintly-scarred hand through his tawny hair before beginning, "How's your day, Peter?"
"It's good. I think James' plan is really going to work! Isn't it wonderful?"
"Yeah," Remus lied, "in fact, I'm going to go up and polish my wand tonight. It'd hardly do for us to embarrass James and ruin his chances only because we have smudged wands.
Peter's eyes bugged and Remus knew he's fallen for the bait, "I'm going to go see if James or Sirius needs the wands polished!" Peter jumped up then scurried back to Sirius and James' corner.
Lily was sitting on the stairway to the girl's dorm, she looked inquisitively at Remus. Once he gave a slight nod, she smiled then went upstairs to work on her latest assignments.
Thinking of his own homework, Remus pulled out his unfinished DADA essay; although it was a Friday evening, Remus knew the weekend would be full of excitement and he'd never be able to find additional time.
A little while later, Peter returned with the wands in question in his hand.
"Got 'em" he panted. He started vigorously polishing the wands, eventually submersing them in the solution.
Peter's eyes began to water as he reached a frightening realization, "These'll take forever to dry, Remus-"
"I'm planning on studying late, Peter. I'll make sure they're fine." It wasn't technically a lie because they would be. Lily might act like an evil-genius on occasion, but she would never do anything permanent, like destroy their wands. Though, given the way James had been acting lately, she might be tempted.
An hour later, Remus was revising his DADA essay as James and Sirius trudged up to the dorm and collapsed into their beds.
Remus glanced towards his friends' sleeping forms; once they were asleep it would be near impossible to wake them until morning.
A soft knock came at the door and it would have startled Remus, if he hadn't been expecting it.
Remus quietly opened the door and Lily crept in. They made an odd pair of friends right now, Remus imagined: Lily, in her pajamas and Remus still in his school uniform.
Lily paused to look at Remus curiously, "Why are you still wearing your tie when it's almost midnight?"
Remus shot back at her, "Why are you wandering around in your pajamas in the boys' dorm when it's almost midnight?"
Lily faintly blushed and glared at Remus.
Remus stuffed his fist in his mouth to prevent his laughter from escaping. He'd almost forgotten how fun it was to tease his almost-sister.
Innocently, Lily looked at James' and Sirius' wands, now dry and lying on the bathroom counter, and dropped them into the small bag she was carrying.
Two identical wands to the ones she had just stolen came out of another pocket of the bag, replacing the ones from the counter. She also added another charms to the fakes that Remus did not recognize.
On her way out, Lily hesitated and Remus noticed she was staring at James. Staring at James, who was asleep without a shirt on. Remus sent Lily one of his patented, "and you say you don't like him," looks and earned a blush and grin from Lily in return.
After Lily left, Remus trudged back to bed, eagerly anticipating the next day.
February fourteenth arrived quickly, and Remus woke up earlier than usual; although, that might have been because he had forgotten to change into his night clothes and his tie was beginning to choke him…
It would be hours before the others woke, but Lily was bound to be implementing the rest of her plan in the Great Hall.
As he arrived, Remus realized that he was indeed correct. Lily had been leaving when she "accidentally" stumbled right into Snape.
"I'm so sorry. Let me help you up," Lily's quiet, apologetic voice echoed in the nearly empty Great Hall.
"Watch it! You filthy-"
"It there a problem here?" Slughorn's massive body was suddenly there, ready to intervene between any potential quarrels among his favorite students.
"No sir," Snape gritted his teeth.
"I'm just clumsy this morning," Lily lied as she handed Snape his bag, after discretely switching his wand.
"Of course Miss Evans, it was simply and accident. No harm done."
"Of course it was," Snape commented with thinly veiled sarcasm. He left and headed, undoubtedly, towards the dungeons.
"Well, I'd best be off now. Potions to brew and all that. Good day, Miss Evans," and Slughorn left as well.
Weaving her way through the growing crowd of hungry students, Lily made her way to Remus.
"Nicely done. Did you know Slughorn'd be here?"
"Yep. He's working on a potion with Snape this morning, so I figured they'd leave at the same time."
"You are an absolutely devious imp, my dear," Remus teased.
Lily, ever a morning person, laughed and placed another roll onto Remus' plate.
Remus faked a pout; Lily always mothered him when it was near "that time of the month."
Looking up, Remus saw James and Sirius enter and remembered they'd planned on being up early in order to make all of Lily's Valentine's Day special. Or rather, James planned to and Sirius was being dragged along.
Lily sighed. As much fun as it would be, there was no true way to get James to leave her alone.
As if on cue, James strode over and placed a long, red rose on Lily's plate.
Lily grimaced, the rose was right in the middle of her eggs. How would she be able to eat them now?
"I see you're happy to see me. But not so much as I am to see you. You see, today is a day for love, passion and romance. All of which you shall experience today, my love. Voila!"
James waved his wand and waited for the expected shower of rose petals.
"Sirius," he hissed, "you try."
Sirius tried summoning a pre-transfigured statue.
"You know, Potter. It almost impresses me that you're not trying to impress me."
Lily was actually egging him on! Remus felt sorry for an instant, then he laughed to himself as he realized that Lily was subconsciously flirting with James!
"Don't you fret, Evans. I'll try harder,"
"James tried the incantation once more and, still, nothing happened.
