Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, not me.
Notes: One day a friend and I were talking about fan fiction and how we both generally dislike the genre of alternative universe. I essentially believe certain characters were created for a certain setting, therefore, they should be left in that setting. I've only seen the AU thing done successfully in very rare instances. But it was enough to get me wondering if I could pull it off. Me being the general smartass that I am, started trying to think of the most obscure setting that I could possibly put the InuYasha folks into. This is the result of that thought process. It is meant as a tongue in cheek good natured poking fun at AU fan fiction and is in NO WAY meant to offend or debase those who love to either read the genre of AU or who write it.
This is strictly a for fun, blowing off steam, showing off how totally freaking weird I can get when given free reign and no restrictions piece and likely wont be updated more than once every week or two, right now my main focus is "The Search" and seeing how I can mess with Inu/Kag and Mir/San.
But for what it is, I hope you enjoy reading. I warn you, there is sexual innuendo, sexual situations, harsh language, and they are likely to seem rather OOC because they have aged a bit, therefore have changed a bit,. So, keep that in mind before leaving major flame reviews Okay?
Oban--bitchy old hag
Days Of Gold
"I told you, I don't want to go" Higurashi Kagome groused as she was settled into her wheelchair by her nephew and niece-in-law " I still have a mind you know, Why can't I make my own decisions?"
"But auntie" Higurashi Bessie began to plead their case for the umpteenth time that day "There is just no way you can get around that big house by your self anymore. Besides, won't it be nice to have a roommate to talk to?"
"I had my cat till you took him and had the vet kill him" Kagome said picking up a glass and throwing it at the girl. "Now get. I don't need you talking down to me girly,"
Bessie looked exasperated and threw up her hands, muttering something in a language to her husband that Kagome didn't understand, then stomped out of the room to the safety of the waiting room.
"Auntie, Bessie is only trying to help. You know that whiskers was older than dust, almost totally blind, and his heart was bad. Why must you be so mean to her?"
"What did she call me this time? In what language?" Kagome looked up at him, her brown eyes sparkled with mischief. How she loved to rile her nephews wife.
Kei grinned a little "An uptight arrogant jackass, in English."
Kagome laughed into her hand, thrilled to know she hadn't lost her touch.
Kei sat down on the stool next to her so he was at her eye level. Something Kagome appreciated, and Bessie never did.
"Auntie, I worry too much about you in that big house alone. What would have happened if Bessie hadn't come along and found you after you fell?"
Kagome sighed. There was no way around it this time. Kei was right, Bessie had saved her bacon.
Higurashi Kagome had always been a strong, independent woman. That was part of the reason she had never married. In her day men liked flowers that wilted easily, not ones that could right themselves immediately no matter what storm had just blown through. But now Kagome was wilting under the storm of age. She had been reaching for a bowl and the small kitchen ladder she had used for twenty years slipped underneath her. She had fallen and badly hurt her back. As it was she laid there for an hour unable to move, calling out for help. If Bessie hadn't come by to drop off the mail, who knows how long she might have lay there. Kagome was grateful to the girl for coming to her aid, of course she was. But she wasn't grateful enough to just quietly allow her home and belongings to be sold off while she was to be shipped off to a home for old people.
"Kei, I have……." she was cut off when Bessie returned, loudly knocking on the door.
"I'm sorry to interrupt Auntie, but the car is here to take you."
Kagome glared at the young woman for a second, then picked up the water pitcher that sat on the table next to her, and threw it at the girl.
"I hear Sango is getting a new roommate sometime today." Miroku adjusted his bifocals and looked up at his roommate across the cribbage board.
"Fifteen-two. So what of it?" InuYasha didn't bother to look up.
They were interrupted when a man in an electric wheelchair raced down the hallway, trying to outrun the young nurse giving chase.
"Mr. Naraku! Mr. Naraku! You must bring those back, this is getting out of hand! Mr. Naraku!"
InuYasha threw his head back and laughed loudly. "BAKA! Got someone's teeth again!"
Miroku laughed as he shook his head "He says he is going to break them down, form them into a magic ball and use it to take over the world."
"He couldn't take over the can with some ones choppers." InuYasha shook his head, flipping his top partial out half way then clicked in back in place. "What a dumbass."
"He's lost his….." Miroku lost his train of thought as he stared out the open door to their room
"Hey, baka, its your turn"
"Hottie at straight up noon" Miroku said with a wink, pushing his bi-focals back into place.
"Door ain't straight up noon, it's 2:00"
"Well, something's standing straight up" Miroku added a suggestive wink.
InuYasha shook his head "It's no wonder Sango's always beatin the shit out of you with her walker the way you go slutting about"
But Miroku was already in the hallway intruding himself to the new lovely who was moving in next door.
InuYasha grabbed his cane and hobbled to the door just in time to hear Miroku's oft used one liner that never once had worked.
"Excuse me, but would you conceder, rubbing my corns?"
"Miroku," InuYasha pulled the door open wider "One of these days that line is going to get you…"
InuYasha was brought up short by the woman in the wheelchair. She was almost a perfect replica of his late wife Kikyo…he couldn't help but stare.
"What the hell are you staring at?" the woman hit him upside the head with her metal cane. Miroku flinched and made beeline for Sango's room.
"Kikyo…" InuYasha muttered
"No, the names Kagome. KA-GO-ME" Kagome said, hitting him again with each syllable to be sure he point got across. "Get right next time you old shit or I'll really kick your ass."
"Baka oban!" InuYasha yelled "Kikyo was my wife, you just looked a little like her is all."
"ah, Keh, I get it…" Kagome sniffed ", one of those die, come back from the dead, die, come back from dead types eh?"
"Nope, I know Kikyo's dead. I cremated her myself, used our daughters old easy bake oven."
"Easy bake oven ya say?"
"Yep. Took 3,140 light bulbs."
"So, I imagine your sure she's gonna stay dead then." Kagome actually smiled a genuine smile, she hadn't enjoyed a conversation this much in a long time. "So what's your name anyway?"
"Inu as in dog?"
"Yeah, is there another fucking kind?"
"He he he!" Kagome laughed "That your real name or a nick name ya got cause ya like it doggy style?"
InuYasha laughed, he could enjoy the company of a woman with a sense of humor, not like most of the prim little pinky stinking up tea guzzlers in this fru-fru hell-hole.
"In case you didn't notice the ears sweets, I'm a half demon."
"Auntie, Auntie, your beds all ready for you!" Bessie came out of the room making Kagome roll her eyes.
Bessie looked at InuYasha, a condescending smile on her face. "Oh and look, you seem to have made a nice little friend already."
"Baka Temee" Kagome glanced at InuYasha, indicating her nephews wife with her eyes.
InuYasha looked at the annoying woman and decided she needed to dealt with immediately and harshly, or she would be a constant annoyance.
"Aint nothing little on me sweetheart. Come on in here and I'll prove it to you. I'll show ya my pecker."
Bessie stiffened her back, her face red. She pulled her husband out of the room, announced that that they could not keep Auntie in this place full of perverts.
Miroku chose the optimum moment to chase a nurse down the hall in an attempt to grab her ass.
"Oh, just go home you two. I'm going to stay here and get to know my "little friend" Kagome laughed, hearing InuYasha laughing behind her.
Finally having gotten rid of the family, InuYasha helped Kagome into her room, just missing the nurse who was still trying to catch Mr. Naraku and his stolen dental appliances.
To Be Continued.
Really want to know what you think ...should I keep going with this or is it fodder for the junk heap??