Disclaimer: Nope… I don't own Spider-man or the x-men.
A/N: Okay...this is very different from what I normally write and I'm not so sure I like all of this, but I've had some requests to see it. I actually had the first three chapters finished for over a year, but haven't had the nerve to post. So I hope you enjoy and find some humor in it. This was inspired by the parodies of CatF and Rogue 283. There is a little fun at Jean and Scott's expense. I actually really like the couple.
Somewhere deep in the heart of New York….
"Here we go again. Dude, can anyone tell me why we're doing this! Anyone know who the director is this time?" Bobby asked while fidgeting with his shirt.
"Well young man, I am not exactly sure who the directors are, but I do believe we are performing our own rendition of 'Spider-Man'." Hank McCoy answered as he stepped out from the X-van and walked past Bobby into the studio.
Rogue walked in behind the doctor with an annoyed glare on her face. "Ah swear, Swamp Rat, if ya say one more thing to me I'll knock ya inta the next time zone!"
"O', chere, y' know dat y' love Remy." Remy said as he followed close behind the enraged goth.
"If ya have a death wish, jus keep talkin'!"
"CAN IT! You two have been goin' at it for an hour now!" SNIKT "Gumbo, get away from Stripes and shut up." Logan moved closer to Remy to make his point. Remy reluctantly did as told, but shot Rogue a quick smile.
At that moment the directors finally decided to make their presence known.
"Like, now that everyone has finally decided to arrive we can begin with the casting!" Kitty Pryde promptly plopped herself down into one of the two director chairs located near the set.
"Whoaaa, I do not believe this! There is no way that I'm going to be bossed around by her!" Bobby said as he started for the exit.
"Hold it right zere, comrade," Piotr called out," If you do not want to listen to my Katja zen you will listen to me!"
Piotr took his seat next to Kitty in the other director's chair and started flipping through some pages on a clipboard.
The rest of the x-men gathered around the two directors awaiting their decided doom.
"Kitty, ya do remember that ah know where ya sleep, right?"
"Sure, Rogue. Like, we're roommates. Duh!"
"Do ya understand what ah'm implyin' or do ah need to be more specific?" Rogue asked annoyed by the entire situation especially since she knew that Kitty most likely would pair her up with the Swamp Rat.
"Is that a threat? You do realize that I have total control, right. I could, like, totally mess with you. Don't forget that I know what you keep under your pillow, and I think that you wouldn't want a certain sexy someone to find out!" Kitty was feeling quite good about herself. It wasn't everyday that she stood up to the Rogue, but this feeling didn't last long. Rogue stepped forward and Kitty paled.
"Piotr, Save me!" Kitty screamed as she lunged over her chair and onto his lap.
"Chere, is dere somethin' dat y' hidin' from de team?" Remy smirked as he looked over at Rogue who was giving Kitty a glare that could send shivers down the back of Wolverine. Rogue then turned her attention to the beaming Cajun.
"I didn't know dat y'cared, mon chere!" A small blush began to show in Rogue's cheeks.
I am not blushing! I don't care what that stupid, egocentric, thieving, aggrandizing, pompous, handsome …. Whoaa, stop right there. I did not just think that did I? I am not going to let that Cajun get to me today.
"Ah don't and wipe that stupid smirk off your face, Swamp Rat!"
"Okay, can we, like, totally get back to business? We have to get the casting done before the end of the night." Kitty started looking over her notes and smiled to herself. Yes, she was going to have a good time!
"Piotr and I have talked and decided that the lead role of Peter Parker could go to no one other than Remy. I mean, like, he's so agile, strong, cute…. Oh… ummm… yeah." Kitty noticed Rogue giving her an unusual look and pulled her self back to reality.
"No offense cutie," Kitty gave Piotr a hug, "You're still the only one for me!"
"Let's get on with this. I want to know what part I have to play." Scott interrupted the moment, taking Jean's hand.
"Yeah, last time we had the worst parts. I mean, really, someone as pretty as me deserves to be in the lead once in awhile." Jean added as she leaned into Scott.
"GET A ROOM!" Almost every person in the room screamed at the couple.
"Ah think I know who plays the part of Mary Jane considerin' who was cast as Spidey," Rogue huffed in the general direction of the directors trying to keep her eyes from wondering back to the Cajun. Why does he have to look so good? Stop it girl! What the hell is wrong with me… I do NOT like the Swamp rat…. right…
"The part of Mary Jane Watson goes to…. Jean!" Kitty was smiling widely and waited for the response.
"WHAT!!!!!!" Everyone was in shock.
"Wow, I finally got the lead role. I can't believe it. Wait, this means I have to kiss… HIM! Oh… well, it could be worse, I mean I could have been paired with Bobby. Sorry Scott." Jean was quite pleased and gave her boyfriend a little hug.
"Ah don't believe it… Jean?" Rogue pondered this a moment. I always get paired with Remy. I can't believe Kitty of all people would pair him up with HER. Rogue looked over to Jean who was still hugging Scott and then she felt a strange twinge in her stomach. I am NOT jealous of that pathetic prep over the Swamp Rat. Then the image of Jean actually kissing Remy popped into her head.