Sirius tried and continued accomplishing nothing.
Lily smirked and Remus laughed under his breath. James and Sirius just stood their shouting spells, hoping something would work.
"Well, well, well," Snape drawled, "what have we here? Two Gryffindorks who can't cast a simple spell."
"Buzz off," Snape!" shouted Sirius.
Anticipating the rising confrontation, Remus and Lily drew their wands, ready to intervene should the fight come to blows.
"Expelliarmus!" Snape's spell had no effect.
"Looks like we're not the only ones having problems, Snape. Come on, Sirius, let's go" James dragged Sirius by the shoulder out of the Great Hall and towards the Gryffindor common room.
"What'd you do that for?" Sirius asked once they were outside the hall. Trailing behind the pair, Remus and Lily could hear their conversation.
"I know we could've taken him, but Lily was right there and…"
"You're hopelessly in love." Even from a distance, Remus could tell Sirius was rolling his eyes.
"James is improving," Remus whispered to Lily.
"I guess…I just wish he'd done it because it was the right thing to do. Not just because I would approve."
"We can't all be as morally upstanding as you, Lily"
"You listen to too many rumors, Remus. Think about it. I'm pranking three people on Valentines Day, how upstanding can I really be?"
"You're absolutely right Lily. You're an awful person. How on earth can anyone stand you?" Remus deadpanned.
Sirius' shout of "Remus!" closely followed by James' of "Lily!" interrupted their squabble.
Apparently James and Sirius had turned around and saw Remus and Lily following.
Lily bit back a grimace, "I have to go to the library. There's a Charms' essay I want to work on," and she made her hasty, but successful, retreat.
"You already finished it. Way to leave me here alone," Remus muttered inaudibly.
"You and Evans are friends, so, what does she look for in a guy?" James threw an arm around Remus' shoulder.
"I think that she'll like you better, if you manage to figure that out on your own."
"Come on, just a little hint?"
"What's the point of me giving you hints if you never listen?"
"That's unfair Moony, you've never given Prongs hints before."
"Yes I have. I told James to call Lily by her first name. Instead he called her by her last name and sickening endearment."
"Okay you two, stop arguing. Is there any way to fix this?" James interrupted.
"Only if we can turn back time and stop her from hating-" Sirius began.
"No! I mean us being without magic. We'll work on me winning Evans," he stopped at Remus' glare, "I mean on me winning Lily over later."
"Maybe we could…"
Sirius' voice faded as they finally entered the common room and eventually their dorm. Remus knew they day would be spent with many failed attempts to retrieve their magic. Unfortunately, they didn't know that the problem was with their wands, not them.
He couldn't help but wonder how Lily would manage to switch their wands back…
-Six years later-
"And then the self-destruct charm I place on the fakes triggered a covert summoning charm which released the invisibility spell on the real wands once they reached the site of the self-destruct."
James and Sirius' jaws dropped even further and Remus watched on, laughing at them.
"You did that?" James asked incredulously.
"You brought it on yourself. Hey! Harry, you aren't supposed to pull your mum's hair," Lily gently scolded the five-month old child in her lap.
"You know, you can't blame James for any mischief Harry causes anymore. You have to take into account the other members of his family he takes after," Sirius teased.
"I guess you're right Sirius. We'll have to blame his godfather as well." Lily disentangled Harry's hands from her long hair.
Finding her way around the Christmas tree and pile of presents, Lily managed to reach her husband, who was sitting on the sofa.
"Can I hold him?" Sirius asked eagerly from the other side of James as Lily was about to place Harry in James' arms.
"No Sirius, I get to hold my son before you. I'm his father."
"So? I'm his godfather? I get to spoil him rotten, while you have to be responsible."
Remus laughed at the pout on Sirius' face.
When James and Sirius proposed a night of memories to celebrate Christmas Eve, they hadn't expected Lily to share the prank she'd pulled on them.
Though, that might have been because they had selective memories and had wiped the memory of the prank from their minds.
Remus decided the shock had finally worn off as James and Sirius argued about whose turn it was to hold Harry.
He was startled when he felt Lily's hand on his shoulder.
"Since neither of them is mature enough, you get to hold Harry."
Remus gently picked up Harry and set him in his lap. Harry cooed and his tiny fists tugged on Remus' loose robes.
Even at five months, Harry was as mischievous as his father and had a tendency to steal people's wands if they were within reach.
Although, looking into Harry's bright, green eyes, that habit might actually have come from his mother.
With Harry in his lap, Remus watched his friends. It was still hard to believe that, four years after Hogwarts, James and Lily had already celebrated their second anniversary and the birth of their first child.
Lily playfully slapped Sirius for conjuring a piece of mistletoe above her. She sat down between the two men on the couch before giving Sirius a peck on the cheek. Afterwards, she turned to her husband and lovingly kissed him.
James wrapped his arm around Lily and Lily rested her head on James' shoulder. The pair looked over to Remus who was still holding Harry. A very small Harry who managed to get his hands on Lily's camera.
Their eyes widened as the camera's flash went off, capturing their love and surprise in one photo.
Remus chuckled, imagining sharing this story with an older Harry, along with the photographs. After all, in addition to Harry's photo Lily managed to get such a lovely photo of James and Sirius with their mouths hanging open.