Standard Disclaimer

Yeah I totally should be working on my other stories or my novel but having a little mental debate right now and haven't decided some of the finer points of where I want to take them so…I'm wasting time with an odd little idea I had. Don't expect much from this one in ways of updates cause it really is just me not wanting to waste my one day a week I get to spend writing.



Chapter 1

"I really don't know what to do Ritsuko, I mean I see him trying to act like nothing is bothering him but I know something is," Misato said with a languished sigh. Two weeks had passed since the fifth angel's attack and the recovery team was still trying to disassemble the large cube-like being. "I don't know if he'll try to run away again or if he's just recovering from the after affects of that attack that left him hospitalized any thoughts?"

Pushing her back hard against the cheap plastic chairs that made up the lounge area, and the only place she could smoke while in the Nerv complex, Ritsuko shrugged. "Have you actually spoken to him about this? Shinji is a shy boy and at his age it might be any number of things that aren't Angel related." Sucking hard on the butt of her smoke Ritsuko let the rush of nicotine rush through her veins.

"How do I do that, just walk into his room when he has those godforsaken headphones of his one, oh how I want to break those damn things, and just ask 'Hey Shinji-kun anything getting you down, something you want to talk to me about?'" Misato scoffed and rolled her hand with every word. She knew that Shinji would just say nothing was wrong and turn back on his side or turn up the volume.

Exhaling a lovely plume of smoke, Ritsuko nodded, "Why not? Simple and direct questions work better than whatever attempt at subterfuge you got working though your mind."

"He'll just say nothing is wrong, I know him well enough to know he won't answer me. God this is frustrating," she moaned. She liked Shinji, that wasn't even a doubt in her mind, but she was worried about him. Afraid he'd leave again, hurt himself to escape from the life he lived, and in the short time she was with him Misato knew she didn't want him gone. He's the closest thing to a son I'll ever have, she thought with a small smile cresting her face.

Watching a few more of the bridge crew walking into the fairly decent sized light green lounge, Ritsuko waved Shigeru and Maya over to their table. "Well lets ask a few more people then, see what they have to say," Ritsuko said to Misato then turned to the new additions. "Hey you two, have you noticed anything odd about Shinji-kun over the past few days?"

Popping the top of his recently acquired soda, Shigeru took his seat at the round table as Maya sat across from him. "Not really, looks a little more timid than usual but after the beating he took with that last angel and that little scene at Ayanami's entry plug can't blame him. He almost died as did she protecting him, that'd mess anybody up." A silence fell over the table as the recalled finding Shinji with Ayanami's head resting in his lap, her body looking tired and frazzled but oddly content.

"Shigeru's right you know, maybe he's just a little afraid right now. Why are you asking is something wrong with him?" Maya asked in between eating her chips. She didn't really know the pilots all that well, only really saw them during the tests and battle.

Laughing smugly Ritsuko shook her head, "No just Mommy-Misato fretting over her wayward child. But you might have hit on something with him being afraid and we can't have that. Fear in battle can cause a major problem."

Her face scrunching up in irritation, Misato fumed, "So what if I'm worried about one of our only two active pilots? And I'm not fretting I'm just concerned is all. Think we should get him counseling or something? Something to help him deal with this fear if it really is that?" Her arms wrapped around one another as she pulled them to her chest, mentally closing herself off partially from the group.

Quietly and unnoticed by the gabbing four, Ayanami Rei walked behind the thinking captain, "Doctor Akagi you wanted to see me?" the demure voice asked having received a note in her locker to report to Ritsuko as soon as she arrived.

Almost falling out of her chair from shock, Misato whipped her head around, "Rei what are you doing here shouldn't you be in school?" Her face a lovely crimson as her fellow chatters started laughing at her lightly.

