Summary: Kai has a confession to make. In Kai's POV.
Pairings: Miguel/Kai, Tyson/Kai.
Warnings: Yaoi. Angst. Kai's POV. Oneshot.
Disclaimer: Don't own Beyblade.
Um…I dunno. Please read.
I've never had a diary before so I'm not entirely sure of how I should go about this. I, however, need some place to make my confession. I can't tell anyone just yet. They wouldn't understand…
I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Kai Hiwatari, Captain of the Japanese team, G Revolution. Second in command to the Blitzkrieg boys. The second strongest blader in the world, unfortunately. And lastly, boyfriend to the world Champion Tyson Granger.
Yeah, that's right. I'm dating Tyson.
It all started a few weeks after the downfall of BEGA. The media began spreading rumors of our supposed relationship. They hounded Tyson, our teammates and I to death for the truth. Tyson jumped at the idea, believing he'll give Beyblade more popularity and gain more fans in the process.
And I should be happy that I was dating the best balder in the world.
At first I was fine with just being Tyson's boyfriend. There wasn't much involved really. Just pose for the pictures, sign a few autographs and that was it. I left all the promoting to Tyson. He loved the spotlight, the cameras, the interviews. He just loved making a complete fool of himself.
And I went along with it.
Well, because this was it. This is all I'm going to get in this life. I was fine with it. Being in a loveless relationship with someone who loved the media more than he did me. We are the prefect couple, the media would tells us. So devoted to each other.
But, as weeks went by, I felt myself getting sick. I don't know if it was due to all the stress of conferences or the charade I had to put up every time I stepped outside. I'm almost afraid to admit it, but I've grown to absolutely detest Tyson Granger. I had to stop myself from literally gagging every time Tyson places his arm around my waist as he poses for a picture.
We've been together 4 months and the only time he's affectionate -and I use the word affectionate very loosely- is when he's in front of the camera. When we get home, it's straight to the kitchen to get something to eat or watch television until the wee hours of the morning. The only time he really speaks with me is when he's complaining about something or telling me to hurry up for a photo shoot. He would constantly drag me to an appointment. I have many bruises to prove it.
The first month of our relationship was ok. It was tolerable. Go out, get picture taken, sit around until Tyson has finished making a fool of himself and then go home and go our separate ways. It was bearable. I could handle it.
But then everything changed. During the second month while Tyson was out with a few new popular friends of his. I wasn't allowed to come. Apparently I'm too much of a wet blanket. I went for a walk instead and literally bumped into Miguel. Yes, Miguel from the Spanish team. They're calling themselves The Battalion now since Barthez is no longer in the picture.
It's a good thing that that egotistical bastard is gone.
Where was I? Oh right. Miguel.
Well, for whatever reason we began talking. Can't really recall what the topic of our conversations was, but, I do remember feeling surprised at how well Miguel listened to what I had to say. Not once did he brush me off, telling me that I was just being a sour-puss or something degrading as that. Like Tyson would do whenever he got the chance.
I remember actually having fun speaking with him, which was a first. I usually avoid any conversation like the plague. We talked about everything, and yet nothing really.
But then the conversation veered off to my relationship with Tyson.
The mood grew somber very quickly.
After that, everything seemed to stand still as Miguel stared at me with his deep, but sad blue eyes. The next thing I knew, Miguel had his hands wrapped gently around my upper arms and his lips were on mine.
He kissed me. Not for the cameras. Not for the media. And not as publicity. He kissed me in an empty park, under a half moon, all alone. Just the two of us.
That was my first kiss. No one has ever tried something like that before. With Tyson, I've never considered it and he never tried.
Not only was it my first kiss, it was also my first time someone embraced me without posing for the cameras. The feel of Miguel's body against mine…I can still feel the heat, the strength and gentleness in his embrace. Right there and then, I fell.
After the kiss, Miguel apologized profusely and left the park in a hurry. I watched him leave. I felt like I was in a daze. It took a few minutes for me to realize what just happened. I had just officially cheated on Tyson.
And I enjoyed it.
