Dear Reader,

At first The End was near

But now it is here

With all the times I said

Without reading these books

You'd save your deprived head

But you refused to listen

And read until The End

With all the wretched memories

That have come and gone

One would assume

You would have stopped all along

But you kept on reading

To find out more information

About Violet, Klaus, and Sunny

The unfortunate Baudelaire orphans

You've journeyed from Violet's inventions

To Klaus's expansive vocabulary

To Sunny's unusually sharp teeth

You've read The Bad Beginning

The Reptile Room

The Wide Window

The Miserable Mill

The Austere Academy

The Ersatz Elevator

The Vile Village

The Hostile Hospital

The Carnivorous Carnival

The Slippery Slope

The Grim Grotto

The Penultimate Peril

The End

The Unauthorized Biography

And The Beatrice Letters

You've followed the orphans from Briney Beach

All the way to deserted islands

You have uncovered secrets about V.F.D

The Snicket File, and schisms

You have met all different characters

From the Quagmire Triplets

To Ishmael, Friday, and Ink

You have read an estimated 170 chapters

Of woefulness and misery

And for what

To cry yourself to sleep

In sadness for The Baudelaires

To wish you had a million paper cuts

One for each page you turned

After you had been multiply warned

To wish you had taken the warning

The warning to preferably burn this book

Or throw it off the nearest cliff

The warnings that you got

At the beginning of every book

And now take a good look

At all the misery in the world

And all the misery of the Baudelaires

And you can ask yourself


Why did I not take the warnings?

Why did I not burn this book?

Or throw it off the nearest cliff?

Why did I read all of the books?

Why did I stick around for all this misery?

For all these unfortunate events

Tragic events

Unknown events




With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket