I'm supposed to be finishing chapter 6 of Paperback Novel, but because this particular plot bunny wouldn't stop gnawing at my leg, I finally had to sit down and write enough for a good chapter or so.
Ahem, this story will be rushed, to get my point across. Just like the original Shakespearean version, I won't go into much detail about how or why some things happen, because I really need to save some brain energy for exams. And yeah, this is intertwined with the idea of Twelfth Night.
Genre: Romance, meaning there will be kissing, hugging, sappy speeches, heartfelt emotions, broken hearts, sexual thoughts, actions (non-explicit of course) and perhaps cuddling. Humor, meaning there will be sarcasm, cynicism, mockery, teasing, taunts (Sasuke: Heh), and humorous situations including top heavy boys (Naruto: OI!)and an extremely twisted love triangle. Slash, meaning there will be boys kissing boys, boys molesting boys, boys shoving boys up against walls and making out with boys, boys sticking their hands down other boys' pants (Naruto: Good grief! Sasuke: I think I like this story already), and boys falling in love with other boys.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twelfth Night or Naruto, the respective masterpieces of William Shakespeare and Masashi Kishimoto.
Waking up with a throbbing headache; soaked to the bone and sore as hell was not on Naruto's list of "Favourite Things to Do in a Strange and Alien Country." Nevertheless the blond hefted himself up from the foamy waters and squinted about.
A few feet away from him, lying face up was another man, apparently unconscious. Scrambling closer to the guy, Naruto picked up a stray stick and began to poke the man with it (he didn't want to touch a dead body). The stranger moaned and clutched his side, tossing over to retch out some of the disgusting seawater. When he finally sat up, he noticed Naruto beside him.
"Do you know where we are?" was the first thing out of the blond's mouth.
"We're in Konoha… who are you?" The man rubbed the spot where Naruto had attacked him with the stick.
"I'm Uzumaki Naruto… and you are -?"
"Oh alright then. Do you know if anyone else survived the shipwreck?" Naruto looked up and down the stretch of beach, as if expecting survivors to suddenly pop up.
"I did see some people grabbing some flotsam and swimming to shore… Wait, did you just say you're Uzumaki Naruto? The prince who ran away?" Naruto nodded sheepishly, and rubbed the back of his head. "Uh, not really… It's just, people kept harassing me about what to do with Konoha, and I just wanted to be alone and wander for a bit, and before you know it, everyone blows it out of proportion and declares me missing. Think I'll just stay here for a bit for everyone to calm down, and then maybe I can talk to this Lord Sasuke personally, without fanfare and all my servants and armies in tow. And besides, I'm sure my councillors can manage the country without me for a while." Naruto beamed.
Iruka paled. "But this country has been after your majesty's for a decade! If Lord Sasuke finds out that your majesty is here– "
"I know! But what the hell can I do about it?" Naruto huffed.
"I have a … friend, in these parts, perhaps we should go there and ask him for help."
"You sure we can trust him?"
"Yes. He wouldn't want war any more than I would."
"Oh, right. Lead on then, Iruka!"
They arrived in front of a neat little house in a nice neighborhood, Naruto glancing about the town with unabashed interest. Iruka rapped his knuckles smartly on the worn wood of the door, waiting for a response. None came. Iruka knocked again, just the barest hint of irritation and impatience showing through. They were still soaking wet after all, and were garnering some unwanted attention.
"Yo." Said an apathetic, slightly amused voice. It came from above them. They looked up to see a white haired man perched on the thatched roof above them, a violently orange book in his hands. He wore a strange mask that covered half his face. Iruka broke the silence. "You're still reading that book?"
Naruto sat in the living room of one Hatake Kakashi, once captain of the Royal guards, retired early due to circumstances. Kakashi tapped his chin in thought.
"That is quite a predicament you've got there, your majesty." His voice was slightly muffled by the mask.
"Just call me Naruto, your majesty reminds me of my dad." Naruto made a face.