I couldn't sleep a wink that night. Tossing and turning all night long. I kept seeing Miguel's eyes in my head. It was at that moment did I finally realize the severity of my situation. I don't love Tyson. In fact, I'm growing to hate him. I realized that I too am a human being with needs and wants. And those needs and wants is to have someone to be with me and to like me for who I am. Not because some media mongrels thought we'd make a cute couple.
My desires seem to pull me to Miguel.
It took me a couple of days to find Miguel and when I did, I didn't know what to say. He looked guilty and depressed and before I could stop myself I lean forward and kissed him. I've never kissed anyone before so I simply placed my lips on Miguel's, silently praying that he doesn't push me away.
In fact, he pulled me into his arms and deepened the kiss.
I don't know what possessed me at that moment, but I ended up telling Miguel everything. I told him how I'm starting to resent Tyson. How I have these desires I don't understand. How I have this feeling of loneliness even when I'm out in public.
"I've lost sight of who I am." I remember telling him. With those exact words.
He looked at me with his big blue eyes. "Everything will be alright," he tells me.
And I believe him.
I spent the day with him, only leaving when Tyson angrily rang my phone, screaming at me, telling me that I had a photo shoot.
I had to go. The BBA are trying to rebuild their reputation. I can't just abandon them. Miguel knows that. He kissed me goodbye and tried to hide the sadness from his eyes. But I saw it. And it broke my heart.
After that moment, I dedicated my every free moment to be with Miguel. Be it a whole day, or only a couple of hours. I suppose, this is what you would called, having an affair.
Affairs are usually considered wrong. But only if you're playing with someone's heart, right? I mean, I have no love for Tyson and I doubt he has any for me. Our relationship is one of convenience. Nothing more.
But with Miguel, it's different. He's my savior.
About a month and a half in my relationship with Miguel I felt confident enough for us to graduate to the next level, if you know what I mean…
That night, while Tyson was out partying, I went over to Miguel's where we made love. We didn't have sex. We made love. Well into the night. I won't go into details, but I will tell you that was the best night of my life. I have never known such pleasure. It was so raw, so pure. Even now I get butterflies in my stomach thinking about it.
Every night when Tyson went out, I would sneak over to Miguel's. Sometimes we would make love until the morning light, or just sit down and talk about whatever comes to mind.
One night we spoke about the future. We planned that when this whole ordeal with the BBA's reputation dies down I'll leave Tyson and move in with Miguel. I've never thought about the future before, but, now I don't think I can wait that long.
Could they possibility be any more different? Miguel is calm, generous and understanding. Tyson is loud, annoying and brash. He only shows affection when we're out in public. Miguel shows affection when we're a lone. I get the feeling that he too would show his affection in public, but only to prove to everyone that we are together.
Miguel. He's just about perfect. He listens to me when I talk. He understands when I don't want to. He comforts with no questions asked. He soothes me when I'm angry. He makes me laugh when I feel angsty and want to brood. He understands when I see nothing but darkness and tries to help me see more of the light.
Like I have said before. He's damn near perfect.
He tells me that he too can't wait for us to be together. He reminds me of his feelings everyday. Be it a small gesture, a wink from across the room or a gentle squeeze of the hand when no one's looking. He would sometimes leave me little notes that would make me bite my lip to stop myself from chuckling.
I don't know how much restraint he has, but I know mine's running low.
I can definitely see the love in his eyes.
I can also see the look of jealousy and hatred that he has in his eyes when Tyson suddenly wraps me up in his arms to pose for a picture. I see the way he clenches his hands by his sides and grinds his teeth together. He's so possessive of me. Strangely, I find that a major turn on. I would like nothing more than to push Tyson aside and fall into Miguel's ever comforting chest.
Strange, isn't it? How I've turned into such a sap. Before I'd shun human contact, but now I'm actually searching for it. I can't help it though. Miguel has made me realize the desires and needs that I didn't even know I had.
With Miguel, I feel nothing but pure pleasure.
But when I'm with Tyson, there's nothing but pain and resentment. Every time he touches me I feel like punching him in the face. It's gotten so bad that I can't stand being in the same room as he is. His presence annoys me. His voice annoys me. His whole goddamn attitude annoys me.
I must have been out of my mind when I agreed to start a relationship for the sake of Beyblade. But, back then, I didn't have feelings I do now. I didn't really care. I thought this is what I deserved. Never in my life did it cross my mind that I would like to be in a loving relationship.