"Take a seat for a minute Rei we're just talking about something, and all I have for you is the refill for your…medication," Ritsuko said as she railed back in her own laughter. It was always such fun to see Misato get flustered and it happened so easily. "As for what you said Misato, I don't think I like that idea to much. We stand to much to lose if word gets out that a pilot is seeing a shrink, we have an image to uphold. If word gets out that we're having problems we might find our funding cut as upstarts like the Jet Alone project might get more credence."

"Get him a girlfriend, that might help him out a lot," Shigeru said with a small grin. Seeing the wide eyes of the three women, Rei wasn't paying more attention than she thought she would have after she realized the discussion was about Shinji, he continued. "What are you all so freaked out about? I mean if he actually had somebody to care for might spur him to be more serious in piloting, the whole something to protect thing."

Tilting her head to the side, Maya actually was starting to warm up to the idea, "He might have a point and it is kinda romantic if you think about it. Piloting to protect the woman he loves. Might even do something to change that doom and gloom aura he has," her eyes softened as she envisioned somebody risking his life for her and Maya defiantly liked that thought.

"That's all well and good to think about but did you forget something important?" Misato said levelly. Getting their attention back on her, Misato groaned. "This is Shinji were are taking about and you're expecting him to go ask a girl out? He's to shy for that and I sure as hell don't have any friends his age to ask him out." A collective 'ahh' rounded the table, Misato hit the nail on the head with her comment. Shinji was just to shy to ask a girl out so it wouldn't work.

Flicking the bottom of his can in Maya's direction, Shigeru asked, "What about you Maya, you have any sisters his age or know anybody that would be willing to try? Hell he should be popular if you think about it. Being the only male pilot you'd think he'd be fighting the girls off with his Eva." He'd sure as hell milk being a savior to get some tail that's for sure, but then again Shinji was nothing like him.

Maya's face froze and paled at the question and side comments, "I don't know anybody his age and my little sister already has a boyfriend so…but their has to be something we can do or try."

"This is pointless, trying to fix up a fourteen year old with a girlfriend to keep him piloting and risking his life for us. Hell that's just like ordering Rei to be his girlfriend, kill two birds with one stone," Misato grumbled and waved at Rei who was still sitting passively at the side table.

Another chuckled erupted at the table at the idea of ordering a girl to go out with a boy. Part of them all thought though that if actually ordered Rei would do it. Proving their point Rei stood up and faced Misato, "Is that an order Captain Katsuragi?" now she couldn't be sure, but Misato almost thought she caught a hint of excitement in the usually docile girl.

As the words left her lips the entire table started laughing hard. Maya did her best to cover he mouth to hide how amusing she thought it was but still trying to spare Rei's feelings, Shigeru was pounding the table with his hand and rocking with gales of laugh. Shaking her head Misato put her hand on Rei's shoulder, tears started to wash down her cheeks as the sheer stupidity of the situation brightened her spirits, "Yeah Rei I order you to go profess your love for Shinji-kun."

Nodding her head Rei said, "Shall I go to him now or wait until he comes in for tests?" Her head tilted slightly as she tried to fathom just why she would be ordered to do such a thing but all she got was more laughter. Unable to fathom why they were finding her new orders so humorous, "I will take my leave now then, Doctor Akagi I will speak to you in your office when I get my pills."

As the pale girl turned and left the room, Ritsuko snorted back her last few chuckles and wiped her eyes dry. "That was totally irresponsible of you Misato, telling her to do that. What if she took it seriously you know how odd Rei can be at times." But it was just to funny to not laugh at it, they were all thinking how she'd react and she played right into their hands.

"Oh don't be so serious Akagi-san," Shigeru said as he finally calmed down enough to speak without breaking into stray giggles. "I mean Ayanami is a little odd for her age but you can't think she seriously took that order as official. Ordering a girl to confess love to somebody we don't even know if they like each other." It was too outrageous to be possible.

With a big content sigh, Misato got out of her chair. "Oh god I needed that laugh. And Rits I agree with Shigeru there isn't a possibility that Ayanami thought I was serious she must have just been playing along. And about Shinji we can just keep an eye out for him, try being nicer or something. Maybe I'll scale down his chores." Drumming her fingers across her chin and nodding to her own logic, "maybe order take out more often so he doesn't have to cook. Well anyway I have some reports to get back to, you three take it easy."

