She stares out of the window of her office and she can see them together. Laughing. Talking. They're being oh so careful not to touch, but you'd have to be blind not to see the tension between them. The flirting. The knowing smiles. The looks full of promises and shared secrets.
It is hurting her. After all the things they had gone through as partners, there was really not much left to say. Just the pain of loosing someone dear, as simple and as plain as that. But she'd much rather not talk about it.
And talk about it she won't, as much as it pains her. She tenses when he comes into her office to say good-bye for the day. He, of all people, surely should sense just how hard she's taking it. And he does.
Or at least, she'd like to think that the look in his eyes is an apology. Most probably he just came in to shake her hand. When he turns to leave, she debates on whether or not to play her last ace. She wants to ask him if he misses her somehow. She wants to know how he feels when SHE says his name. Surely, it is a different sensation, isn't it?
If only she hadn't been so stubborn and allowed her scientific mind get the best of her. She couldn't make up her mind if she wanted him as a lover or as a friend, and let destiny make the choice for her. She thought she had time. She had not foreseen what lay in store for both of them.
She had been acting like a fool, playing by the rules. Doctor, they call her. Some doctor she is, she can't even mend the whole inside of her where she feels he's been ripped off. Her self-confidence is totally shattered, but spectators of the show she calls her life are none the wiser about it.
But him… she thought of him as home... whatever that may mean. When he was around, she felt there was a protective fence that allowed her to let down her defenses. Allowed herself to feel. But seeing them together makes her think that maybe, just maybe, both the home and the fence were just in her mind but not in his heart.
The sound of her door opening interrupts her train of thought, and she's both annoyed and grateful for it. There's a limit to the amount of time she can allow herself to wallow. There had been only one winner, and it clearly hadn't been her… why should she complain?
The office aide comes with the day's reports and collects the finished paperwork before leaving. As an afterthought, she turns at the door and looks at the woman sitting behind the desk.
"Would that be all for today, Dr. Saroyan?"
Xxx XXX xxX
A/N: We just got the Mamma Mia! Soundtrack and it brought back a truckload of memories. Among them, this lil' fic done to the lyrics of "The Winner Takes it All". See if you can find all the references!