"Alright then, Naruto. Konoha might be a generally friendly country, but I don't believe you'll be safe here, as you are, after all, the prince of a very desirable land." Kakashi took a gulp of his tea, moving the mask aside for the briefest of moments. "I know of a Lady Sakura, who wishes for a new personal maid. Lately she has become infatuated with Lord Sasuke, ruler of Konoha. I suggest you fulfil that position of maid, to receive information and wait for the right time. To confront him, make peace with him, whatever you wish. Lord Sasuke is in mourning for his family's death right now, and refuses to see anybody, even his own kingdom. I think he's just using it as an excuse to avoid people; he's always been a bit of an anti-social prick." Kakashi admitted. Naruto laughed.
"Dress up as a girl? Aw shucks, do I have to?" The blond prince wrinkled his nose.
"Yes." Both men answered at the same time. Naruto pouted and glared. Iruka tried to reason with him.
"Your hair and eyes are too distinguishing, your highness! If you go about as yourself it is certified that you will be recognized! But if you dress as a girl, no one will even begin to fathom that you would be the prince!"
"Fine! I just hope I don't regret this… Sexy no Jutsu!" A couple of hand seals, puffs of dramatic smoke, and there stood before the two men one of the prettiest, sexiest blonde chick either had ever seen. Iruka inhaled his tea and started to asphyxiate. Kakashi's eye widened to the size of a dinner plate, as thoughts of previous episodes of Icha Icha Paradise began to run through his mind.
It was Kakashi who finally regained his composure, dabbing at the blood streaming down his nose. "So the rumours of the Uzumaki line being able to use the old magic are true then." Naruko grinned, and grabbed an old towel to wrap around her voluptuous body. (Kakashi decided that he would never wash that towel again).
"Yup! I actually invented this one myself. And man, did it give some of the men in the palace nosebleeds! The first time I tried it a few almost died from blood loss!" Iruka was still mouthing wordlessly. "Hey, you okay man?" Naruko waved a hand in front of Iruka, and poked him. The man keeled right over and fainted, a spurt of blood shooting out of his nose.
"Poor guy," Naruko commented, "He must have a lead a really sheltered life." Kakashi nodded.
Getting employed by Lady Sakura was easier than Naruko thought. All she did was turn up, hand in a fake resume and voila, here she was. Flipping her blonde hair over her shoulders, Naruko stared at the beautiful, breathtaking, heart-stopping angel known to other mundane fools as Lady Sakura.
Oh, with her gorgeous pink hair fluttering in the breeze, her sparkling emerald eyes, her porcelain skin, she was possibly every man's fantasy!
"Ne, Naruko, do you think Lord Sasuke would ever notice me?" A sigh escaped those pretty pink lips of hers, and Naruko hardly had time to catch what it was she said. She grimaced when it was about Lord Sasuke, again. Naruko, however, plastered on a fake cheery smile and replied in her falsetto, "Oh, I'm sure he will, milady! You are too gorgeous a jewel in this kingdom for him to miss!"
Sakura smiled at him. "You do have a way with words, Naruko!" Naruko nearly swooned at the compliment. The Lady sighed again, however. "Sasuke-kun won't even see me now! Just because I tried to glomp him! Shannaro!" Even though Naruko worshipped the ground Sakura walked on, she couldn't help but think that glomping the love of your life then trying to molest him was not a way of gaining his affections.
"Ne, Naruko, why don't you go in my place? I'm sure he'll see you, if he doesn't know at first that you are my maid!" Her eyes glittered at this thought.
Naruko protested. "But milady! He won't see anyone! If he won't even grace your presence, why should he care for me?"
"It doesn't matter!" She cried illogically, "Just stay at his gates and refuse to leave until he has seen you! Do it for me, Naruko?" She looked at her with those pretty eyes and she agreed without a second thought.
"Lord Sasuke, there is a lady at the gates, who demands an audience with you!" Lee ran up the stairs in an effort to reach his Lord, who sat on his Throne of Darkness. Sasuke arched an eyebrow. "Send her away, I do not care for the attention of imbecilic females."
"I have told her so, in all my youthful vigor! But she, like the desert flower withstanding drought and harsh winds, will not be deterred! Never have I seen such will and beauty in one such as she, even compared to me!" Lee beat his chest in a gorilla like fashion, before posing. Sasuke often wondered why he kept the Green Pest in his household.
"Tell her I am in mourning for my family."
