Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it.

IMPORANT: I got this idea from something I read called "10 simple rules for dating my daughter. All of the rules aren't mine. I just made a House fic out of it.

"I don't think so," House said flatly.

"Please daddy?" 16–year-old Megan asked


"Oh come on! Stop acting like mom!" Megan yelled.

'Ouch' House thought. 'That hurt, how dare his daughter compare the all fun himself to his safety fist wife?' "I am not acting like mom, if I were mom I would have locked you in your room with the bible, and hope to God that your boy obsession went away"

Megan didn't think that was funny. "Come on daddy! I really like this boy, can't I please go out with him?" She asked, slightly pouting.

"He wears pants that are 10 sizes to big!" House exclaimed 'Like hell would I ever let her go out with a boy who is to dimwitted to figure out his fuckin' pant size' he thought to himself.

"Oh come on, that's the style!"

"A stupid style" House retorted

"Come on dad, be cool" Megan said, making that puppy dogface. "Please"

House couldn't say no. That damn face had done it again. "Fine" He said.

Megan screamed with joy "Ah! Thank you daddy!!!!!"


That weekend was the date. House had already informed Megan that he was meeting this "Jess" fellow before they went out. At exactly 7:45 the doorbell rang. House went and got it. "Hello" Jess said. "Is Megan ready"

"No" House said simply. "So in the mean time, me and you are going to have a friendly little chat" Jess gulped.

"Fist off, I am aware that wearing your pants ten sizes to big is the style right now. Am I correct?"


"Now, while I think you are you're peers are complete idiots, I want to be open minded about this issue. You can wear those pants when you are with your friends, but when you are with my daughter, you sure as hell better have pants that fit properly, or else I will take it upon myself to get my electric nail gun and fasten them securely to your hips, to ensure they don't fall off during the course of your date with Megan"

"Seriously" Jess asked.

"Do you really want to find out?" House asked . Jess was silent. "That's what I thought," House said, pleased that this boy was scared. "Second, I am aware that you are a very popular guy, are you not?"

"Yes I am" Jess said, in a barely audible voice.

"So, you have the opportunity to go out with many other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is fine with Megan. Once you go out with her, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. You make her cry, and you can bet I will make you cry." House said, looking at Jess directly in the eye.

"Is this clear?"

"Crystal clear" Jess said, hoping Megan was almost done getting ready.

"Third, as we are realizing today, Megan takes a very long time to get ready for a date. So, next time you come to pick her up instead of sitting here with me, do something useful, like taking out the trash"

"Uh huh" Jess said, noticing the cane by this crazy mans side. Jess could only imagine the things that Mr. House could do to him.

"Fourth" House said, continuing his little rules, "You do not touch my daughter in front of me. I suppose, since you seem nice, you can occasionally glance at her, but I swear if you can't keep your hands or eyes of my daughter, I will remove them.

Jess wondered how many more of these he would have to go through.

"Finally" House continued, "Be afraid. You are always being watched. I have many people. If you happen to glace over and see someone that looks like he could rob your house, I know him. If you glace over and see someone that sorta reminds you of a wombat, I know him too. If I hear about anything that makes me displeased, well put it this way. I have a cane, a shovel, and 5 acres of land. Don't mess with me, or Megan" House finished with a glare toward Jess.

It was then Megan came down, "Oh hey Jess! I see you have met my dad" she said "Anyways, are you ready to go?"

"Uh huh" Jess said, shakily standing up.

"Cool" "Bye daddy!" She said, kissing House on the cheek.

"Bye, have fun. Be back by 11:30"



About 20 minutes after Jess and Megan had left House called Wilson.

"Hey Wilson, Megan's out on a date."

"And you want to go spy on them?" Wilson guessed.


Wilson sighed. "I'll be over in 10 minutes"


As Jess was driving he asked Megan "Would you say you have about 5 acres in you backyard?"

"Yeah, about" "Why?" Megan asked.

Jess gulped. "No reason."


So, did you like it? Reviews rock.