Watching as Ritsuko followed Misato, to be more precise Maya watched as Ritsuko watched Misato's swaying ass out the door, the petite computer tech coughed a little to loud to be considered real. "You don't really think Ayanami took that seriously do you Sempai?" Why was her voice so hard? She wasn't jealous of that look was she? No I don't see Sempai like that, and Katsuragi-san is really attractive so what's the harm?

Gathering a few papers that she had spread out on the table, Ritsuko shrugged. "I don't really think so but Pilot Ayanami is an odd case at times. I'll talk to her in my office just to make sure. Now you two don't stay in here to long I need those calibration reports by the end of the day," Pushing her chair away from the table Ritsuko headed off to her small office.


Her fingers idly ran the hem of her school uniform as her mind traveled down avenues that it had recently discovered. Ayanami Rei was thinking about the strange changes her life had undergone since the arrival of the Third Child. When he first arrived she didn't know what to think, he initially refused to pilot the Evangelion but changed his mind.

He did it for you.

She was angered later by his lack of faith and trust in Commander Ikari. Rei flexed her right hand, rubbing her fingers against the fatty tissue of her palm as she recalled slapping him.

But the man abandoned him, threw him away until he had a use for him. He'll do the same to you my Dear.

Then the events of the last angel took place. He was hurt badly by its first attack, nearly died from it. But he didn't run away, stayed and did what was needed to protect everybody. She spoke to him then, told him about her link to Eva, she protected him, and he cried for her when he though she was hurt.

He cares for you, he will be the next Adam and you can have him. Take him and let the love that Adam held for Eve be mine again…Ours.

She smiled for him, before he gently oh so gently helped her out of her smoldering entry plug with its lukewarm LCL and let her rest in his lap until the retrieval crew got them.

Stop fighting me little one! Join with me and we will have all that you've been denied by that man. Happiness, warmth, love, sex, and all the small blessing this world has to give!

"Be silent I will not listen to your words," Rei hissed through clenched teeth as the other change in her life continued to prod her. It was a haze in her mind that pocked and prodded her memories and feelings. It started out soft, a mere whisper in the back of her mind easily brushed off. That had been just after Shinji cradled her broken body on the walkway before the Eva when Unit-01 saved them both. It stayed soft and quite until she slapped him, almost the moment her palm touched his cheek the voice picked up an octave. It then was almost a normal pitch in her head. It asked her why she did what she did, why she followed orders blindly and without hesitation.

Rei hated and loved the voice at the same time, it was oddly familiar like a favorite pair of socks lost but then found later. The next increase came from the incident with Shinji when he fell on her, pressed his hand to her breast, the voice became booming, more present and she could feel it pushing against her own thoughts. It was then she felt it reaching into her memories and pulling out images that she didn't know how to understand, it showed her things too. Images of Shinji, of herself, of the two of them together in odd ways. It brought a fire to her chest and an odd itch that she couldn't comprehend.

That feeling is lust dear shade of me, you lust after that boy and rightly so. And now you have a precious order to follow to see him, to be his, to make him ours.

"I do not know, I believe that was said in jest," Rei said quietly as her cheeks blossomed and her head sank. She didn't understand what the voice was or why it spoke to her, but she knew not to let others know about it. I can be replaced if they know I've problems like this, and I don't wish for death. So she bore with it. Listened to it continually say that she was part of 'her' and she should surrender to the call and be one again. "Please be quite."

"Who should be quite Ayanami?" Ritsuko said perplexed to see Rei talking to herself as she shut the door. Walking the short distance through her small medical office, Ritsuko looked at Rei with analyzing eyes, looking for weakness, a reason not to hate her for what she was and represented in the eyes of the man she loved. "Is something bothering you?"