But, all because of this useless, loveless partnership I'm in now, I can't be free. I can't be with my soulmate.
I hate this. Sneaking around and hiding my feelings for him like this. I don't care about my reputation. I just want Miguel.
I love him.
There, I said it. I need him. I want him. I just have to be with him ever second of the day.
I don't know if anyone else is suspicious, but as of a few days ago Mr. Dickinson has been watching me with disappointing eyes. Does he know about my sham of a relationship with Tyson?
I'm not sure, but he seemed to be studying our relationship a little closer and I can no longer see disappointment in his eyes. Instead I see guilt. He seems to know. I can't say I'm surprised. He seems to know everything.
The media themselves seem a little wearily. Hilary, who loves to buy all the gossip magazines, told me there was an article about my weight. Apparently to some experts, I'm borderline anorexic.
I don't know if I am anorexic, but I do know I haven't been eating as much as I use to. I only ever eat when I'm with Miguel. I don't know why. I feel more relaxed when I'm with him and he always make sure I have at least a small bite to eat. He doesn't rush me and he eats his food with manners. I've never had a good relationship with food, but I've found myself looking forward to the food that Miguel cooks for me. He makes it…well, I'm not sure exactly. It's like he makes eating fun, if that makes any sense.
But when I eat with Tyson, watching him devour his food in an ungodly short amount of time makes me feel like I want to vomit. He also hounds me for my food, telling me there's no point in wasting it. I can go through the whole day without a bite to eat, sometimes two days, and he doesn't even mentions it.
I don't know what else the gossip magazines are saying, but Ray had cornered me a couple of times and gently asks me if there was any trouble with my relationship with the world champ. I accidentally blurted out "Yes!" once, but refused to say any more. Mainly because Tyson appeared and harshly dragged me off for a photo shoot. I glanced over my shoulder as I was being pulled away to see Ray standing there with a shocked, yet angry expression on his face.
I hope he isn't angry at me.
I've actually noticed a few people looking at with me pity in their expressions. I don't know what for, though. I've even had a self proclaim fan of Tyson's tell me that I should get out while I can. Whatever that means.
Even more strangely, the expressions of pity have been replaced by shock and anger. You see a mere two days ago I was in the kitchen, musing about how much my life sucks at the moment and Tyson appears suddenly. He abruptly opened a kitchen cupboard door and it swung back to hit the left side of my face. Because of my less than satisfactory diet, my skin didn't have it's usual resistance and now I can't see through my left eye and that side of my face is completely bruised. It hurts like hell and I'm not getting any sympathy from Tyson. In fact, he laughed at me.
Worst still, when I try to ignore him he pokes my bruise, causing me to let out a yelp of pain. So annoying. And not to mention embarrassing. Everyone would pause what they were doing to glance at me at the corner of their eyes. One time I swear to you that Max was about to cry. Hilary scolded Tyson, telling him that I was in no condition for such roughness. Ray merely snarled at him from the corner of the room. Kenny looked horrified and hid behind his laptop while Daichi would ask me where I got the bruise from, only to have Tyson cut him off.
Miguel was horrified when he first saw it. Immediately after he got over the initial shock, he started fussing over me. Usually, I hate to be fussed over, but I loved being pampered by Miguel. He seriously spoils me.
God, I hope I can find a way to get out of my relationship with Tyson soon. I hate this pain, this emptiness I get when I have to leave the comforting warmth of Miguel's arms.
That's where I am now. Lying in Miguel's arms, writing in a blank journal. He lies next to me, his arms around my waist as he sleeps. His mouth is open a bit, pouting adorably. I could just kiss him. I would, but if I move I'd wake him and he needs his sleep.
Well, anyway, I better end this now. Hopefully I'll find a way to leave Tyson and be with Miguel. A way that doesn't hurt anyone.
Ok, don't ask me where the hell this came from. You seriously don't want to know.
Kai: You don't even know.
That's why I said they don't want to know. Anyway, this is probably just a oneshot. If you have any ideas or would like to have a go yourself, please do. I would love to see what you come up with :3.
Please read and review.