"NO! NO! NO!... Ah mean… Jean… and Remy…. NO WAY! Kitty, what are ya thinkin'!" Everyone turned their attention to Rogue who suddenly realized what she had sputtered. Remy was starring at her with a satisfied smirk on his face, and Kitty was smiling from ear to ear.
"I am, like, totally kidding Rogue. Chill out. Do you actually think I would break you and Remy apart? I mean you two are so perfect together."
"Sorry Jean, but Katja was just trying to get a rise out of Rogue. Guess it worked, Da?"
"Yeah, sorry Jean, but the real Mary Jane is going to be played by my roomie, Rogue!" Kitty had to phase to dodge the punch that Rogue tried to plant on her shoulder.
"Gawd, Ah jus knew that Ah'd be paired up with that Swamp Rat!" Rogue crossed her arms in front of her chest and sat down, avoiding eye contact with anyone.
John leaned in on Remy who was now shuffling some cards in his hands, "Oy, mate, wasn't the Sheila just complaining about not being paired up with you?"
Remy just smiled and shook his head.
"Okay… well, John you have the part of Harry Osborn." Kitty continued listing the cast with Piotr.
"Logan, you get to play John's dad, Norman a.k.a. the Green Goblin."
"Great, I just love beating the crap out of Gumbo! This little diversion may not be so bad after all."
"Da, Ororo is going to play Aunt May and Dr. McCoy will play the part of Uncle Ben." Piotr said as he continued where Kitty left off.
"Stormy, looks like y' get t' work wit Remy again!" Remy threw his arm around Storm and gave her a little hug.
"So it seems, and don't call me that." Storm lowered his arm away as she walked over to Logan.
"Jamie, we'll need you to fill in some spots as extras and to play the role of some little children."
"No problem, Kitty!" Jamie happily exclaimed.
"What about me! Don't I even get a role in this film? You can't just leave me out!" Jean shouted as she gave Kitty and Piotr a small push with her TK.
"Chill out, Jean. Yeah, you get a role. You're going to play the part of Miss Brant."
"Who is Miss Brant?" Jean didn't think she'd like the answer.
"Well… in the comics, she was Peter's love interest for awhile, but in the film she's just the secretary at the newspaper," Kitty answered.
"Great, so I get demoted from the lead character to a secretary! You are so unfair!" Jean stormed off to the back of the set. Rogue looked over to Kitty and gave her roommate a small smile.
"What about me? Do I have a part in this fiasco?" Scott questioned why the Professor continued to allow his students participate in such activities, but if he had to do it he wanted a good part at least.
"Scott, you are going to play Mary Jane/Rogue's high school boyfriend." Piotr answered as he consulted the cast list Kitty had made.
"WHAT!" Remy and Rogue yelled in unison.
"Calm down you two! Gosh, it's only a small part and you get to hit him Remy. I thought you'd like that." Kitty stated I her defense.
"Ah can't believe that you are makin' me date SCOTT!" Rogue gave Kitty her patented glare.
"Mon chere is not going t' be wit him, pretend or real. Non!" Remy walked over and put a possessive arm around Rogue's waist. Rogue amazingly didn't push him away but rather actually leaned into him the tiniest bit. Kitty noticed this and smiled. Rogue noticed that Kitty noticed and stiffened.
"Get your hands off of me Swamp Rat!" Rogue yelled as she pushed him away from her.
"I am not going to change the cast just because you two feel a little uncomfortable with Scott. After all, Rogue, you did have a crush on him. Oooops!" Kitty realized her mistake almost immediately.
"Ya need ta decide now if ya want ta die slow or quick, cause Ah'm about to make your wish come true!" Rogue lunged for Kitty who phased herself through Rogue and ran to Piotr.
"Wow, Rogue has a crush on me! I never knew." Scott said as he watched Rogue chase Kitty around the set.
"HAD! HAD! I had a crush on ya, but ah finally came to my senses ya prick!" Rogue continued to chase Kitty for a few more seconds but finally gave up and decided it would be easier to catch her off guard later and then exact her revenge.
"Can we please get on with this? Gosh, who knew that casting the parts could actually take this long!" Kitty sighed as she took her seat in the director's chair next to Piotr once again.
"Kurt, you will be playing the part of Mr. Jameson, the owner of the newspaper." Piotr continued.
"Vell, that sounds gűt to me." Kurt said glad to finally be noticed.
"That takes care of the main parts. The rest of you will be given your parts as they appear since they will be kinda minor. Sorry guys, but there just aren't that many great parts in this one. We'll call it a day for today and we'll meet back on the set first thing in the morning!" Kitty said as she closed her notebook and stood to leave.
"Da! Come, Katja, let's get some rest. We'll need it." Piotr said as he took Kitty by the hand and led her off the set.
All the others looked at each other and decided that rest sounded good to them too. They all left the set determined to return tomorrow and convince Kitty that this is not a good idea.
A/N: So what did you think? Anyone interested in the other chapters? If I get a favorable response, I could post chapter 2 very soon.