Shaking her head slowly, Rei looked up to see the cold emotionless face of Ritsuko staring blankly back at her. "No Doctor, I simply have a head ache and loud sounds cause aggravated pain." She lied but she didn't care. She had been raised by the Commander and from that experience knew lies served a valued purposed. Rei also knew what Ritsuko thought of her and of the fake blonds elicit relationship with the man. "Can I ask you a question?"

Grabbing Rei's pills and a small bottle of aspirin, Ritsuko handed the girl the drugs used to keep her body stable and her mind complacent. "If you're having health issues Rei say something before it gets to bad, and sure what do you need to know?" Hopefully something quick so she could get the freak out of her office and get on with her day.

Doing her best to suppress the voice, Rei cleared her throat, "Captain Katsuragi's order that I go and tell Ikari-kun that I love him was a joke correct?" Part of her didn't want it to be, she didn't know what she felt for the boy but seeing him caused her chest to tighten and her heart to beat loudly in her ears. It was frightening as well as enjoyable.

And you like what I show you is possible if you are with him. The only being on this planet that actually seems to care for you as you and not the door way to the dead.

"No Rei she was just kidding. She's worried about Shinji is all, taking this whole ward thing a little too far if you ask me," Ritsuko glared at the door imagining Misato there. She had been friends with the woman for a long time and it still baffled her how Misato could go from having day's worth of sex with Kaji to trying to be this mother figure for a boy she only knew for less than a year. She's pure but not pure it's too odd.

Was their a reason to be worried about him? Rei hadn't really spoken to Shinji since her recovery from the last angel kept her from school and the only time Shinji came to visit she had been sleeping. "Is there cause to be concerned?"

Dismissing the idea she heard worry in the girl's voice, Ritsuko shrugged and tapped her foot impatiently hoping Rei'd take the hint and leave soon. Ritsuko accepted the fact that Gendo's son was essential at this point for the project to proceed but why all the attention on him? If he died or ran away they'd just pull another pilot, sure they wouldn't be as skilled, but they had options. "No Rei not really. She just thinks he's sad and is trying to make him happy. It was Shigeru's dumb idea that a girlfriend would help him. But with Ikari-kun's personality its unlikely he'd ever actually ask anybody out so…Misato made the joke that she'd have to order you to date him or he would never get a girlfriend. Now if you don't have any thing else Rei, I have work to do."

Catching onto the none-to-subtle hints Ritsuko was dropping, Rei gathered her affects stood and headed to the door. "Thank you for your time Dr. Akagi." With a stiff bow the girl walked out of the room and down the corridors of Nerv to the exit.

She didn't say you couldn't act on the order anyway. Go to him and use the knowledge you have about his personality to get him before somebody else does. The harlots that are around will not wait forever.

Images flashed in Rei's mind of Shinji involved with various other women, Misato, Maya, Ritsuko, and girls from their school and each image sent odd sensations down Rei's back and filled her stomach with lead. She didn't like seeing those images, it upset her. But could she use the knowledge she gained from the staff and her access to his files to manipulate him? Gendo taught Rei well the ways of subterfuge and lies but his imposed will was being eroded by the constant voice in her mind. Goading and pushing her in ways that were conflicting with what she knew and was taught.


Looking at the boiling stock and chopped vegetables swirling around in it like deformed trout, Shinji was cooking on autopilot. His mind was awash of worries and fears. Would he have to fight again soon, was he letting people down, and was he really suited for what life had doled out to him. He wasn't happy, but then again he never really knew what happiness was so from his mindset things were good. He had a home to stay in, finally had a few friends, and a passable adult role model in Misato even if he could cook and clean better than her, but he just felt numb most of the time.

Misato said the miso was to bland last night so I'll try adding in some new spices. He thought as he hoped to appease his guardian's palette, she'd been acting strange lately and he chalked that up to living with him. He didn't want to be a burden on her so he didn't care that she rigged the chores to have him doing most of them, but he had accepted the fact that he was a stranger living with her so things had to be a little off.