"I have also done that milord, and she claims that she knows of such, and is here to give milord her condolences!" Sasuke was interested now; nobody withstood the over-exuberant Lee for extended periods of time. "Who exactly is she?"
"She is under the employ of Lady Sakura. And she refuses to leave until she has gained an audience!" Sasuke's eyelid twitched as he remembered the rabid pink haired she-wolf. "Fine, I will see her, as long as it's not Lady Sakura. Send her in."
Lee scurried off.
Naruko walked into the mansion, rather impressed by the grandeur and luxury of the place. But there was something lacking in the house, certain warmth and cosiness that made it a home. Naruko was feeling slightly nauseous after over-exposure to this Lee guy. She followed the hyperactive man with a bowl haircut and putrid green suit, and glanced at the palm of her left hand, where she had written all the keywords for the speech. She hoped that the ink wouldn't run, because her hands were getting sweaty. She smoothed her crimson dress with her right hand and tried not to trip on the long hem.
As they walked over the stairs, Lord Sasuke came into view, seated in his high-backed chair. Naruko at once realized why Sakura was so infatuated with this jerk. He had silky black hair that begged to be touched; dark, penetrating eyes that looked right through you; pale skin and an aura warning everyone that he was dangerous. Of course, everyone loved to play with fire, so even if he gave off really evil vibes, people were drawn to him like the proverbial moths to a flame.
Naruko wondered why she came up with that phrase; she didn't like moths and certainly not being one. Giving herself a mental slap to focus on the task at hand, she steeled her resolve to do anything to make Sakura-chan happy, even if it meant breaking her own heart to do it.
Naruko arrived in front of Lord Sasuke, and gave him a sweeping curtsey, taught to her by her teacher Jiraiya, who thought it was hilarious that Naruto could change himself into a girl, and so taught him lady's etiquette for tricking people. More than a few books of his had been inspired by Naruko.
"What is your name, pray?" Sasuke drawled.
Naruko sighed inwardly; on top of everything else that was perfect about him, he had a killer baritone. "It is Naruko, sire." And gave him another dazzling, if slightly fixed, smile.
"Naruko," he rolled the name off his tongue, tasting it. "What is your business here?"
" I am here to pass on Lady Sakura's messages." Naruko looked at her hands; good, the ink hasn't started running yet.
"If it is the same drivel about her obsession with me, I have heard it, and I am sick of it." Sasuke sniffed and turned his nose in the air. Naruko gritted her teeth and tried to restrain herself from strangling the damn man.
"No sire, simply well wishes and condolences."
"Get on with it then." Sasuke droned, and studied the truly gorgeous blonde. His eyebrows furrowed; something was slightly off. He activated his inherited Sharingan and looked at the blonde bombshell again. What he saw nearly had him toppling from his seat. Smirking with the most smug look he had ever mustered (and that's saying a lot,) he motioned with his hands to shoo the guards away. They trooped out with nary a whisper.
Naruko ground away a few more layers of enamel. This bastard! He should be thanking his lucky stars Sakura-chan decided to give him her affections, and yet here he is, being flip and careless about it! But she controlled herself and took a deep, steadying breath.
"Lady Sakura would like to extend her best wishes and felicity for milord's health, and hopes to make clear her deepest sympathy for your family's passing." Naruko said in her girly tenor, sneaking a look from beneath her long eyelashes at the seemingly impassive lord on his chair.
Sasuke sat with one leg crossed over the other, a fist supporting his head. Lord Sasuke wasn't even listening to what she was saying! Naruko pouted cutely and surreptitiously looked at the key words written on her hands. She didn't see Sasuke's lips twitch and something flash in his dark eyes.
"Lady Sakura would also like to- eep!" Naruko squeaked when Sasuke suddenly appeared in front of her, and taking her hands, he smudged the ink while rubbing slow sensuous circles on her palm with his thumbs.
"Forget Lady Sakura," His baritone purred, "I'd rather have you in my bed."
Naruko felt her brain imploding.
Harhar, who doesn't love a zomg-I-take-you-now Don Juan-esque Sasuke? I sure do.
Now tell me what you think before Naruto gets groped by Hester-the-Molester Sasuke.
Ps. It's going to be some time before I post another chap on this, so bear with me, lovely people.