Hearing the door bell buzz, Shinji put his ladle in the sink to not stain the counter top and walked to get the door. Misato probably has her new cases of beer and can't get to her card to open the door. He reasoned as he wiped his hands off on the pink apron with the words 'kiss the cook' on it Misato gave him as a joke gift. Pulling open the door he thought he'd preempt the woman and said, "You didn't buy too much beer this time did you?" His mouth hung open as he saw that it wasn't Misato at the door.

"I am underage and cannot buy liquor Ikari-kun," Rei said flatly as she stood rigidly. She couldn't tell why she was here really, she didn't know what to do or say but the voice was relentless, showing her more images whenever doubt entered her mind, rewarded her with simple scenes of pleasure, her holding hands, her just being happy and allowed to not live with the fear of being replaced held over her head. "Am I bothering you?" she asked as Shinji stood stock still but oddly comical in his unexpected attire.

Stepping back and breaking his paralysis, Shinji extended his hand towards the interior of the apartment, "No, no, I was just expecting Misato. She sometimes buys too much to open the door herself and buzzes to have me let her in." He trailed Rei's frame as she walked in and slid her shoes off. "Um…I haven't seen you since I…went to see you in the hospital. Are you feeling better?"

Ah isn't that cute he's so shy, but the shy ones make the best lovers my dear.

Rei flinched at the words, didn't want to think much about that aspect of relationships. "I have recovered from my injuries and shall begin attending school tomorrow." Walking further into the apartment, Rei could smell the lingering smell of Misato that hung about the rooms like a mist. Lavender perfume and booze intermingling in a sick parody of scent.

Why did Ayanami come here…is something wrong at Nerv? Uncomfortable being so close to Rei with nobody around as the last time they'd been alone didn't have good memories associated with it. His right hand flexed momentarily as he recalled the soft yet firm and hot feeling of Rei's exposed skin. "So um…what do I owe the honor of your visit Ayanami-san? Would you like some tea, I'm…I'm making supper for Misato so you can stay if you want." He tried to keep from babbling but he couldn't, all he could do was watch Rei wander about the living room examining everything she could. She's so cute…and her smile was something else but I can't think like that.

She could feel his eyes on her, and she didn't dislike the sensation, quite the opposite in fact. "I would like some tea if it is no trouble, as for the meal I must decline if you have used meat." She couldn't stand the taste of animal or fish flesh, it tasted wrong to her on some level. "As for my visit I have something I'd like to ask you about."

"Let me put a kettle on the stove and I haven't added the meat yet so I could make a small bowl without it if you want," Shinji said as he scuttled off to the kitchen to start making the tea. With her out of sight he could think straight. He'd had stay thoughts about the girl ever since he met her at Nerv but would never have expected her to visit.

Don't cower out on me now child, this is for both of us. You can see from everything around you that it would only be time before he was taken from your grasp by the harlot that lives here with him.

Rei's eyes hardened, remembering more of the stories she heard from the men at Nerv about one Misato Katsuragi and it added credence to the voice's opinion. "Thank you Ikari-kun," she said following him trying to put out the smoldering ash that was her fears, but the voice kept fanning them. "As for my question may I ask it now as you may not wish for my company afterward." Rei'd seen how rejection affected people as on a few occasions boys asked her to go out with them, she declined instantly and they left her angry and hurt. Emotions are confusion, I don't know if this is wise of me to do.

Walking back into the living room, Shinji thought he saw anger on Rei's face but it melted away instantly and left him only to speculate at what he saw. "The tea will take a little while to boil so we can talk now I guess. Did you want to sit down?" He gestured to the couch and sat down himself. What could she want to ask me? Could she like me? No not possible but…what?

Following the voice's guidance Rei sat close to Shinji, very close and could see the sudden intake of breath as she did. She could smell him now, it overpowered the perfume and alcohol stench, it was mellow and pleasing. "Ikari-kun would you consider us friends?"

Lost in her eyes, the ruby red orbs that glinted like flame, Shinji nodded as his tongue was thick. "I-I-would like to think so Ayanami-san. After the last battle I owe you my life and I would hope we were friends." His eyes trailed down slightly and caught sight of her lips, light pink in color and looked soft like flower petals. "I really would like to think that you're my friend."

A small smile forced itself onto her face as much as she tried to fight it, but the words made her feel good. She hadn't thought such a simple concept as friendship would force such powerful feelings through her but it did. His eyes, those cool blue orbs, reminded her of the ocean. Tranquil and calm seemingly endless. "I am glad to hear that Ikari-kun."

You must be bolder than that! Friendship is not enough Adam must be ours again! I've been without him to long!

Her hand acting on alien power slowly crept to his and clenched it softly. It was warm and a little moist. "I like being around you Ik-Shinji-kun. Would it be wrong of me to ask if you would consider trying to be in a relationship with me?" Her voice was as passive as always but her chest burned white hot at the simple act of holding his hand.

Much like Rei, Shinji was becoming light headed as the blood sped through his body. It was all happening so fast, first she asked if she was his friend now she's asking is he wanted her to be his girlfriend? She said try right? Like we see if it works and if it does we stay in it if not we break it off. But it was so bizarre to be happing this quick. What could he do? Reject her? But wasn't she offering what he wanted? A person to care for and care for him? "I think…" her eyes widened in anticipation, "we can try. I'd like to try this Ayana…"

"Is it not appropriate for you to call me by first name Shinji-kun?" she asked cutting him off.

"Rei-san, I'm a little overwhelmed I mean this is so fast. But if you're serious then we can try." He felt giddy at thinking that he could have a girlfriend, and the one he had actually pined after and had to admit had a little crush on. Not as big as the crush he had on Misato until their relationship changed to more in his mind brother/sister. But I don't know how to be in a relationship and I doubt she does.

Turning her hand over Rei was glad that Shinji did the same, palm to palm they held hands and sat quietly on the couch and let the weirdness of the change wash over them. What would they do as a couple? Would it work? But the heat they felt in the others hand was real, and for the time they didn't want to think about it. They let the peaceful moment wash over them and quell the pains of their respective lives for the time being.


In the back of Rei's soul Lilith was growing stronger. The human half of her soul was slowly changing and conforming to her wishes and whims. And soon the two would be one in mind and body and she'd not have to coax and prompt her reluctant human avatar into action.

"Ah Gendo Ikari I have such wondrous pain to hand to you for what you've attempted to do, you and that committee you sit on," Lilith laughed loudly as she pulled back from the forefront of Rei's mind, it was taxing to exert all that energy to get the girl to listen, but soon they'd not need that. Lilith would have her body fully again and the human half of her soul would have power unlimited and then they'd both have the new Adam.

She knew it from the moment the boy touched her, it fueled her and revived that which man tried to subvert. Rei's pills meant to keep the angelic powers and under control kept her silent and sleeping. Gendo's little puppet wouldn't be a puppet for long as soon she'd break the chains completely and relieve her past existence with her dearest love reborn.

Stealing a peek back through Rei's eyes she saw that the two had moved to the kitchen to drink their tea and talk quietly. Getting to know one another better, rushing to catch up on all the things they should have known before they actually attempted a relationship.

"Oh my dear child you'll be so much happier after you just submit and rejoin me, it pains me to be part from you. We are one, but forced to be two by that fool man that tries to be god."

She'd have a body again soon, not be free formed thought and consciousness and when she had her body again she'd wrench all the sadness from her love's soul and they'd rule over all.


Author Notes

Yeah it's a little fast and odd but its an idea that had been burning in my mind for a long time. The idea that if Rei was made from human and angelic D.N.A. why couldn't the soul of the anglic side come over, I mean angels aren't bound by human physics so…what the hell.

Hope you liked it and give me some feedback, never know I might write another chapter.

Ja Mata

Zentrodie (zentrodie-at-secondimpact-dot-com)